Death Touches Us from the Moment We Begin to Love

It was quite a contrast to see how the magnitude of the sunlight outside made some parts of our house slightly dim; it also felt detached from reality. The part of town was quiet even when school was off. It was indeed really quiet that I could hear my ears ringing. And I have no problem with it; in fact, I welcomed the slight tinnitus I was experiencing at the moment. If only it could last forever, then some of my worries would vanish like the vapour from my tea.

The mahogany table in the kitchen, whose varnish was slightly worn on the edges, hosted some of my drawing materials. I drew. It was the only language that I was fluent in. But the 8.5 x 11 drawing paper was as white as my pale wrist. 'If there was a scale for paleness, yours will be absolute.'

Probably.

I forced myself to regurgitate an idea. To no avail. I leaned my back against the chair and looked at the ceiling. I didn't know how big bro maintained its cleanliness and it's probably one of the most mysterious things in this house. Aside from the fact that even though we both were in the same room, it felt like I was still alone.

I didn't feel lonely, though. No. Not at all. I had all these creative ideas to entertain me for hours on end. And I have to entertain myself lest…

"Do we still have ice cream?" I stood up and by some work of magic or sorcery, I immediately forgot the tea I had been letting to cool off for a few degrees. 'Big brother would kill me if he saw this.' So, I went back and drank the whole thing in one go, only to be surprised that it was almost lukewarm.

'Was I staring into the abyss for so long?'

Lukewarm teas were one of the worst things in this house. Which was not much.

When I checked for the object of my desire, I found that the only thing buried amidst the meat and other food articles that I did not know the name of was a strawberry-flavoured cup of ice cream.

And I hated that flavour.

Disappointed by the failure of my little venture, I went back to the kitchen table. The gleam of the sunlight coming through the half-curtained sliding door leading to the garden reflected rather steadily on the center of the smooth part of it. Then, strawberries.

The image of strawberries stayed in my head like the dazzle of sunlight when you chose to look up at the summer sky. And alas! An inspiration!

I quickly sank on the chair, grabbed hold of my mechanical pencil, and spoke the language that I was fluent in. It felt like a dance with the unknown starting to show its head to the light. That reminded me of that photo of a polar bear emerging from his snowy hole that she had shown me a while back.

My glasses almost slid off several times but I was quick to put them back in place. You see, when my fingers were moving, my mind emptied itself of all things it deemed unnecessary. All I knew was the scratching sound my pencil made as it traversed the paper. I even became oblivious to the receding sunlight that's angling away from our sliding door. And what about the cicadas?

I tucked my loose locks behind my ears and glared at the paper as if it's the most detestable thing on earth. Drawing felt like a release. It also felt like it was telling me something I did not even know. What would it reveal to me this time? I urged myself to carry on as my life depended on it.

Come to think of it, urging myself had been what my life was dependent on. I suddenly stopped.

'Oh no.' It's rising again. From the depths of my vaulted heart, I felt something knock. And it knocked rather frantically like a monster coming to get me. I felt my sweat grow cold and my hands trembled like it was touched by the frigidity of winter… despite being summer. My breath… started to become shallow as my lungs moved upward. It got hard to breathe. I hate this.

'I had to do something.' Before the fear crept up completely to swallow me, head first.

I looked at the drawing. The picture began to show me something that did something to quell the monster's impending berserker mode. For whatever reason, it was effective. The face on the paper looked at me in the most reassuring way that I could muster. And despite it being a product of my hands, I remained bewildered.

A few minutes later I was able to calm down. It would be really bad if something happened without mum and big brother with me. Calming down completely required that I sit on the floor while probably the full three-fourths of my weight rested on the glass of the oven. I could feel its coolness through my shirt.

I needed hydration. I also needed to wipe my glasses. And I also needed to tie my hair back to a neat ponytail. 'But I don't wanna stand up yet.'

This is stupid.

I stood up lest my big brother came home and saw me in this position.

My legs were still a bit shaky but I was feeling better already. Even though it wasn't fully done yet, the illustration stared at me with a cheery smile.

Pouting, I kept on staring like I would win against it in a staring contest. A contest that I came up with a few moments ago. The sunlight receded a few centimeters before I even realised it… there were a lot of things that I had failed to realise and probably, just probably, I would realise some things sooner or later.

"Why?"

'It won't answer, silly.'

I picked it up; my hands were now calm. But my head was just as confused as it was several minutes ago.

"I didn't need your prodding into my life. Seriously," I whispered. But how could you calm me down as if you're mum or dad? You see, I didn't hate her. No. Not one bit. It's just I was not used to these newfound emotions she had handed to me.

'Will I ever get used to this?'

She didn't answer. But her smile reassured me that everything would be okay. Like it always did. Like I hope it would.

She reminded me of a sunflower. Maybe I should call her that. Maybe not. I don't know.

I tried mouthing her name just for the heck of it but the sound didn't roll the way it should have. Weird. But in retrospect, I was never good with names. Nor with assessing my own emotions.

To the table, the canvas returned, and silently it sat there giving me the same smile it had upon my creation of it. If there was one thing that I hoped for it was the hope that she wouldn't end up being a product of my imagination.

Just like this illustration. Because she was my first friend. And for some weird reason that I could not fathom, the word friend rolled out of my tongue rather smoothly.

***

Oh, how the days went by like the water from a river. We discussed that in one of our social studies classes but I couldn't remember who said it. Or maybe, I wasn't listening in the first place; which is more likely the case because academics wasn't my strongest suit. Which in itself is an enigma because--voila!-- I could still pass all my subjects while being average at best. Sigh! If I could only be as smart as Thea or the rest. 'Is that taking it too far?' My self-loathing, that is!

I ended up not joining any club for various reasons. The main one was my restlessness. I wanted to try a lot of things and not focus my energy on just one pursuit. Because chances are, I would just get sick of it easily. That's how my life went. Fourteen years of being here and all I got was this energy that I couldn't just spend on one thing.

