REGRET

We got as far from the carnage as possible. None of us could even open our mouth. It had a huge impact on all of us. Somehow, the painful silence was soothing. It was Ethan who finally broke the void of tension around us.

“You guys ok?”

“I’m fine” Maggie muttered her voice barely audible. I simply nodded not trusting my voice. What have I done!? My mind screamed. After days of struggle, we finally reached the river, but we couldn’t take any pleasure in it. Our minds were still clouded. I noticed that there were prawns in the river, I sighed internally, at least the water was pure. Maggie walked straight to the water and drank from it. I joined her.

“Don’t wet your clothes, you can clean yourself up tomorrow. It’s getting colder, and frostbite doesn’t go well with survival” he said backing away from us. “I’m gonna make fire” he added. My eyes widened. I opened my mouth to protest, but,

“Whoa, are you crazy? Don’t go in there alone” Maggie said mirroring my thoughts. And she walked up to him. He looked at me. I turned towards the river and looked at the prawns, closely.

“Ana?” he called. I dint want to turn away from the peaceful sight in front of me, I wanna imbibe the peace that prevails outside and balm my wrecked inside. I don't know why, Ethan is more anxious and thoughtful after witnessing the bloodbath. I feel like he knows something about it.

“You guys go on ahead, I wanna stay here for some time, and I will try and catch some prawns for dinner” I said not turning around. When I dint hear his retreating footsteps, I glanced back at him, looking at me skeptically.

“Don’t worry I will be safe here” I added. They retreated into the forest. What could have done that? I don't think there is a predator in earth that could do this! It dint even eat it! I tried not to feel anything. The panic, guilt, regret, self-loathing, anger, fear, and finally pain were tackling each other down to take their own places in my mind. I can’t get rid of the thought that I have led my best friend and the boy who put his life on line to save us, straight into a bloodbath. I clenched my fists painfully hard, to get rid of the thought. Ethan and Maggie were making fire on the edge of the forest line. I explored the river for prawns. Once I gathered fine amount of prawns for three of us, they started to cook them in the fire striking up a conversation. I went back and sat by the river, to drown their voices. The river babbles were heavenly to hear. I dint know how long I have been seated there, when Maggie suddenly cried, “Ana! Come on eat something”

“I’m not hungry!” I called out. After an hour I went back to them and found Maggie fast asleep, leaning on the tree bark. She has been through a lot. I sighed. I gently placed her head on the towel and wrapped her scarf over her. Ethan was looking down at his hands thoughtful. I walked back and sat by the fire hugging my knees, it was too cold out here. Ethan walked up to me and sat by my side.

"You okay, Ethan?"

"I'm fine, Ana, why do you ask, suddenly?"

"You seem bit off after the carnage we witnessed"

"Um, Its nothing Ana, I'm fine" he said hesitatingly. He surely was hiding something.

"Okay" I let it drop, for now.

“Here, eat this” he had a Lychee fruit on his palm. I wonder how he found that.

“I really am not hungry Ethan” I said avoiding his eyes. I know I wouldn’t be able to refuse, if I looked at his face.

“Ana! You vomited what you ate in the afternoon and you hardly ate anything after that, you will make yourself sick, just eat this” he said. “Please?” he added when I dint reply anything. Why is he pleading me to eat? Ugh… this is impossible. I grabbed the fruit, thanking him and silently ate it. I was exhausted. I curled up right there and closed my eyes. It was obvious that he wanted to tell me something, but refrained himself from doing so.

“I’ll take the watch tomorrow” I muttered sleepily.

I woke up unsettled, at midnight, to the sounds of muffled sobs. I got up and found Maggie sobbing into Ethan’s shoulders, he was holding her trying to console her. My eyes widened and panic seized me. Ethan’s wide eyes flashed to my face.

“What happened? Is she hurt?” I almost yelled in my sleep tight voice. I was on my feet in an instant, and stumbled towards them.

“She had a nightmare” Ethan answered looking at me, concerned. My heart throbbed. I hunted for Ethan’s back pack and rummaged around it until I found what I needed.

