The Aftermath

The next morning I wake in the King's bed and find that I am alone. As the memories of the night come back to me, I collect my dress from the floor and make sure that no one see me leave. My feet move swiftly as I walk back to my chambers. My body feels wonderfully soar and I can still taste him on my lips. He had been relentless and did not let me rest until the first rays of sun were visible through the curtains.

The later the hour grew, I felt myself growing more astounded. Why had nobody spoken to me of the pleasures of having a man instead of all the obligations? Before last night, I could never have imagined that the company of a man could be anything but a pain. I was sure that the women who visited the King before me felt the same. It was their duty to be there and nothing else. Women were not supposed to enjoy themselves like this. Let all our inhibitions go and feel the world melt away. Or were we? I did not want to think it but I couldn't help it. Did everyone know it could feel this good to sin?

Even though I try to be discrete I manage to wake my husband, who apparently had decided to stay in my chambers during the night. He gets up from the bed and slowly walks towards me until his heavy breath is on my face.

"Harlot. Dirty King's whore", he spits out before he march out of the room.

If I had any affection left for him, perhaps his words would have offended me.

During the afternoon, Catherine and I are walking in the rose garden on the palace grounds. The sun is shining but it is not too hot and you can hear dogs barking and birds singing from a distance. I am walking with a light, quick step and cannot stop smiling. Instinctively I know that I should feel ashamed for my sinful behaviour but how can I when it feels like I have finally awakened from years of misery? Finally, my handmaiden gathers her courage.

"You are glowing Your Grace", she says and looks at me with knowing eyes.

I hesitate for a moment but then I realise that since my husband was already aware of my indiscretion, there really was no reason for me to hide the news from Catherine. There were far too many people at court for my taste and not enough friends that I could confide in. My handmaiden was one of the few people I put my faith in and I desperately wanted to share my news with someone who would appreciate them.

I take her to a quiet place in the garden and explain my situation to her. At first she does not believe me but when I tell her about the Duke of Somerset escorting me to the King's chambers her face suddenly change.

"How…how was it?"

I just kept smiling and start to walk towards the centre of the park. Some details about the night feel better to keep between myself and the King. I suddenly begin to wonder if your mouth could actually freeze in a smile. Then, from across the pond, I notice and watch him as so many times before. He is in the front and centre of course, making grand gestures and talking about something I can not yet hear. He is surrounded by the three men you usually see in his company these days: the Duke of Norfolk, my husband and of course his long-time loyal friend the Duke of Somerset. They are all silent and look like they are listening attentively to whatever the King is speaking off. His steps are so light and rapid, it looks like it does not affect him the slightest.

My husband on the other hand looks noticeable flustered, it can not be easy for him to keep up with an energetic young King. When Your Majesty looks up and notice me, he immediately stops talking and after a few more light steps he is in front of me, kissing my hand.

"Lady Emily."

"Your Majesty."

When his eyes examine my summer dress I can tell that he is seeing something else, like I myself can not keep my eyes of his plump lips.

"You look most splendid today", he adds.

The longer he holds my hand I can feel that the desire he has awoken in me would take some time to overcome.

"Shall we precede Your Majesty?"

He tries to conceal it but it is clear to me that my husband wants nothing more than to get me out of the King's path and he has succeeded. With a bow the King and his men precede further into the park while me and my handmaiden begin our walk back towards the Palace.

I had planned on spending what remained of the afternoon reading up on my astronomy, even if I was not too fond of it at the moment. But when I come back to my chambers I find that I had been summoned to tea with Queen Mary.

There is a peculiar jolt through my stomach and somehow I feel that she knows everything. I do not know how but since the King apparently has spies all around court, why would the Queen not take the same precaution? I slowly splash some water on my face and realise the walk had taken longer than I thought. I would have no choice but to join the Queen right away.

The spoon keeps spinning around the cup in a perfect circle by itself. The tea crept further up the edges and I realise I have created my own abyss.

"Are you well Duchess?"

I let the spoon created another circle before I release my grip and look up. Her eyes are always so very warm and kind. Could she ever even think a bad thought?

"I am very well Your Majesty, thank you."

I take a quick, unsteady sip of my tea and try my best to smile. After she does the same, she discretely dismiss her servants and faster than I wish, we are alone.