That was why I admired people who could focus their energies on one specific thing. Being able to do that is an amazing thing in itself and I'd find depth in that. Was I shallow? Probably. As shallow as a puddle formed after a rain. Well, at least I could still produce rainbows when some neighbor's kids jumped on me.

I was a part of the go-home club. But sometimes, some of my classmates would approach me for help or advice. I laughed. Advice, you say? I'd smile at them and tell them what I thought of the matter they had open to me about. It's fun, being the centre of attention, that is. And what's more, fun was the fact that I could hit a nail in the head with all the gibberish that came out of my mouth. Talk about insane luck stat. 'I could be a heroine in an RPG. Sweet!'

The pathway that we often traverse to get home changed with the season. Once it was so pink and lush, now it was in a great canopy of greenery that blocked the sunlight rather effectively, this part of town never needed manmade shades. Convenient if I may say so myself. So, going home unless the summer skies never became a bother to us.

Again, we were together. And nowadays, the times that we were together were increasingly becoming frequent. There were times that I could pull her along to eat with the other girls which made me so happy I just ended up smiling every time I remembered it.

Like now.

That probably was the reason for the concern on her face. She was asking 'why? What's the problem?'

"N-no! It's nothing. I just remembered something funny."

Her expression loosened once more as she went back to focusing on the way ahead.

You see, when I had the chance, I went home with her until I was fully assured that she's home safely. It became a habit. It was perhaps safe to say that I became a familiar face in the Stainthorpe residence. I welcome the extra effort because Thea's brother--

"Ahem!" I cleared my throat rather dramatically, partly to expel the growing heat on my cheeks. 'Gah!'

"So, your mum's gonna be hooome?" And I asked that with a much higher pitch than I would usually use. I felt like I was giving myself away.

'Gah!'

The lethargic way she pulled her cell phone from her bag pocket reminded me of a relaxed cat. She looked at the screen as though her answer was there--or was it there?--and gave me a nod as an answer. Did she send an email to her Mum? That was fast. 'Talk about express!'

Nowadays, I got to hear Thea's voice more frequently than before. She was still on guard with some of my friends which I was tirelessly working on improving. It's hard raising a friend, you know.

"Say, I didn't see your mum yesterday. Is it her day off today?"

The season was edging towards the start of summer vacation and I had already planned how I'd spend most of it. That is if I found the strength to finish my homework first. Maybe I should finish it with Thea-chan. She looked like the kind of girl who did hers on the first day of vacation.

I took her hand; I just felt like it. 'I didn't know you're so touchy-feely, Sophie,' Sylvee had remarked when I also held her hand crossing the street that one time we had gone downtown (yes, I had finally been able to sneak her out. One point for me!). And I admitted that; it's probably because I had stood as everyone's big sister to my classmate my age way back in elementary. I wanted to be on good terms with everyone if that wasn't obvious at this point.

At this point, Thea didn't mind my holding her hand. At first, she was rather apprehensive about it but being pushy had its own positive benefits.. Especially when the receiving end didn't mind at all. Hopefully.

The summer vacation would start in two weeks. Usually, I made plans on how I would spend it: I'd write it on a piece of paper--stationery, preferably--and post it where I could see it easily. Most of the time, it went onto my cork board on my study table.

I had almost the same plans every year as far as I could remember. But this year was slightly different because Thea-chan made me rewrite a part of it.

I couldn't help but smile.

That afternoon I was once again brought under the Stainthorpe's roof perhaps the second time this week. It was her mother who greeted me with a warm welcome. It was naturally easy to warm up to her because she was like a bonfire under a summer night: she warmed up everyone around her. She was probably the most cordial being inside a hundred-mile radius and even my elementary school teacher--Ms. Cory--would not even compare.

The familiar scent caressed my senses again as we traversed the hallway to the living room. You know what, despite the relative dimness of that hallway, it never looked lonely or anything. 'Probably the colour scheme of the wall and the decoration...but I'm no interior designer so screw it.'

There was this big bean bag in the living room and I just took a fancy to it like a dog seeing a bone. But of course, I didn't gnaw at it. I didn't want mum coming here and forcing me to bow down in apology. But upon learning that it was Thea's usual place, I just couldn't help myself.

The bones in my back seemed to loosen the more I sank into the soft cushion. Of course, I had asked for Thea's approval. She had nodded wide-eyed the first time I mentioned it. So, every time I was here in their place, that'd also be my place. It's nice thinking about it that way.

She just sat across from on the floor. You see, her house had this low table, so low that you'd be forced to sit on the floor. And I guess that's one way of enjoying the soft carpet that never seemed to get dirty. 'None of the things in this house seems to gather dust.' I could roll all over the floor and not get a single carpet louse into my hair.

"Would you girls like strawberry cake or the chocolate one?" Her mum called out from the kitchen which stood parallel to the living room.

"Is it okay?" I asked her, looking at the direction of the kitchen which was obstructed by some sort of divider.

"Of course, it is."

"Indulge her." I heard my friend speak. It's, like, the fourth time today if I recall correctly. Maybe she's more comfortable now, which was understandable.

"Okay then, I'll take you up on your offer. Strawberry cake, please."

"How about you, dear? Would strawberry cake be fine, too?"

"I hate strawberry cake."

'Oh.'

Mum went back with a tray of cakes and barley tea. Once she was done serving us our snack, she went back to the kitchen with her usual 'call me if you need something.'

And we were left alone.

Over cakes and barley tea, we both discussed the things that we'd do over summer. And how we'd make our parents allow us to do most of them. I thought it was okay since the things I had planned didn't require any traveling since the town provided a lot for us kids to go on. It's not like we're gonna end up visiting the Capital.

I laughed since most of this planning was made in her house, with her mum nearby. Maybe I'd just mention it to her later.

But that 'later' came rather suddenly as Mrs. Stainthorpe stepped into the living room once again to retrieve the utensils. She overheard our conversation and decided to jump into it without a second thought.

"Oh, you're planning something?"

"Yes. But of course, we'd do it after we are done with the homework." I had to add that for safety measures.

