Sorrow

Amy laid in her hospital bed unable to sleep. She was watching a video on her phone. The video was on Amy's Instagram page and the mother was introducing her son on a local news channel in the video. Amy brought her son to work with her in April of last year, which was two months before her husband's death. She celebrated a national day called, Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. Since Amy was a television news sports reporter, she took her little boy to work with her and was holding him in her arms while she was giving a live sports report.

Amy got a lot of emails and social media comments from viewers telling her how adorable her little boy was. She received tons of emails, and some of them came from viewers who didn't even like watching the local news. A viewer commented on Amy's Instagram page saying that they hated the sports segment on the news, but I loved watching Amy hold her son. Another viewer said — Your son is gorgeous, just like you.

There were moments that Amy wanted to relive, and taking her son to work with her was one of those moments. Amy wanted to get a second chance at protecting her child. She wished she could have stopped the soldier from taking her child out of her arms.

Amy had a lot of regrets. All she wanted was to hold her baby again, and she was mad at herself for not protecting him.

Amy remembered how she contemplated suicide after having a miscarriage. She assumed she would never have another baby. She felt too ashamed to tell her husband that attempting to shoot herself in the living room of their home wasn't the only time she tried to take her own life. Guilt consumed Amy when she thought back on the night she tried to shoot herself and threatened to shoot her husband if he tried to stop her.

Amy admitted that she had problems before she became pregnant with Eric. But it seemed like when she found out she was pregnant again, everything in Amy's life felt like it was changing for the better. It was like giving birth to an angel sent from God when Amy saw Eric coming out of her womb and heard him crying for the first time. Amy would never forget how Eric looked up at her after the nurse placed his tiny body in her arms. He didn't cry that much. Looking into her baby's eyes was like getting a glimpse of heaven.

Amy thought God was mad at her because of what she did in the past. But after getting married to Bryan and giving birth to Eric, she felt that God had forgiven her for her past sins. Or so she thought. It was all a trick, and Amy felt like God was toying with her.

"I was so excited when I felt my baby’s little feet kicking around inside my stomach," Amy spoke to her father, smiling at him.

"That's the first time you smiled at me today," Amy's dad, Bobby, said while letting out a brief chuckle. Bobby almost teared up when he saw his daughter smile at him. He had gotten used to seeing her cry throughout the night, and he had forgotten what her beautiful smile looked like.

"Daddy, I'm sorry for hitting you last night." Amy reached over the bed rail to take hold of her father's hand.

"It's alright, baby. I upset you," Bobby told his daughter. Bobby felt he deserved to get slapped in the face after what he said to his daughter. He blamed himself for telling Amy last night that God let her child get kidnapped so that he could test her faith. Bobby admitted that what he said to his daughter was insane. He was in shock after finding out that a man shot his daughter and kidnapped his grandbaby. He knew being in shock caused him to talk crazy.

"You were right about telling me how the Lord gives and takes away. Maybe God let those men break into my house and take my baby because God is trying to teach me a lesson. He blessed me with Eric, but only for a little while." There was a disheartening pain in Amy's voice, and the young woman tried to keep a smile on her face while staring at her father.

Bobby leaned closer to his daughter while holding her hand against his chin. "I was wrong to tell you that last night, Honey. God doesn't allow suffering to come to you so he can test your faith. He doesn't bless you with something so he can take it away from you." Bobby shook his head while releasing a low, sorrowful moan. The Christian minister tried to hold back tears while looking at the large white bandage that covered the bullet hole in his daughter's shoulder.

"I deserved to get Eric taken from me because of the things I did when I was younger. God is punishing me Daddy, because I lost Bryan, and now I just lost my baby. God is punishing me for being a stripper and selling my body for sex." Amy told her father with her smile fading away.

Bobby shook his head in immediate disagreement with what his daughter was saying to him. "You were nineteen-years-old when you did that stuff. God isn't judging you. You were young, and you didn't know any better."

Amy rolled her eyes at her dad while wiping away tears. "I was a f*cking stripper and a prostitute! I was a nineteen-year-old girl who was having sex with guys for money. I was old enough to know what I was doing. You mean to tell me that God isn't punishing me for what I did!?" Amy's light voice was becoming elevated and the grieving young mother didn’t notice that her voice was rising.

"Baby listen, God forgives you for what you did in the past," Bobby told his daughter, hoping to stop the bleeding. "God isn't mad at you and he's not punishing you. He loves you, Sweetheart." Bobby watched as his daughter took her hand away from him after he told her that God loved her.

"If God loved me then why did he let two men break into my house and take my child from me yesterday?" Amy fidgeted with her nose ring, which was something she would do whenever she became sad or irritated. "If God loved me then why would he take my husband and my child from me?"

