Chapter 46

The vibrating electricity buzzing between us drew me closer to him. Lips nearing his with each breath. His fingers teasingly travelled up my arms. He hadn't stepped closer. He hadn't moved an inch beside his fingers.

I could see it in his eyes. In his every breath.

'Come to me. Love me'.

There was something more there. A whole mirage of feelings and emotions. The pent up stress of being ignored for so long that created this fantasy.

And I was gladly playing a part.

Until that is-

"Isabelle! Where have you run off to!" Naomi's booming voice shot straight through the hallway, and I had cringed alongside Cain.

We met each other gazes with an awkward chuckle. The atmosphere was completely gone. Ruined.

I was rarely one to anger. But I could feel irritation sweeping over me.

"Maybe... Maybe I'll have insomnia tonight and have you tend me then", he gave me a smirk full of cheek while he rolled his eyes, "Until then... Don't slack off", he patted my head, holding onto it a little longer than what might be passed as banter.

Just like that it was gone. I was happy again.

"I'll try not to fall asleep then", Despite my words, I wasn't sure I could promise him anything.

"If you feel tired, then don't bother. Or rather, my bed is open to you. Whether for sleep or"-

"Isabelle!"

I sighed in annoyance.

"I'll see you tonight".

That was a promise.

He watched me go. Face smiling as he gave me a wave. His eyes... His eyes smiled too. And I knew I was smiling as well.

I managed to get to Naomi before she screamed my name once more. Her face conveyed only exhaustion. Bags drooped from her eyes, instilling worry in me.

I made my way to her in worry, but she stilled me with a single look. A look so severe I almost gulped. I was revising my whole day to spy for mistakes I made unconsciously. She knew I was with Cain. She encouraged me to, so why was she... Looking at me like that?

"Do not let anyone find out. Do not be reckless". The words left her mouth in a whisper, drastic from earlier screaming. It sounded like... Advice? As if she had once been in my shoes.

I recalled her grief when the duke had passed. Recalled the tiredness I overlooked from her when he was sick. I felt bile rise to my throat and willed my face not to spasm in disgust.

"Thank you", I willed the words from my mouth, knowing full well whatever had happened between her and the duke was probably something more of an abuser and victim relationship.

But maybe it was like my and Cains relationship once.

My stomach dropped slightly at the thought that... That one day, I may be like Naomi, head maid, serving the duke I once loved and his beautiful, elegant and loved duchess.

It hurt more than I thought it would.

"Angela is in the yard waiting for you. Don't stay out too long, or the other maids will complain. We still have work to do" She gave me a short pat on the back, and then she was off. She was racing ahead of me even though I was walking as fast as possible.

Just as Naomi said, Angela was waiting in the gardens and looking like a fairy among those flowers. It wasn't the main garden, with it's lovely array of flowers, just the garden that we knew.

The one in the back, where the little flower weeds grew. They were scattered across the grassy ground and pouring from the brick wall of the servants quarters. Beyond lay the stables.

Angela leaned against those flowers. Face half shadowed as she held her stomach with a look of content and happiness.

She hadn't noticed I was there as she smiled down at her stomach and whispered.

"My little bean". Her voice was full of a side of her I had never known. Apart from being full of a love that the fortunate knew all too familiarly. A mothers love.

And just like that, it clicked.

I could feel tears. Welling in my eyes as my heart seemed to jump around. My legs had almost given out as I gasped.

"Angela", I think I had whispered it, it was barely a breath, but she caught my eye. A twinkle in tears as she understood that I realised.

I don't know how long I had cried. It was like I was a child again, but the tears were those of happiness and... Relief. It was pride and content.

I knew mother would be smiling too if she could see it.

I hugged her gently this time. Noticing that her stomach stuck out a bit. Ever so slightly.

"Why didn't you tell me that first?" I asked when I had finally recovered.

Angela had given me a feigned look of annoyance, and I realised she had dropped hints. Quite obvious ones now that I think about it...

