September

In September.

I knew my heart was in great pain....I became the girl who loved to laugh and be positive...suddenly became a girl who was depressed and anxious of everything! Listening to the most depressing and heart broken songs which does nothing but reminds me that I lost something.....and that I blame myself for it!!

became someone who....had no one to talk to....no one who knew how I was feeling....I became the girl that would cry every single minute when everything I thought or saw would make me think about you...remind me of my feelings!

Then September went by.....At first we barely said words to each other but then I thought....why the heck should I cry, be depressed while you're out there probably moved on and living a good life" why should I cry myself to sleep after overthink every single aspect of my life! Why should I always wonder if the signs I receive may actually mean that I have a second chance...but then...

Yes I did try it but....it was not so great....every time why had a conversation I would be so happy that that smile of mine won't budge to be hidden! I became so jumpy and happy when you would compliment me, or when I have an anxiety attack my heart would sink a million meters under you suddenly became the one thing to cheer me up.... the one thing that make me release a chocked up laughter....

The one persons who I love so dearly....I dare not say "love still love you"