CHAPTER 051: Mirror match Monday, pt. 5

"Alright folks, our next fight is a special one: Martial artists! Wait, don't leave! I promise, it will be good! So what if there aren't explosions?"

"You're making them leave faster, now."

"I don't see you helping, Ventriloquist!"

"What can I say, the 7 or 8 of you working the mouth bits got this covered."

Several angry squeaks creeped out from beneath Gregory's trench coat.

"Anyway, in the circular corner, The Wonderkid! Fresh from mainland China, everyone! Why, I'd wager he has teachers who lived to see the boxer rebellion with that pedigree. And in the hexagonal corner, Rummy Kali!"

"So you're just going to gloss over the fetish outfit?"

"If the referees don't throw a flag, I won't comment!"

"You might want to turn on the stage mics, these martial arts guys love to talk before a match..."

Down in the arena, Li Bao sized up his opponent.

To the audience, Rummy Kali resembled a mild aged Filipino man. He wore a blue collared shirt, slacks, and office shoes. Over his shoulder was slung a wind breaker, and his five o-clock shadow suggested a heavy night of drinking. As a matter of fact, the guy was still swaying, even now!

But, to Li Bao, these details told an entirely different story. Sure, his outfit looked like the uniform of a call center manager, but those knife shaped bulges hidden across it sure weren't company approved. And sure, his breath might stink of alcohol, but it wasn't the cheap, non-magical kind. And sure, he may appear like he'll fall over at any second, but that is clearly some sort of coordinated... Oh wait, he just fell over.

"Li Bao greets you," he said with a bow, deciding it best not to comment on what just happened.

"You stink of demon meat. Don't tell me you intend to fight just with the sword?"

"I'd prefer to keep my enemies surprised. Plus, Grandpa Xi will get mad if I don't use this Golden Jian he got me for New Years sometime soon."

"So you think defeating me will be that easy?"

DING!

Confident that his skill and superior reach would compensate for the difference in experience, Li Bao adopted a defensive stance.

Rummy Kali, by contrast, staggered forward. Midway through this shambling charge, he tossed the wind breaker. Li Bao, hearing the three blades silently trailing behind it, sidestepped the jacket.

THUNK!

The knives caught up, carrying it all the way to the wall behind Li Bao. But he had bigger problems to worry about: Rummy Kali was falling right into him!

CLANG! CLANG! SMACK!

He parried the two hands carrying knives, but was caught off guard by Kali's knee. It slammed into his hip, forcing a retreat just as the Filipino hit the ground.

Li Bao counter attacked with a piercing thrust, but Kali was already halfway through rolling out of the way. The blade struck concrete, and was then forced to parry three more throwing knives.

"I kept him at mid range, this can work."

PSSH!

Blood gushed from a fresh cut on his arm, a cut Li Bao wasn't even aware he received.

"You were *Hic!* saying?"

Rummy Kali was back to standing, a balisong in one hand and a karambit in the other. Li Bao gulped nervously, and switched to a half-sword stance.

What followed was a ballet of violence, set to the score of clashing blades and spurting wounds. Kali's hands moves like butterflies, carefully flapping through Li Bao's defenses to land on his unprotected flesh.

To his credit, Li Bao truly wasn't overconfident in his skill. Despite the numerous wounds gained, he has still blocked over half the strikes in this exchange. What inevitably kept screwing him up, however, was Kali's unpredictable movements.

When the flow of battle dictated he move left, the man instead swayed right. If an upward strike made more sense in the combo, he'd go for a stab to the thigh instead.

"I gotta say, I can't wait to tell my kids about this day. They just love hearing daddy teach folks a lesson in humility!"

"Ugh! Fine then! If I can't compete with your experience, I'll overpower you instead."

Dropping all technique, Li Bao fought the same as when he'd throw a tantrum. This precious sword, which would be treated as a family heirloom for generations by anyone else, was swung about like a bat from the sporting goods section.

The fabulous display of martial prowess turned juvenile, as if a pro gamer had tagged in his button masher teammate for round two. The clanging ceased, replaced by the uncomfortable sound of gouging concrete.

Kali, despite his experience, was forced into a passive role. He still landed hits; even more than before, in fact. But, the rampaging bear Li Bao now resembled just couldn't be danced around the same way.

He had to fall more, and dodge more. While still quite the technical display, it cast a far more comedic light on him when compared to his intimidating display seconds earlier.

Surprisingly, the crowd in the bleachers preferred this style of combat. The pitter-pattering of their feet towards the exit was soon replaced with clapping hands and drunken cheers.

"See! I told you this would be good! Would Gregory lie?"

"Like, about that specifically? Or about the whole 'actually being a bunch of rats' thing?"

DING! DING!

"Would you look at that? This is our first match of the day that will go to judges decision! Let's talk about that instead of whatever you just said..."