"Priorities come first but of course you should savour every moment when you're still young. High school just comes once in your life, remember that."

'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,' I thought. Even though mother and daughter had completely different temperaments, you could hear Thea-chan's subtle tone in her mum's voice. You would not be able to detect it the first time and that's where the challenge lay. She was probably the most mystical mum that I met, and I met almost all of my classmates' mums in elementary school.

I thought of the middle part of the list I had pinned on my corkboard because I thought it would be easier to accomplish. "Err… Mrs. Stainthorpe--"

"Call me Auntie from now on."

I was surprised by that. When I looked at Thea to see if she approved, I just saw a girl indulging in her sweet.

And because of that, I gained yet another auntie.

The way she stared demanded me to carry on with what I was about to say. So, I did.

"Can I invite Thea-chan to a sleepover?" There! That's it. That's the request.

"Oh."

I could sense something drop. What it was, I wasn't entirely sure but I could wager it had something to do with my request. Auntie's expression slightly stiffened. Of course, a blockhead like me could receive signals of that nature. Translating it would be an entirely different issue, though.

The way she looked at her daughter hinted at something. Something way beyond the scope of my understanding. Then, forced it seemed, auntie said 'sorry, Sophie, dear. I'm afraid I can't allow that.'

I was confused, to say the least. Looking at both Thea and her mum provided me with nothing to grasp on to, something to serve as an answer. This was honestly really weird. But instead of pulling through, I just shrugged it off with a "that's okay. I know Thea has her reasons."

For the most part, her mum agreed with a lot of things. But despite the softness of her voice, I couldn't shake off the feeling that it's more serious than I made it out to be. 'Well, not that I could pry into it much further…'

I spent the whole afternoon being in Thea-chan's room. What surprised me the most was how big of a gamer she was… I mean, you couldn't even tell the first time you saw her. I personally didn't. And she had a lot of titles to choose from! 'Mum, you should start raising my allowance next time.'

"You bought these yourself?"

She booted up the gaming console after we had agreed on what game to play. "My brother."

Oh. She handed me a controller while she took another one for herself. This should be good, I thought. And it was good.

We played for the whole afternoon. Auntie came to the room to check on us twice that time and each time she did, she had a smile on her face. I kept noticing the smile because that's probably one of the best things this household had aside from her beautiful children. I was kinda envious because the only beautiful thing in our house was me--OKAY! STOP! I'M JUST KIDDING. Geez!

We had a lot of matches that afternoon. It was becoming hot outside so killing some time inside her room was probably the best way to deal with it. Her AC felt like a little piece of heaven on earth; I wondered if I could take it home with me. 'You also have an AC at home, stupid!.'

I looked at the screen and sighed in exhaustion while the character Thea-chan used cheered victoriously. I lost. And it was a losing streak. "Ahhh I give up!"

She was just looking at me with wide-eyed wonder. 'Yeah. behold a loser, my friend.'

"How are you so good with this game?" I sighed in feign exhaustion, too.

"I don't know."

I looked at her. "And how am I enjoying my time with you if I am the one doing the talking most of the time?" I asked just to tease her.

Oh, the change in her countenance alerted me so much. She looked like she was hurt. 'Oh no!' I felt panicky and just plunged myself towards her but I was careful enough not to touch her because I felt like she would crack under the pressure of my hands

"No! That's not what I mean… It's just…"

"I understand." She bowed her head. The locks of her hair partially covered her face like a cloud would the moon. Her eyeglasses reflected the glimmer of the screen.

While I sat there feeling absolutely bad for myself. 'Gaaah~ someone please remind me to hit myself later!'

She breathed in rather audibly before she looked at me again. And she was able to muster a smile that time which was something ever so rare to be seen in Thea-chan's standard. "I'll do my best next time," was what she said.

Perplexed, I looked at her eyes. The spark I saw was something I wasn't given a chance to see and never had seen in those few months we were friends. I wonder if Sylvee had seen this before.

If she had then I'd be so jealous.

I noticed that the angle of the sun tilted wider and it was about to conquer the whole room. It felt like her room was bathed in orange liquid. That got me to realise how the sunset over summer was different from that of the other seasons. 'I don't know. Probably just me.'

"Hey, I think I should go home."

"Oh."

She was really trying her best to increase her word count as the days go by. And I couldn't be any happier, to be honest. Now, if I could just make her talk with Sylvee or Jenna that'd be great.

'I just don't get Althea,' one of my classmates had said. 'She can't just stay quiet and expect the world to just agree with her.'

But did you ever try getting close to her? Or were all of those accusations based on how you perceived your short-sighted views of reality? I kept it all for myself because I lived by the principles of harmony. But if that continued, I would've stood up for Althea.

But why would I go that far?

She saw me out of the house and as usual, her mum gave me a token for my visit. I politely refused at first of course because I wanted to look like a good girl but I eventually took the small paper box she had given me. They probably gave the tastiest treats in this side of town.

That reminded me: we were on the same side of town. My house was just a few blocks away from here. So, going to Thea-chan's place was easier than going to, say, Sylv's place.

And, oh, I didn't usually hang out with Thea-chan, of course.

"Bye, now. See you at school tomorrow."

But when I was about to step out of the platform leading to her door, she gave out a little gasp and told me to wait. She practically ran back upstairs, most likely back to her room (she had told me once that she had been off-limits her big bro's room. Sylvie's older brother was the same. Are all older brothers like that? Wouldn't that be difficult to deal with?)

When she finally came back down, she was holding some sort of plastic cylinder. Rather reluctantly, she handed it to me, and without a word, she expressed her 'see you tomorrow.'

And once I got home, I completely forgot that the plastic cylinder ever existed. I was clumsy, I know.

***

Summer vacation started shortly after. With a small alteration that I did with my plans, I carried it out with such gusto and excitement. Summer was one of my favourite times of the year.

