Secret

Julie's POV

I wonder when it happened. Did it happen the day he did me in his study? Or, when I was hiding my face in the pillow telling myself that it wasn't happening to me? All of the decisions that took me here mocked me. I was responsible to have gotten me here. I was the reason that my baby had a father like him. But…I just wanted to save Rachael. I didn't want my sisters to grow without their mother and I swear I will do anything to save my baby too. His sinister smile and murderous eyes were all my mind was thinking about. I huffed knowing all too well that he won't treat me any different from those two women Barbara was talking about.

It was quite unusual that Barbara had not come yet. I called for the maid to ask for breakfast and planned to have a few words with her. I know she hasn't helped me the time I asked for the cellphone. But maybe now she can understand me? If not with her I didn't know who to talk to.

I was still waiting for the maid to arrive when Barbara came in. I wonder how I will talk to Cindy now but somehow I knew I have to make it work. All my life I was mad at my mom and whenever I think of her I promised myself to give my all to not abandon my baby. It is another story that right before my wedding I came to know that I didn't have my father too. I took a deep breath. For me, everything was irrelevant now. I wanted a life for my kid and couldn't afford to give in to a paranoid murderer who thinks I shouldn't carry his seed.

Barbara was sitting on the recliner busy reading a magazine when the door got a knock. It wasn't unusual for me to sometimes walk to the door to say hi or smile at Cindy. I walked to the door and whispered, "See me in the pool area in an hour." I received the trolley from her and didn't give her a chance to speak.

I tried to stay normal and got busy in my closet to pass the time. Then, exactly after an hour, I went inside my bathroom to take the stairs down to the pool area. I don't know why something told me that she will help me this time when I found her waiting there already for me. The huge double doors in the pool area were closed and made me feel even more secure.

"Thank you so much for coming here." I said and Cindy smiled before replying, "it's fine, how are you?"

I could see she was a little in distress. Of course, she didn't want to be in any problem for me.

"I need your support. Please,…"

"What happened, Julie?" She asked.

I knew my inner fears were roaming over my face. And, I didn't know anything about her except seeing sympathy in her eyes for me and her name that was written on her badge. I looked at my back before whispering, "I am pregnant. I think I am pregnant. And, I have heard he…"

"What?" She seemed surprised and the way her face got worried. I knew she knew what it means.

"I don't know Cindy. Please help me. I won't lose this baby for anything."

"Look…you can save this baby. Nothing will happen…relax…ok?" I didn't know I was hyperventilating but she was my last hope and if she disagrees I don't know what to do anymore.

"Please I need your help," I said and she was quick to reply. "No…you need to help yourself."

This made my eyes narrowed. Was she denying my request?

"Look Julie, you are the only woman who isn't allowed to have a phone or can't go out. Others are living in every luxury and with their consent. Win his trust…maybe. He is with you all the time."

"I don't have time for this. I want to save this baby. I…I have heard that he…"

"I know…I know." She held my hands to coax me.

"Look, you need to earn his trust. Or…or love. Try to do something."

"I can't…I…how? Can't you give me a cell phone or call the police for me. I don't know. Anything will be great." I held her hands and almost beg before looking at my back.

"No, he is a dangerous man. I don't know if you know this or not but he had killed people in his business many times. There are many agencies that help him out to raise donations to empower the business world. You can't start to imagine how much power and wealth he has. He doesn't care about a thing except him. I will be killed too. This is what every servant in this house knows…I am so sorry but I can't help. Only Matteo can help you."

"No, no, no, Please, I beg you to help me," I was desperate.

"Julie, try to understand. No one can do anything. We have never heard him showing mercy. I am so sorry. I can only pray for you."

I walked back to the room with heavy shoulders. Barbara had something in her eyes but I chose to ignore it and stood to watch the wide lawn. There were two men working on the lawn. I inhaled before resting my hand on my belly.

I recalled how he was angry when I refused to get the tattoo. Up until now whatever he said or decided things only went his ways. I remember listening to his talks where he talks about killing or kidnapping people for his benefits.

There was this urge to hide whenever I found his gaze on me. That heated lust in his eyes or how he looks at me as if I mean nothing. But I will do it. I don't care if he hasn't loved anything. I will win his trust. I will make him fall for me so hard that he won't be able to look at anything but me. I had this confidence that he likes my body and I will do anything to use it accordingly.

At around four, I was informed that Mrs Hashimi was here to see me. I went in to change and while changing my eyes fell on my jewellery. I wore the one big in size. And, tried my best to look reasonable. "I will do it. And, I will do it soon no matter what."

