Serpentine Violet

I felt something twitch against my neck.

"Squeaker?" I murmured. Great. My pet rat I had given to Mo when we came to Hortense had escaped, again. There would be rat crap in my bed. I brushed him from my chest. "Stupid little rodent-"

His tail was obese, scaly, and much too large. It coiled around my wrist like a bracelet then wended its way through my fingers. The bed I laid on shifted, and my pillow sighed.

Was the ghost of pissed Eve gone? Was I finally back to being a nineteen year old aspiring e-girl who streamed real-life demon fanfics while eating Hot Cheetos?

Where in the damn tarnation was I?

What funky room was this?

Where was that bastard Samael?

"Hello, lamb."

Pillows. Sighing? It must have been the grub Jesus picked up from a haint diner for me while I was moping. Twenty-four hours later, and it still cast its sick spell on me.

"Shana," someone whispered. A phantom hand brushed my hair. I felt muscled arms wrap around my waist. Ghost lips touched my brow.

"Great. I'm hallucinating. I knew I shouldn't have touched that chili corn dog at lunch-"

A rumble of deep laughter shook my 'bed.' The pillow-that-was-not-a-pillow felt warm and supple, like it was living. The mouth encompassed mine, silencing my panic. Groggy, I let the lips linger, wondering what the hell had been in that deli mustard.

I yawned. "Whasaba? Eeek!"

The hands guided me onto my stomach and reached down to cup my hips. I ran my hands over Dream Dude's stubbled cheeks. His chin brushed like sandpaper against my jaw.

"Uh?" I murmured. "A five o' clock shadow at dawn. I thought those were cast at evening."

"I cast shadows at all hours."

"Sure you do, dream dude." I closed my eyes, sucking at the skin in the hollow under his ear. I must be delirious with fever. Who was mysterious invisible macho man?

He inhaled sharply, parting my wet labia with his fingers. I gasped, grinding into his palm. "That's funny," I murmured. "Most of the hot guys in my dreams are blond. And we're on a tropical island, or a beach somewhere. This place is so dark and broody."

The scaled thing struck into me. I gasped, cinching around it. The mustard-induced monster guy groaned. He raked sharp nails down my back.

"What the hell!" I gasped.

"This isn't a dream, maggot," he said through gritted teeth. "Damn you and your brain of a flea-" He roared as I nailed down on it, trying to shut him up.

"You're right, dude. This is a chili dog nightmare. But a strangely erotic one. They must've used the devil's ketchup or something-"

"Stop," he moaned. "Too much."

"That's your fault- holy God. You must have really humongous feet- AH?" He writhed impossibly inside me. I moaned, digging my fingers into his shoulder. "What the hell was that!" I demanded.

He sucked at my breasts. "Me."

A gas lamp hissed to life behind a stained glass window. The not-blankets knotted around my legs, sliding in coils up my midriff. I was burrowed in the knots of a snake.

He groaned, twining around me, and the not-bed surged up until my back was pressed to the wall. He grinded against me, velvety skin yielding to cool scales below his torso.

"I've wanted to join like this with you for eons, Havah," he whispered. His speech was cool as a hiss. "Look at me. I can walk now. I can stand. You gave me my speech and strength. I will protect you as I could not before." He threaded his fingers through mine, squeezing my hands to his heart. He kissed my knuckles with a flicking tongue. "I am here for you always, Havah. You no longer must walk alone."

Warmth exploded like fireworks within me. It was the Fourth of July down below. "Are you like Satan or something?" I cried. "All the exploding and fire. We didn't cover this in sex ed." I curled up on myself, unable to contain him. It was, as he'd said, too much. "I'm burning. God damn chili dog."

He withdrew, wettened by me. The chili dog-demon's eyes glowed. "Pray for me, Havah," he begged, thrusting his tail into my mouth. I bit it in surprise. He groaned, keeling under me. I ran my hand down the shaft, trying to wrench it from my mouth. It snaked down my throat to gag my screams. My wails shook the coils and joined his roars.

"Bloody severed god. Yes." He withdrew, letting me breathd. He caressed me as I shrieked, gazing at me in awe. Sweat clung to his brow. "You are everything, Havah," he whispered, gently kissing my neck.

I bawled.

"You're crying?" he murmured, eyes closed as he nipped at my skin. "Don't cry, my angel. Shana? This is the happiest moment of my life." The monster rocked me like a child. "Please," he said weakly, "stop."

"You're the Devil." I choked on snot. "Jesus' stupid white trash haint road stand used Satan's ketchup, and they summoned an unholy demon. Why?" I screamed. "Why didn't I pack a BLT?"

"Stop!" he pleaded.

"You sound evil. Like Lucifer's spawn. Why?" I pleaded. "Why me? Don't eat me, my god, wake up. I can't wake up-"

"You are awake, maggot. And, I already ate you."

"But I've been dreaming. Dreaming such horrible things. About death and gods and angels. And Samael," I said with revulsion. "I hate that guy. I hate him."

He growled.

"Stop growling at me! Let me go, bed rape-basilisk thing!"

"I'm a man," he grated. "Not furniture." He forced me down on his torso and grinded against me. Bed-rape futon monster moaned, running his tongue over his unfriendly incisors

"What are you doing?" I bawled. He thumbed tears from my eyes. His lips pursed in pleasure and eyes hooded like a snakes'.

"Waking you up."