The King and Queen had only been married two years before but the way she commands her servants and run her household makes it seem like she has been doing it since birth. I know she was born and raised to be Queen and I had never once seen her stumble. This was truly her purpose in life. If possible, she is even more intimidating than her husband.

I wanted nothing more than to come up with a believable excuse that would not shame me but take me out of this room before I had to answer for my crimes. I know very well that I had committed one of the greatest sins and yet I was not repentant. What had this wicked place done to me?

The Queen does not speak for a while but she simply observe me with a calm face while smiling slightly.

"How old are you Your Grace?" she asks as she finally breaks the silence.

"Nearly 17 Your Majesty", I answer quietly.

Her smile fades for a moment when she looks down at her cup. When she raise her gaze again it was back but now it is a grim smile.

"Please be careful child."

I can not insult the Queen by pretending I do not know what she is referring to. I do not know how she knows, but know she did. A painful rush of guilt wash over me and even though I want to speak, not a word escapes my lips.

"The King is a very charming man. A man with a big…appetite needs to be satisfied but be careful. Rumours spread like evil flames in this castle and often even outside its walls."

The cramps in my stomach confirm that the Queen is right. How long would it take before the entire castle, and not merely my husband, started calling me King's Whore behind my back or to my face? I'd had the chance to leave, to stop my name from being dragged through the dirt, a chance to not become an adulteress but I had chosen him. I hoped one night with the King was worth my eternal damnation.

"Thank you Your Majesty." It sounds insufficient but I do not know what else to say to her. Thank her for not banishing me from court? Thank her for not damning my soul? "You are too kind", is all I have time to add before she dismisses me.

I am still fully dressed in my chambers, finally taking the time to catch up on my reading, when I hear the late knock. As my handmaiden gets up to open the door a chill goes through me as I realised that it is most certainly my husband, ready to once again do his duty as a husband. I take a deep breath and turn around.

"Your Grace", says the Duke of Somerset while standing in the doorway "the King requests your presence."

This is the last man I expected to show up in my chambers tonight. He requests my presence now which means it is no longer a question, I think. But did I honestly want to say no to the King? I had already crossed the line last night and when I thought of what the King could do simply with his hands I felt flushed.

"Certainly. Would you give me a moment?"

I am still wearing the same dress as I had all day and I am fairly certain I have visible dirt under my fingernails.

"I'm sorry Your Grace, Your Majesty requests your presence immediately."

Catherine starts to giggle but after I give her one look she falls silent. As me and the Duke walk through the halls he watches me closely and when we reach the King's chambers he position himself in front of the door.

"I beg your pardon. What did you do with Your Majesty?"

"I don't see how that is any concern of yours," I say slowly.

I sound threatening and not anywhere near myself. Before the Duke can respond and I have time to apologies, the door opens.

The King is not as tender as the previous night but I do not need him to be. My body remembers his and as they collided, it feels as they have known each other in a different life. His Majesty makes me feel safe, maybe because I know it is passion and not hate that fuelles his rough treatment, and everything he does to me almost feels too good.

"Why me?" I ask when our naked bodies lay entwined on the royal sheets.

"What do you mean?"

"You are the King of England. You can point to any high-born Lady or foreign Princess at court and have her in your bed."

I could have added: I am low-born scum and should by birth right not even be in the same room as you, but I did not want to open his eyes too much. Perhaps he did not know everything about my background.

"Why me?" I ask again since he still does not answer my question.

The King looks into my eyes and remain silent for a few moments.

"You have something within you. Something you try to hide but when you danced you could not conceal who you really are."

"So who am I?" I whisper in his ear.

"You are a goddess", he says laughing.

When I join in, I realise I cannot remember the last time I had let myself feel this way. Free from worries and free from the role and responsibilities as the Duchess of Suffolk. Here with the King I am someone else. Someone who is cherished and worthy of his attention. As the laughter dies out he stares at me, now with a grave face.

"Do you love your husband?"

"Your Majesty I…"

"Please Emily, call me Charles."

"Charles." It sounds foreign in my mouth and I let the name linger for a while. For a moment I hesitate. I can not be too honest can I? Quickly I decide it would be too dangerous. "My husband is a great man. Of course I love him."

The King caress my tender cheek.

"You are a good wife. Don't you worry, your secret is safe with me."

Apparently I would have to work on my court behaviour. Not being able to tell a lie here would not take me very far.