Unsettled

"Ummm so are we just not going to talk about this?!"

Theo has been chasing after me for a solid five minutes. I had ignored him for the rest of the car drive, and immediately when he parked I left. I was not ready to talk about all of this, but of course Theo wasn't going to take that answer. I quote unquote told him something that flips my whole entire existence upside down. Well guess what Theo—that hasn't singled in yet.

I continued to speed walk to my locker to grab my things. I just need to get to Mrs. Penelope class. That's all I have to manage to do. Then I can pretend all of this isn't happening.

"Joey!" My locker slams closed before I can do it myself. "You have to talk to me at some point! You know you can't escape me."

Yeah okay.

I walked away from him, swinging my bag back onto my back. As I swim through the hundreds of students I hear him follow close behind me. "You remember in sixth grade when I wouldn't leave you alone because I accidentally made you mad! That's exactly how this is going to be if you don't just get this over with."

"But I'm not mad at you this time!" I yell back, earning a few concerned stares from others walking or talking in the hallway. When I glance behind me I see that he's literally an inch away from grabbing my arm. "Nope, no, no." I increase my speed, using the conveniently long legs I was given. Speedily I swerve through the crowd and bolt into my biology class.

When I make it into the room I still hear Theo behind me. Why is he like this.

"Joey I swear to god if you don't–,"

"Mrs. Noelle there's a crazy student following me!"

Theo looked at me in shock, mouth hung open, and he mouths the words, 'you bitch' at me. I mouth back a sorry, but I can't say I entirely mean it. When I watch as the teacher walk over to escort Theo out of the class— in which he grudgingly complies with— I sit down at my desk. Once he's finally gone Mrs. Noelle walked back into the classroom, closing the door behind her, and gave me a small side look before starting the lesson. I sunk in my chair slightly with my head down, only glancing up to take notes.

God please just let me make it till the end of the day.

I'm not lying when I say I remember nothing from any of my classes this morning. It was like I went into auto drive mode, and I took notes without remembering anything I wrote– or doing it in the first place. I'll end up looking at them later to see if I just wrote nonsense, but I'm so ready to go to gym. I only have a few ways of clearing my mind, and softball is one of them.

It's actually funny because at first I didn't even want to join at first. Dad said that it would look good on college applications, and mom agreed because it would be a good way to keep me active. Of course they only went to the first couple of my games. After a while they stopped because I 'stayed good'. There was no need to go because my team would always win. Well that's not what they say about Austin's games.

I managed to snag first base after the first week of practice. Coach never put me anywhere else, unless Audrey couldn't make the game. Which had only happened once when she was sick. She's out pitcher. Audrey had been practically made to be a pitcher, her underhand was phenomenal and her overhand was just as good. I would only take over because her and I have been playing together practically since birth. She was quote unquote, "my mentor" when I first started. So to ease any tension between us– since we're both heavily competitive– we've agreed that she's better at throwing, and I'm better at batting.

Coach always makes me go first when it's our turn to bat, so that I can "break up the soil for us". I think it's an inside joke because every time she says it she laughs.

Instead of loitering around the front of the entrance of the gym like all the other girls, I take the back entrance. I've had to move around people all morning. It gets old fast.

The first thing I hear when I get into the locker rooms is, "Oh my god your tits are huge! Damn puberty hit you like a bus!". I stop in my tracks, and for a second I think about turning around and changing in the restrooms. I sigh as I decide against it and step fully into the room. When I walk farther in and turn a corner to enter a small square space– that the girls like to call our private island– I see ten half naked girls. I raise an eyebrow as I count the heads again in my mind.

Uh..last time I checked only the team comes in this early, and there are only ten people on the team (me included).

Out of curiosity I drop my bag loudly on the floor to get their attention. "Seriously Bri, what have we told you about commenting on people's breast?" I laugh loudly as most of them run over to me and hug me. I haven't seen most of them all summer. Audrey and I were the lucky ones. We live close by each other.

And yes, I do have my license. My mom and dad just keep telling Austin and I that they'll buy us cars when we graduate. Apparently passing the drivers test isn't enough anymore.

Pulling away from me one by one each give me a smile. All of them are extremely sweet– Brianna is debatable– and we're close as a team. Coach made sure of that. She put all of us in a summer camp, with our parents permission, and since then we've been tight as a double knot. The only problem we ever had was when Audrey and I argued with Brooke about how she wasn't in charge. I don't ever think we got that through her head.

"Well you know I've never been opposed to pointing out the truth." Brianna reply's with a wink her hazel eyes filled with mischief as always. I scoff at her.

"Don't we know it." I turn my head and stifle a laugh at the curly haired girl's remark.

"Oh you know you love me Diana." Brianna teases, shimming her way over to the girl who simply rolls her eyes as we all laugh.

