Dream Five, Chapter Eighteen

(Anything in asterisks is meant to be italicized.)

"He's taking too long," Barrons said from behind his desk.

"He hasn't seen her in a while. Give them a few minutes," I said from a nearby chair. Kat had already gone to collect Rae and had decided to see what books she could find on childbirth while she waited for Christian to return them to the abbey. "Besides, if that *was* the two of us, we'd have been on each other right then and there."

He was watching me out of the corner of his eyes as he sat unnaturally still. I had gone into his desk as we waited and pulled out a collection of photographs he had taken of me since I was fairly certain the night we met—or very shortly thereafter—and was looking through them. No one had ever taken this many pictures of me, not even Alina.

I glanced up and saw his expression had infinitesimally changed. "I'm sure that's not what they're doing. Lyryka's a loyal monarchist. She received a note from her queen, and her queen even sent one of her most trusted allies to bring her back. This baby's not going anywhere yet. Give them a chance to reunite. Besides, I've been meaning to look through these again."

I smiled at a picture of Dani and I fighting back to back. A glance ensured he had moved on and was now watching me look through the pictures with interest.

"There was a time you would have been disturbed by them," he said softly as he studied me.

"Then it's a good thing I was past that time when I found them, you stalker." The corner of his lips began to twitch and I rolled my eyes. "Christ, Jericho. There's no one else here. Would you just smile already? You know I won't think you any less of a total fucking badass."

Instead of a smile, I received a laugh. Music to my ears.

After he had returned to watching me, I said, "You really did an amazing job with these, by the way. There's not a single blurry or off focus one. You even managed to catch every nuance of my emotions, not to mention only my good side."

*Rainbow Girl, you're only good sides*, his eyes told me. I bit my lip as I smiled at him.

When I had once managed to see one of his memories of me when I was *Pri-ya*, one thing I had noticed—besides the fact that I look *incredible* naked—is that he didn't see any of my flaws when he looked at me. His opinion of me was the only one that truly mattered. My complete and total love for him gave him a dangerous amount of power over me. I'd follow him straight into hell just to stay beside him. But I also knew I had that power over him, too.

Our loyalty was to each other first. When he first told me he loved me, he'd told me that I existed outside of all rules for him. I suspected he had known how Ryodan felt about Dani but he had still offered to kill her for me when I had discovered she'd led my sister to her death, and that was even before he'd told me he loved me. He was the one who had made the rules for the Nine and I knew he'd break all of them if it meant keeping me in his bed and by his side.

He inclined his head to me, either picking up my thoughts or reading them on my face. It's incredibly hard for me to hide anything from this man, and there's not much I would hide.

"Why'd you take all of these anyway?" I asked, unsure if I would get an answer.

"Incase I ever lost you," he told me. He was looking at me and around me, memorizing every single detail. I lost my breath for a moment. I'm always awestruck when he looks at me like that, like he can't believe I'm actually there.

His smile, his laugh, and that look always have that effect. Always will.

"Damn. Out loud and everything." He smiled at me and I lost my breath again. "I wasn't long-lived and hard to kill in some of these. And then we didn't know I was."

"Yes."

He didn't need to explain further. If I had died and he hadn't been there to save me, he'd have always had a part of me. He was still giving me that look, memorizing everything about this moment.

*I love it when you look at me like that*, I sent along our connection.

That's when something clicked and my eyes widened as I looked away from the pictures to meet his obsidian gaze.

*You had that same look that first night in your bedroom. And then later when I was up on the counter in the kitchen.*

*Can you blame me?* his eyes mocked. *It was taking you so long to pull your head out of your ass and just admit you wanted to fuck me—*

*A part of you had really begun to think I wouldn't*, I finished for him. He inclined his head. *You said to me that night on our way back to the bookstore that you were giving it to me because you would be leaving soon. Were you really going to leave, or were you just giving me a necessary push?*

*I was going to leave if the push didn't work*, he admitted after a moment's hesitation. *I was considering doing what Ryodan did with Dani, but without the cage. Come back only when you called and finally admitted you wanted me. That you loved me.*

*But what if—*

"It doesn't matter anymore, Mac," he said. "The same night we realized you're long-lived and hard to kill, you also finally pulled your head out of your ass."

The hormones must have been getting to me because there were tears in my eyes. I carefully set the photos down before getting up and going to him. He was immediately on his feet with open arms, tipping my head back to kiss me before letting me bury my face in his chest. His kiss and the smell of spices were enough to quash my tears.

