Coming of age

The mattress felt softer than usual as I cuddled tight in bed, trying to fall asleep. It has been 2 months since the call with dad. I felt guilty for not checking in over the weeks but hoped he was doing okay. Sleeping has always been a challenge considering that my body never eased up. The feeling of having absolutely no control over me is terrifying and that subconsciously affects my sleep schedule. I can be extremely tired yet I will stay awake as if I was on guard. Despite living alone, it never contributed a sense of safety. This week is crucial. I am turning 23. The absolute horror of aging never fails to catch up. I didn't look forward to the weekend. Mainly because Ki said she was organizing a birthday party for me which is truly absurd. I hate meeting new people. I hate socializing. I just really liked to be in my own bubble. Well that is exactly why she was having this party. She said something along the lines of ' getting out of comfort zone' and ' to make new friends'. For the first time I agreed to this after some persuasion of course. It would be an understatement if I said I couldn't stand public events. I get anxious and nervous, which further leads to unnecessary stuttering and excessive alcohol consumption. I checked the clock once again and it was a little past 2 in the morning. I rolled around trying to find the cozy spot but gave up in the end. Finally deciding that the left-over orange juice would help, I hopped out of bed and made my way into the kitchen.

Sipping on the juice, I stared into my own reflection on the fridge. As I maintained eye contact with the girl, she started transforming, her dress turning into a moss green sundress as her hair was let down with soft curls along with the nude makeup and a touch of rosy lip gloss. She looked ever so beautiful, her almond eyes flickering as she fixed her layered necklace.

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I stood on toes, straining to get a better look. The sundress wrapped around me perfectly. I pouted one last time in the mirror as I slipped on my handbag and phone in the other hand. Looking around the room, I made sure I had everything I needed. The clock read 4:00 pm. The adrenaline kicked in and I felt the surge of excitement and nervousness. I hoped in my heart that this would be an unforgettable night in the best way possible. I closed the door, locking it tight and double checked it just to be sure. All set to go then. With my heart racing, I ventured out with big smiles and big hopes.