Chapter 53

I wasn't sure how long I had stared at him after he had spoken, admiring the curves of his face so long for a moment I barely understood what had left his mouth. I didn't care.

I hated how I could barely think straight around him, and somehow I knew full well he saw through me. He knew well how he made me feel. His red eyes bore up into my boring ones.

So beautiful. The orbs I had spent years gazing into.

The curtains behind him swayed, the window open to let the breeze in. The swallowing darkness so very clear as the glass of the window came to sight. But just before my eyes could pass over them, there was a glint of green that had me frozen.

Justin...

I had completely forgotten about him after being with Cain.

He must have seen everything...

A sense of guilt filled me.

"Just where is your mind?" A strong hand held my face and suddenly I was staring back into Cain's sensual eyes.

I wanted to fall back into those deep pools. The sparkling jewels.

But the shame was eating away at me. The guilt. I moved back, but he pulled me back, tight grip on my thighs.

"I - I"-

He pressed his lips upon mine, cutting my words. His softness caused a shiver to run up my spine. He pulled away, eyes staring deeply into mine.

"I can't think straight around you." He let out a shuddering breath.

My mind was falling again.

"I should leave. People will notice that I'm"- I tried to move away but he held me tighter, standing up so he could stand closer to me. Hands on my back.

"They will" he whispered into my ear, "So leave".

I couldn't move.

I didn't want to.

From the way his grip didn't change I could tell he felt the same.

"Okay" I answered as my hands wrapped around his waist, my head fell on his shoulder.

He hummed an answer as he placed his head on my shoulder in return. I wasn't sure why we were hugging, but just that I had felt a strange need for it. A strange hole being filled up by him. I felt... complete.

There was no kissing. No touching.

Just a hug.

"I haven't hugged someone like this in a long time" my voice was muffled by his shoulder.

Cain didn't reply, but his grip tightened slightly. As if to say he understood. As if to acknowledge that we both had these holes. And we filled each other.

There was a quiet sniffle as he lifted his face, eyes tinged with a light redness as he looked down at me. I knew he was slightly off today. But now I could see it. He was no longer hiding it from me.

"Don't you dare leave me Isabel" He whispered.

There was no demand.

It was a plea.

I felt tears in my eyes. I wasn't sure whether they were happy tears or sad tears.

"Don't be silly. I would never".

______________________________________________

"Isabel, please take care of the master's clothes" I heard one of the maids repeat for the hundredth time as I folded the crisp white shirt.

"Yes, Marianne" I also repeated.

Even though Cain had given me the duties of a normal maid. I was still a slave. And people will always remember that.

It had been days since the last time I had seen him. I couldn't face him after that last meeting. The emotions that we had both revealed were so vulnerable. I wasn't sure what to say.

I had avoided meeting him directly.

As for Justin.

A sigh escaped my mouth as I thought about how I hadn't seen him after that day either. he had gone missing. Or maybe he had left. I thought back to what I had said that day after he told me the mission he had to complete.

'Leave me, Justin. I'm happy here. I belong here.

Maybe he finally understood it, after witnessing what happened in Cain's study.

I grimaced. I felt the sense of being dirty. Just like I constantly did as a child.

I had always known that I had been born dirty. Out of wedlock. Cursed. Some might say. But I had stopped caring for it. I had accepted it. But now I feel so dirty. So incredibly dirty.

I caught sight of my nails. Full of dirt and grime. Hands wearing fresh cuts bought along with the day's hard work.

I was dirty.

"Girls! Will is coming this way!" A maid squealed.

Will, I had learned was the beautiful man of the heroes party. He was the praised healer, capable of healing a hundred men on the brink of death.

He had been visiting the area commonly used for chores and mostly occupied by servants often. He seemed to enjoy conversing with the maids. My ears had already been talked off by Kassie who said he must be into one of them. I had been lucky enough to be out of bounds when he was near, but luck can only take you so far it seems.

I hadn't pressed the hero Kendrick about his interest in my mother. I had barely looked at him since that day with Cain. Maybe he was a lover of hers. Or a friend. Did it matter anymore? she was dead.

I felt that familiar tug at my heart.

You never truly heal after losing someone, but you learn to get by instead.

"Are you okay?" the voice that clearly didn't belong to a maid startled me out of my thoughts with a gasp.

I stared at that familiar feminine appearance and realized the healer was looking at me concernedly.

When had he even entered the room?

"Yes. I'm fine" I finally choked out.

"I can see your aura. You are not fine at all" He raised a brow at me. His voice was so blunt it was annoying, but he was right. I wasn't fine at all.

I didn't want to ask Kendrick. Not because I didn't care but...

"You're right. I'm not fine. Is that a problem?" I asked, trying to be nonchalant, but I was slightly irritated.

"Only when it's costing you your health" He replied, again, bluntly. When I threw him a confused look he continued, "Whatever's eating away your mind you need to let it out. It'll start eating your soul soon and your next trip is insanity".

I stared at him. He had no reason to lie to me.

"Is that true?" I asked.

He shrugged at me.

"If you don't want to believe me then don't, but if you do then I'll let you know that I often listen to people's troubles. I'm not just a healer of bodies, but also of souls. For someone so young, yours has been ripped apart many ties hasn't it?" He no longer sounded sarcastic, but sympathetic. As if he understood.

He was a stranger. We had no ties. So it wouldn't cost me. But it wasn't just that. I felt like I could trust him.

"I'm... torn" I began, "I have lost many people. My mother. Close friends. I had very few people, to begin with. I didn't know some of them too well. They had lived lives before I had even started mine. And now, I might hear answers, but I don't think I'll like them", I felt a weight lighting on my shoulders. As if someone had sliced the boulder bearing on my back slightly. "I don't want to think of them as bad people. I don't want to ruin my image of them..."

I couldn't bear the thought of feeling ashamed for missing them.

"Does it change that they loved you if they weren't great people?" His question took me by surprise.

"Of course not..."

He smiled at me smugly.

"Then there you have it."

I was too stunned to speak.

Had this man just made me realize that my sulking for the last few days had been entirely useless by a simple question. A sense of awe-filled me.

"You are a healer".

He rolled his eyes.

"Darling I'm not just for decoration," he remarked as he walked towards the doors to leave. Stopping with his hand on the doorframe, "Don't be afraid of answers. Understanding someone you've lost brings a sense of closure. It may have been years since you've lost them, but that doesn't mean you've accepted it".

I nodded back, giving him an appreciative smile.

"Thank you".