Chapter 9 - Toby Chapter

For as long as I can remember, it has been like this.

My mom would tell me that I was too lazy. "Study more! Why are you slacking off?"

My dad would say I am useless. "When I was your age, I had to study twice as much as you with teachers that were stricter than yours."

Then they would both go off about how they done and how much they've done for me. "We moved out and away from our family so you can have a better life! Do you know how hard it was to get a job here and learn English? Why can't you see we have done everything for you? It is about time you worked hard so you can pay us back."

The fun thing is at school, I did a pretty good job. Not amazing, but enough to get into a good college and such. I know I could have worked harder in the earlier years, gone for harder classes, or done more extracurricular activities, but what is done is done. I did my best.

I was pretty lonely at school, so I didn't like it better than my home. I wasn't bullied or anything, it was just that no one talked to me. They weren't exactly ignoring me either. In fact, they tried to talk to me on a couple of occasions, but I just didn't know how to respond or got nervous which lead to me usually being somewhat silent. I did try, but I just wasn't good at that kind of thing. Eventually, everyone just gave up on trying. Whenever I did talk though. They do try to listen and sometimes people would check up on me before continuing with their day. Despite this, I had no one I could really call my friend, no one I could talk to, no one that I could feel was there for me. I know it is my fault I have no friends, so you don't need to tell me if you were thinking that.

I played games a lot, but for most of my life, it was just freeware PC games. That meant the only games I really got to play were single-player so I never played with anyone. Sometimes those games made me forget about how lonely I was. Exploring worlds and interacting with everything and everyone, that kind of feeling made me feel like I was living a life. Those characters in those games felt like people that I was interacting with, kinda like my friends. Yet, I didn't want things to continue like this. I knew it was fake. I knew it was only a distraction that last a little bit. Whenever I close my game, the feeling returned. I felt so lonely.

One day, I saw a headset on sale. Those things are usually pretty expensive, even the cheapest ones. On sale, the headset was around 500. I didn't have the money to get it nor did I really care about getting it. After all, why would I get it? I didn't like the games. There is no one for me to play with. It doesn't matter whether I have the next newest thing or something with multiplayer, I didn't need it. But for some reason, I just decided 'Yeah, I should get that."

From then on, that headset was my goal. I found jobs in the school that paid me a little bit of money. I even found a few outside of school that I could go to on the weekends. If my parents ask why I needed to stay after school, I'll just say clubs for college. I'm pretty sure having work experience is good for college applications anyways, but they probably just think it's an excuse for something.

After six months of working and saving. I got a little under 500. I went to check if it was still on sale, but since it was now an older model, its price was reduced even further. I could finally get it. I paid for it and held it in my hands. It was mine.

It isn't able to run the bigger or newer games, but that didn't matter much to me. I used some of the remaining money to buy one of the more popular and expensive game.

I logged on for the first time a day or two later, and it was fun. People talked to me a lot, people worked with me, and I felt more confident for some reason. Maybe because I couldn't actually see their face and they couldn't see my face, I was able to feel more confident in who I was.

This may seem weird, but whenever I would talk to anyone, I would try to be an energetic, fun, and kind person. I mean, I don't know what is going on with this stranger, so I want to be able to help them have fun and make others happy.

Sometimes though, people will get mad at me. Some say I have too much energy and it's giving them a headache, others would just say I'm annoying. I remember one game where that went especially bad. It was a four-player game where we had to capture more butterflies than the other team. The round started with one person leaving, then the other two-player yelled at me the whole time and called me things. I don't even think I was that bad at the game, I think maybe that was just the kind of people they were.

It was after that, I decided to cool off in a secret area of the map, Fairytale Pond. It was a sparkly place with relatively beautiful props. A lake, some benches, some bushes, and a small waterfall. The place had a custom BGM which was relaxing to listen to. After a bad game or something like that, I would come here to relax and take my mind off things.

There was usually no one here, but that was the day you came here.

You sat down somewhere and went to read some of your messages. Then, I remember I went to talk to you, and even though I was stressed out, I smiled as much as I could. I don't know why. I could have just stayed silent, after all, you wouldn't have gotten mad. Maybe I was still mad or needed a distraction.

You talked to me a bit, but then you slowly started to get annoyed.

I noticed this, but for some reason, everything in me wanted to keep talking to you. Maybe because you seem interesting? I still don't know why I did that, that isn't usually what I would do. Well, it's not like it matters that much.

You eventually snapped and told me that my 'happy-go-lucky nature' was bothersome. You said people like me are always so tiresome and you couldn't stand it. After a bit, you challenged me to a game. It was some PVP game. I remember we played round after round, you winning some and me winning some. Then you said you wanted to play something different, so we went and played a bunch of differnt things. Some were Co-Op, some were puzzle games, one was a dance game. We played for a while and had to end it before it became night. But before you logged off, you sent me a friend request.

I was shocked, so I asked you, "You want to friend me? I thought I annoyed you?"

"I don't know, I guess you were annoying at first. I mean like...I usually don't like people who are energetic, but I don't think you're that bad."

Those words.

You would be surprised to know, but they meant so much to me.

I'll never forget them.

That was the day that changed everything for me.

I was no longer lonely.

After that day, we slowly started to hang out more and more. We exchange phone numbers. We even showed each other our real faces. We would talk and play games together for hours and hours. You told me about your life, and I would tell you about mine. Whenever things started getting stressful at home or at school, you were there to listen. Even if you don't know everything or what was going on, you would comfort me.

Every day I had something to look forward to, something that made me want to wake up, something that made me want to live. You are my everything. I love you more than anyone.

That's why I have to ask.

Why?

Why did you choose him?

Why can't you choose me?

Why am I not good enough for you?

Why won't you love me back?

...

...

Why did you leave me?