tomorrow

Before work on Sunday, mom decided she wanted to go by the dealership to check out some new cars. Ours worked fine, but it was getting old and it was time for an upgrade.

We weren't rich, not even well off really. Regardless, one thing mom did do was made sure she had a decent ride, if anything.

On times like these, I used to let my mom go on her own, and she would be unbothered by it. I didn't even offer to see if she wanted me to go with her back then.

Things had changed so much, that not only did I go with her to the dealership, but she invited me. She was more cheerful than before, and I was too.

I was happy being with my mom, glad I had some money in the bank, and it felt great having some acquaintances from work that were nice to me.

When we arrived at the lot, as soon as we took our foots out of our current car door, the salesman was deep down our necks showing us all sorts of vehicles and options.

We looked at vans, SUVs, sedans, and even hybrids. At the end she fell in love with a nice black crossover. It had a smooth leather interior with backup cameras, all the safety features you could imagine and a loud, brand name speaker system.

It was more than we could have ever hoped for. The price wasn't bad either. Mom came in with a plan, as she always does. She was going to trade in her car and use that as the down payment to lower her monthly payments.

If I remember correctly she always used to do that. We sat down in the cold lobby in front of the salesman's cubicle where he was sitting through paperwork and scrolling down pages and pages of their proprietary website.

Mom's eyes kept traveling from her phone to see what the value was on her car and the man inputting all the information into the computer system.

She was nervous, anxious to see what they might offer her.

The salesman cleared his throat and tucked at his tie as his hand left the mouse pad. "Okay, so this is what we can offer you for your car."

He gave us the printed paper that had the specifications of our vehicle, their rating, and our offer. I hadn't seen my mom's eyes open so widely, it looked as if she had seen a ghost before her.

"Surely you can do more than that, this is a joke." She said, anxiously reading the offer.

The man insisted. "Sadly this is all we can do right now, not a penny more. Those vehicles aren't selling too well in today's economy, most nowadays want something that can fit more people and use less gas. If this were a few years ago it'd be a completely different story. But at the moment this is-"

My mom chucked the paper in her purse, scooted away from the chair and stood up. "I can't accept this offer. I'll have to find another way to sell my vehicle."

The man desperately tried to convince us to take the offer but mom was not being swayed. It's not like they budged either, they wouldn't change it.

We had no choice but to go home in our old car. She felt defeated. My feelings wavered between pity since we didn't get the car we wanted, and gratefulness that she didn't take that crazy low-ball offer.

I sat down on the couch, patiently waiting for my lunch before I went off to work later that night. As mom threw vegetables into a sauce pan and layered it with seasonings and meat, I remembered an offer that was made to me a few days ago.

Daisy's offer to go on a cross country trip.

I looked back at my mom, who was wearing an apron and said "Mom, how much did you want for the car?"

She told me and joked "Why, do you want to buy it off me?"

I nodded.

She stopped her seasoning and set the ingredients on the counter. "You really do? Why? You don't have to."

"Mom." I said, changing my tone. "What would you say if I left for a few weeks?"

"I'd be sad and miss you" She went back to her cooking. Chopping away at something. "But I think it would be good for you. So I'd understand."

I walked to over to her and gave her a hug from behind. I rested my head on her shoulder. "Mom, i think I'm leaving for a while then, so..." I took a loud and audible breath. "-So let me buy the car from you!"

I went to the bank and withdrew the amount she wanted, gave it to her and before long I was signing the title and putting it in my name.

When I got to Dixie's to start my shift, Jackson fist bumped me and gave me a chipper expression. "Well, it looks like you're in an extra good mood today." He said.

And indeed I was. I had made up my mind. I was going on this trip with Daisy. The only thing that worried me was having to tell Stevie that I was going to be gone for a while.

I threw on the work apron and passed Stevie who was talking to some of the cooks and sharing pictures on their phones. I waved her down to catch her attention.

I toughened it out. "Stevie, I need to tell you something."

She cocked her head to the side in curiosity.

She didn't say anything so I kept going. "I-I'm going a trip. Around the country. I'll be gone for a few weeks so I wanted to let you know. I don't wanna burn my bridge here since I do like the job."

She looked unsurprised and even accepting of the bad news, like it didn't affect her. "Of course, you have my blessings. Plus I already knew about the trip."

She had known all along and just let me suffer through having to tell her. That was just like her. She was devious.

She giggled as she spoke. "Daisy told me about it. She sounded pretty excited."

I turned on the hose and sprayed the left over food off some of the dishes before letting it soak. "So she was excited, huh?"

She sat up on the sink, which made me worry for her dress, but she didn't mind getting a bit of soapy water on it. "Yeah, aren't you?"

Some water flung into my cheek and I rubbed it off with my shoulder. It was embarrassing having to admit that I wanted to go on this trip, not only because of how awesome it sounded but also because that meant I was going with Daisy. The only girl who has ever bothered to talk to me earnestly. She was down to Earth and just chill in every sense of the word.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't want to go with her."

She pushed me with her hands on my back and took me through the kitchen doors. With a sneaky voice, she whispered in my ear "Then go tell her yourself."

She roped me into talking to Daisy, who was sitting up at the bar, drinking her non alcoholic beverage.

My palms radiated with sweat and my heartbeat rapidly beat to my words.

"What's up?" She said, nonchalantly. She must of already a hunch of what I was going to say.

"I want to go." I sat up next to her. "I wanna go on that trip with you. It sounds amazing. On top of that I have some money saved up so we should be golden."

She clapped in delight. "Sweet! Now that what's I call 'impromptu decision making'! Now all that's left is finding a mode of transportation."

I reached into the front pocket of my jeans and threw my 'new-to-me' car keys. I proudly displayed them on the table. "In that area I gotcha covered."

That night, on my way home, I listened to music through my headphones. Before I got to the bus stop I saw the mysterious nameless lady, sitting on a public bench in front of a already closed store.

This time I popped over to her. "You shouldn't be out here alone, it's not safe for girls to be out in the dark." I said.

She was wearing a long blue dress and had one leg sitting on top of the other. She had a wide straw hat with a black ribbon laced around the top. "That's never been a worry of mine." She tucked her hair up. "Tell me, did you find out your name?"

After all this time, not only did I not know her name, but she was still being weirdly inquisitive in the most cryptic of ways.

"What do you mean? I still don't even know your name."

"In bible times, names were used to establish people. Their history, future, promises, or it could even be their direction in life. So that's why I asked."

A new direction. A new me. Another step in the stairway of life.

"Oh that. Well, to be honest I'm not too sure. But I feel a lot more certain that I will soon have the answers. I just have to-"

I stopped and was suddenly reminded of all the things the mysterious lady had said. All the questions and remarks she left me with various times. It added up to me finding my own answers to questions I didn't know I had.

My eyes swelled at the thought of all the time I wasted being a self righteous idiot with no goals, no life plan. Heck, I still didn't have one. But at least I wasn't wandering aimlessly through my life anymore. I still didn't have a clear plan. I still didn't have any specific goals. But my future felt brighter since I understood myself better.

To know what you want to do with yourself means understanding yourself. If you don't get who you are and forget the person you were, you can never grow.

I finally got it. For me to grow I had to-

"-I just have to start from the top."