CHAPTER FOUR
DONNIE
I stared back in surprise as she cocked a weak questioning eyebrow. “I said, what do you think you’re doing?
“I…uhm…ah…” I stuttered
“Tongue tied?” she asked gesturing with her eyes at our compromising position.
“it’s not what you think. I was just…” before I could complete my sentence, a pair of hands gripped my shoulders and with so much force I couldn’t comprehend, I was pulled off her and flung against the wall. I bit my lips to fight the sound that was building at the back of my throat.
I put a hand to my shoulder and looked up to see who hit me that hard. Another lady was at the side of the lady that was sprawled out on the ground. Excuse my surprise but you see I’m a really a reasonable feminist but I couldn’t help but doubt she was the one who flung me against the wall with such amount of force
“Hey? Hey?” she said putting a hand under the assaulted one on the floor. “Can you hear me?” she asked tapping her face.
“aww.” she exclaimed, “don’t do that. My head hurts.”
Slowly, Super woman raised her eyes, if looks could kill.
“What did you do to her?” she demanded advancing towards me.
“Can you chill…”I was saying but she was already pinning me to the wall.
“I said, what did you…”
“stop.” The one on the floor said feebly putting a hand to her forehead, “you’re giving me a headache for nothing. The one you should be putting a stick through his butt hole is almost or if not out of the building by now. So save me the additional headache.”
But super woman wasn’t listening, she was too busy saving the world.
“answer me! Why is she on the floor and why are you hovering over her.”
“can you let me down so I could explain myself…oof!” she pressed my neck harder.
“I think you can explain yourself better here.”
“I said stop!” the one on the floor yelled.
“Hello? Donnie?”
Our heads snapped to the direction of the sound. I almost forgot about the emergency personal.
“Hello? Donnie? Can you hear me? What is going on there? I hear some kind of noise!”
Super woman stared daggers at me, “who is that?”
“Can you give me some breathing space? He’s just the emergency guy.”I snapped and turned to reply him when she slapped a hand over my mouth and pushed me higher up the wall. I guessed that was my cue to keep silent.
“Donnie? Did you pass out?”He went on. “I don’t know if it’s some kind of network issue or something like that but if you can hear me, our team is almost to you. Just hang in there and all these will be over in no time…”
Super woman left me to drop and ran to the railings. I bent over and collected deep breathes “they are here.” She said pushing away from the railings and squatting beside the assaulted lady.
“What do we do?”
She stretched her hand and super lady pulled her gently to a seating position. She picked up the phone from the floor and ended the call whilst the emergency guy calling my name and asking to say something.
“They shouldn’t get to us.”
“But why? They could help us crack the case and unravel the master mind behind the assault and why they would want to do this.”
“I would also like to know for certain whom that was and why he assaulted me.”
“So why shouldn’t they get to us?”
“Because we will give the one I presume behind this the satisfaction of rattling me and that’s going to happen over my dead body.”
The commotion of people taking the stairs became louder.
“Let’s go then.” Super woman said. Then the assaulted lady turned to me, “you’re coming with us”
In the little office that we huddled in, the assaulted lady and I were in a stare down. Super lady had stepped out to get presumably some pain killers after threatening the daylight out of me, if anything was to happen to the assaulted lady.
The door pushed open and super woman walked in and pulled a seat beside the assaulted lady. She took out the pills and handed them to the assaulted lady. After taking the pills and wiping her mouth she turned to me and broke the silence.
“So you tried to kiss me?”
“For chrissakes I did not try to kiss you…”I began putting both of my hands to my face in frustration.
“It’s okay… I get that a lot, so I can’t say I don’t understand you.”
“I. wasn’t .trying to kiss you; I was trying to perform CPR…”
“And you were too chicken to….”
“Yes… I mean no.” I shook my head in confusion. “The thing is I…”
“…don’t really give a dime right now.” she completed folding her arms, “but alternatively what I give a dime for is who that guy was; although I can make a wild guess and also why the hell you’re following me.”
“First, how the hell would I know who some random guy is? And second”, I scoffed, “following you?” I scoffed again, “why would I follow you? What’s so special about you? Does going around with a supposed body guard and driving around in a beamer make you special? Then in that note I can be special too!”I exclaimed. “I can arrange the bodyguard role with a couple of my buddies,” who aren’t my buddies anymore.“Put all my credits together and get myself a beamer….”
