Chapter 10

Ten months passed, faster than I could have imagined.

The store "Prosperity" took off. True to her word, Milane had improved upon my own designs, and after showcasing the dresses at a few parties, (I had reluctantly resumed my social responsibilities, reminding myself it was for the business), and the orders came in, faster than we could fill them. Expanding production, Milane hired a few more seamstresses, and even then we were stretched thin. We continued making and selling new designs, however, with plans to open up another store before the next season.

The Duchy thrived alongside my business. The officials I "retired" left without further complaint, and their replacements worked hard to gain experience and independence. Until they were completely trained however, the bulk of the work was left to Nile, Terrence and Me. We met weekly, going over accounts and day to day issues in great detail. Fortunately we worked well together and rather than resenting the hands-on approach I took, they seemed relieved.

"The Duke just always told us to do what we thought best in difficult matters." Nile confided one day. "But with no idea of the overall financial state of the Duchy, it's hard to make these sorts of decisions. With you in charge, things are running much smoother."

Seeming to realize the improperness of what he had said, he panicked, waving his hands. "Not saying that the Duke is incompetent! He's a very kind man! And as a leader… of course he…" he paused as if trying to think of something else good to say about my father.

I chuckled, trying to relieve the poor man's misery. "It's fine. Father's gifts lie… in other directions. " I had no idea as to what direction that was, but as long as he stayed out of my way, I was content.

No longer hemorrhaging money, I was able to work on improving the infrastructure of the area, improving the safety and stability of the roads, increasing the schools and preparing some previously unused land for farming.

Marile, looking ahead to our second store, convinced me to use some of our profits to open up a vocational school for seamstresses, taught by people she trusted. We charged a minimal fee, funding those who couldn't afford it, and waited excitedly as they gained skill. I planned to hire some of the top students upon graduation, and as the number of skilled workers increased, the duchy of Armeny began gaining a reputation as the place to buy well-made clothes.

The success spread, and I was already being approached by other trades to expand the school to cover their professions as well.

__________________________________

I continued my lessons with Jim and Nate, although the assigned reading was decreased as more and more of my time was taken up with the business and the duchy. Instead, Jim had me bring practical issues and questions to the class regarding economics or governmental structure, and we worked though it together. I was often able to implement some of the answers we came up with, continuing to benefit my home.

Nate and I settled into a comfortable pace. He was the calm one in class, frequently mediating between Jim and me when we began to get too loud about a certain subject. He listened well, and when he did speak up it was with purpose, often coming up with ideas that caught me by surprise.

"You should build a place that provides food for people who are starving." After class one day, he was escorting me back to the carriage in thoughtful silence before suddenly bursting out with that suggestion.

I stopped in my tracks. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's something that you obviously care deeply about, and since you'll manage to free up some extra funds with the changes we came up with today, I thought it might work! " He continued as he stopped as well, gesturing excitedly with his hands. "Think about it, a place where people who are starving can come by and have a meal. You can ask for donations and volunteers to offset some of the costs, it should be doable…"

He trailed off, staring at me with an uncertain expression. "Sorry, I got excited on my own, maybe it isn't the best idea."

__________________________________

"Do you have any food?" A young boy pulled on my leg, the bones too prominent on his already small for his size face.

I looked down at him, already feeling lightheaded and weak. I hadn't been able to find work. I hadn't had a full meal since Rig's gang had been split up most of them lost, dead or imprisoned. I had begged on the street, only managing to earn enough for some bread, hardly enough to fill my stomach. I wanted to cry, but held my tears, they wouldn't solve anything.

The boy saw my distress and slumped, sitting down beside me, as I hung my head, feeling hopeless.

"It's okay." He mumbled, using a dirty hand to gently pat my head, trying to comfort me. "I'll help you." A small hard object was pressed into my hand. I looked down at it, surprised. It was a regular stone, a little shiny but otherwise there was nothing special about it.

"It's my lucky stone." He tried to smile, tried to appear brave for me. "You can have it. It will protect you."

