Confessions

“The North has already sent in their invitations for tonight’s banquet. Quite tardy, if you ask me, but that’s a North-trait,” he pauses for a moment and walks towards the shelves of books and records to the left part of the room. He pulls out a book and somehow, the book title reminds him of his encounter with his young brother earlier.

“Your son did something foolish.” Nobu, then, pretends that he has never said anything and flips a book through its pages.

There was a man across him, sitting on a Chinese armchair[1], examining some documents on his table. He looked too busy to be bothered but still, upon hearing that, he raised his head, “Which son, Nobu, you or—“

“Go figure, father.”

It took time before Nobu finally turned to him with an annoyed expression.

The man immediately understood. He let out a breath, rolled his eyes, and continued his work. He asked, “What did he do?”

Nobu walked to his father’s table and sat on a chair across from him. He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, father. I threatened him but he did not tell me. He seems resolved not to tell me but if it’s you, whatever defenses he has prepared, you’ll be able to break it.”

“It’s his first battle. It was you who told me to be kind to him. Stay true to your words.” His father dipped his brush into ink and started writing onto a scroll. It was their reply to the North’s banquet invitation.

He says, “Kazuki’s mind has not adapted to war yet. Give him time and a few more battles then he’ll be tougher.” He lifts his brush and dips it into the ink bottle, “Now, I think about it: I shouldn’t have allowed him to study with those doctors. Maybe, he wouldn’t have been troubled at all.”

Nobu’s tongue felt heavy. He thought of the ways he could say it but he had to say it out loud anyways. He speculated, “He encountered the Northern Prince.”

His father’s writing hand stopped but the ink was still pouring from the brush and eventually, it leaked onto the scroll. He placed his brush onto the inkstone, straightened his back, and glared at Nobu.

“Are you accusing your brother?”

“No, Fa—“ he sensed the tension and corrected his addressing, “Your Majesty but if you ask him, perhaps, we’ll be able to know the truth.”

His Majesty’s eyes narrowed, “Where is this coming from, Nobu?”

“After the battle for Yeochun’s hand[2], Kazuki assisted the wounded.”

That made His Majesty smiled.

“Both from our side and from the opposite.”

A frown replaced that smile.

“On that night, he was running to the camp with a bloodied man on his back. I thought he was wasting his time as a soldier but then, he is a doctor. He’s not used to killing people. He’s rushing to medicate everyone out of remorse. I allowed it…for his sanity. I met Kazuki along his way and that was when I noticed something off about the man he was carrying. The color of his armor was different from ours. The sword by his side seemed familiar to me. His back was bloody.

I slashed the Northerner’s back.”

His father groaned; two of his fingers rubbed the middle of his forehead, “I really should not have listened to him or to his mother’s pleas. That boy’s torn.”

Nobu continued, “I tried checking for identification but Kazuki shoved me out of his tent. He excused that the man would die if he did not see him immediately but he only became more suspicious as days passed. He disallowed anyone to enter his tent…including me and that isn’t really like him unless something’s off.”

His Majesty laid his back on his chair. He folded his arms and closed his eyes, “Very well. Go call him.”

Nobu smirked, “Gladly, father.” then he curtsied before the man and left.

“The battle, Miurio, it was like… ah, I don’t even know how to describe it to you. There was blood everywhere and—“ he stopped. There were too many images in his mind he couldn’t describe to his sister. It scared him—the things he has seen and the things he has done.

Miurio caressed her brother’s hair. She saw how troubled he was and kept silent.

“I couldn’t…control myself. Yes, it’s what we’ve always dreamed of doing when we were young kids. We’ve always trained for this. You, being a girl, wasn’t allowed but I sneaked you in, anyway, so you can learn how to fight with Nobu and me…but on that battle, it’s…different. There are no humans, only soldiers…and Nobu, Nobu is different. I was almost scared of him. He was merciless. He killed without thinking…but ah, that’s…the premise of war, after all. Still—“

“I don’t want to see Nobu in a battle.”

“I wish you’d never see and be in a battle…but if you were, I wish Nobu and I would be there to protect you.”

Miurio smiled and held her brother’s hand. “You underestimate women, brother. Didn’t your wife, Lady Gu, once or twice ride into battle with Nobu?”

Kazuki nodded, “Yura, ah, well, she wielded a naginata [3] and according to Nobu, was a great archer but she had to give up battles the moment we were married. It wasn’t my request. It was her parents’ request.”