“…and a Rolls Royce and a bugatti and a Ferrari and an Audi and the latest model of challenger.”
We stared at each other in silence. At some point I could hear a cricket somewhere crying and I finally said biting my lips, “…yeah, those too.”
She smirked and realization hit me, “hold on a minute…” I snapped my fingers. “I know who you guys are!”
“I knew he would come to.” She said aside to her bodyguard her smirk growing wider.
“You’re the ones who splashed murky smelly water on me.”
Her smirked failed into a scowl, “really?”
“Really!” I exclaimed pulling up my trousers and bringing a leg to her face level. “These shoes are priceless.”
“And they still stink.” She said fanning her nose lightly. I lowered the shoes in embarrassment.
“So, “she began, “if you were not following me then what were you doing at the front of the hotel and in the stairway?”
“Really now?”I asked astonished. “Are you seriously asking me that?”
She nodded with a serious look on her face.
“Wow. I’m surprised.”
“Why would you be?”
“For chrissakes it’s the same thing as asking why we talk through our mouth and why we see through our eyes.”
“Why do we talk through our mouth and see through our eyes?”
My mouth hung open in bewilderment. “Are you expecting me to answer that?”
We all stared at each other in silence.
“Wait, you’re not expecting me to answer that are you?”
“Of course I am. It’ll guide you to answer your own question.”
“We talk through the mouth because it’s the mouth and we see through the eyes because they are the eyes. Get it now?”
“No. you get it now because you are wrong,” she said leaning forward. “We speak through the mouth because all the devices to enable speech are in the mouth and devices to enable sights are in the eyes. If they were in the elbows or at the back of our heads instead of the mouth or eyes ,that won’t stop us from speaking through the elbows or seeing at the back of our heads…..”
We stared at each other again for sometime before I pointed out unnecessarily, “organs.”
She raised her eyebrow at me.
“I meant the devices part.” I explained animatedly.
“What about that?”She demanded.
“Organs, you were supposed to say organs in place of the devices. It doesn’t make sense to merge IT, and biology.” She scowled. “But you’re right though. It’s just that I didn’t expect you to go all scientific and bazooka on me. But you’re right all the same that’s what’s most important at the en d of the day…”
“Who cares…If I’m right or wrong? As long as I feel I’m right nobody cares if you think so or not. All I care about now is what you were doing at the front of the hotel and in the stairway. In case you don’t know. I don’t see strange people more than twice in a day…”
“You saw me just twice.”
“This!” she emphasized gesturing at the scenario. “This is making it the third time.”
I narrowed my eyes at her twisted way of thinking, “are just coming from a tropical island with no people around? Because you can’t say you don’t cross paths with strange people more than twice in a place like Nigeria, talk more of Lagos with millions of people!”
“So why, pray you tell me would I cook up some lie…”
“…because,” I interjected, “you’re some twisted old lady disguised as a youngie. And twisted old ladies are cranky and they make up stuff because they are just angry at the world for some nasty twisted reason.”
I heard super woman suck in a sharp breathe.
“Don’t be shocked,”she said to her. “ it’s true what he said. I am angry at the world actually but he’s wrong about the nasty twisted part.” She stopped herself and suddenly the room felt like a dark cloud was hovering over us even super woman was holding her breath. I was almost regretting saying what I said.
But before I could sink deeper into my pit of regret she sharply raised her head to me. . “You asked if I came from a tropical island.”
I narrowed eyes, “yes I did but. It’s just that…”
“I look exotic?”
For a second I paused to let what she just suggested sink in. “what did you just say?”
“I asked if I look exotic to you.”
I struggled to understand where that came from.
“I can’t blame you too. I know the number of people that suggested that. I’m even forced into believing too that I’m actually exotic too. Could it be my dad? Oh yeah, I think it’s my mom because I have really curly hair.”
“I think that’s just the Peruvian hair you have on,” I pointed out. She looked down at a strand of the hair for a moment before she slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh yeah,” she laughed at herself, “don’t mind me. Can you believe I was also almost forced to believe this was actually my hair too?” And then her face grew serious. “Just like you’re about to force me into believing you’re not following me.”
