Marlboro Nights

CH – 14

You can never ever reverse on a freeway. It’s an invitation to a nightmare. Not to mention, illegal – expensively so. You can also expect to be hurled abuses at. Someone might even pull you out of your car and throw in a couple of punches at you. But that’s common to any road.

On a freeway though, people might not even bother. They’ll notice you reversing alright but they won’t make it their problem. They’ll just barge through you. Pitting you is too risky. No one wants that.

But shoving right through you, not that risky. You might eventually fall out of their way or, they might just drag you along for the journey.

Andrew wanted to be dragged along. It didn’t matter where to and by who. The more his car neared the bus stop, the more his soul itched to reverse.

What irked him even more was that he had no reason to do so. He didn’t know why he cared so much. Andrew didn’t

understand an iota of his passionate concern for a near- well stranger. Why was it so difficult to let go?

He peaked a glance at her; there were bags under her eyes, eyes that didn’t stop shaking. Her lips were quivering and her body jerking very, very lightly every other minute or so. Was it too cold? The precipitation sliding down the side of her face told him otherwise.

Sarah was clutching the bag close to her chest, pressing her body against the seat. She had managed to keep herself as still as possible. Almost as if the slightest of movement would cause Andrew to back out.

Her concern wouldn’t be too far of a stretch if he was being honest.

The skin around her nails was peeled and bright red and when Sarah brought one finger to her lips again, Andrew groaned inwardly.

The damage to her cuticles made it evident that this wasn’t a new habit. How come no one noticed? Sarah had to be in a lot of pain. An afterthought reminded him that this wasn’t too unbelievable either.

The closer you are to someone, the less you start noticing. It isn’t intentional, it just happens. You keep track of everything when you’re getting to know someone; their every action, every word and every tick. Once you’re well acquainted, the razor sharp radar blunts a little.

Familiarity is like wearing a pair of glasses with minute scratches all over; you get the big picture, but sometimes miss out on the details.

He began pulling in at the bus stop, his grip on the steering wheel tightened and a small grunt escaped him.

‘Stay with me please. I won’t bite.’

***********************************************

Here it was. She was here. Finally in her Kansas.

A small smile pranced around her lips and now that she was bidding him adieu, Sarah finally met Andrew’s eyes.

“Thanks.”

He bobbed his head, drumming his fingers on the wheel. He struggled a bit before finally managing to speak.

”Good luck”.

She cocked a brow.

“I’m not petty enough to say bad-luck.”

She chuckled, jumping out of the car. Before she broke into what seemed like a full prance, she turned back.

“I’ll leave in a few minutes, if that’s okay with you.”

She nodded and turned back. There was a look in his eyes. Almost pleading. It made leaving difficult for some reason.

Shaking her head clear, she began moving, choosing to walk instead. Sarah could see the ticket window. It was a few minutes away, Andrew would be gone by then and she would be free. Free from scrutiny and free from her life in San Francisco.

It was what she had fought so hard for. Why was it so hard to step forward then?

She was nearing the window. Andrew would have left by now right? She wanted to check but decided against it.

‘No, I can’t risk it.’

Something was pulling her, forcibly making her halt. She didn’t know what it was. She didn’t want to know.

‘Just walk up and buy your ticket. It’s not that hard!’

‘It is that hard though.’

A convenience store in her peripheral caught her attention and suddenly, Sarah was bolting.

***********************************************************

The cold air chilled her sweat-ridden body almost immediately and her heart-beat picked up again.

“Stop stalling!”

It dropped immediately. Sarah whipped her head in the owner’s direction but he wasn’t looking at her. He was yelling at the TV.

She heaved a sigh of relief. ‘I wasn’t stalling anyway.’

************************************************************

‘He didn’t greet her at the door, even though he had left it open for her. The house was empty but he was still holed up inside his room. She liked his room better anyway, a whole collection of stuff smelling like him.

And him. Her Keith.

He opened his door to find her leaning against the wall. She was smiling, or the part of her face that wasn’t pressed against the door frame was. Her mascara was running down her face and her hair was wet too. He didn’t realize it was raining outside.

It wasn’t.

Once he zeroed in on the cigarette in her hand, he was frowning.

“I didn’t light it.” She pushed herself against him and the cigarette into his hand. “I never can”.’

*****************************************************************

The owner cast a surreptitious glance at her. She looked young. Nineteen or twenty maybe?

‘Whatever.’ He scanned the single Marlboro packet she had handed him, dumping the change alongside. His attention was already back at the TV.

She hadn’t picked up the change yet. She was frozen.

‘Why haven’t you left yet?’

********************************************************************

She had been inside the store for quite a while now. Andrew felt restless in his seat.

‘Should I go inside? Should I try one last time?’

‘No. I was supposed to leave anyway.’

Sarah pried the blinds open with her fingers. Glaring at the unaware spectator.

‘What are you doing? You were supposed to leave. Leave!’

He had unbuckled his belt. He was halfway out the door. He stopped.

‘Why do I care so much anyway? Doesn’t she want me gone too?’

‘I can’t leave without letting her know once more. She can trust me. I care.’

‘Ugh!! Why the fuck do I care?’

The owner still hadn’t noticed that she hadn’t left. Not that he cared anyway, she was glued to the window.

‘Argh! Did no one ever teach you how to not give two fucks about someone?’

‘She’s clearly acting out. Look where that landed me. Confused, too curious for my own good. I could help.’

‘I don’t need your help!’

‘I know she doesn’t need me. I need her. To be safe. Ugh stop Andrew.’

‘Why do you care so much? Stop it. I don’t deserve it.’

‘I promise I won’t push you for answers. I’ll try to at least.’

‘You ask too many questions. And I don’t have any answers. Not ones I want people knowing anyway.’

‘Ugh screw it! I’m leaving!’

‘Do it! Leave.’ ‘…..’ ‘Maybe don’t’

‘I need to know you’re safe. For as long as I can.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know why! I don’t care why! Stay with me. Please.’

‘Don’t….stay’

‘I should leave.’

Andrew strapped in, turning the key. He wished a key would start and stop his emotions at will too.

He heard a jingle and his heart flipped. Sarah was out of the store. She was walking. Walking towards the car. Towards him.

‘Maybe she left something.’ He looked at the back seat. There it was, one of her other bags.

Dragging it to the front, he rested the bag on his lap and rolled down his window. There was a sad smile on his face.

‘That’s all she’s here for.’

She didn’t stop by his window. She kept walking. Past his door and the bonnet.

What was she doing?

Staring at her as she opened the door and sat in, Andrew felt like he was being pranked. Locking her seatbelt in, she turned the AC on and looked at him coolly.

“You can put that back.”