He heard the bell and I felt them approaching so I pulled away and made sure there weren't any tears on my face, his hand catching mine and giving it a squeeze. My to-do list now included lovingly putting all of those photos into albums with descriptions and captions on the back of each. If I ever went missing and he couldn't find me or I had to go back into one of those seven rooms without him where time moves differently, he'd also have my wit and charm to keep him company as he waited for me to come home.

"My queen," Lyryka said with a bow when she entered the study.

I took one look at her and held out my arms with a smile. Her face lit up as she rushed into them. I had been nothing but suspicious of her when she had first appeared, looking exactly like me, but she had proven loyal and valuable. She'd risked her own life to help us stop both the remaining Seelie prince and princesses as well as her own father Cruce in their attempts to force me to bend to their wills. She also made Christian happy and I felt he was owed some happiness after what I had helped put him through.

"You're looking well," I told her as I held her hands in mine and looked her up and down. She preened, reminding me a bit of Dani when I first met her. Kept locked and hidden away by a parent, starved for any kind of praise, and full of a light that refused to be diminished. "Have you been enjoying your travels?"

"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed excitedly. "Sometimes they've been upsetting, but it's been absolutely wonderful to meet real people and see everything there—" Barrons cleared his throat to remind me there was a reason I had asked her to come back (and because after our last conversation, I think he wanted to remind us both that I was his and felt needless chitchat was wasting time that could otherwise be spent in the lair or the dungeon doing so) and she jumped. "Goodness, I didn't even see you there! Where did you come from? Has he been there the whole time or does he always sneak up like that?"

I laughed and told her, "He's been here the whole time but he does enjoy sneaking up like that."

"Well, he shouldn't, it's very rude," she said, looking between us. I would've liked her for that alone. It took balls to openly criticize Barrons in front of him.

"We have things to discuss, Ms. Lane," he said, regarding us coolly.

"That we do," I agreed as he returned to his desk chair and Christian closed the door.

"Thank you for respecting my freedom and asking me to come see you, rather than commanding me," she told me with a grateful smile. "How may I assist you?"

"Lyryka, as you know, the remaining Seelie all drank from the Cauldron of Forgetting before receiving the new elixir," I said as I leaned back against the desk. "They no longer possess their memories from before they drank the first one. The Keltar have the human version of Fae history and you have the most complete Fae version of Fae history. I have the second most but there's often too many files to sort through, which is why I asked you to temporarily return."

"What information do you seek?"

I glanced back at Barrons who inclined his head in a nod before I said, "I need information on Fae pregnancy."

"Well, the Spyrsidhe were the only ones who could reproduce before you sang the Song, and I supposed we have no idea whether or not my father's elixir would have the same effect the previous one did on reproduction," she said thoughtfully. "Although, it would make sense to not remove that aspect as it would only serve to increase a population that doesn't decrease and my guess is Cruce would have preferred to make all of his Shadow court himself so he could feel fully in control. However, he himself was able to reproduce, otherwise I wouldn't be standing here and Kat wouldn't have Rae."

She had begun to think out loud and I happened to glance at Christian to see him watching her with hungry fixation, giving her a similar look of memorization that Barrons sometimes gave me.

"There was a second elixir," I told her.

"Yes, the former Unseelie King successfully made one," she said, nodding. "Cruce and the rest of the Unseelie were considerably younger than the Seelie, but if the king had simply replicated the elixir, Rae wouldn't have been conceived. It's also believed he experimented on the lower Seelie castes so it's possible he gave his elixir to the Spyrsidhe before giving it to his children, allowing them to retain the ability to reproduce. Of course, they are also much younger than the rest of the Seelie." She paused as something seemed to occur to her. "Huh. Perhaps that's why the First Queen made the prison such an icy hell. Maybe they couldn't reproduce while there."

"When she had hold of Dani," I said, turning to Barrons and glancing at the photos that were still out because I knew there was one of the moment I was referring to, "the Gray Woman told me she and the Gray Man had been planning on eventually feeding together and possibly reproducing. She referred to him as her mate." I shivered at the thought. I'd killed both of them—well, the Book had possessed me and killed her—but the thought of it was still enough to gross me out. "The *sidhe*-seers also thought the Shades might have been reproducing." It was a thought that had crossed my mind, too.

*Did he give you anything to drink?* Barrons asked me.

I frowned and answered, *If he did, I don't remember it. I spent three days in that reprogramming dream. It's possible the agony I felt in it was compounded by the elixir.*

"You wouldn't have called me back to ask about Fae pregnancy without good reason," Lyryka said as she studied me. Her eyes widened. "Is someone in the courts pregnant?"