Bobby took a deep breath while listening to the aggravation in his daughter's voice. "God didn't take your husband and child from you. He's not a God who would do something like that." At that moment while Bobby was trying to comfort his daughter, he felt a slight irritation toward God arise within himself. The minister felt a little bitterness arising in him and he wanted to ask God why he allowed his grandbaby to get kidnapped and his daughter to get shot. The man tried to ignore those bitter questions he had toward God in the back of his mind because he knew it was the Devil trying to discourage him.

"Do you know every night I fantasize about killing that cop who shot Bryan?" A cloud of pure disgust arose in Amy's eyes when she talked about her husband's killer. "Every night I think about when I was sitting in that courtroom listening to that man tell the judge how he didn't mean to shoot Bryan." Amy paused, licking her lips. "That racist cop shot my baby that night because he was a black man," Amy stated before biting her bottom lip.

Bobby relived the moment while listening to his daughter vent. "I know you wanted to kill that bastard in the courtroom. That man was twice your size, but you almost killed him," Bobby said while chuckling a little and trying to retake hold of his daughter's hand.

"I wanted to break his f*cking neck when he looked around at me and said Bryan didn't suffer before he died. I couldn't believe he said that to me." Amy shook her head. "I almost killed him and then the f*cking bailiff came and pulled me off of him. Why didn't God let me finish what I started?" Amy balled her hand up into a fist. She stared at her father with a sunken gloom on her face.

"God didn't let you kill him, because he wanted to take care of the killer himself. Sometimes it's best not to take matters into our own hands and let God handle things." Bobby could see in his daughter's eyes that his answer to her question did not satisfy her.

"I had my miscarriage, and I thought I would never get pregnant again, and then here comes this gorgeous little baby dancing around in my tummy." Amy giggled a little while feeling tears stirring up in her eyes at the same time. "I know I've told you this a million times, but when I was breastfeeding my baby, I was sitting on my bed thanking God that I was holding this beautiful little thing against my breast. It felt like a wonderful dream. Now that wonderful dream is over." Amy stopped talking. The grieving mother swallowed some tears while laying her head back on her pillow, holding her father's hand against her chest.

"God will bring us through this. But I know this is hard," Bobby whispered to his daughter. The man tried to stay strong for his daughter. He tried to keep his faith in God. "God is not punishing you for your past. The past is over, baby." Bobby hoped that his words were comforting his daughter. "When you became a sports reporter, I was so proud of you. I couldn't believe my little girl was on television reporting the sports." Bobby chuckled while looking at his Amy with pride in his eyes. "When you told me you were retiring from being a UFC fighter, I was so glad. I wanted you to stop doing that, and you did. It was such a dangerous career choice, but it was your choice." Bobby chuckled and shook his head. "I was glad when you went to college. Watching you report the sports segment on the local news for the first time made me feel so proud." Bobby smiled when he saw that his words were bringing a smile back to his daughter's face.

"I'll never forget how happy you were when you saw me on TV reporting the sports segment while holding Eric." Amy giggled while looking at her father with a light coming back into her beautiful eyes.

"That was the best day of my life. Seeing you holding my grandbaby and teaching him how to read the teleprompter on live television." Bobby chuckled while pointing down at the video on his daughter's phone.

"Eric was so smart, like his daddy. I could teach him anything and he could figure it out just like that." Amy snapped her fingers together and giggled. "Me and my baby did a dancing routine together and I uploaded it on my TikTok page." Amy laughed softly. The mother thought about how she danced with her son in her TikTok video to the beat of BTS' Life Goes On. Amy thought about how her son out danced her in her video and she thought about all the adoring comments about her son that came from her TikTok followers. "He was a good dancer. He could dance better than his mommy," Amy told her father while still wiping moisture off her face. Amy tried not to imagine the police telling her they found her child's body. One tormenting thought after another was going through the young mother's mind.

"I feel that everything will be okay. God is protecting my grandbaby wherever he is," Bobby told his daughter while caressing her hand and looking into her mournful eyes.

"I don't know who those men were, and why they broke into my house," Amy said while shaking her head. "I should've protected my baby. He was in my arms and I—" Amy's voice trailed off.

Bobby reached over the bed, putting his fingers through his daughter's platinum hair. He stood up and embraced his daughter when she fully surrendered to her grief. Bobby said a prayer under his breath while grieving himself. The minister rocked his daughter back and forth in his arms while whispering out through his tears... "God please protect my grandbaby. He's my daughter's only son. Please heavenly father, bring my grandbaby back to us unharmed, and don't let the Devil take him."