"Hey, Thea-chan! Would you like to come with us to Blackwaters?" I would have phoned in my invitation to her but the last time I'd done this, she was quite hesitant to answer my call. And one time, she had refused it altogether. 'She's an introvert…'

So, I just went over to her house again. I was so lucky that her big brother was there, too; and you know, I had to bite my lips just to stop myself from squealing. Hnnnnnng…

"Oh, Sophia." That's how he greeted me when he came to the door to answer it. His voice sounded like someone who just greeted a person he usually saw. 'Wait!' Looking back…

"Ahahahaha… Hi." I greeted him. 'Why on earth do I sound so awkward? Did he find out that I have a crush on him? Did Thea-chan give me away?'

"Thea! Sophia is here!" He called out to the creature upstairs. And to me, he said, "make her come to the kitchen, please."

"O-o-okay!" I stuttered. Like a creaking door. 'I hate my life!'

The door to the kitchen swallowed him whole and I just stood there like a stick in the mud. Or a quicksand. Or whatever that thing people sink into in the movies.

Thea-chan finally went downstairs. She looked like she was about to greet me when her expression changed to a worried one. "Are you okay?"

"Oh? Oh! Yes! Yes!" Of course, she would not tell me. "It's probably the heat getting to me."

We talked in the kitchen. By that time, I was already okay (well, half-okay if that is a thing). I was always fascinated by how cool the kitchen was, by how cool the whole house was. Like it was the oasis of a far-off desert.

Her brother was in the middle of cooking something and it absolutely smelled good. His cooking was always good. I suspected that the treat they always gave me was made by him. And I'd like to think that it was so.

Okay! Back to the game plan.

"Hey, Thea-chan! Would you like to come with us to Blackwaters?" I always looked out for her brother's reaction but I got nothing. So, instead, I focused my attention on the little sister. What her mum had said the other day was on my consideration, of course. You can only be too careful about these things.

She was naturally undecided about this as she looked at her brother whose back was turned to us. They had this weird dynamic in which when presented with a decision, she would look at her brother for advice or anything that would warrant confirmation. And when their mum was home, you probably can guess what comes after.

"Tell me more about it." He was cooking some tomato-based dishes based on the aroma that the simmering pot was giving. He angled his head to give us and his pot his attention, too. And he was looking at me.

'Gah!'

"W-w-well, some of my classmates talked about having a picnic there, and… since it's a one-day outing, I decided to invite Thea-chan." Why was I stuttering? Damn

He went back to cooking just like that. "Just be home before dark."

"Yahoo!" I could not hide my happiness. My first summer as a high school student starting like that and I was obviously too excited at the prospect of spending it with my newfound best friend. I could also see the happiness on her face. 'Here we go.'

The little excursion that we had planned would be scheduled two days before the time I asked her to go with me. I mentioned the dynamics, right? Well, did I need to elaborate on that? Her skin was sensitive and needed some kind of treatment before she went out, which wasn't a problem because I had asked mum to take care of that under the pretense of me being cautious about my skin. And since I was her only girl, she gave me extra pocket money to be used for preparation.

Good thing I could still get my way to my mum's heart.

"What? No, you stupid kid! I am just a benevolent woman who doesn't want you to feel unloved."

Whatever!

The one who organised this little gimmick was Olivier, the transferee. I still called her that even though it's been months since he had come to our lives--or their lives--because I didn't honestly care for his existence.

"That's kinda heartless coming from you, Ms. Congeniality," responded my other best friend, the cool one, when we had talked about this over the phone.

"Does it?" I just laughed.

"Out of character even."

You see, Olivier already settled with his circle of friends and it so happened that that circle--or oblong (I don't know; I am bad at maths)--overlapped with ours. So, when he had organised this excursion, it was only natural that he'd take us, the other group.

"I'm looking forward to this, to be honest, since I am free from our practice. Hey, take Althea with you, okay."

"That's the plan."

Kids our age had this culture that if you were not part of any group, you are an outcast. Most of the time, the pariah was bullied because no one was going to protect them. It was bound to happen to Thea-chan and I knew it. "They don't probably bully her because (one!), you're her friend, and (two!) some of our classmates are simps," I remember Jenna telling me.

Welp.

I didn't realise how famous my other best friend was to the boys. All I know was even I was mesmerised by her.

I was friends with the boys in the class. But I never heard anyone mention Thea-chan in my face. I wondered why was that.

"Because--do I really have to repeat myself, Ms. Craighan?" Jenna looked pissed at me. She was the only one who could talk to me in such a manner and be friends with her still. She got irritated easily… or it's more like, among our circle of friends, she had the shortest fuse. Sylv didn't have one.

But still, I wondered why the boys wouldn't just approach me to deal with Thea-chan. I scratched my head in utter amusement.

"By the way, aren't you thinking of getting yourself a boyfriend?" Asked Jenna while she sipped her half-melted Frappé coffee.

I almost spat mine out. "What the--" 'Are you guys for real? I mean, I'll just be turning 14 this year!'

"Wait, strict parents?"

"Probably." Sylvee was laughing at me.

I just found out that an upperclassman had confessed to my good friend, Sylv. At the back of the gym. Where the wind blew the gentlest. That was how she narrated the story to us. Honestly, this girl's a charmer.

"So, what did you say?"

"Hmmm?" Don't 'hmmm' me, missy! I want the juicy details!

"Yeah. You have an answer to him?"

She smiled almost coyly, adding to the charm attribute that she already had brimming. "It's actually a girl."

Oh, a girl. Well there's nothing wrong with that, right?

"A girl?"

"Wait, what?"

"Hahahaha…"

"You're kidding, right, Sillyvia?"

"Why would I make this up?" True. It would be really out of her character to joke around like that. So, chances are, that confession really did happen. But with a girl?

"How did you answer her?"

"Oh, screw it, Sophie! I'd wanna know who that upperclassman is." And to my girl, Jenna looked. "Spit it out!"

"Can we just not go there? I don't even know if she wants other people to know." Good point.

"But going out of her way to confess like that… she probably was prepared to be exposed," I mused.

"That's Sophie for you. I didn't know that you can use your brains at times."

"Hehehe… Why thank yo--Wait, what?!"

