Chapter 22

Nana was knitting by the fire when I arrived home. I kissed her cheeks and brought her knuckles to my forehead. The telephone rang but there was nobody on the line when I picked it up. I was about to put it back on the receiver when I heard Larry's voice.

"Hey, it's Larry." I wasn't sure what to say so I did not respond right away.

"Are you there?" He asked.

"Hey." I said.

"Been a long time." He said.

"Three weeks. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I guess..." I hesitated for a moment if I should continue this conversation or just put the phone down. I could still stop this right here. I could still forget. I could still pretend this did not bother me at all.

"Is it true about you and...uhm, Tina?"

"Yes." I answered.

"You didn't tell me."

"I never got the chance."

"Well, I mean she's...she's gorgeous. Really! I'm happy for you, man."

"Thanks."

Dead air.

"Oh, by the way I got a new tape from Nirvanna. Was wonderin' if we could, you know, hang out and listen to it during lunch?"

"I don't think so. I will help Tina with her Math." Lier!

"I see. How about on weekends?"

"Not gonna be available either."

Another dead air.

"Do you, uhm… love her?" His voice broke. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. Of course, you do. Geez, what am I thinkin' haha?" He laughed painfully.

"I think we should not see each other for the time being." I told him.

"May I know why? Did I do something wrong?"

"People at school. They think you're..." I stopped when I was about to say the word.

"Think what?"

"I dunno. It's just…"

"Say it! That I'm gay isn't it?"

"Well, not really. I mean, it's just a rumor. Nothing serious."

"Is that why you've been avoiding me all this time?"

"Look, I just don't want them to get the wrong idea, okay?" I reasoned.

"Why don't you tell me about what you think." He said.

"I'm really tired right now. Can we just talk about this another day?"

"No, this can't wait another day. I'm sick and tired of pretending who I'm not. So, I'm telling you now. I'm gay. And you know damn well that I like you!" There was so much pain in his voice like what he said bled him dry.

"I mean, I got no problem with that really. But the guys at school..."

"For Chrissake Florante, can you stop thinking about what other people might think?" He said furiously. I have never heard him that angry.

"I'm afraid what the kids at school would do to you if they know. I just don't want them to hurt you." I explained.

"I'm not afraid and I don't need you to protect me. I know who I am. And this is not just about me. This is about you! You are afraid because you don't know who you are. So, tell me, what did you feel that night we kissed?"

"Nothing. I felt nothing. I gotta go."

"I hate you! I wish I have never met you, Florante. I hate you!" He was crying. I hanged up the phone.