“For chrissakes!”I yelled.
“I think that’s your best swear word...” she commented checking out her nails.
“...can you stop insisting that I’m following you?”
“...can you stop shouting” she widened her eyes at him.
“Listen to me.” I said leaning forward in my seat.
“I’m all ears.” She said mimicking my sitting posture.
I bit my lips and shut my eyes tightly. “I will say this for the last time. I .am .not .following. you!”
“Then what were you doing in front of the….”
“I have an interview!” I yelled.
She sat back her my chair, “you sound like a cow…ward… you sound like the child of a cow.” She laughed at her own joke.
“Is this funny to you?”
“probably.” She kept on laughing…
“How is any of this funny?” I asked weakly. I was beginning to think she was going crazy.
“Because I don’t believe you.” She pointed out like it was the most obvious answer. “I mean,” she paused and turned to super woman, “how can he be here sitting so less concerned about his interview if he really had one to attend to. Huh?”
She turned to me still amused. I couldn’t get the joke still.
Unless it wasn’t a joke!
“Christ! My interview!” I exclaimed and jumped up from my seat ready to fly out of the room.
But another hand blocked my path and I heard the crazed one say from behind. “Did you say interview?”
Infuriated, I turned to face her, “do I speak island?”
“Do you really not know who I am?” she asked crossing her legs and tilting her head clearly amused.
I was boiling and seething with rage, “does it look like I care.” I demanded. She shrugged and I almost tore my hair out. I turned to the owner of the hand and stared daggers at her, “just because I let you manhandle me the way you did earlier on doesn’t mean I am some kind of chicken. If we were in some kind of face off……. I’d kick your damned ass.”
“What did you just?” she demanded jaws ticking as charge for me.
“what you just heard,I’d kick your ass you damned feminist.” I said equally charging. Making us stand toe-to-toe.
“Drop it, Maggie.”
Maggie? Boring woman!
“I said drop it.” She said firmly but Maggie kept focus.
“This is unnecessary. Trust me he’ll be sorry very soon.”
“But…”Maggie wanted to whine.
“He has an interview.” Nasty lady emphasized.
Maggie’s eyes flickered momentarily at her boss, confused at what she was trying to hint at.
“Interview. ”She repeated and whatever it was dawned on Maggie because she grinned like a cat. She stepped back and moved out of the way. “Of course. He has an interview.” She said and flicked her forehead, “how dense of me…” she gestured at the free exit, “I guess it would be unmannerly of me to stop you from going to your interview. I don’t what my damned ass to be…” she waved her hand in the air, “kicked.”
The nasty one behind cackled.
I couldn’t help but think of them as crazy.
“You guys need help.”
“Poor us.” The nasty one said.
Whatever they were hinting at, I didn’t really care. I just couldn’t wait to be out of there. I took one last look at them and stormed out of the room.
“Good luck on your interview.” I heard the nasty one say after me.
I exited the elevator and arranged my suit.
A hallway filled with murmuring people dressed in strictly black suits greeted me. Most of them were in pairs speaking strictly success and experience. I silently crossed my fingers and prayed I wasn’t late. I couldn’t afford to be late after bailing on my former teammates.
“Where were you?”I heard someone say and it sounded like it was directed to me so I turned to the direction.
It was the folks from earlier on.
Great
I walked over to them.
“Am I late?”
“First of, “she began, “hi.
I scowled, “I think I’ve had enough comedy for the day.”
“Second,” princess glared at her. “Go to that guy over there and get your tag. They made an exception for those of us who got caught up in the elevator dilemma.”
“Thank god it wasn’t just the three of us.”
“Actually it was just the three of us.” He said narrowing his eyes. We had a moment of silence.
I brightened up, “anyways, thanks princess.” I said without thinking.
“oopsie dopsie.” Smirk lady said. She looked like she was going to burst very soon with laughter. I paused my lips.
He opened his mouth to yell but he looked around the hall way at the very focused and serious minded people and thought best of it. Instead he lowered his voice to a squeak and said cringing, “my name isn’t princess. It’s Edward.” He turned to her, “and its Edward to you too, not princess not anything. Edward”
“And mine is bukki.” She said putting her hand to her chest. “You can call me bukki” then pointing at Edward she said, “and you can call him wardy.”