The girl in question was a year ahead of us and also was with the basketball team. Our good friend said that this same girl had fallen in love at first sight with her. 'Like that ever did happen!'

Jenna stated that it kinda left a bad taste in her mouth, girls falling for another girl, that is. She said she could not imagine such a thing happening and when faced with the same dilemma, she said she wouldn't be able to know how to respond to it properly.

"You're lucky if you will ever be confessed to." That was my retaliation for her earlier remark.

"Why you!!!"

Sylvee had rejected the girl in the most graceful manner as expected of her and said that she couldn't possibly go out with her because… she wasn't like that. But she 100% appreciated the sentiments and wished for their friendship to continue.

"And she apologised…" Probably not the best course of action to take. I mean, there's nothing wrong with falling in love regardless of gender, was there?

Nah. Truth be told, that incident with Sylvee irked me in the weirdest way. I, for one, could not imagine going into that sort of relationship. The last time I checked, I was still into boys and I could foresee myself going that route forever and ever.

And ever.

That's why what mum had said peeved me so much.

"I just couldn't see myself going that way. But if it's one of you two, I'm totally perfect with it." The smile on my friend's face as she said kind of rubbed me the wrong way. "You evil charmeeeeeeer!!!" And I attacked her.

We exploded in loud laughter causing one of the waitresses there to tell us to be quiet. Like seriously!

"Sorry."

***

The fated day dawned upon us and we were gathered with our gears for the final battle. It would be bloody but for the glory of the kingdom, we will--okay! Okay! We all gathered in the train station and no battle would befall.

Before I went to the station, I had gone to the Stainthorpe's just to fetch my other best friend. You see, there were just three types of people in the world: my best friends, my friends, and strangers. Strangers were basically my friends, too; it's just I hadn't met them yet.

I checked on Thea's gears as we walked hand in hand to the bus station I had seen her with her mum a few months prior to our friendship. Even though the cherry blossoms were gone, the feelings it brought stayed with me.

"Feeling nervous?" I asked her when we had settled down at the back of the bus. Normally you wouldn't even ask that.

But she was honest enough to admit that she was.

"Don't worry. At the very least Sylv will be there, too." I didn't include Jenna for the reason that this girl wasn't at all comfortable with her. Sorry, Jenna girl. 'I'll make sure she wouldn't feel that way about you.'

We had decided a few days prior to this field trip that we would have our rendezvous as early as possible since we only had one would day for this merriment. And sure enough, we left home at 8 AM. If that wasn't a sacrifice of a well-deserved sleep, I don't what was.

When we both arrived at the rendezvous point, almost all of the gang were there. Four girls and three boys to be exact. Olivier was talking with Sylvee while Jenna yawned aggressively beside her while she scowled at something from a distance.

"Yo!" I announced our fated arrival.

"Good morning, Sophie."

Jenna walked to me and hugged me for no apparent reason. She did it in a way that looked like she was drained of all the life force that she could muster; she wasn't really a morning person.

"Sophiiiiieeeee." Now, she was grumbling at me.

At first, I kept reminding them that my name is Sophia, not Sophie. But since almost everyone called me that, I just let bygones be bygones and accepted the extra 'E' I never needed.

"Let me guess: you still wanna sleep?"

She gave a big sigh and since she's practically hanging a fraction of her weight on me, I could feel it heaved her body a little. "It's all Sylvee's fault." I laughed.

Looking back, it was probably my calling her Sylvee that prompted her to counterattack.

"I should be sleeping at this time." She, then, acknowledged the girl behind me. "Oh, hello there. Althea."

She just looked away, clearly apprehensive of the least friendly girl in my circle. I said least friendly but take that with a grain of salt. 'I also love you, Jenna. Don't worry.'

With a dismissive sneer, she looked away from the girl and back to me; what came back was her exhausted self. 'Really now.' "Aaaaahhh, Sophie, let me sleep on your lap later. Or at least marry me." That was quite a long drawl.

"Ehehehehe…" Sorry, I already have Thea-chan's brother.

It wasn't long until everyone had gathered there. And as you would have guessed, my little kitten just stayed beside me without saying a word. Jenna wasn't able to use me as her makeshift pillow so Sylvee took it up herself to play the role. The train to our destination wasn't all that packed so we could use all the spaces on it as we pleased. It would be an hour ride to Blackwaters, and Jenna was already using her time sleeping part of the journey away.

Meanwhile, Thea-chan and I just pass the time being excited about all of these.

'Yeah, I know.' I was the only one vividly excited. She just looked at me with a dead-pan expression that I had grown to be accustomed to. 'Thank you for putting up with my nonsense. I love you so much, Thea-chan.'

By the way, Blackwaters was a well-known spring and hiking destination in the countryside. And it's even more popular in the summer. Trails were divided into categories that were suited for different categories. That was probably one of the reasons why Big Bro let us off the hook.

It was around 9 o'clock when we arrived and to my surprise, there were fewer people than I had initially anticipated.

It was a mystery to me and to Sylvie who had expected the same thing but it was cool and all to see that we had the place almost to ourselves. After choosing the course we would be taking and paying for both our entrances, we waited for further instructions in the lobby. The attendee in the receptionist area told us to wait there.

After a while, there came a bespectacled lady. Her hair and eyeglasses were almost identical to Thea-chan's; and she's pretty, too. The elegance she bore was enough to tell me that she was an employee of this place. It's kinda stupid to even presume that when she had an armband with the establishment's logo on it.

The first time that I went here was when I was in my third grade. Everything looked really big back then and what caught my attention primarily was the giant tree in the middle of the park. It was so big that we could not encircle it if we'd go hand in hand. Even with the people I was with.

You wouldn't blame me if I said I had dreamed of that tree to be a portal to another world. I even drew it on a number of occasions in the past. In my drawings, it had golden leaves. The rays of light filtering through the gaps of the leaves gave me the impression. And of course, it was as good as anything Thea-chan could do.