Mrs Hashimi came with a very beautiful porcelain vase. She came to apologize for not being able to attend our wedding. I had tea with her and found her very excited about here. It wasn't after long when I found Matteo coming. A person carrying his suitcase walked away while I stood up along with Mrs Hashimi to greet him.

I leaned to him a little when he came to grab my waist. If I wanted to win him I had to accept the reality that he was the person I need to wake up beside. But what if he didn't let me have my baby. A thought roamed my mind but I made my smile wider.

"She has gone," I heard Matteo say and turn to ask him about his day. Of course, he seemed taken aback.

"And, why do you think you can question me you low being?" I shouldn't surprise. He always says this. Think of him as a five-year-old insolent kid.

"Ok…lord Matteo…I won't ask for anything, ok?"

"What are you playing?" This question was expected and I only realized now that I wasn't ready for this question.

"Nothing…but I want to say something." I knew what I was going to do but I had to start this head-on. I didn't have time.

"I think…I think I am fallen for you." His eyes got wide and I held his abs.

I gasped when he pinched my mouth with his right hand. I saw something change in his eyes. No, he wasn't happy or moved. He hated me. I could see this in his eyes. But he didn't take a few seconds to compose his balance and smiled.

"Accept my condolence," He left me with a jerk and was quick to leave for the room. I walked to him after realizing what he just said. Of course, no one said it was going to be easy.

"You must be happy right? This is what you always wanted." I said seeing him losing his tie and get behind him to get his jacket. He turned to hold my face as he usually does while I held his jacket between us.

"Oh, believe me, it was the last thing in the world that I wanted. You being physically available for me, is enough…" Of course, I knew it was true. He was a stone hearted person.

I placed his jacket on the table and get to unbutton his shirt. He had a playful smile on. "...I don't care what's in your heart. As long as he doesn't come to your bed." He said indifferently and I gulped hard before looking at him.

"You know you hurt me when you talk like that…you of all the people know that I won't do such a thing."

"No, I don't know…but I like the idea that you get hurt with my talk," I looked deep into his icy grey eyes. There was arrogance. He could belittle anyone with his eyes or mocking smile.

"One day, you will fall in love with me. I will make it happen." I used every bit of my confidence.

"How?" His brows were finally furrowed.

"I have twelve hours every day to make it happen," I replied and his smile only got weirder.

"And, I have four women except you." I looked into his eyes before uttering.

"Oh I know this much,"

"Know what?" He should haven't asked.

"I know it is expensive to be loyal. Not everyone can afford that… not you of course. I have given up on that area." And, there it was. That five-year-old kid, who got his ego hurt.

"But don't worry…" I bent on my knees before giving him a smile. "…With your one million dollars you have bought an expensive wife for you."

I walked behind him to the dining area. I knew he won't let me eat at the same table as his but at least I could sit there to read him. From today, I refuse to accept that he can't have a weak spot. And, I swear to God I will hit that as hard as I could.

I started studying him. I give him a bath. Change his clothes or get him ready for the office. And, he enjoys looking at naked women. But I wonder what exactly drives his propaganda against women. Was his grandfather teaching from his childhood was the only thing? Well, it could be the reason or not.

"What Mrs Hashimi was talking about?" He started the conversation while a man in the uniform set a plate for him.

"She was here to make up for not attending our wedding." I offered him a smile and looked at him intently.

"Quit this crap," He seemed a little frustrated.

"I just wanted to ask something." I defended.

"What?" He asked,

"What's the way to your heart?" He laughed a little before shaking his head. I can say he was enjoying his meal.

"Do you think I have a heart?" He asked back shaking his head. I kept quiet for a few seconds before replying.

"A little tainted and black but you do have one." This made his smile gone. And, putting his fork down he replied,

"What if I tell you the secret today? And, let's see if you can do this." Ok, do I want to know this? Of course, I think I have to.

"Sure," I replied and saw him eating. He seems amused now. The evil in his eyes makes me want to run with the innocent soul growing in me. But I knew his hands were far bigger and his ways were far cruel. The best way to deal with this situation is to confront him and now I had a reason.

I got my eyes narrowed recalling how I have never seen him in casual clothing. Even in the home he mostly prefers formal pants or shirts. Always uptight. Like, he is at work. In fact, in his drawer, I have only found three t-shirts that I never found him using much.

His sleeves were folded a little showing his very toned arms. I had never seen him using the gym at home. I wonder where or when he does his work out. But then I recalled how I have only accompanied him inside our room. He never asked for my company much and I too never tried to spend time with him. Not more than I had to.

"Shall we leave?" He said dabbing his mouth with a napkin.