Edward cringed, balled his hands into a fist and groaned. “Don’t you dare call me that!” he threatened wagging his finger at me.
“Right….Would you mind if I take my leave off this oh so necessary introduction and go get my tag? I don’t suppose you guys are going to get me a job if I don’t attend this interview.” I said and backed away to meet the described guy. I talked to him and he checked the lobby check-ins before handing me a tag with a number and my name on it. I thanked him and turned to the direction of the duo nutcase but I thought of my mental health. I didn’t want to have a twisted mind before my very big and life changing interview so I steered away from their direction and choose a spot in a secluded corner with barely anybody.
“so.” Someone said making me jump.
“you scared me.” Edward said in bewilderment. “why did you jerk like that?”
I stared blankly at them. “nothing.”
“sure.” Bukki drawled. “is it about the tag?” she asked bending over to look at my face, “did they ask you to go home? Are you sulking? I’ve never seen a macho man sulking. Are you embarrassed?”
“hey you.” Edward said picking her by the scruff of her neck and keeping her by the side. “breathing space,yes?”
“what?”
“can you stop making it obvious?” he got a hold of my tag and waved it, “this was just right in front of your face stop gawking, yes?”.
She scowled at him, “for a second, I really wanted to give in to the idea of not teasing you,” she paused, “but sadly. That was just for a second.”
“uhhh. I just got the shivers.” Edward shivered, “I’m so scared.” He taunted in a horrific voice.
“you should be.” She said and then Suddenly she flashed her long knife like teeth. Edward physically flinched.
She turned to me.
“you!”
I pointed at myself, “me?”
“yes you. you should be sulking.”
I poised my hand in mid air, “why would I be? Is it about the interview? If it is then it’s nothing to be concerned about.” I dropped my hands and arranged my suit. “I am totally capable.”
“don’t be so sure of making it, talk less of making it to the interview, just because you got that stupid tag doesn’t mean you’re going to make it.” She said folding her arms Edward elbowed her.
“what? They are just being nice in the most polite way possible. They are going to cut us off anyways.”
“can you just shut up,” Edward gritted.
“can you stop whispering to me like I’m some kind of prophet of doom? I’m going somewhere with this.” She almost ate Edward. He stepped away from her and urged her to go ahead.
She took in a deep breath and raised her chin. “but as long as I have this tag and I have an access to that room,” she smiled, “boy am I going to get that job.”
“oh really,” I said with a smug smile.
“yes really,” she said with a smirk. “you see I never fail. Unless factors such as a broken elevator ,rears its ugly head.”
I turned to Edward and he nodded.
The door to the interview door cracked open and three men walked out. Two of them looked crest fallen and the other looked like a peacock with no feathers. Immediately, the hallway of interviewees surrounded them.
“how was it? Were they mean?” someone asked.
“very.”one of the crest fallen solemnly said.
“they weren’t to me.” The peacock said pulling his tie. I couldn’t help but scowl.
The crowd changed their attention to him.
“they just made us proof ourselves. I don’t see them as mean.” He simply stated, “they just gave us a task according to what we tell them we are good at and we face each other down…which I did perfectly…”
“what did they make you guys do?” someone else asked. “they made us go against each others.”
The peacock scowled at the one who asked the question, “really?you know your future in that interview room looks pitch black bleak. How can you ask me a question I just explained?”
“how?” someone else asked.
He paused. “would it help if I told you guys?”
“I see your point. They are just going to change the method.” The crowd dispersed speaking to themselves.
“but you guys shouldn’t be so disappointed.” The peacock guy tried saying over their mummers. “the questions and tasks are really really really haaarrd.”
“geez, I can’t stand him.” Bukki shuddered. “he’s so full of himself. I hope he doesn’t get hired so I won’t have go through the stress of standing him to stand him.”
Well well well. Would you look at a kettle calling a pot black? Amazing world
“to you, you’ve already gotten hired, eh?” Edward said.
“matter of factly.” She said folding her arms and rubbing her fingers.
