KINKY DEFENDS MY INTEREST  

September 3, 2009. I didn't get to office on time today because we rushed my younger brother to a nearby hospital at mid night. A nurse approached to assist as she led us to appropriate ward to admit him. We passed through a long passage with rows of wards, we passed by a ward tagged Maternity Ward where a man was lamenting and complaining to a friend on how he managed to get the balance of the amount he was asked to pay as hospital bills which was heightened by the cost of Caesarean section conducted on his wife, and we finally got to Emergency ward where my younger brother was to be admitted.

Doctor said it was a Malaria Plus. My mom came over to stay with him as I and my elder brother left for work. I got to the office five (5) minutes late to meet the Centre Manager at the front office. He abandoned the prayer they were about to say and started reprimanding me for coming to work late. He wouldn't want to even hear anything from me. And as I wanted to say "There is no need for this for I know I will be entitled to half pay as punishment for coming late" A voice interrupted before I could utter a word, and the unexpected voice was that of Kinky, saying "Is that why you are shouting at him? If worse comes to worst, he will resign and leave your job. You are too rigid for my penchant. Has he ever come late to work before? And if it happens that he comes late for the first time, aren't you supposed to ask him why?" So the Centre Manager asked us to pray as he left in boiling anger.

I signed and left for my relaxing spot after the morning prayer. I was expecting my students for morning batch when Kinky came and asked "Mr Man why did you come late? It is quite unbecoming of you to do so." I hissed and said "Please I'm not in the mood" (My thoughts: I said that because I didn't want the argument she had with the Centre Manager. I was shocked when she said "if worse turns to worst, he will leave your job" when she has not secured job for me elsewhere. I still need the job to make ends meet. The only challenge I have with her is her waggling tongue, it's at work again. To say the truth, I actually came to work because I dreamt about her all through last night to the point before my elder brother came to disrupt it with the unexpected and sudden health condition of my younger brother.) She asked "What do you mean by saying you are not in the mood? Problem can only be solved if shared. What is the matter? Please talk to your baby." "Is that your way of solving problems or a way of getting someone who hasn't got a job at Petroleum company sacked?" I replied her as I walked out on her to commence my class.

She came back after my class was over and said "They dare not sack you my dear. Don't you know you have the highest number of students? As a matter of fact, you are the only one running three (3) full batches in a day. Besides, you are the only Oracle Database Instructor they have. I know what I'm doing baby, trust me I got your back" She kissed me and said "That was even my plan B. How would you have felt if I had used plan A." I said "If your plan B could be like this, plan A is not welcome at all." She drew her sit closer and said "Let me gist you the plan A." I interrupted her by saying "Thank you Attorney General of the Federal Republic of Activists, you can keep your plan A. I'm as well aware of the content of your plan B and its usefulness but I chose not use it as defence measures for coming late."

She looked at me stylishly and said "Do you know I love you so much?" "I don't know, tell me." I pretended and teased her. She had a deep breath and said "I have never been so aroused in my spirit to defend someone I love the way I defended you today. I felt like he was reprimanding me not you. You are already inside of me." I shouted "Jesus!" She was like "What happen?" "When did I penetrate or when did I issue an insert command into your RDBMS? My man-in-the-middle has not seen the burning bush let alone to enter the promise land down to carnal of liberty." I replied. She spanked me and said "Your man-in-the-middle better not trespass to eat the fruit in the middle of the garden. better still, the fruit at the centre of the burning bush until his master puts ring on this finger I raised up." She flaunted the two onions on her chest as she cat-walked to show off her backside that made the "man-in-the-middle responded by nodding his head in agreement to what she said.

I coughed and said "That reminds me. You said you were still a virgin and had vowed to be deflowered on your wedding night." She said "Yes." "Do you know I have been praying day and night not to be tempted to hurt your feelings before our wedding day, not knowing that you will come and tempt me with your meticulously carved frontiers and ample backyard?" I replied. She said "So I'm now a temptation, I will show you what real temptation is." She approached and pushed me on the seat to sit on my laps with her face facing mine. She then rode gently on the lower chamber as she clinched her lips to mine, after a while she asked if I put a torch under. "It's cassava I put under not torch" so I replied. "I could feel your good for nothing man-in-the-middle knocking the gate of the forbidden garden." She said and I replied with low voice or bedroom voice by saying "Open the gate to know if he is good for nothing or not." She hit my head with her palm and said "Asewo, which means promiscuous fellow." We both laughed as she stood up and said "I'm glad I made you happy."

I adjusted my siting position and said "You compounded my problem by turning me "ON" for nothing." She looked at me pitifully and asked "What can I do to make you happy? Please tell me, I want to make my baby happy." I drew her closer to my body as I asked "Will you do anything I request of you?" With bedroom voice she replied by saying "I will do anything to make my baby happy." By that time, we had been kissing intermittently and I said "I want you to come to my house." She replied with bedroom voice by asking "when?" and I replied "today." She responded by saying "Please let it be tomorrow my baby, plenty works await me at home. Please don't be mad with me."

I withdrew my body to sit as I said "No problem." She came to sit on my laps and caressed my body as she said "Please! Try and understand." I looked at her and said "I'm okay." She pecked me and asked "Are you happy now?" I push her forward to allow me stand up and said "I don't know." I pecked her as I passed her by to attend my afternoon class. She hugged me tightly from behind and said with tender voice "I'm sorry for not making you happy." I detached her grip and went for my class.

