Artemis

Rya had come into my room and convinced me to apologise through her slapping me upside the head on numerous occasions and after threatening to tell Jaclyn that I was the cause of Rhiannon's isolation. She'd told me that I'd messed up by talking too much so I had to apologise without saying a single word which was pretty hard considering I loved chatting it up. Considering also that I didn't trust Rya I had called my brother after she'd left just to consult with him and by the tone of his voice he would've punched me if I sat in front of him. So I'd taken her advice and created a small package that had everything that I wanted to say and I'd slid it under her door happily before I walked away.

The moment I heard the loud thud that came from room 306 my feet were moving faster than my mind could catch up. I was throttling down the corridor faster then I've ever moved and my lungs were feeling the burn. Nurses that I passed on the floor yelled at me to stop running but I couldn't, had they not heard the thud?

I skidded to a halt in front of her door just as Rya and Abby walked out of room 305. We locked eyes and at that moment I knew we were here for the same reason– Rhiannon. I didn't wait for an invitation and I opened the door cautiously and as I opened the door bumped into something on the floor and I had to squeeze myself through the small gap that I could open. Once I was in, my eyes locked onto what was blocking the door, Rhiannon's unconscious body.

"Artemis, clear out the door," Rya spoke from the corridor but I couldn't move. My hands were shaking and my breathing was more laboured than it had been from running down the corridor. I was terrified that she'd be dead if I touched her, that I'd messed up so bad that she'd be cold and blue if I touched her. "Dammit, Artemis!" Rya yelled as she squeezed through the small opening and when she saw what I couldn't stop looking at her eyes bulged. "Shit!" She said and I could see her hands tremble. "Help me hoist her," she said as she stepped towards Rhiannon's unconscious body but I stayed unmoving. "For fuck sakes, Artemis! Help!" She yelled at me and this is when I moved.

I moved to grab Rhiannon's small form and I didn't need help with picking her up and bundling her up in my arms with her head cradled on my chest. In her hands was the small package I'd given her and I couldn't help but feel even more guilty that this was my fault. Once Abby was in she was trembling and her eyes darted from Rhiannon to the spot that she was at as Rya explained what was blocking the door.

I laid Rhiannon on her bed before pressing the help button on her remote, at this Abby turned out of the room and into the corridor. "We've got an Obtuse!" Abby yelled into the corridor but she feverishly added, "I think it's a reflex!" She ran down the corridor yelling that we've got an obtuse or reflex which I honestly didn't understand at all.

Just as I was about to cover Rhiannon up with her comforter Jaclyn came raising into the room with a crazed look in her eyes. "Reflex!" She yelled into the corridor and a group of nurses and doctors came rushing into the room. I was immediately pulled out of the room along with Rya and Abby. We stood in the corridor as we watched the doctors and nurses try to get a response from her. Jaclyn was doing some sort of CPR and when she looked up and saw us three goons standing there her eyes went wide and she yelled at someone to shut the door. The door seemed to even close painstakingly slow but once it was shut we didn't move but rather collapsed onto the floor.

We didn't say much to each other as I sat against the wall opposite to her door, Abby sat against her door with her knees pulled against her chest and soft sobs leaving her lips, and Rya sat talking to O'Rein who sat six feet away but longed to be giving Rya a hug.

I stared blankly at the door that has long since been shut. There hasn't been anything said to us but nurses and doctors have been going in and out of the room. Even Dr Calder disregarded me completely and walked in and walked out after a while. There were no sounds of shuffling or anything like that from inside the room, so we stayed waiting.

Just as my head was about to lull to one side from falling asleep Jaclyn walked out with a frown. I immediately stood up seeing as I was the only one left awake, Abby had fallen asleep while sobbing, O'Rein and Rya fell asleep next to each other but leaving six feet between them. "Will she be okay?" I rushed to ask and she just gave me a weak nod as she bypassed me.

She stopped a few steps away and turned back to me. "I know you're the reason why she isolated herself, it's not your fault that this happened," she reassured me with a simple smile; still very weak. "I just wish you would've said something, we have a procedure for this, it has happened before. We could've stopped her," she said with a somber tone.

"Is she allowed visitors right now?" I asked.

"Yes, but she's under serious anaesthesia because she hurt her back when she fell but you could always go in. I also saw what you gave her, that's really sweet," she spoke. "If anyone bothers you, tell them Jaclyn allowed you to be in there," she said before turning back and walking away.

I looked at Abby then Rya and O'Rein, I knew that if I woke them up now I wouldn't get the privacy I needed with her. Let me just be selfish for a little while and I'll wake them up when I don't mind sharing her attention. With that thought settled, I walked into her room. Her room was everything you'd expect from her, cute pictures with friends on the walls, a few pot plants by the large window, the fish tank and a few sketch books on her desk.