“eh.” Edward eyed her.
“what?”she demanded when she turned to see the irritation on his face. “it’s true. When once I get into that room there is no stopping me from getting hired. Nobody in this room…including you guys are a match for me.” She paused for effect. “you guys had better prayed that we are not put In the same room.”
Twenty minutes later.
“you guys suck at praying.” Bukki said leaning into her chair as we faced the long panel desk of five seated judges.
I flexed my arms and patted my shoulder. After all bukki’s bragging, I wasn’t at the least perturbed or anything like that. Actually, I was pleased at the fact that we were going to go down on a hackathon. Bukki’s bragging was based on the fact that she was a white programmer, I was certain she didn’t know about the dark web and funky side of programming.
I was going to do her a favor today of showing her how we did it. No matter what they asked us to do. In other words I was so ready and so unshaken.
But Edward wasn’t looking good. He felt like a cow going to the slaughter house. He looked so frightened. I wondered why anyone in this interview would be so unsure.
I didn’t have any idea what their qualifications were but anyone who was here was probably one of the best in the country. I wonder why he would be that disturbed. Maybe it was bukki. I mean it took a huge amount of will power not to be intimidated.
We were seated in some kind of semi curve so I could view Edward on the other side of bukki.
The female judge cleared her throat and poised her mouth at the speaker.
“hello, distinguished interviewees.” She said smiling.
Edward choked and coughed harshly for a complete minute before he wiped his mouth and looked up at everyone as they were watching him. “my apologies.”
“it’s fine.” She smiled, “are you done though…”
“…not yet.” He said putting his head aside and coughing his heart out. After a full minute of coughing, he cleared his throat and sat back in his seat.
“are you done now?” she asked smiling tightly.
“yes ma’am…”
“because I won’t tolerate it again, okay?” she smiled.
Edward nodded and cleared his throat.
“so. Let’s start from you.”
“me?” he asked.
“yes. Although we got your credentials, I’ll like to hear from you. What schools did you attend?”
“well, from my nursery and secondary school education, I attended king’s and queen’s then American university of Nigeria for my university education. Briefly I attended MIT in the US.” He paused before adding, “I don’t know if it would help but I was the valedictorian for kings and queens and the MIT. Presently I work for the Nigerian navy…”
“what about the american university?” bukki spoke up interrupting Edward.
“what about the American university?” the judge asked looking between bukki and Edward. “what happened?” she asked.
“she happened.” Edward muttered.
“what was that?” another judge asked.
“this is where I come in.” bukki said sitting up in her seat. “I’m an alumni of the American university of Nigeria; a very distinguished one. You see, I was a valedictorian of all the schools I attended, the American university of Nigeria inclusive. I’m the reason why Edward wasn’t the valedictorian that year. In other words, you can say I am the best of the best.” She concluded arranging the hem of her suit.
“so you attended the American university of Nigeria and what other schools?” a judge asked.
“St Anne’s catholic girl’s school in the UK for my secondary and primary school education.”
“in the uk.” Edward muttered mimicking her. “ what’s the use of saying it like no one else have gone abroad. Others have gone abroad before you and others will still go before you so I don’t see the poi.…”
“mr….” a judge drawled checking the credentials in front of them.
“peters.”
“mr peters, do you have anything of interest to say?”
“not really it’s just that not only have I been abroad, I’ve also won an international completion so I’ve been abroad on two occasions. It’s not like it’s important or anything it’s just that I thought it wise to put it out there for all to see since we are in the bragging game or something like…”
“I’ve also won an international competition so it’s not like a big deal. Although it was like team work but you can say I did most of the thinking and doing as the president of the group.”
“I was also a president of the jet club during my secondary school days….”
“ ha!” bukki laughed. “jet club? Is this some kind of joke.” She turned to the judges who were looking at them like it was some sort of comedy break. “I, was the president of the press and literary club in my school. In other words, I’m a good public speaker. You should consider hiring me as I have a way around words. Just a cough from me will cause a troupe of investors.”
“campaigning huh?” Edward announced. “if it’s campaigning. I’m very good in that aspect of the visuals. I’m the master of the craft of power point, I attended MIT after all. It’s not anything important. I mean is there anyone who doesn’t know the craft of power point.”