A Microsoft Office Instructor approached me as I was coming out of my class to tell me that she brought my favourite food today but I told her I wasn't in the mood to eat anything. She said she knew I would not eat because of my girlfriend. She claimed I had been ignoring her food for Kinky's. The Microsoft Office Instructor has been a good friend and partner to me even before Kinky joined us. Colleagues in the office thought we were dating each other. Even Kinky thought as much when she first joined us but later got to know that I don't have flair for married women let alone the one with a child. We just like each other naturally. Kinky came to the scene and drag the Microsoft Office Instructor to the front office for a gist while I relocated to my relaxing spot to call my mother and ask about my younger brother's health-status. I was dropping the call when Kinky entered and asked "How was your class?" "Fine" I replied. "Your response was short and quick. Are you still mad at me?" "No, I'm not" I replied. She stared at me for a while and said "You know what, I have decided to go to your house today provided you….." I interrupted her by saying "You don't have to"

She was shocked to have heard that from me, so she knelt down and hugged my legs as her eyes glistened with tears to say "I know you to be a cool and gentle guy, I must have offended you so badly to have responded in such manners. I will not go to my house if you don't take me to your house. Please take me to your house no clause attached." I raised her up and said "My Angel, you don't need this, please stop it. I just thought it's uncalled for to prevent you from doing the important things you needed to do. I respect you a lot, so I need to honour your opinions." She looked at me and said "really?" "Yes really" I responded. She said "so can you tell me I made you happy." I looked at her and smiled as I said "I will, provided you tell me the clause you wanted to say would warrant you to come to my house" She hissed and said "That one! It wasn't serious. I just wanted to know the house of my lover, that's all." "Please tell me my dear." I responded. She said "Okay if you insist, I just wanted to know why you came late to work today." "Okay then, the answer to "if you made me happy" is….." She interrupted me by saying "I knew it! I knew you would not tell me why you came late. You like to keep things to yourself. If you can't tell me why you came late, you can as well keep the answer to "if you made me happy". Am I still a stranger you cannot share your problem with?"

She hissed and was about to walk away but I grabbed her before she could totally fade away. I looked at her and had a deep breath but before I could utter any word, I was contemplating very fast on how to skip that question without telling her lies. (My thoughts: Within few days, I have known her to be highly emotional, strong, intelligent, charismatic, dogmatic and problem solving person. I have all the qualities she possessed in higher degree except that of charisma. So if I tell her my brother's condition, she would want to help and I don't want to bombard her with my own problems.)

So I looked at her and said "If I tell you what made me came late, I will be sad and have sleepless nights but since you insist, I will..." She interrupted it by covering my mouth with her palm. Within myself I was like "Did she just covered my mouth not to say it? – Yes she did. It worked! I had thought it over that if she wasn't truly interested in "if she made me happy" answer, she wouldn't have given me such expression through her eyes when she knelt down and sincerely felt sober for not making me happy and to the extent that her eyes glistened with tears. For you to know I caught her, she will ask me not to continue but tell her the answer to "if she made me happy". She removed her palm gradually and said "Say it" I was like "Pardon!" She said "Tell me." I cleared my throat but before I could continue I quickly travelled back to my mind and soliloquized "It failed for the first time, I was wrong after all."

So I continued by saying "This morning I..." She interrupted again and said "Don't tell me why you came late to work, I don't want my baby to be sad. Just tell me "if I made you happy" answer." For my mind I was like "Yes I did it! Now I have to turn ON my B-Speed mode to quickly spit out the answer before she changes her mind." So I changed the topic saying "The answer is question for question" before she could interrupt, I had continued by saying "Because the genuine answer is in you." She wanted to interrupt but I was faster by saying "So the question is; Are you always happy anytime I am around you?" "What kind of question is that? Of course you know I'm always happy anytime I'm with you. That is even why I'm so inquisitive to know if you feel the same being around me." She replied. I drew her closer and said "That has answered your question because seeing you happy made me happy, keeping your company made me the happiest man on this planet." She covered her mouth with her two palms as she leaped up and said "really!" I replied by saying "yes."

She beat my chest slightly and said "You are such a suspense induced orator, you should have said that straight up instead of starting with question. I never knew you had such eloquent talk at the back."

I responded by saying "The burnt bottom of jollof rice is the most delicious while the end of every movie is the most interesting. Please don't blame me my sweetheart, blame the likes of Wole Soyinka and Chinua Achebe who edified me with literary etiquettes that bred the eloquent utterances I vomit." "Standing ovation for my darling Professor Segun Sotade" She responded. "You must be kidding, I'm yet to enrol for my degree programme let alone to enrol for Ph.D. I'm just planning to obtain the University of Ibadan's DLC programme form and enrol for my first degree. Even you, my girlfriend has graduated from one of the best private universities in our country." She held my hand as she said "It doesn't matter. It is not how far but how well. It will even be their pride, as your role model, that you outstrip them in your literary quest and so shall it be IJN (In Jesus Name)." I responded by saying "Amen. Thank you my dear, you are my strength."

She kissed me as I was about to go for the last batch of my class. I couldn't wait after the class as I needed to visit my brother in the hospital.