She turned her head to me and smiled a very drunken looking smile. "Hey cutie," she slurred, too high off the anaesthesia to have a filter. "I really, really, really like the gift. It made me smile and laugh," she said as he she mimicked her laughing before she spoke, "that's why I had a whoopsie."

"I'm really sorry about your whoopsie," I chuckled lightly as I pulled a chair to sit along side her bed. My eyes drifted to the package I'd given her on her side table and my mood became somber. "I'm also very sorry about Marley," I said sincerely, actually meaning it.

"I've forgiven you," she said softly as her eyes also fleeted to the package. "I think I should tell you about Marley, I owe you an explanation on why it's such a touchy topic," she said softly as her hooded eyes looked into mine.

"I don't think that's the best idea. You're high off anaesthesia and you probably won't remember this tomorrow or will regret it," I said as I looked into her eyes, those ever so bright hazels.

"Even if I don't remember or I regret, you need to know," she said, having made up her mind already. She is silent for a while as she struggles to form her first sentence, she wrings her hands and reaches over for the glass of water that she's been given and takes a sip, then she's ready. "You have to understand I was four years older than Marley and I felt like I needed to protect her, I needed to be the big sister to her that I never had. Marley started having difficulty breathing on the eve of her year end first grade concert when they'd made her run to the office and back to fetch something. Mom didn't take that seriously because everyone kind of coughs and wheezes after running, just not like Marley. Mom finally made it a big deal when she took Marley for a check-up two weeks before my birthday. She was diagnosed in that same check-up, no one knew how to react," she paused to take a gulp of water. "I don't think there was any good reaction for something like that. And I guess we begun tip-toeing on the tightrope which was Marley's life and just a slight step wrong and that life was out of our grasp. Mom took it as her responsibility to learn about Marley's regimens, I asked to be taught because I was older, more responsible and willing to be anything Marley needed. Marley's lungs were stable at a good 55% functioning but on my birthday her lungs tanked and no one knew why. They tanked to a 45% functioning by the time I was supposed to be blowing out my candles, instead of a party we were at the hospital. That's when the doctors officially admitted her into a treatment. We got her a teddy bear, Pax, we also got her everything she asked for and her lungs stabilised for a while and she was discharged." She rubs at her eyes which seem to be drooping faster then she could speak, that was the anaesthesia working it's wonderful magic. "I had to skip school for Marley when she wasn't able to go to school but I loved it either way. One day dad came home happy and told us that he'd gotten a promotion. The timing was pretty weird, we should've known it was too good to be true but we didn't because Marley was sick and we needed money to keep her alive and the promotion would give us that money. He went all out for this; took us out for dinner at the fanciest restaurant around, booked a whole cinema for us to watch a movie and he bought us everything we wanted on that day. He said it would make Marley feel better and maybe it kind of did. But mom got a call the next morning from dad's boss saying that he was sorry and that he hoped we would survive this which was pretty weird considering that a promotion meant you got more money, what would we need to survive with more money in our pockets?" She says and shakes her head solemnly. "Mom asked dad what that was about and that's when we all found out that dad didn't get a promotion, he was actually laid off. I guess he didn't want to accept the truth and kind of checked-out of life, we all need to check-out so that we don't deal with what we're faced with in life. Mom didn't get it because she got mad at dad, so mad that she filed for divorce. She said that dad was irresponsible, had gone manic and wasn't ready to handle life; maybe that was true. Mom won the divorce like mom does and she got the house and us, Marley didn't let it bother her nor the CF and she lived her life to fullest. The year came to a close and mom saw that it was worthless for me to continue 'learning' from home because I always skipped school so she decided I would be homeschooled from next year and so would Marley, I was thrilled that I'd be spending more time with Marley. Days blended into one when doing the exact same thing everyday and soon it was two years since her diagnosis. Dad had pulled up his socks, found a good-paying job and supported us again, mom accepted dad's support but still hated dad, hated him to a point of even filing for full custody which she obviously won. It didn't bother us as long as we had each other we were fine. But I had my own can of worms which I could easily keep under lock and key with Marley around, without her it was something else."

The pause that I thought was to drink water stretched longer than I thought as I watched her crumble into a mess of tears. I stood, sat on her bed and bundled her in a hug until she stopped crying and pushed me away so I moved back to my respective spot, the chair. She breathed in deeply and wrung her hands, then she was ready again.

"Then there was the accident; during our vacation to Cape Town with dad Marley fell into some deep water and as you know CF doesn't really give you an opening to hold your breath. We hadn't seen her fall into the water and we only noticed a while afterwards, she couldn't swim, we found her unconscious below water. Dad rushed her to the nearest hospital and she came to but the water had bacteria which had already attached itself to the mucus in her lungs before the water was even drained. Dad pulled strings and got us back here before the sun went down but her lungs were tanking," she said emphasising the last word. The tears were back in her eyes and I felt like hugging her but she'd just push me away. "Her lungs tanked and only stabilised at 20%, which warranted that she needed to be connected to a machine to keep her breathing or else she would die from drowning in her own mucus; did I mention it was a week before her birthday," she paused as a sob wracked through her body and she buried her face in her hands. I watched her with my restraint threatening to break until she had stopped crying, all because I knew she wouldn't want me to touch her. She resumed, "when she was finally allowed guests I rushed into her room and she gave me this smile as if everything was normal but it was pretty hard to ignore the beeping of the many machines she was connected to. This continued until what I thought was a miracle happened, the hospital found new lungs for Marley. I was ecstatic; it was the eve of her birthday and she had new lungs coming which meant she could celebrate her birthday mucus-free, except she wasn't happy."