This time, I glanced at Christian who nodded before I said, "Yes."

"Who?" she asked excitedly. "This is completely unprecedented! Are they Shadow or Light?"

"Light." Although I suppose I'm technically both since the *sidhe*-seers were the last caste made by the former Unseelie King.

"Please don't tell me it's Ixcythe," she said warily. "I know she got a reset but you can't eviscerate essential self and she is essentially cruel when wronged."

"Where did you learn that phrase?" I asked her quietly, going very still. "'Can't eviscerate essential self'?"

She shrugged and said, "The Unseelie King's writings. The last few he made, at least, after he made the *Sinsar Dubh* and was going crazy with grief."

I nodded and thought for a moment before I said, "Ixcythe's not the one who's pregnant."

"Severina, then?"

"No, not Severina, either."

"Is it someone who isn't royalty? Last I heard, they were still the only two princesses."

"It's me," I said on an exhale. "I'm pregnant."

She studied me for a moment, and instead of congratulating me like Christian and Kat had, she said, "You don't seem very excited. In fact, you seem rather put out." Then she looked at Christian over her shoulder with a smile. "I've been learning to observe and read people. I think I'm going to be quite good at it."

He smiled back and said, "I'm sure you will be." She grinned, preening at his praise before she turned back to me.

"Then, may I ask, what concerns you?"

"There are a lot of…unknowns," I said. This was suddenly becoming much more difficult to explain without betraying certain secrets I had vowed to protect.

"Despite possessing the True Magic, you are still human so the child should be human, too. Unless it's his." She leaned in and said in a low voice, "It is his, isn't it? Is he giving you the sex?"

Christian's shoulders were shaking and I was quite certain Barrons was looking rather smug, especially when I smirked and told her, "He gives me *all* the sex."

"Christ, Mac," Christian muttered, the shaking having stopped.

She looked at Barrons with interest. "I don't know what you are, but you're not entirely human, are you?" I glanced back to see him turn his head to the left once in negation. "Then the child should be half human, half whatever he is if his genetics are transferrable. What are you, anyway, Barrons?" She frowned when she received no response.

"I have another concern," I said before I explained to her how the *Sinsar Dubh* downloaded a copy of itself into me.

"You are concerned the True Magic may pass on some of its power through you and to your offspring," she stated. "You do bare a physical resemblance to the Fae since taking it on. I suppose it's possible the child could be partially Fae like Death and Famine." The Nine had been watching Dani since Fade had first spotted her freeze-framing. Keeping her alive had been a full-time job.

"You have other concerns," Lyryka said. It wasn't a question. She *was* getting good at reading people.

I bit my lip and thought about the best way to say it before I said slowly, "It shouldn't be possible." I felt Barrons's gaze needling my back but I didn't turn around before I began to explain my dream.

"Even in his writings, the former Unseelie King was often vague and ambiguous," she nodded. "But that still doesn't explain how it's not possible."

I sighed and said, not bothering to hide how flustered I was feeling, "I can't go into details but I've long understood a future with Barrons isn't one with children because it isn't possible."

"Seems the former Unseelie King decided otherwise," she said with a shrug. "Have you tried seeing if his successor could shed any light?"

That thought hadn't occurred to me, but a look at Barrons told me it had already occurred to him.

"We have yet to tell him," Barrons informed her.

"Well, it seems you're going to have to tell him," she said with a shrug. "In the meantime, there might be some places I can look for more answers on what to possibly expect if the child is Fae or Fae-touched."

I nodded absently and glanced at Christian who was looking at me intently. "What?"

"Nothing," he said looking away.

"I don't need to be a human lie-detector to know that was a lie," I said, narrowing my eyes at him.

"It's *probably* nothing," he amended. "Just a fleeting thought. If I decide it's something, I'll be sure to let you know."

Lyryka turned to Christian and said, "How much more of my library have you wrecked?"

He winced and rubbed the back of his neck as he said, "A bit more of it."

"As soon as we get home, I am going to have to teach you how to properly organize and sort. You can practice while I research this matter for the queen."

"Home?" he said, perking up a bit.

"Wherever my books are is home," she said tightly, narrowing her eyes at him. "That just so happens to be with you." I looked at her closely and took note of the way her back was arched; that wasn't the only reason Christian's castle was home. He raised an eyebrow at her and I knew he sensed a bit of a lie in that. She turned back to me and smiled again. "I shall take note of whatever I can find and report back to you."

"Thank you, Lyryka," I told her before I offered her another hug that she eagerly accepted.