She blushed, “But what a waste. Still, think about it, how cool she is. I’d like to—“

Her brother lightly smacked her cheek, “Don’t even dare. I won’t allow you.”

Miurio frowned, “Brother!”

Kazuki straightened up, “War is different, Miurio! I don’t want you to see one or be in one.” He reached out to the same cheek he slapped[4] and stroked it repeatedly. He sighed, “Nobu would share the same sentiments with me.”

Miurio nodded and leaned onto his brother. “Being a girl is tough.”

He snorted, “Well, if you consider staying at home and cooking tough.”

She sharply glared at her brother, “…would you like to be stabbed with a kitchen knife?”

Her brother laughed and gently ruffled her hair so as to not displace the ornaments and today’s hairstyle. She rolled her eyes, “It’s just that…being a girl… there are so many limitations.”

Kazuki nodded, “I know. Yura complains as well.”

She fell silent. He allowed her to be and gently ran his fingers through her hair. Her thoughts were racing until it got to this one thing that bothered both her and her brother for so long. She perked up and leaned into her brother, “Kazuki, haven’t you ever wondered of Nobu’s hair?”

His eyebrow raised, “What about it?”

She smiled her most mischievous smile, “Didn’t that Northerner say they have traditions of hair-giving only to those they are greatly indebted to or to those they truly love but cannot be with? To those they truly love but cannot be with!” Her smile expanded until it showed her teeth.

Kazuki laughed. His sister was definitely being adorable but he still didn’t get what she was trying to say. He nodded, “Okay, but what about it?”

Miurio rolled her eyes and explained it herself, “Nobu’s hair is short!”

“Okay, but he says that is because of a punishment.”

“Alright, but what if that was a lie!? We both know he is one crafty liar especially when he wants to hide secrets from us.”

He suddenly laughed as he realized something, “I think we all are liars…”

Miurio laughed along with him. The laughter subsided and she continued speculating about Nobu’s hair. She leaned close to her brother again and began to whisper: “What if he had a Northerner-lover?”

It took a while for Kazuki to react. His eyes wandered around the room, just to check if someone else was listening but there was no one but them. He relaxed his back and leaned in to whisper: “Nobu will skin you for accusing him of treason.”

“But think about it! Maybe, he says it is punishment because it is! But not punishment for a duty he has failed to do but rather, a personal kind of punishment—“

“His Royal Highness, Prince Successor Nobu, has arrived,” announced Miurio’s chief lady-in-waiting behind the shoji doors. From the inside, they could see the lady-in-waiting’s shadow and behind her, Nobu’s. “Shall we allow him to enter [5]?”

From behind the shoji doors, Nobu’s eyebrows raised the moment he heard of this question. He wanted to scold the lady for being disrespectful but figured it would be best for their mother to discipline her then he realized. He calls out, “Kazuki, you’re in there!”

Kazuki jolts, “S-Shit!”

“I can hear you as well!”

Kazuki covered his mouth and shut his eyes. He turned to Miurio for help. His sister gulped, quickly hid Yoshiro’s hair in her closet, opened the doors, and welcomed Nobu in her room.

She curtsied to her brother, “Please don’t punish me. I let you in.”

Nobu chuckled and touched her cheek, “I won’t, Miurio, but it might be different for…” he turned to Kazuki. He smiled but it was a threatening kind.

Kazuki groaned as he saw Nobu’s smile. He quickly avoided meeting his eyes but curtsied, anyways. “Brother—“

“You only go to Miurio’s room to confess.”

He straightened his back and took a deep breath. “Not always. I visit her to spend time with her. Isn’t that what a brother does?”

“Tch, just because I have been busy, that does not mean I have neglected to visit my sister.”

There was a long pause.

Nobu broke it and announced, “And Kazuki, father has called for you.”

Kazuki understood he was good as dead.

FOOTNOTES:

[1] Their furniture, culture, customs and languages are mixed Chinese, Korean and Japanese so it is not surprising for them to have Chinese furniture in some rooms with some Korean adornments in a Japanese-styled castle. It’s also not surprising for them to eat Korean food with Japanese or Chinese. Those three countries’ influences have merged into one in their country.

[2] Yes, the region, they call it that way.

[3] Japanese spear

[4] Back then, daughters and sons have corporal punishments so this sort of behavior is normal to them.

[5] Although I’m not really sure if a chief-lady-in-waiting can reject a prince successor to enter but let’s assume it for story purposes. Maybe, she can here though because Miurio is having a convo with her brother.