Holding my head up again

I grasp the steering wheel. Why am I so nervous? I have been going over and over again what I'm going to say to him the past week. There is a lump in my throat, and I can feel the nausea come over me again. I sigh. I look to my stomach and I make a promise. A promise to be strong. I needed to be strong. I wiped a tear away from my right eye and I grabbed my phone and wallet and placed them into my lap. I gently pulled the keys out of the ignition and I looked up at the restaurant. Gathering my courage, I quickly step out of the vehicle, dropping both my phone and wallet to the ground. I wish I could say that is the first time that has happened, but it's not and probably won't be the last.

It is a warm day for November. My maroon sweater dress was a perfect decision I think to myself as I walk towards the doors. I can smell the food and the nausea sets in again. Maybe it was just my nerves, but in my mind I knew it was the morning sickness. I walk up to the door and I am greeted by the friendly host. He smiles at me and welcomes me. Chain restaurants all seem to have their special features, the hosts at this one was it. I walk in and take a glance at the bar. I could really use a drink I think to myself. I laugh, because in my 25 years of life, I'd only really gotten to drink once. My smile quickly fades as I see him.

"Damn."

It took all I had, not to just leave. I grip my keys and I walk over to the table.

"Be Strong." I keep whispering to myself over and over again.

As I round the corner to where is table is, I see the other occupied chair. She has her back to me, but all I can see is the perfect barrel rolls of blonde hair, the dark green crop top and her very fitted black leggings. Suddenly my sweater dress isn't as perfect as I thought it would be. My hair that I quickly threw up in a half up half down pony tail, letting my natural curly brown hair hang down. Why is she here? Is this just a further plot to embarrass me? I swallow my feelings and I walk to the table.

"Marie" he says quietly as if he was embarrassed.

He should be embarrassed. He should feel every ounce of embarrassment I've felt these last 3 weeks. A flashback occurs, the note on the fridge.

I've met someone. I didn't know how to tell you. I've already packed my things and I've already gone. There is some money in an envelope on the counter. I've taken the rest to secure a new living situation for me and Jenn.

-G

"Gabriel" My lips tighten as I take a seat across from them.

What did I do in a past life to deserve this, to deserve any of this.

"Are you hungry" he says as he thumbs through the menu.

"I'm not" My voice is small, and I am regretting ever setting foot into this place.

"You look tired. Where are the kids? I thought you would bring them with you and after dinner, we could head to the park and let Jenn watch them while we talk."

"Gabriel, I'm trying to protect them from this." I manage to slip out, ignoring the backhanded remark he just made about my appearance. "I called you last week, because we needed to sit down and talk about arrangements for the kids and I have something else to tell you too."

Jenn looks up from her menu. I notice that she is wearing a ring on every finger. I wonder if I would have done that then I was 19. If the circumstances were different. Probably not. Jewelry wasn't really my thing. I was more of a dress for comfort type.

"Maria, I know this has been hard on you, and I didn't consider that when I agreed to this meeting. I just thought that after 3 weeks, you would have been a little more healed by now."

"I'm pregnant." I just blurt it out. His words cut me and I just responded.

Jenn looks and me with a shocked expression on her face. She looks at him, searching for answers.

"It's not mine." He says coldy as he looks at her.

"I need to process this." She says as she stands up and walks towards the bathroom.

"It is yours." My voice still low, but still filled with rage.

"Is this a stunt so I won't leave? So I won't divorce you? Well your wrong for this, I will pick up the kids on the weekends."

He stands and grabs his jacket and meets Jenn outside of the bathroom. They leave hurriedly and I just sit there. Feeling the weight of everyone's eyes in the room I stand up and walk out the door with my head up. I wasn't going to be the one ashamed for this.