Chapter 40

I felt his hand play with my hair. The straw textured straight brown hair against his soft fingers made me uncomfortable. But he still played with it without caring for its terrible stiffness.

I wasn't sure how long we had sat there, but I was beginning to feel stiff, and until I could reassure myself enough that Cain wouldn't order me to sit back down, I wouldn't be moving anytime soon.

"My mother had a strange obsession with my father when I was young", he suddenly began, hands still playing with my hair but had worked their way up near my nape.

I found the subject quite annoying. Anything related to his father put me in a foul mood yet still made me tremor in fear.

"He didn't look at her once, and she was always waiting, searching and seeking for him. She would shame the women who slept in his bed, but she wouldn't shame him for his actions. I always found it quite disgusting when I was young", his voice held a nostalgia that made the smell of the roses a tad bit sweeter. The way the morning sun caught his hair made him seem ethereal for a moment as he glanced down at me, flowing blooming all around him.

"I hadn't realised", I replied, unsure of what to say.

The duchess I knew barely acknowledged her husband's existence, but at times her mood would dull precisely when he was up to no good.

"You wouldn't have. Back then, you only looked at Angela", he sounded bitter, and I thought I imagined that spark of hate in his eyes, "But then…" his voice softened, "you were always with me. I was your master. And you were my pa-" his voice cut off suddenly as if he couldn't believe what he was about to say. With a deep breath, he continued, "I need you by my side, Isabelle. I need you to only look at me and see me in the same way you did when you were a child. Back then, you dedicated all your senses to ensure my safety. The only flaw was your attention to Angela, but now that's been eliminated, nothing should hold you back".

His words made me realise something that I hadn't before. It was as if I could see him better, and it wasn't in a way I wished.

"You… You sent Angela away because you loved her, didn't you?" I felt the doubt building up, and when I stared at his unchanging eyes that stared at me as if in disappointment, I felt a sliver of fear.

"Of course I did it because I love her, but you don't send away people you love. You keep them by your side by all means possible" His hand held the low of my back as if to show me what his words meant. To help me understand.

"Cain…" I could feel my heartbeat accelerating and the feeling of my mouth drying. My hands shook uncontrollably, and I tried to get a hold of them, but Cain held them in his hands instead. Arms circled me.

"You understand, right?" He murmured in my ear, his fingers gliding over the back of my hands.

Don't let it frighten you. Don't let it scare you-

My thoughts halted as his breath was suddenly so close to my ears, gliding on my skin.

I- I can't- but I have to.

I thought of the kind Cain I had been introduced to. Not the cold-blooded murderer. Not the boy who tortured me.

"My mother and I are quite similar in some ways. I was too much like her to ever make her proud.", his arms wrapped around me, pressing me against his broad chest. I was grateful it was from behind because I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"I'm- I'm sure the duchess would be very proud of you, Cain", I said, hoping it may change his mood.

He snorted at my words, tightening his grip.

"If she saw you in my arms. A disposable slave. A tool to fulfil a servant's needs and desires. Someone whose worth should be beneath nothing. She would be turning in her grave", he chuckled.

I couldn't disagree.

"All the more reason you should stop", I said.

"I couldn't even if you asked. I can do whatever I want to you, Isabelle. I can break your limbs. Chain you to walls. Have you grovel in the floor beneath my feet. Yet I prefer you right here. Untouched. Unscarred."

"Cain, this isn't right".

"I know it isn't".

"If you want to… touch me. You can do it whenever you want. You can take me at any time. I know I tried to be friends, but at the end of the day, you own me" I was even sure what I was babbling about.

I didn't want to be touched. Not by him. No matter how beautiful he was.

"I've known that for years, Isabelle".

The emphasis on years made my stomach drop.

"Then why?"

He gave me a wry smile in return, a secret clear in his eyes as he leaned down towards me, grasping my face and bringing our lips to a distance so close we breathed each other's breath.

I stared at his red lips. They looked delicious. Like they might taste of strawberries. I licked my lips, hoping I might taste whatever lay in those lips.

I wanted them to crush mine.

"You'll understand one day". That was all he said as he pecked my cheek and left me in a state of longing until I caught myself and snapped out of it.

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The duke was hanging by a thread. He no longer spoke. His coughs were just rasps, and the colour of his skin a dead grey.

Whatever the Baron prescribed did nothing for him. And for a renowned doctor to be useless meant that the duke was on death's door.

Cain hardly seemed affected during this time.

He called for me often. At breakfast. At lunch. During his work. At night.

It would just be to keep him company—an act to keep the warm air afloat.

But there was tension. I couldn't look at him for longer than a moment. My face would warm up. My chest would constrict.

I had been horrified to learn the depth of his feeling, but that had changed when I had confided Kassie. Not while dropping any names, of course.

"Wow. He wants you even though he knows it's wrong. He doesn't force himself on you even though he could easily overpower you and no one would care. He wants to cherish you… That's something you rarely see. It must be tough", she gave me an apologetic hug. She misunderstood, no doubt.

But those words had stuck with me.

I had never been treated as Cain treats me these days. He forces me to dine with him. Gives me sweets whenever he calls me.

There was a moment I wouldn't say I disliked a sour candy, although my face must have given it away because he sent them out and got others. There was a time I had hit my arm on a pillar, it was light, but he had me examined thoroughly.

As days like these continued, I couldn't stand to be near him, because I wanted more. I wanted to... Touch him.