Chapter one

The children of Brooksville High school all assemble at St Luke's cathedral for the funeral of Jossie Hart an high school senior who committed suicide . Age seventeen.

Mrs Hart, her mother sits in the front pew crying uncontrollably has her mother tries to comfort her. The service is a blur to the late girl mother as she can't seem to come to the fact that her daughter is gone.

The service ends and everyone goes their way to continue their old, boring life and forget that a girl named Jo ever existed.

Tatiana's POV

I got back home from Jo's funeral. I can't believe she actually killed herself. That's her freaking business, it's not like I care. There was a time she used to be my best friend but we had stopped being friends before she died.

"Sweetheart, It's okay to grieve, but Jo will want you to stop thinking and move on. she is happy where she is" My mum says and brings me out of my thoughts. Who said I was grieving? but I just have to admit it really hurts that she is gone. We stopped being friends four months ago and it's not like four months is enough to forget about her, and deep down I know I will never get the chance to settle things with her. I let a tear slip down my cheek. I won't see her around anymore and knowing that makes me cry more and I break down completely. I didn't get the chance to listen to her side of the story. I didn't get to say goodbye and I didn't get the chance to say I love her. I wish I had done things differently.

Today is Sunday, four days after Josie's funeral. Jo's mom invited me to come over together with some other childhood friend of Jo. I put on a purple pant and a white sweat shirt. I brush through my hair but I stop because it reminds me of Josie. Josie and I have blonde hairs,the only difference being mine was a dirty blonde. I really do miss her.

I park my mom's car in front of the Hart's house. I enter and see Pat, Recca and what the fuck is Caleb and Jake doing here. Brief history; Jake is my boyfriend I mean ex, we broke up October last year and Caleb is Jo's boyfriend or should I say ex since Jo is dead now. I give Mrs Hart a tight hug and I follow her to Jo's room and so many of her stuff reminds me of our friendship. We used to be childhood friends, and Jake ruined our friendship. Bad Jake and the idiot is sitting downstairs right now. I run back downstairs and drag Jake outside the house.

"what are you doing here?" I ask him

"why can't I be here?"

"You are not even friends with her" I tell him.

"I could say the same to you as well" he retorts.

"I don't understand"

"the last time I checked you guys ended your friendship before she died"

"And it's all because of you that happened" I yell but not too loud.

" Tatiana I am really sorry but it's really not my fault what...."

I cut him off"I don't want to hear it"

"Fine and the only reason I am here is because I brought Caleb over he said something like his car broke down or so" He shoves his hand into his pocket and walks away

"where are you going?"I ask

"I am just going to wait in the car till Caleb is ready to go" He climbs into his SUV with a graceful leap. I turn and head back in.

I sit with the others and we go through Josie's picture so many of them are pictures of Jo, Lucy and I. speaking of Lucy, why is she not here?.

Jo's mom Jennie, comes down the stairs with a book in her hand..it looks like Jo's diary. How did she find it? Jo had always kept her diary in a place no one would ever find it. So I wasn't shocked when the cops didn't see it during their search.

"look what I found guys" she says and sits down close to me.

"we should read it right?" she asks

" I don't think so, I mean her diary is her privacy. won't it be like we are trespassing?" Pat asks.

"Are you serious right now? trespassing you say? she's not even here to..." Recca was saying but suddenly remembers that her saying Jo wasn't here is still a touchy subject for her mom.

"Sorry Jennie" she says.

"It's okay Recca you are actually right she's not here anymore and besides Pat, Jo used to write everything she was feeling in her diary and I think this will tell us more about why she killed herself. Tatiana back me up here" Jennie says and smile at me.

"you're right. she writes literally everything that happens to her in her diary" I back Jennie up just like she has asked me to.

"so where do we start from? we can't just start from the beginning" Caleb joins the conversation.

"well about that I think I know the perfect date to start from..give me a minute" Jennie says and gets up. She comes back shortly with a small calendar. we all have her puzzle looks. I mean what do a calendar have to do with this.

She sits " she came back home crying one-day and ran up to her room. I followed after her and saw her circling a date on this calendar" she explains while she searches for the date.

"oh here it is.. October 22nd". I immediately freeze. That was the day we ended things. Her mom begins to read

Dear Pumpkin, . She still calls her diary that. I was the one who gave her diary that name, I thought she was joking when she said she will keep the name and continue to call the diary that. I pay attention to Jennie.

Today was fucking painful. I can't believe Tatiana and I are no longer friends.

Her mom stops and I feel everyone eyes on me. She didn't say anything but continues.

She thinks it's all my fault but it isn't. After school today, I was waiting at the football field for Tatiana when I saw Jake and his friends, then Jake walked up to me and kissed me. I was shocked but that couldn't compare to the shock I felt when I heard Tataiana's voice. She said she couldn't believe what was happening, then she walked up to us and gave Jake a punch right before she turned to me and told me that she was no longer my friend anymore and that I could go ahead and enjoy myself with her boyfriend.

It hurts so much, after eleven freaking years of friendship. Why would I even date Jake? Fine he may be hot, rich and whatever but he was hers. She doesn't trust me. I won't blame her because it is not her fault neither is it Jake's fault.

Right after she left, Jake running after her, his friend Caleb came to me and told me everything was going to be okay and that the reason Jake kissed was because Simon dared him to. It was a stupid bet the team made up on who would get to play in their next match. Guys and their stupid ego.

I will try fixing things with Tatiana because I really need to tell her something. I hope she listens to Jake explanation, because she is really hot headed.

bye pumpkin

Josie.

Her mom stops reading. I guess it ended. Tears welled up in my eyes. I blamed Josie all these months not knowing what even happened. Jake wasn't fully at fault also but why did he even agree to the bet. I should have listened and hear him out that day but like Josie said I am so sturrborn now look. I pushed away two people that matters to me away and I have lost one forever. The tears run down my cheeks. I hope Jennie forgives me. I look at her and she gets up. I guess she is just going to hate me now but instead she engulfs me in a hug and whisper soothing words to me till the tears stop and what was left was my quiet sob.

It is already late. Everyone already went home. I bid Jennie goodbye and pick up my keys and head outside. I unlock the car and sit slamming the door shut. I rest my head on the steering wheel. I am drainer and tired. I am really sad. Maybe I should call Lucy. Josie and I met Lucinda freshman year and she became our friend but she understood Josie and I were best friend so she was never ever jealous but you couldn't see Josie and I without Lucy. We were always together until she started working at a diner Junior year. We started drifting apart but we still made it work out with her then my fight with Josie was the final nail in the coffin but we still hang out sometimes.

I pick up my phone and dial her number but she wasn't picking so I decide to stop by on my way home.

I enter the diner and spot Pierre her colleague at the counter. I walk up to him and he wink at me. I guess he's not over the stupid crush he has over me. I remember when Jo, Lucy and I used to laugh over it.

"hey" I wave

"hey pretty, I am no photographer but I can picture us together" I wonder where he gets his cheesy pick up lines

"eww..no thanks. where is Lucy?" he laughs at my scrunched up face

"her shift ended thirty minutes ago"

"ohhh...okay thank s"

"would you like a cappuccino, bill on the house" he smiles sweetly and no I don't blush.

"yes if you insist" he turns to get it ready and I call his name" and a doughnut please" I blow him a kiss and he blushes. He hands me the. doughnut and the drink.

"thanks" I say

"you are welcome"

"bye " I wave at him and I head home enjoying the doughnut. it's not everyday one gets to eat a free food