I thought about the bread in my pocket, it wasn't enough to fill me, but for a child…

"Here."

I handed him the bread, leaning back with my head against a wall, closing my eyes to keep tears from falling. I wasn't going to last much longer. I had long given up hope for myself. But that boy… maybe he would survive.

And that was something.

__________________________________

"Lenora?" Nate called out, concerned. I shook my head, I had been silent too long, thinking of a different life, a different fate.

One I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I smiled at him; ignoring his visible shock at I did so. "Tell me more about this idea of yours."

__________________________________

Between running the Duchy and the business, as well as continuing lessons and socializing with the nobility to advertise our new dresses, I was busier than I had ever been before in either of my lives. But despite the long hours and the hard work, I was surprised to find I was happy.

There was still just one thing keeping me from being fully content:

The royal etiquette classes continued, despite the mastery I had displayed. Mrs. Rendler had greatly increased the speed at which we moved through topics as well as the difficulty in each lesson. The advantage I had gained over the extra three years of training in my previous life dwindled, and I reluctantly began scheduling in time to study those topics as well.

I grew more and more frustrated each week. With all the other demands on my time, why was I bothering to waste any on learning something I would never use? If I were planning on trying to continue my engagement to the prince this would be worth it, but not even the chance to tackle management on a national scale could tempt me to stand by that worthless prince's side.

I hid it, as best I could. Mrs. Rendler tried to keep the lessons fun and varied, likely sensing my lack of enthusiasm. We learned new dances, tried exotic foods and studied different cultures. It was interesting and I appreciated the effort the older woman placed on keeping me focused, but there was still one, unavoidable problem with the lessons:

Queen Amerande.

She was present every single week, as she had been in my previous life. Smiling, cheering me on, saying silly jokes to try to make me laugh, and picking arguments with Mrs. Rendler to distract her whenever the lessons were getting too difficult for me … she was every inch the mother I wish I had.

But it was a lie, and every minute I spent next to her was pure torture.

It all came to a head around ten months after I woke up in this second life. The etiquette lesson had completed early. I was packing up my books, planning to take a walk in the gardens to waste the time before my lesson with Jim and Nate in the treasury. Before I could leave, however, Queen Amerande held out her hand, gently stopping me.

"Can we talk, Lenora?"

I nodded stiffly, disliking the thought of spending any time alone with her.

Her smile slightly sad, she gestured for me to sit down, and after I was settled continued.

"Has your mother returned home yet?" The discomfort on her face made it clear she knew this was not going to be my favorite topic.

I sighed, leaning back and shaking my head. "No, she's still with her family staying in the southern province."

Or so she tells us. I thought of the contents of the file Rig had brought me, the second assignment I had given him after the blackmail for the duchy officials. It had only confirmed what I already knew from my previous life, but it had hurt more than I wanted to admit to see it in writing.

"She's been gone almost a year!" Queen Amerande muttered, looking furious for a few moments before poorly hiding her anger behind a smile, trying not to upset me. After being surrounded by expert liars like Angela and Edith, it was almost amusing to see someone who couldn't lie well.

That's not true though is it? She lies all the time when she says she cares about me.My brain whispered to me, but I shrugged it off, not wanting to be distracted by the topic at hand. She was already asking another question.

"Will she be back soon?"

I wish she wouldn't. In my last life, her trip had only lasted a few months, but that had been due to limited funds and our large amount of debt. Once I had most of our debts cleared, I had sent her some money, and thankfully she had continued to extend her trip as much as possible. The servants seemed grateful for the break from her critical presence and my father… he was happier than he'd been in years. But as relieving as this time away was, it couldn't last forever.

"She'll be back in a few weeks, before my sixteenth birthday." I answered, watching her eyes light up at the topic.

"So yes, about that…" Queen Amerande hesitated, "I knew your mother hadn't been… around, and your father…"

"Forgot."

"I'm sure he… remembers… deep down." She looked angry again, but not at me. "But the point is, I didn't want you to have to plan your own party, so I've been making some arrangements."