“I know right.” I said immediately causing everyone to turn to me. “I know the craft of power pointing.” I paused, “I’m also an alumni of the university of lagos…just saying since…you know…I’m kind of forgotton…”
“o right! Goodness me.” The judge said adjusting her glasses and bringing out a file. “I almost forgot about you. Blame these two clowns for sucking up all the attention in the room. What is your name again?” she asked looking up at me.
“Donnie joe.”
“dooonie joe? What school did you attend?”
“I just said the university of lagos.”
“I meant before that.”
“oh okay. I didn’t attend my secondary school and primary school here.”
“then where? Abroad?” the judge asked. “if so you can join the ruckus of comedians in the carnival.” She chuckled.
And I joined her in the joke. “yeah… I didn’t do anything abroad. I’ve lived my whole life in Nigeria.”
The judges exchanged glances and engaged themselves in a silent conversation.
“really?” bukki asked.
“is that a crime?” Edward demanded and bukki shrugged.
“so where else did you study if it wasn’t in lagos?”
“I mean it musn’t be in lagos before it’s a good one.” Another judge pointed out.
“so where?”
“the saint patrick’s college in calabar.”
They exchanged glances and now for the first time since I stepped into the building and room… I felt intimidated. My confidence was falling apart little by little. First it was bukki and edward’s qualifications now it was my lack of qualifications. My qualifications. I had nothing to show for it. I didn’t go to a prestigious university or secondary school. I was never a valedictorian. I didn’t go abroad. I wasn’t the president of any club nor did I participate in any international or local competitions. Heck, no company hired me for five solid years.
I didn’t understand the mess I was in until this moment.
“I think I’ve heard of it somewhere but I’m not sure.” one of them said tapping their chin.
“moving on.” The lady said.
“what were you saying.” The judge asked turning to edward.
And just like that, I stood by the sidelines, listening in on their conversation without partaking in it. My future was flashing before my very eyes and I was just letting it flash without doing anything about it.
Each time I opened my mouth to contribute, someone was always in time to interrupt me. I clasped my hand tightly and sat back to watch the unfolding of event. And it was the last stroke that broke the camel’s back when the judge called in some tech expert and instructed him to bring in two laptops.
When the expert put two desk each in front of bukki and edward and two laptops on them that I spoke up.
“why?”
Everyone’s attention switched to me.
But when they realized it was me talking they ignored me and went about their businesses.
I lowered my head in defeat and for the first time in eons, I felt my eyes watering.
“he said why.” I heard edward say making me raise my head again in hope. “wouldn’t you want to know why he’s saying why?”
“if it ended up in them taking away your table and giving it to him would you still like to hear why he’s saying why?” bukki demanded.
“there can’t be just two laptops here when they knew it was going to be three people sitting in here. So I still want to know why.” Edward said.
Bukki shook her head at him and muttered, “dimwit.”
“you were saying?” edward prodded.
“why are there only two laptops when they are three of us.”
“isn’t it obvious?” a judge asked.
“I have a truck load of ideas in my head and I don’t know which one could be a befitting reason.” I retorted shrugging my cramped muscles.
“if you’re usually a confused person then you shouldn’t be here in the first place.” The female judge said smiling tightly.
“ ‘we don’t want you here because you are under qualified and might reduce the image of the company in the near future, so please use your initiative and walk yourself out of this room.’ That’s what they are trying to say.” Edward said looking at me.
“now I know you’re really a nut case.” Bukki said.
“so you’re throwing me out because of some stupid image?” I asked looking down into my hands as they shook with rage.
“now is not the time to be calling names. Doing that won’t change anything. If you’re under qualified then you’re under qualified there is no two ways around it.” The female judge was saying, “whatever mr joe said is true. We are a startup and therefore we cannot lose our image over a triffle thing as qualification. It’s what any startup with reasonable minds would think of. No sentimentals whatsover. I hope that’s clear enough an explanation.”
She said and turned back to the paper on her desk.
I balled my finger into a death grip fist and demanded, “who said anything about sentiments?”
The judge slammed her hand on the table in frustration.
“I think it’s wise to ignore him and get on with the interview. Time management is the best…” bukki was saying but I interrupted her.