"Are we going out?" I didn't want to lose my composure but my voice came out surprised.

"No, just a little walk outside." He stood and walked at the end of the table where I was sitting.

"Sure," Now, it was getting really creepy. But I guess I was the one who started it.

I was dressed in a knee-length grey dress. It was simple but I had the jewellery on. We walked out of the door when I looked at him. "Follow me." His voice came out stern making me conscious for a second but I tried to stretch my lips again.

I kept on walking behind him until we got over the bridge that our artificial stream had. He stopped in the middle of the bridge.

"So, you wanna know the secret." He said and turned around.

The realization that I was standing with a killer in this very dark place was enough to get my breathing shallow. Moonlight was completely absent and I guess he turned off the L.E.D lights using his phone. I realized how cold my skin was when he held my waist.

"You know you are beautiful, right?" I looked at his face and tried to find something. But that arrogant face. Even after trying my hardest, I couldn't look past his arrogance.

"So, the way to my heart is…" He pulled me in before whispering over my mouth. "…none. The bridges to my heart were never burnt because they were never there, to begin with. I have Lucca's blood. I was always like this. You will die rotting but you will end up failing." He seethed and his words were coming out more like a hiss now.

I smiled before shaking my head in no. "Why are you trying hard to tell the things I already know? Tell me what not anyone knows. Show me the kid who didn't eat for two days because he was missing the woman he thought was his mother." His eyes were raging with fury in a few seconds. But I was quick to hug him. I did feel him surprised and I take that to my advantage.

"What's the worst thing you can do to me now, Matteo? Kill me. I am already dying inside. But now…I want to breathe Matteo. I really want to breathe. And,…to live this life peacefully I have done the thing I never thought I will do. I started loving you…because I can't hate you anymore. I can't win from you. There is no way out. And, even if this heart didn't have any bridges, let it be. I will just stand where I have come. Because where I have come I don't have any way back too."

"You do realize that I will use your emotions against you and hurt you even more…" I felt his hand on my shoulder and gulped before requesting.

"Can you please not do that? I want some rest."

"In my arms?" His voice had doubt mixed with taunt. I didn't reply but could feel his tension growing against me. I looked up to stare at his mouth. I didn't have to do anything. He leaned down to place his warm mouth on me. I felt his strong arms tightening around me. I was hugging the man who was the very reason for my every tear. The man was so cruel that won't even consider anyone's life worth living and would do anything to satisfy his ego. He didn't know that right between us we have made a human. My breaths got laboured when he trailed his mouth to my ear. Only imaging what he will do once he came to know about the existence of this innocent makes me shiver.

"Oh god, you are so horny today. I like it." He whispered in my ear and pinched my ass with his left palm. Only if he knows what my concerns were.

He picked me up and we were more on the dark side. I soon felt a tree behind my back and inhaled sharp feeling his mouth over my neck. His impatient hands were pulling my dress down and I held his shoulder with all I got. My body was trembling when I felt his hands on my belly. He lifts me up against that tree and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to maintain the balance. I gasped feeling his tongue on my much-erected nipple now. I don't know why a tear escaped my eye. I felt so weak and scared of what the future will hold or if I could be enough to save what matters.

Tonight, I tried to sleep and only realized I slept when I woke up to notice his hand roaming over my body. It wasn't the first time. Most of the times, he does wake up in the middle of the night.

His hand came to rest on my belly while he looked at me intently. I leaned in to kiss him too when he came closer. I don't know but there was something at this moment. "So, you love me?" He asked pulling away.

"I said I think so," I replied looking into his eyes. Our voices were barely audible. "So, now you like when I touch you." He asked roaming his hand on my belly and I don't know why I wanted his hand anywhere but here. I held his hand and move it to hold my left boob. "Yes,"

My breath hitched when he held me with all he got. "Will you do anything I will ask you to do?" I bit my lower lip and groaned when he massaged my nipple with his thumb. He never did it before. "Yes,…yes…I will do."

"Will you laugh with me?" This got my eyes narrowed. Of course, I couldn't get what he said.

"I don't like laughing alone. It's just whenever I win I am the only one happy for me. Tell me, will you laugh with me?"

He looked manic, possessed or whatnot. My right leg was twitching looking at the weird excitement in his eyes. I wonder what I had awoken? I gave him a smile and inhaled before roaming my hand on his chest.

"I will laugh with you, Matteo."

F.a.c.e.b.o.o.k page: Ashleh Queen

I.n.s.t.a.g.r.a.m: theashlehqueen

T.w.i.t.t.e.r: AshlehQ

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