"…"

"Nothing that can't be canceled if you don't feel up to it, but I'd really like for you to have a chance to really have fun and celebrate with friends. You've been working so incredibly hard lately." She smiled. "I know I don't say this enough but… I'm so proud of you. I heard about the work with the duchy and the vocational school and even that charity to help feed those in need, it's so amazing. YOU are amazing."

She turned to the side to get something from her bag. I sat there, trembling, filled with anger, barely able to contain it. My fists were clenched, so tightly that the fingernails dug into my palms, starting to tear through the skin.

"I know it's a little early, but I want you to have this:" She pulled out a necklace. It was beautiful, thin golden chains delicately interwoven, with a small sapphire amulet hanging from the longest strand. She placed it into my hand. "My mother gave this to me when I was a girl, and although I'm not your biological mother, I think of you as my own."

My ears were ringing, the jewelry in my hand was cold, but felt like it was burning my skin

"I love you dear, and I always will."

I could barely breathe, it felt like knives were stabbing me in the heart, I sat there frozen, staring at the gift I had once thought meant everything, but meant nothing.

"No matter what."

__________________________________

"I love you, and I always will." Queen Amerande hugged me, patting my back comfortingly with one hand.

I returned the hug, unable to hold back my tears of frustration and embarrassment. After being publicly humiliated at my own birthday party, I had come into the backroom to hide, She had been planning to give me her present, but instead found me a sobbing in a corner, and immediately dropped on the floor, ignoring the creases and dust that gathered on her expensive formal gown, comforting me. Once I had calmed down, she handed me a beautiful necklace, one I had always admired as a child, and reached out, wiping a tear from my face.

"No matter what."

__________________________________

Thud.

The necklace slipped from my hands, falling to the floor between us.

"Liar." My voice was quiet, but in the otherwise silent room she could clearly hear me. Her face paled and she tried to reach out for my hand, only to have me pull back, avoiding it.

"Lenora, what…?

"Stop lying. Please." I forced the words out through gritted teeth, tears gathering in my eyes. "You won't love me like your own child, and you won't love me NO MATTER WHAT so please. Don't lie to me. Don't fool me into trusting you when you don't mean it."

I stood up, planning to leave, but she ran after me, standing in the doorway, blocking my only exit.

"Let me out." I ordered, throwing etiquette and caution to the wind.

She shook her head furiously, her carefully styled hair coming slightly undone with the force of the motion. "No! Not until you tell me what this is about!" She was shaking, but her hands gripped the doorframe tightly, refusing to move. "I'm not lying when I say I love you like my own daughter. I'm not!"

"Easy words to say." I was sneering, hating that my voice broke with tears instead of sounding stronger. "But when your precious son drops me in a few years, and I'm disgraced, then you'll forget all about this 'daughter' you love so much!"

"…" She stared at me, horrified. "You think he… that I… " She was stuttering, trying to work through what I had said. "Ronan wouldn't cast you aside. And even if he did I…"

"I'm not an idiot, Your Majesty. So don't treat me like one." I interrupted her, laughing, but it was an unpleasant sound. "I'm not so foolish as to believe that a boy who has absolutely no interest in me will keep this engagement the moment he finds someone he likes better."

"…" Queen Amerande was silent for a few moments. I noticed she looked upset, saddened at my words, but she didn't look shocked, not at all. She had seen her son's lack of interest in me as well. She knew exactly what kind of person Ronan was, and that he was capable of doing exactly what I said. I continued onwards, not wanting to hear any excuses or explanations.

"And WHEN he casts me aside. You'll move forward just like everyone else will, without a thought spared for me." I clenched my fists, wanting to run. "You'll forget all about me. So please, keep that necklace. Give it to the woman your son actually WILL marry. Or a grandchild whenever they have one. Someone you truly care about. Not a placeholder. Not me."

Having said what I wanted to say, I pushed past the Queen, running out of the palace. I skipped my lesson with Jim, getting into the carriage. And it wasn't until I was there, protected by the window covers and safe from prying gazes, that I finally relaxed, put my head into my hands, and cried.