Chapter One

I hugged the blanket over my delicate body as tears keep on rolling down my crimson cheek from crying, I tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't. I will never get used to my father abusing and dirtying me whenever I do something that he doesn't like. At the age of eighteen, I experienced the thing I shouldn't have bypassed.

Sometimes I wonder when will all this ever stop? When will he stop hurting me more than I already was? I'm so sick of his sick treatment towards me, his own child, his own blood. I wanted to just end everything and leave this cruel world if only I didn't have a little sister to worry about. The last thing I wanted was for her to go through the same thing I went through in our father's watch.

I gathered myself up on my feet and went to the bathroom, I vomited in the toilet while holding its rim and closing my eyes tightly. I stepped inside the shower area, turned on the shower and welcomed the cold water to embrace my warm body. I wanted to believe and convince myself that I wasn't filthy but I shouldn't be lying to my own self. I know to myself that I will forever be tainted and broken.

I cried under the shower, holding onto my chest because of the suffocating pain. I let myself fall on the cold floor as I cried my heart out. Someone was knocking on my bedroom door but I was too devastated to even care.

Why does it hurt so much? What did I ever do to deserve this?

"Lizzie, can you please open the door for me?" My little sister's worried voice managed to distract me from the pain. She was the only reason why I'm still breathing and fighting, I promised Mom that I will protect her with my life and I wouldn't break that promise.

I wiped my tears away using the back of my hand and pulled myself up on my feet. I stripped off my wet clothes, dried myself with a towel and walked out of the bathroom. I hurriedly slipped myself inside my pajamas and combed my hair straight before opening the door for my sister.

My seven years old sister looked worried behind the door, standing and playing with her little fingers. "Lizzie..." she whispered, her eyes watering. She threw her arms around my waist, pressing her head against the part of my body between my stomach and chest.

Annie's the sweetest girl ever, with her sparkling hazel eyes reflecting my own. She has a straight and pointed nose that she got from Dad, her cheekbones were defined even when she's a little bit chubby. She has pinkish lips that I'm jealous of compared to mine, mine was too pale and chappy. She got most of her looks from Dad but that didn't make me love her less.

She's wearing a cute school uniform from her school and a backpack. Her cheeks are red, her eyebrows naturally thick and well-shaped and her eyelashes long and curled.

"Did Dad hurt you again? I'm sorry I can't do anything, I'm sorry that I'm useless," she muttered as she cried quietly.

She wasn't useless, contradicting to what she kept quoting. If it wasn't for her, I have probably already sliced my own throat.

"Annie, I'm fine. I'm used to it anyway," I lied, "don't you worry, okay? Come in for a bit, sweety."

I lead Annie inside my room, locking the door behind us to keep us both safe from our psychotic father. I pushed her to sit on the bed and sat beside her as we were engulfed by the uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

Everything changed ever since Mom died, we were once happy and complete like how family supposes to be like, but everything started to fall apart when a careless drunken driver hit my mother's car which caused a severe accident and my Mom's death.

Dad wasn't a devil before like he is now, I knew he cared and loved us back then, but even if there's a possibility that he might change, I will never forgive him. He didn't just molest and rape me, he also liked to hit me with his belt, chained me to the basement's wall and starved me to death, but I would rather prefer that kind of punishment instead of being touched by him, by my own father!

"Lizzie, are you going to attend school?" she quietly asked while looking down.

"Yes, but I won't be able to go with you. I still have to take care of Rex for a little bit." There wasn't a point of calling him 'Dad' when he wasn't executing his role as a father to us.

"I won't leave you here, Lizzie."

"Hey..." I cupped her cheek and gave her an assuring smile, "I will be fine, okay? Don't worry too much about me."

She bit her lower lip, she still looked unconvinced but she nodded anyway, being a good girl she was.

I let out a breath of relief, I kissed her on the forehead then lead her out of my room. I escorted her down the stairs, my knees were literally shaking in horror as we made our way down the stairs where the demon was. My hold on my sister's hand tightened when I heard some laughter coming from the living room. His friends might have dropped off which doubled the fear in my chest.

I escorted Annie to the door, my eyes stayed trained on the floor the whole time.

"Have a great day, okay? Don't worry about me," I hugged her before pushing her gently to the chauffeur whose been waiting for her.

My head was down as I returned upstairs, my fists clenched and my jaw grinding. I couldn't stand the smell of cigarettes, alcohol and drugs, I couldn't stand hearing their evil laughter. They were all disgusting!

I quickly closed the door when I arrived at my room, my eyes landing on the bed in process, everything that happened earlier came crashing inside my head. I felt like vomiting again. To prevent that from happening, I changed my bedsheet and destroyed the old one.

I am so filthy, dirty and disgusting.

My hope that someone would save me someday vanished a long time ago, no one would want a broken girl like me, no one would like me, no one would even dare to touch someone as filthy as me. I didn't have a reason to live, why do I still exist in this world when I didn't have any purpose in it? I wanted to die.

My feet brought me to the bathroom, I unconsciously grabbed the knife that I stole from the kitchen yesterday. I made eye contact with my own eyes through the cracked mirror that was hanging above the sink. I laughed because of how dreadful my face looked, praising how the broken mirror did an amazing job reminding me who and what I truly was.

I was in a daze that it was already too late to notice that I was cutting my wrist with the knife. The blood flowing down my hand made me smile, the sound of droplets of blood on the floor was music to my ears.

I wanted this... I needed this... But what about Annie?

I stopped what I was doing, gasping for air and looking at my cut wrist with wide eyes.

I couldn't do this, I couldn't be selfish! The most important thing to me was to protect my sister from our father. If I leave, then who would protect Annie? Who knows what will Rex do to her if I was gone.