“do you feel threatened?” I shot the question at her and she looked taken aback for a second before she gained her composure and smiled a sweet painful smile.
“I attended schools of world known fame and graduated with exceptional grades and I have numerous job experiences that are fighting to make it to my CV.”
“bukki….” Edward warned.
But she ignored him and went on, “you, on the other hand, are under qualified person. You attended schools with little fame and popularity. Your cv is bare with zero job qualifications. Give me one reason to be threatened by you.”
“you just said it.” I said with a lot of courage I didn’t know I wielded.
Bukki raised her eyebrow,
“what would an under qualified person be doing in a room filled with over qualified people?”
“probably because he has something that they all don’t.” edward chipped in whispering loudly and bukki stared daggers at him before saying, “or… he’s just dumb.”
“on what basis are you claiming he’s dumb?” I demanded.
She folded her arms and stared at me, “ must I use a mega phone to make it stick to your brain? Underqualification. If he claims he’s so smart why dosent he have anything to prove it..” She smirked.
“e…”
“Not school grades… job grades. Thank goodness I have a beautiful job line up or else you would use that to lay everyone on equal grounds….”
“who said I was going to use such a dumb trick to get myself a job?” I asked with a smug smile.Her lips formed a thin line and she narrowed her eyes trying to figure me out.
I turned to the judges who were watching us with interest. I scanned through the set for the best candidate for my next stunt. I singled out the youngest who looked about forty.
“sir.”
“me?” he asked placing a hand to his chest. The other judges turned to him.
“yes you.”
“wow.” He said smiling and leaning on the desk, “I feel giddy.” He chuckled.
“do you play games?”
The room fell silent and I mentally knocked myself for thinking of such a stupid thing to do. Now there was no stopping them from throwing me out of the room.
“shooting games, no but FIFA, very big yes.”
I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding and did an internal victory dance.
“I and my friends, our sons made it grow on us. We play it each time we get together.”
“actually, I was hoping your answer would be FIFA.”
“o really.”
“so now, do you have any friends who claims he is really good at it and isn’t actually good at it.”
“oh yes! I think there is always that fellow. Even among our sons.”
“what did he say was the cause at first…”
I saw edward smile that smile. He was already catching on to what I was driving at.
The judge chuckled in amusement and said, “he always claimed that the pad he was given was always faulty.”
“really? So what did you guys do to prove to him that he was wrong?”
“on the long run, I personally got tired of his complains and exchanged my pad with his to prove he was just whining and funny enough he was actually bad with any pad he used be it ours or an external one.”
“really?”
The judge chuckled at the memory and replied, “really.”
“then why won’t you let me exchange pads?” I asked turning the room from the jovial mode to serious again. The judge looked up startled.
“aren’t you tired of me whining yet?” I challenged. “I can always go out there and loud it to the world that I was good but you guys didn’t let me in because you didn’t test me to prove myself.”
The judge grunted and leaned back in his chair exchanging looks with the other judges.
From the corner of my eye, I watched bukki look from one judge to the other as their countenance changed. She was putting two and two together and after the big math was solved she raised her hand.
“I think we should give him the pad.”
The judges sized her up and edward snorted, “oh really now.”
“what? I’m still game for shutting him up forever.”
The judges stared blankly at her and her hand sagged.
Just then, the tech expert walked up to the judges and said something to one of them and the one passed down the hushed information to the others before the female judge spoke. “get him a pad….a.k.a a laptop.” She smirked and I shut my eyes and took in a deep breath.
“just because you’re good in public speaking and the art of swaying doesn’t mean you’re the best at what you do….” Bukki said to me causing me to open my eyes.
“I can be the full package.” I retorted before winking at her.
The tech expert blocked her from my view and put a desk and laptop infront of me.
“mr eze?” the female judge prompted and the tech expert walked up to his own corner where he mounted his own computer.
“I have been waiting for your set through this whole interview and I have finally found you guys, therefore I have a peculiar challenge for you. First put on your pc.” He paused waiting for us to do so.
“the hotel has an open wifi system with high speed performance to aid you through this test. The test itself is really simple and basic. It’s a simple task that an a level ethical hacker can perform.” He paused again for emphasis before going on.