As Brianna practically serenades Diana, spinning her around several times, I look forward to see a familiar face. She stood by others that I also know. Ones that hadn't bothered to come give me a hug, and one that had totally ignored my existence. My cheeks burn of embarrassment as I quickly grab my bag and rush over to my locker that was next to Audrey's, praying to god that she hadn't seen me.

Unlikely.

Audrey had been getting dressed in the corner when I had entered, and when she laughed at what I had said I almost looked over at her. But I refrained. Never once did I glance over at her when she would change. It was just weird, y'know. Most of the girls would joke around and touch each other all the time, but it just never felt right to me. My face would heat up and my palms would grow sweaty. Usually I'm able to cover up my uncomfortableness by jokingly making remarks here and there about it. Doesn't mean it doesn't still bother me. It took everything in me to not curl up and die when I walked in to see everyone with their shirts off.

I've been like this since middle school. I think it might have something to do with me being insecure. I mean sometimes sure, with the other girls it wouldn't bother me that much. But when I accidentally looked at Audrey once– she had called my name in the locker room in freshmen year to ask me if her bra looked weird– I swear I've never spoke with more of a stiffer in all my life. And don't even get me started on when people started to notice me.

After grabbing my uniform shirt I yank the one I have one off, so that I can quickly switch them. Little did I know that I wouldn't be quick enough to escape a vipers bite.

"Oh would you look at that," her evil tone almost burns my skin like acid just with a few words. "Joeanna's no longer a Joey is she?"

I exhale deeply before pulling the shirt down to cover my torso. "I never was," turning around I give her a sarcastic smile, "Theo just like to coddle me."

"I'm sure that's not all he likes to do now that you've hit puberty."

Wow— hold up! Now we're slut shaming?!

I raise my eyebrows, finally ready to explode on her. She not only insulted me but Theo as well. That crosses the line. Of course I never get the chance.

"Omg Brooke is right! Damn look you even got boobs. That's unfair." Brianna pouts like a child and places her hands on her own chest. "We were supposed to be 'A' buddies. Now I'm all alone! You've gone off and joined Avery and Diana on B cup boulevard!"

I'm sure my face is as red as a tomato now, but it's hot so I'll blame it on that.

"Hey don't go degrading yourself love. A cups are beautiful." The voice from the person I had tried to avoid makes my breath hitch.

Yep no blaming this on heat. I probably look like I'm having a stroke.

"What if I'm into degrading? Are you kink shaming me Syreana?" Brianna asks with a playful challenging tone.

Her laugh makes me want to melt into a puddle and slowly go down the shower drains not to far from here. That or evaporate. I would be so happy just disappearing and becoming one with the atmosphere. "No, you do whatever gets you off Brianna."

Everyone quickly dispersed after Avery told them we only had two minutes until coach came in here herself and drags us out for practice. All I had to do was slip on my shoes, and I could go. That was if I didn't freeze in place when she stood in front of me. At first I hadn't noticed her because I was turned around, but when I went to tie my shoes she was right there.

Wow god— I'm really feeling the love here.

"Hey, Theo said we had a few classes together. So I thought I would try and find you. But it didn't go exactly to plan." She runs her fingers through her short hair, pulling it up into a tiny ponytail. Two lines of white stripe up on the sides as she does. She's still the most unique thing I've ever seen- besides Theo of course.

"Yeah," I gulp back my nervousness, "I was wondering how you got in here. Usually only the team comes in this early. We start gym a little earlier then everyone for more practice time." Her smile warms as I speak as if she's almost relieved I said anything at all.

What the hell do you have to be relieved about? I'm the one that probably looks like they're a huge, red- literally about to pop- balloon.

"Yeah Audrey saw me and came up to me to say hi. Apparently she recognized me from when we were moving in. And when I told her I was looking for you she said I could just wait and get ready with them." We both walk around out of the "private island" after I finish tying my shoes, and continue talking until we get outside.

Trying my best to make small talk I ask, "So do you play Softball?"

"Yeah, but I prefer soccer." I furrow my eyebrows at her answer.

"Why?" She looks back at me with an arched brow, and I immediately regret everything. "No, I'm sorry that probably sounded sooo rude. I didn't mean it that way- oh god." I bury my face in my hands, trying to plunge my eyes out so that I'll never have to see my own face again in the mirror.

A loud laugh brings me out of my state of embarrassment, and I peak out of curiosity. Her smile is open so that I can see her teeth. Dimple appear on either side of her pink lips and I don't think I've ever seen her look so expressively happy. Usually she has a resting—not really a bitch face— calm face.

She turns her face toward me, so that I can see it more fully and her smile never dies down. "You're ridiculously cute." She remarks, shaking her head. Little did she know she left me completely breathless.

And that's also when I felt like I was about to fly up into the sky because of how many butterflies I had loose in my stomach right now.