CHAPTER 041: The empire heist...

Cuchulain arrived in Pineville the night before the big tournament. He booked a room at the Inconspicuous Inn which, on the surface at least, looked like a normal hotel. But, when you looked past the professional managerial team and handsome busboys, you would notice strange things. Things like hidden passageways and a disturbingly high number of armed guards patrolling the building.

Cuchulain paid this no mind, though, heading straight to an exercise room. It was currently reserved, with a sign taped to the door promoting a

"Spincyclingcarousel.net forum live meetup!"

Cringing, he stepped inside. There, A handsome instructor in spandex greeted him from atop a stationary bike.

"Hello, are you here for the forum meetup?"

Cuchulain performed a series of hand signals and, seeing them returned, sighed with relief.

"Whoa boy. I know you like to go deep cover, Hashashin, but can't we chose a more practical plotting location?"

"My name is InstructorDavid, thank you. And what better spot than right under their noses. Now grab a name tag, and get on a cycle; I want us to look realistic for the cameras."

"Fine... I'm picking yogamom69."

"I'll remind the others to be upset when they see you aren't a 45 year old hottie."

"Speaking of, where is everyone else?"

"I got new people. We don't need Suez canal boat operators for this job."

"Good, that plan always seemed iffy to me. Like one cargo ship can block a whole channel!"

"It totally can!"

"But she has the flying galleon!"

"Never mind, its a new plan anyway."

The door swung open, and a man buried under a hoodie and face mask entered. When he picked up his name tag, one could see his hand had an albino pigment.

"Soccermom74? Are we all supposed to be catfish?"

"Doesn't everyone pretend to be someone else online," the hooded figure said with a French accent.

"That's exactly the look of shock I want to see, yogamom. Now take a bike, we are waiting on two more."

The three men cycled leisurely, continuing conversations from an online world only one had experienced. Suddenly, the excited shrieks of a crowd of women resounded from outside the door.

"Ladies, ladies. I'll make sure to sign an autograph for each of you later, right after my spin class!"

The door opened, and then shut twice as quickly. A swarthy gentlemen had entered, locking it behind him. He approached the nametags, and took one labeled

"TherealSunilKhan"

"What do you want with the armory," Cuchulain asked, drawing an angry glare from the disguised Hashashin.

"I have some controversial scripts I was thinking of directing, so it'd pay to have friends in a new nationalist government."

"Ahem! Please get on your bikes, gentlemen. We can talk shop when the music starts."

He turned on a speaker next to him, which began playing 80s synth pop. He then made various hand gestures while peddling, so it appeared as if he was actually leading the class.

"Wait, aren't we still waiting on one more guy?"

The lock turned, and a janitor entered. Cuchulain thought there was a mistake, but the Janitor's next words dispelled that notion.

"Hi, everyone. My name is Isaac Norman. I'm the Delaware chapter president of 'African Americans For the Revolution of Organized labor,' or AFRO for short. Remember, if you get caught, It was us who organized this crime. We'll also handle fencing the other items in the armory, but that can be discussed later. Now someone yell at me that I got the wrong room."

"Hey, you got the wrong room, buddy! I reserved this room for the spin club until 7:30 pm! Its only 6:25! Get outta here before I call the manager," Hashashin yelled, taking the role of an upset spin class instructor very seriously.

After the janitor charade was finished, Cuchulain voiced his dissatisfaction.

"Is there really a need for all this? Its not like her Majesty is just above us."

"But she is, in room 204. Why do you think I made such elaborate covers for us? So that there are no mix-ups if we encounter an empire guardsman in the lobby."

"I suddenly get the feeling we are in over our heads."

"Relax, the revised plan I've made for this heist is full proof!"

2 hours later, Cuchulain returned to him room both exhausted and still full of worry. The sudden guest at his door didn't help matters, either.

"Oh Jesus, its you!"

"You look better with a girdle, brother," Mistress Stunlock said in the same monotone delivery as always.

"How did you even find me?"

She pulled a PDA-like device from her utility belt.

"You still carry the tomaguchi he gave out at Christmas."

"So do you! And he put a tracker in that? Now who will I get to feed little Timmy?"

She said nothing, only gesturing at herself in response.

"Fine. Meet me at the vending machine, it feels awkward with you outside my hotel room... At night... In that costume."

5 minutes later, and the handoff was complete.

"Now focus on watching Master. No distractions at the tournament allowed!"

"Sure, am I that irresponsible an older brother?"

"... Is there time to find someone else? Maybe second brother is back from Iceland."

"Cuchulain? Is that you?"

Another surprise meeting at the vending machine made things go from bad to worse.

"Oh, Ferdiad. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same," the Irish man in a butler's uniform replied.

"Here to help my darling sister, of course! What about you? I thought you were still busy running things in Ulster."

"I got a promotion. You've changed too, I wasn't aware you gave birth," he said while pointing to the nametag on Cuchulain's chest.

"What is the deal with that, brother? Are you turning villain with internet scamming?"

"A man's got to have hobbies! Goodnight!"