“Here” I said and gave her a sleeping pill and some water. She took it and lied down immediately. I re-adjusted her scarf around her and walked back to the other side, and sat there, my eyes boring into the fire. I have no idea what I have gotten us into. If Mr. Snitch’s idea about the predators is wrong, may be there wasn’t any officer’s cabin either. This thought has been gnawing my mind for hours now. I tried to get rid of it. Dad’s and Clare’s face flashed to my mind. I wonder, what they think happened to me. I wonder, whether Sharon, Alan and all others got back to the city, unharmed.

“Ana? You okay? Ethan asked distressed.

“Hey” he said softly and put his arm around my shoulders. He cautiously took both my hands in one of his, my heart thudded. His eyes tightened at the sight of my wounded palms, he gently caressed it with his fingertips, trying to calm me down. Though I wanted to stay right there and never move, I willed myself away. I don’t want him to do something he doesn’t like to do.

“Ethan don’t bother about being polite, I don’t really mind” I said entangling myself from him and headed towards my bed.

“I’m not doing it out of politeness, not for you” he said suddenly. I turned back at him frowning. What does he mean by, ‘not for you’? I swiftly pivoted back to my bed shaking my head. I have enough to worry about.

“Ana?” he called. I’m sure he wants to make me feel better. I did not turn back, ‘cause I dint want to feel any better. I don’t deserve it.

“Good night, Ethan” I said and closed my eyes.

“Good night, Ana” he said after a long time.

I startled myself awake and looked around to find Maggie sound asleep. But… where is Ethan? I looked around wildly. He has always been there with us when we woke up. We usually did all our business after everyone was up. Did something happen to him, while we were asleep!? We surely would have heard something… I dispensed the thought as soon as it appeared. I got up and treaded towards the forest.

“Ethan!” I shouted. There was no response. Panic and terror gripped me.

“Ana?” Maggie called behind me.

“Did you see Ethan?” I asked her, maybe he told her.

“No, he probably went to pee Ana” she said dismissively.

“No he usually informs us, before he goes somewhere” I retorted back at her.

“Ethan?” I shouted again. No, no, no. Did the ‘predator’ get him? God please no.

“Maggie, stay right here, I will be right back” I said urgently and took few quick steps into the forest.

“Ana?” his voice questioned behind me. We whirled around to face him, he stood there with a bunch of fruits cradled in his arms. He was breathing hard, and was looking right at me with a blank expression. He looked as if he has been running. The sudden flood of relief that washed through me was heady.

“Where the hell did you go?” I lashed at him. He was shocked by my outbreak. What the hell was he thinking? Thank goodness he is okay. It took a great deal of time for my heart to find its normal pace. I never knew that, one could get so mad and happy, synchronously like I do now. I wanted to slap him hard but also hug him tight. I was surprised by my own thoughts. I ignored the last part but contemplated on doing the former.

“I just… wanted to get our breakfast ready, before, you both wake up” he explained.

“You scared the daylights out of us” Maggie muttered and walked back to our little camp. He just stood there observing me. I glared at him. I was too mad to speak.

“Jerk” I muttered when I walked past him to Maggie. He was trying to hide his smile, when he walked back to us. That bastard. We ate and cleaned ourselves up, and started our journey again.

It was our fourth day in the forest. At mid-noon we decided to take some rest. We were still following the river hoping to get to the ocean, I wonder when that will be. Whatever slaughtered that animal hasn’t bothered us. Yet.

“I will be right back” Maggie said getting up.

“Do you want me to come with you?” I asked.

“No, Ana I won’t be far” she assured me and walked away. I looked at her retreating figure concerned. She still has nightmares.

“Ana, you never told me about your family” Ethan stated out of the blue.

“There isn’t much to say Ethan, My dad, Howard, works as a Science and tech professor , my sister Clare is in High School, and my mom died when I was three years old” His eyes widened when I finished, he looked almost hurt.

“I’m sorry, about your mother”

“Its’ ok I don’t even remember anything about her to miss her” I said. He cringed. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.

“What about your family?” I asked, trying to change the topic. At that we heard a piercing scream. It was Maggie! I was on my feet in an instant and ran as fast as I could, towards that voice. Within minutes my breathing turned hard labored and the panic made it impossible to draw oxygen into my lungs.

“Ana! Wait!” Ethan shouted gaining on me.

“Maggie!” I clamored. She shrieked once more and her voice died.