The instructions given to us were simple and easy to remember. Even the bird-brain me would be able to recall all of them. The crux of the matter was: never stray from the path assigned to us. If we do…

... well, let's just say that some incidents had happened before involving not following rules. I sighed. I wouldn't have any problems with Thea-chan. Sylvee looked like she can handle herself. Oh! Did I tell you that she was picked to play for the Winter tournament? Atta girl! I had always known she had it in her. Jenna, whose last vestige of sleepiness already vanished at this point, could manage herself as well. I just don't know about the three boys we were with. Olivier looked like the type of kid who might commit to memory the map of the mountain and would come to your rescue once he noticed that you're gone.

"But don't worry. There are rangers at various points of the mountains."

That's all from that pretty attendant.

"Now, to watch over Sophia!" declared Jenna.

Wait!

Sylv laughed at what my other friend had said. "Don't give Althea something to worry about now."

"W-w-w-wha-- Are you all series?"

They probably were. I mean, there were a lot of occasions that my airhe--sigh! This feels like admitting a mistake I didn't want to admit in the first place--my airheadedness popped its balloon head out.

Like that one time when I managed to take Thea-chan window shopping the last time. I said it once, yes but it felt like I was granted special permission by the Stainthorpes to take their beloved girl with me without telling them all about it as long as it's somewhere accessible. And I understood that. Hence, the talk about going to Blackwater Park when I had come over their house the last time.

I, who was lost in the utter fascination of all the stuff out there, almost ran into a lamppost. Good thing Thea-chan was there to save me in the nick of time. Or else, I'd be sporting a lump on the forehead before her brother.

I'd rather die…

"Sophie, snap out of it or we'll leave you!" I heard Jenna shout.

And I snapped out of it. 'Not again!'

Thea-chan was there waiting for me to 'snap out' of my self-induced reverie; she wore a fascinated expression. Really, now.

"You don't have to worry about me!" I snapped at her.

And she was just as fascinated as before. Whenever she's like that, I felt defeated. "Siiiigh…"

The sun was in the first quarter of the skies when we occupied one cottage amongst the many at the foot of the mountain where the trail began.

***

My mind provided music for the dancing of the shadows underneath that giant tree. And it was solemn music of flute and harp that I based on a movie we had seen the last time. I remembered not offering any opinion regarding the ending of the movie but it left something to be desired. Sitting inside the cinema for two hours all for that anticlimax.

I wondered what this ancient tree must have been feeling seeing how this world was turning. How many times did we bore it? Or were we, humans, interesting to begin with? I was not sure of that myself.

What I was sure of was amidst this somewhat boring world, you'd stumble upon something interesting. Like that one clip of that said movie that had left quite an impression on me.

I oftentimes caught myself asking: 'does time flow differently for her?' While mine was slow-motion drift through the night, hers felt like a time-lapse of interesting things only she could find even a vestige of beauty in. And I completely did not understand all of it. How could she do that? How could she just smile like the world would do it for her, too?

My stroll was slow as usual as I tried to fight off the awkwardness I was feeling.

It was one thing to be awkward with Sylvia but it was another kind of awkwardness with these people that I don't even remember the names of.

'The other one was Jenna. And she seems to dislike me.' I kind of understand that sentiment since it was I who instigated her. That reaction was a matter of time especially for me. I did that in the past so the chance of committing the same mistake again was not slim.

I hated that part of myself.

I hated myself.

Once they're all settled in that little hut provided for visitors at the foot of the mountains, I felt her search for my hand and she gripped it tightly. I looked at her face to ask what brought this on. She seemed to catch on despite her airheadedness, and just smiled at me reassuringly.

"I promised your brother that you will enjoy this, y'know,"

Oh.

The intermittent dance of the light and shadows under that tree came back to me, and the music that danced to also resumed.

I just wished that this trip would not be as anticlimactic as that movie.

***

"Do you know that these flowers taste like cucumbers?" I proclaimed to the rest of the gang while holding up a flower of a borage plant I had stumbling upon running ahead of them.

As expected, Jenna was looking at me in an incredulous way. The rest of them just laughed at me, even Sylvee. 'But I speak nothing but le truth, my dear.'

"You don't believe me? Look!" I was about to devour the flower whole when Thea-chan just straight up grabbed my arm, clearly stopping me from doing anything stupid.

"Sophie!" chided Jenna.

"Kids, be mindful of what you put in your mouth. Despite its being edible, you haven't washed it," said the ranger that accompanied us to the first point of the hike.

"Okay." But the stupid in me wanted to just straight gobble the flower up and call it a day. But Thea-chan's grip wouldn't allow me.

On that part of the mountain, one could still see the towering Millennia tree. I began to wonder at what point in our hike would the tree disappear out of sight. Blackwater was a vast network of rivers and pathways, each with its own stations to welcome guests. The trail, as I had pointed out before, was also divided into levels of expertise. We were advised to take trail B since it would suit us, kids, without any hiking experience whatsoever.

'This is to strengthen our friendship.' I remember Olivier said one time, which (ah! I know I was being a bad girl) sounded cringy in my ears. 'Do people still speak that way?'

'I love the outdoors and it's rare for mum to allow me to go with friends,' Sylvee had said. Poor girl, really.

"By the way, Sylvee, how is your preparation for the coming meet?" I asked. Thea and I were a few paces away from them; for some reason, I decided to do that. For Thea?

"Practices are going along just fine. Our coach said that we need one last fine-tuning and we're set." It all sounded like one big hassle for me. And the more I thought about it, the more I wonder how she's an amazing person. I couldn't just exert too much energy on things like that. Yeah, I could be a spitfire at times but I was no powerhouse.

The two boys that we were with--if I recall correctly, they were Trevor and Claude (I could already see Jenna giving me the 'are you serious' stare)--were just being boys trying to beat each other on a simple game of race. Olivier was kinda tame compared to the two; in fact, he looked dignified for a young boy. He looked like the male version of Sylvee, to be honest; that's why I dubbed him Sylvia 2.0 the first few days he was in class.

"Hey, you two! Stop messing around!" Jenna snapped at them.