She huffs out a breather as the anaesthesia seemed to be dragging her deeper into sleep. She shudders as she thinks of her next sentence. "I think she knew," her voice shudders, the strong girl who had been telling this story finally crumbles and I want nothing more than to stop her pain. "She wasn't happy, in fact she wanted to give the lungs up to Rya. It wasn't taboo because we were friends with Rya and I understood that Marley was purely selfless but mom would have none of her nonsense so she had me talk to her," she says and shakes her head. "I think she really knew because when I walked into her prep room she was crying and telling them she didn't want the lungs. I calmed her and talked her into getting the lungs-" a sob tore through her before she could continue. And she crumbled again but this time I heard her chanting one thing, over and over again: it's my fault. "She agreed and I did what I always do when she was getting surgery; I tucked Pax under her arm, kissed her forehead and sang her A lé claire fountainé. But of course I followed them as they wheeled her out of the prep room and to her surgery room. And just before the doors shut I yelled, 'I love you, see you later!' But she knew that she wouldn't be seeing me later because she yelled back, 'bye.'" She cries now, again. Her cries turn to hiccups and she reels in control to finally speak again, "she didn't come back."

I don't think there's anything more to say; she's back to crying although the anaesthesia is dragging her to sleep, she's crying herself to sleep. Everything in me is telling me to hug her and stop her sobs but I'll respect her wishes which is for me to stay in my chair. Just when I think she's fallen asleep, she stirs to talk again.

"The doctors came back not an hour later but thirty minutes after entering the surgery room with Pax in hand," she sounds defeated when she talks, "I knew from the look on their faces that she wasn't going to be coming back." She huffs out another breathe with her eyes now closed and her body calm before she speaks, "and I had convinced her to do it."

I wait for her to say something but she's out like a light. I stand to pull her sheets up to her chin and tuck her in safely before sitting back down and contemplating what she had just told me. It was obvious that she felt guilty for Marley's death but she actually hadn't done anything but try to help. "I know you probably can't hear me and won't remember this tomorrow morning but you deserve to live; you're not guilty like you think. You couldn't possibly know that it would happen and the fact that you feel guilty just shows how much you care," it's all I can say but I feel like it's enough.

My eyes turn to look when the door is opened and in walks Julie, another nurse. She looks up at me and smiles despite the beeping sound of machines in the room. "I saw what you did out there. Not waking them up for a bit of privacy," she says with a coy grin. Before I can defend myself she speaks, "don't sweat it, Jac told me. I just got them to their rooms and told them that she's not allowed visitors yet, that'll buy you some time."

"Thank you."

"When did she fall asleep?" She asked after she had pulled another chair to sit on her other side, holding her hand.

"Not too long, the anaesthesia just hit," I answered and she nods. There's silence in the room as I watch Julie silently pray for her. When she's done she tucks Rhiannon's hand back into the sheets and just sits there. "Julie," I say to catch her attention and her eyes move to focus on me. "Why did she pass out?" My voice sounds weak but at this point I am weak.

"Anorexia," Julie says. My facial expression just tells her that I didn't know. "You didn't know," she sighs out before continuing, "Jac says she hasn't had food since your altercation with her, it was probably about Marley."

I felt stupid, she had stopped eating long before our altercation. I had watched her eat reducing small amounts of food, until she didn't eat at all. It was right in front of me and I hadn't even noticed, I was a fool.

"Hey, look up. You couldn't have guessed it, it's not that clear. She's a beautiful girl who seems to have self-confidence, you wouldn't peg her for having such a gruesome can of worms," Julie says and she says a few things more to make me happier. I'm not happy but at least I'm not as sad.

We sit together, both watching over her until my phone chimes to tell me to take my evening pills and put on my AffloVest, but I ignore it.

"Evening pills, Artemis," Rhiannon's mumbled voice says in a sleepy tone.

Julie chuckles before speaking, "I think you ought to listen to the sleeping beauty and go take medicine, even in her sleep she's encouraging you to follow your regimen. And take care of yourself, don't lose track of your regimen; that's what she would want you to do."

I stand and head to the door but I don't leave before sparing Rhiannon one last look. The hospital seems dull as I walk back to my room and I just keep hoping that she'll FaceTime me to make sure I swallowed my pills, but it never happens.