"You're just really innocent, Isabelle", she teased, "I bet you don't even know what happens in the bedroom. Justin was too nice to ever to show you. A real gentleman", her words hadn't meant any more harm at all. Just her usual talk, but at the mention of his name, I had felt a tremendous shock.

Because of Justin...

Because I had forgotten him.

I found myself thinking about him. His scent of mint and earth that he carried with him. The way his arms felt around me, how he would always disapprove of my clinginess and scold me. The way he never hid how he cared.

I missed him a lot, but there were no more butterflies.

Just as I noticed that, I pondered on whether there ever was. Had I acted along like how I thought I should have?

'I'm not going to leave you alone with him!'.

His voice shot through me like a beautiful daydream.

'I promise you, as a man to a woman...'

It had been a few months since he had left. His warm laughs and smiles had once followed me in every corner of this mansion after he had left. But now I felt like a joke. My mind like a cluttered and confusing joke.

"Don't be rude!" I would've slapped her arm Had I forgotten that she had a little one growing in her. Thankfully it took my mind off things, "women are truly amazing, aren't we?" I mused.

"Oh, that's enough of that. Alex has not once shut up about how glorious a woman is since this has happened, and I don't need you on my case too", although she complained, she looked... Satisfied. Content. Happy.

I smiled, but Justin tugged at my head. Even after I had said my goodbyes and cleaned the house tirelessly with the maids, who threw annoyed glances at me for being off for so long. But I had ignored it all.

When I had got to my room, I had, for the first time since the funeral began, just glanced over my bed. Instead, I walked towards my cupboard. A long slim box in reality and had opened it to reveal another maid dress, a few stockings and an apron bunched at the bottom hiding my true purpose for opening it—a box.

It was a box of my little valuables. Things I kept that probably had no worth to anyone aside from me.

I hadn't looked in it since I came here. Blatantly ignoring it out of... Spite.

Because most of its contents...

I frowned as I lifted the lid. The hinges were broken from rusting, but it was like that when I had found it abandoned by a servant boy doing his spring cleaning. I frowned deeper at the contents.

The little bracelet, made of chains with handcrafted flowers embedded into their gaps. I had worn it dearly even after it began to rust.

The earrings, with the most vibrant stone hanging from their hooks. I didn't have the piercings to wear them, but I had kept them safe.

And finally, the one that still twinkled. No sign of wear and tear. The necklace screamed for attention with its jewel. Common as they were, the chain was beautiful, and I hadn't had the guts to wear them.

All of these... All of these had been from Justin.

I had received jewels and things from the duchess, though most either got stolen or mysteriously lost. I had kept the necklace on me at all times due to this.

But in comparison to those, these little pieces of old things... held much more weight to me.

I wondered if Justin had found someone else. Someone he truly loved. Someone who wouldn't tie him down to disappointment.

I had crawled under my sheets with those very thoughts plaguing me. My views were so contrary to the next I wanted to throw up my arms and give up.

And then, as the sound of the maids and servants getting into their rooms to rest had long passed, I recalled my promise—the one I made earlier.

I sat up.

Heart Thundering in my ears.

It was pounding louder as I dared to step out of my bed. More so when I stood in front of my door. The biggest obstacle before me.

Justin was still fresh on my mind, but when I thought of the excitement I experienced the other night with Cain, he vanished.

I pushed my door open gently enough to keep the hinges from screeching as I slipped out the door and crept through the dark blinding halls. As it became brighter, the main rooms of the mansion coming into view, and I was creeping up those large stairs, it occurred to me that Cain might be sleeping.

Maybe he didn't feel up to waiting. Perhaps he realised it was all a stupid mistake—something done on a whim.

But my feet moved on their own.

For once, I hadn't sped past the late duke's study. I had barely noticed it.

When I reached his mahogany door, I found myself finally thinking straight.

What was I doing here?

And I knew it clearly, but how could I get so blinded by such- such overwhelming desire and come all this way?

But then the handle turned from the inside.

It was too late to turn back.