I could feel like it would be Jenna's job to become angry all the time. If that was so, then too bad! She's pretty. Does she know it?

I looked at the sky. It was the clearest it could ever be. Which was funny because I couldn't remember this part of the trip because of what came after.

***

"Do you think the wind's chillier than earlier?" remarked Sylvee. I, too, noticed it but I was too busy looking after Thea that I didn't say anything about it. Not that she needed any looking after; I just felt like doing it.

I looked at the sky and sure, it was a bit ashen. And it was just the 11th in the morning. I wondered where the chill was coming from.

The two boys were as lively as bees that you'd ever wonder where they were getting all those energies from. I mean, even I didn't possess that many mitochondria to generate that kind of energy. Yes! Mitochondria. I felt smarter just by knowing that. Hahaha… But I felt that even Thea-chan knew about it. Talk about short-lived glory!

Olivier kept up with us even though he didn't even need to do it. From time to time, he tried talking with Thea, but need I say what happened next? He even made attempts to talk with her at school but it just ended in failure every time; he even approached me for help but I guess my "you just have to be as relentless as possible to make her like you" didn't do anything.

Yeah, I was stupid.

But, hey! That would only mean I get to keep her for myself.

Just kidding. I couldn't possibly do that.

This place probably has the least number of accidents in the recorded history of places frequently visited. I didn't even know why I thought of such a thing. I considered Blackwater Park to be one of the safest places in Madeira. Heck! Even on earth.

But that would change from this day on.

***

If I counted the times I regretted things in my still short life on earth, it wouldn't amount to much, to be honest. I tried living with a happy heart, not by the words of people around me. I learned to push forward and that helped me gain friends, even see the value in life.

I was a happy kid through and through.

But if there were things I totally regretted more than anything else, those always concerned Thea. I was ready to walk the rest of my life hand in hand with her. If only she'd allow it. I feared that once she had the strength to stand on her own, she would spread her wings and fly away, far from this place.

But I always wished the best for her. All the best to her.

If I was the one beside her that day, it wouldn't have ended up like this. I think that's where I went wrong; a small slip and everything would just end up in regret. That's probably why scientists were warning us about time traveling. All this talk about causality and probability did not just concern the past, it also had its firm grasp on the present. A small slip and everything would just end up in regret.

Just like what happened today. I stared at the cliff in utter disbelief; the bottom was virtually covered with green foliage. The air grew colder than it's supposed to be and I suspected that it was so because of the ice in my chest. I could hardly hear Jenna's wailing and the frantic call the rangers were making.

The next thing I knew was the rest of the rangers guiding us out there. My feet acted against my will. I wanted to stay there, beside that gnawing chasm until it spat Thea out. I wanted to get away from this woman's hands and run to the depth myself to save her. I could hear Thea's voice, in pain. I just wanted to know if she was okay.

We stayed in a log cabin used primarily by the rangers. Its woody scent caressed my nose, and it's the only thing that I could process. Jenna was still crying, asking one of the grown-ups if they would be okay.

Sylvee sat beside me and wiped my tears away. 'Crap!' I didn't know that I was crying. My mind was racing like crazy, like a whirlwind of dust that never wanted to settle down.

"We just have to trust that they're okay. Worrying won't get us anywhere."

I'd give any wish-granting deities an arm or a leg just to see her well. Without any scratch. I looked at her and said "I shouldn't have let go of her hands. I shouldn't have le--" And she wrapped her muscular arms around me. Despite being thin, she had sturdy limbs; her extracurricular activities were working wonders. And I needed the extra warmth.

Before I knew it, Jenna joined in, crying on my shoulder; her cheeks buried on my neck.

I couldn't make out what was happening around me as I was more concerned with how to get rid of this buzzing in my ears. I grew oblivious of time. And my eyes started seeing things through smudged vision. I saw Thea quietly standing beside the millennium-old tree and her hair dancing in the rhythm of the air. She wasn't smiling. But her face had this serenity that made her expression milder than usual. I wanted to go where she was but there seemed to be an unseen weight pinning me down to my place. 'What could it be?' And since my energy always accumulated on my legs, the feeling of being deprived of movement watered the growing panic in my heart.

'Thea!' I want to scream her name. I wanna run where she was! I wanted to--

"Why is this happening?" My voice cracked. From its cavity came forth the deluge of fear and panic; this time it was now more pronounced than ever.

No grown-up couldn't calm us down!

'My best friend was there! Do something!' I wanted to scream, but couldn't. I wished Jenna would scream on my behalf. I really wanted to just jump into that ravine to make sure that she would not be on her own--I didn't want to see her cry again. Just like that time.

All that mattered at that time was her safety. I couldn't care less about anything else.

***

Perhaps, looking back, everything wasn't that bad. I was grounded for the whole summer vacation. Mum gave me hell once we all got home. Althea's brother didn't say anything else once he got around fetching his beloved little sister aside from the spine-chilling 'I'll talk with your parents about this.'

The afternoon was slowly waning away as I lay in my bed with my arms on my forehead. Bored, I let out another sigh. "Probably my third today."

This was probably the most boring vacation ever.

A week after the incident, mum already made sure of the effectivity of my being jailed in the house. I was going to use the word incarcerated. I wasn't sure if that's the correct word to say in this situation. To my study table, I looked. The paper was still posted there. Although at this point, it's highly likely that I could cross out another plan. But it's not something I already lost hope at.

I sighed my fourth. "Man, talk about bad luck."

My cell phone beeped. It was Sylvee. She sent a message and it was probably the first that day. She was sending me messages more frequently since that day of the incident and I loved her more for that. She's a keeper. 'She's so caring. I wonder if I could marry her.'

I laughed at my own stupid joke. And I was getting stupider by the day. Yes! That's possible! More plausible than me getting pardoned and spending the rest of this vacation with the rest.

"How doth thee fair?" was the message.

"Seriously?" Old English?

I typed: "I miss you." and added a couple of crying emojis for safety measures.

"Can I come to your house?"

