I have my family but I never felt that I am part of it. I felt that I don't belong and they never even bothered to ask me what I feel. They never care for me, they never love me, also. I was so lost until I became a person who was not me and when I was with someone I never show them my real feelings, but when the time comes and I'm already alone, there's nothing I would do but to cry and ask myself why am I feeling this? Why am I suffering like this, alone. It's never been easy for me, but suddenly I met a man who will let me feel the love I was longing for, the care that I was looking for and I felt it from him and he lightens my world and he helps mo to get up and to be a better version of me.

One's eyes, silently watching me

I was 8 years old when I felt that inside this family where I belong that none of them felt that I am. I was a kid that time so I didn't take it seriously, though. I always think that I was wrong and that maybe I'm the one who had a problem on that. 


But time passed by, I'm already 19 years old and until now, I still don't feel anything. I have Mom, Dad, and my Sister and yes we're only two. But all this time it was always been my sister. I felt so jealous when I see my parents asking my older sister what she wants, what she feels whenever she is sick, but when I am in her shoes, nothing ask me like that. Nothing take care of me when I am sick, no one is there for me when I needed them the most. And that hurts me a lot. 


I suffered a lot from that. I never wanted to feel this kind of pain coming from my family. Everyday, I'm hoping that one of them will take a glance of me but it didn't happened that way. I don't even know the reason why. 


They formed me to be a person that I am not. I became stubborn, I always do what I want even though they're against on it. I don't care anymore. 


But I'm still thankful because they're supporting me to go to school, they feed me, give clothes but I want more than that. I want them to treat me that I'm one of them but they didn't. 


"Something happened again, right?" Asked Aya. 


Where here at the cafeteria and I could say that my mind was totally zoning out. 


"I think so, just looking at her, it dictates that answer," it was Belle. 


"Nothing," I hid them what I really felt right now. I don't want them to pity me. 


They just shrugged not convince with what I've said earlier. They're both my friends. No, let me corret it. They're both my family. They were always on my side whenever I need them or not. 


I am a 2nd year college student and I took a Tourism course. That's my dream job and I want to pursue it. I wanted to become one. While, Aya took Engineering and Belle took Law. When there's a free time we're always hanging out. But now, we need to be serious because we're at the peak of our dreams. Once we fail it, everything will easily fall and I don't want to dissapoint my parents even though they don't care, but atleast once I want them to be proud of me until I reach my dream. 


Chapter 1- Knowing