“edward and bukki the hotel is granting you access to their employee data base of employee access code to the server. It is an end to end encrypted algorithm. For the purpose of this exercise, I will be granting access for just a few minutes to check for loop holes which I have deliberately let loose for you to find and fix.” He looked up from the computer. “ and your time starts now.”
I watched them click away on their laptops as they found endless troupes of loop holes and fixing them. I shut my eyes and programmed my mind to stay focused. Finally, I chanted my motto as I did when ever I wanted to hack into a system that was going to look impossible.
No system is above hacking as long as it is open sourced.
“annnd…done.” Bukki announced clicking a button.
“yeah.. done.” Edward said cracking his hands and neck.
“okay…” the tech expert said and went down to cross checking.
Bukki turned to me, “ I hope today will teach you a big lesson…”
I did something my grandma always taught me, “no…I hope today will teach you a big lesson.” Never let the opponent have the last say.
“okay then. There are no loop holes. Well done guys.”
“if the tech expert says there are no loop holes. Then there are no loop holes indeed.” The female judge said.
“donnie?” I heard the techie call my name and I jolted in surprise,
“you’re up.” He said looking from me to his computer.
“sure.” I said cracking my fingers and getting down to it. I looged on to a different wifi entirely and began the long process of harshing and decrypting. After thirty long minutes, I was finally done and for a well deserved bonus, I decided to put some icing on the cake.
“done.”
The techie nodded and looked into his computer.
“done?” bukki demanded. “done as in how?”
“what in the name….” we heard the techie exclaim and bukki turned to his direction.
“what? Mr eze what is the problem?” a judge asked standing and walking up to his side. He arranged his glasses and asked, “what happened here?”
The techie slowly looked up at donnie, “ what did you?”
I arranged myself in my seat, “ first I hacked into another wifi system around to do my work. Second I harshed the algorithm and retrieved the usernames and passwords and locked everyone out from any form of entrance just like you did to the elevators this morning…”
The techie arranged his collar as the judges gave him questioning looks.
“…but of course that is of no importance to this interview and me getting a job so I’ll move to the third step, third… I encrypted the passwords all over again and put a ransom ware on top of everything to show you…”
“how did you do it?” the techie demanded.
“but I just told you…”
“those where just empty words…”
“from techie to techie did you seriously believe I was going to tell you the highest paid secret?”
“but we found all the loop holes…” edward trailed confused.
“.. .and fixed them.” Bukki snapped. She turned and shot lasers at me, “how?”
“I’ll just let you in on a little rule…all systems are permit me to use the word hackable as long as it source codes are opened source.”
“that doesn’t make any sense. Everyone uses open source codes even the CBN…”
“which I can hack into but refused to because I was taught manners from my master.”
“ a plausible solution,” I began turning to the judges and techie, “is to create a personal OS, but then again as our nature of the lazy nigerian, we’ll want to use open source codes still.”
I turned to my computer I took out the encryption and ransom ware before shutting it down. “ I can understand it if you do. Developing an OS is stressful talkless of a reliable one… but…” I said getting up from my seat, “ I’m glad to inform you that I have one undergoing construction… all I need is funding for it to be functional and recognized.”
I walked over to where my bag was, brought out my flash and walked back to my seat. I placed it on the table.
“it’s all in here.” I said patting it further.
I turned to bukki who didn’t look like she was going to recover very soon, “ about the how question… I’ll answer that on our first day of work together.”
To the judges I said, “ forget the fact that I’m about to walk out on you guys but I’m always ready whenever you need me. I’m just walking out in the name of blockbuster.”
The FIFA judge smiled in admiration as I took my leave.
It took me a lot of self restraint to walk out of the room into the elevator and outside the hotel but all my composure disappeared like a puff of smoke when I received a message charging me to resume my job on the developing team come Monday.
At the front of the building, I loosened my tie and trampled on it as did my victory dance.
My success story was finally about to begin.
“shit!” I exclaimed remembering I didn’t get my flash from the table before I left.
I turned around and ran back into the building as fast as I could.
The flash was encrypted alright but I didn’t want to risk.
The elevators began to malfunction again as it refused to come down again. I cursed and ran to the stair case.