"Are you going to take Thea-chan wit--" I stopped typing and sighed my fifth. To myself, I said "Gosh… I miss Thea-chan." I deleted the message and went "Sure."

I got out of bed, and out of the room. Looking downstairs, trying to sense whether my beloved birth giver was within earshot, I shouted "Mum! Sylvee's coming over."

"Sure!" she shouted back. That reminded me of how I replied to Sylvee earlier. And did I smell something sweet?

You're probably laughing that I allowed my friends over before telling my mum about it. I loved to live dangerously. In fact, Danger is my middle name.

Well, not really. If mum ever heard my quirky monologues, she might've replied with "so you're pulling other people into your mischief." Yeah. She's a nice mum but she could be overbearing sometimes.

Because she's always right.

Curious as to what she was doing, I went downstairs only to find her sticking a cooking thermometer into a pie.

She looked at me as one would to someone suspicious. Why? Mum! I ain't no burglar! I'm your only daughter. Please don't treat me like that!

"Whatcha cookin'?"

"Apple pie." Did I tell you that she grew up in a family of pâtissier? Whenever she was home, like today, she would whiff out these tasty treats while at the same time reminding me that I was getting a bit round on the cheeks and tummy (it was probably the reason why Jenna loved to pinch my cheeks lately).

Well, at least I looked healthier than Thea.

"And you're not getting any!"

"Eh?" This is a revolt!

"I don't want you to turn into a panda!"

"I'm not fat!"

My insensitive mum went back to tending her masterpiece. One poke here and there just to make sure it's in its best condition, that's just the pâtissier in her being too careful.

"Ah, mum--"

"How's that girl with glasses?" She was not looking at me so I couldn't honestly tell what she was thinking.

"She's alright." I guess.

"Her mum just phoned in to ask about you. Have you had a proper evaluation of your actions yet?" Her voice grew a bit colder and firmer and I knew that she was being serious at that moment. At this point, I wouldn't be able to say anything touché back to her. She was the matriarch of this house when dad was away, and I needed to look at how I would answer her.

"I-I already apologised, right?" Plus, it was already more than a week since then, and I was still treated like this? But yeah, that incident was heavy…

"That's not the answer that I'm expecting from you, young lady."

'I know.'

She wiped her hand and went to check on the tea leaves container. She dramatically clicked her tongue as she saw that it only had a few spoonfuls left. "I should add this to my shopping list."

"I could do the shop--"

"Silence, little one!" And did I also tell you that she was in the theatre back in her college days? That's why she could command her voice with such finesse and power, and that always shook me every time she did that. This woman should have given me some of her talented genes. For crying out loud, I couldn't survive with just a pretty face… and I was just kidding. Please, don't hurt me.

I pouted.

"So, you needed something?"

"Oh, yes! Sylvee is coming over. Can I at least--"

"What impeccable timing. She can eat your share of the food so you won't get any fatter than you already are."

"I am not fa--wait! You're not against--"

"She's a good kid after all so I don't see why not, right?"

This woman…

***

Sylvee finally came over to our house. She was like the calm after the storm like she usually was and I couldn't help but hug her once she entered our doorway. Her way of saying 'you know what, you're the only one I allow to hug me like that was the second placer for the highlight of my day.

I led her to my room. To be honest, it got cleaner after I was put into incarceration (it's a word I learned from GoBe and I'm proud of it!). I also got rid of that godforsaken list of things I would do with my friends in summer. 'Worse summer ever. I gave it a score of one five.'

My buddy just looked around my room as if it was her first time visiting a friend's house.

"Nice room you have here. Would be a shame if…"

"Oh, my dear! If you want to awaken the ire of that dragon downstairs, you will keep this cave clean," I said with an air of false warning.

She just laughed at me. Her cordial laughter always calmed my nerves; so without any warning whatsoever, I dove straight to her and gave her a hug. We almost fell upon the soft carpet that I had replaced yesterday.

"Hey! Sophie!!!"

"Hnnnnng… I missed you! I've been so lonely…" and I was about to cry. Seriously, this whole locking me up and suspending me in the house was getting to me. And why was I the only one?

I just felt her hand over my head trying to calm me down. "There. There. I'm already here…"

Mum gave us our share of the pie she had baked and it was indeed really good. With a 'look after the house while I'm gone,' she went away to do some shopping.

"Apparently, mum and Thea-chan's mother are keeping in touch with each other. I wouldn't be surprised if they're already friends, you know…"

"Yeah. I met her, too and she looks like a nice lady. She also talked with my father once to check on me and I really appreciate that." Well, that's a surprise!

I didn't know if I already asked this: where was Thea-chan's dad anyway? She was not disclosing that one yet, but given how she usually was… Then I remembered something. "How's Olivier, by the way?"

"He's already recovered and from what I heard from Pat, he also visited Althea the last time."

"Bet he's rejected on the spot." I wanted to laugh imagining the scenario: he kept on talking with my quiet best friend hoping for a reply, and not getting one.

"Hmmm…"

"Yes?"

"I presumed that's not the case. She did just fine with him according to Pat, though he did much of the talking himself. Good thing, he was like that. I mean, if it was Pat or Jenna, they would have walked away defeated," she said while her spoon stayed at the edge of her mouth, which was kind of weird because that's all that I was able to focus on. Her words registered just fine but it felt like a quarter of it did not make any damn sense at all. Like at all.

"From the looks of it, I think Olivier can be close with our girl."

"Oh."

"Sophie?"

"Ah! Wait. I-I just need to use the toilet…" I rose and went straight to the toilet downstairs. There I locked myself up. Leaning against the door, I looked at the ceiling and notices a sudden rise in temperature. Mum forgot to switch on the exhaust fan it seemed so I did it myself.

"Why was I bothered by it?"

Seriously, why was I bothered by it? I wanted her to open up to people. I was giving her all the help that I could muster, and when she already was taking her first step…

Then, I faced the mirror and saw a girl I was not familiar with. She carried with her an emotion that was also alien to me and I needed to face it. I really needed to do it.

"Am I jealous?"