Chapter 60

I noticed the way his eyes looked. They were as red as ever. As beautiful as ever. But it was as if the roses were suddenly enveloped by thorns. This was something that Cain had kept to himself. Something he didn't want to acknowledge. Something he hated.

The way his eyes conveyed self-loathing wasn't hidden. The way he was laughing at himself.

I didn't know what he was, but I didn't think it would be much of a game-changer for me.

"Cain I couldn't care less what you are" I was hoping to get through to him, but he could no longer hear me.

His eyes were elsewhere as he began to speak.

"I was shocked when I found out you were the hero's daughter. I always knew you were special, but... I had always thought you were only special to me. I thought that you were made especially for me. That you were solely mine. I was proven wrong" He let out a laugh and glanced outside the window. From where he sat you could only view the further plains of field. You could probably make out little beads walking slowly but surely across the squares. A game we had once played as children was trying to figure out which ones were cattle and which were people. "I didn't tell you. I knew the moment the hero asked about your mother, and I did everything to stop you from finding out". It was a statement. Recognition.

"You did" I replied, voice full of neither blame nor disappointment.

He turned back to me, eyes searching my face for any speck of anger.

"You can be mad," He said, distress evident in his words.

"I know" I acknowledged.

"You can shout" He pressed, voice rising, not so much to shout, but to be heard, "You can hit me".

It sounded like he was asking. But I had just smiled at him, half humored and half tired,

"I would never".

He dropped his head, palms rising to catch it as he let out a long shaky breath. His hair swayed vigorously in a shaking motion before he took a deep breath and straightened up.

"When Justin returned I had hoped you would inform me. I know why you didn't but I had wished you did. I may have let him be then. I may have been okay with him being here".

lies. All lies. We both knew that.

"I'm sorry I didn't. I tried to send him away, but he didn't"-

"I know" He gave me a warm smile, "I know. So I got rid of him for you, but of course, he wounded back here like a stray dog".

That made me snap.

"You don't always have to jump to the most extreme solution" I glared at him. I recalled the state of Justin and felt even angrier.

Cain stared at me for a moment too long, as if he was treading carefully.

"You weren't meant to find out".

I let out a breath of disbelief.

"Oh? I would always question where he would have wandered off to and then one lovely summer morning his rotting carcass is left on your doorsteps! I know you've killed many and barely batted an eye, but I carry that guilt. I feel what you don't!" I was breathing shallowly, swallowing spit out of both anger and fear. I only rarely got angry. And I only rarely raised my voice. But from experience, it only resulted in physical pain.

"You always get mad for others. You feel their emotions and block off your own. You feel mine where I reject it. Or rather, where I can not feel".

"You can feel" I shot back.

"I don't care if they pose a danger to you" he admitted.

"Then..." I felt a voice telling me to stop. Not to take a single step in the direction I was about to go, "when you killed your father, you did not care?" I stared at him like a cat, unsure if this might be the end of me.

"He kept you from me" he stated as if it were a fact, and then his eyes glazed over in such anger I could feel the heat of it reaching me, "he dared to hurt you. He deserved to be fed to the dogs and then his remains to the cattle. If I could have done it directly. I would've cut all of his limbs off and then left him to bleed to death while being eaten alive".

I wanted to deny his words. Say he was lying. Tell him nobody would hate their parents so much. Not that much. But the amount of hatred Cain possessed. The way the desk seemed to shake from it.

He had not said a single lie.

I found myself flinching away when I caught his arms moving. He noticed immediately and calmed down so fast I could barely comprehend it.

"I wasn't able to use these powers back when... He must have threatened you. So I had misunderstood and I had hurt you too. You were everything to me and yet you hated me. I could barely get through a single day without feeling madder as the seconds went by. I let him continue to beat you. I could have stopped it" I could see him breaking. No. He was already broken. I could just see it now.

I wanted to say I forgive him for it.

I wanted to.

But I hated how my body stiffened when I could feel any animosity. I despised it when I found myself holding my breath as to not annoy someone. It wasn't in my nature. It was a result of abuse. I was once normal too.

"Cain. Stop. You wouldn't have done any of that if you knew the truth" I had found my hand squeezing him, despite my every cell telling me to run.

He looked at my hand and lifted it while staring at it. He pressed it to his lips gently while his sorrowful eyes looked at me.

"You will never forgive me for it. You don't realize it, but you still get scared when I reach for you. Sometimes you stiffen up when I caress you, other times you twitch. You think you're okay with it, but your body remembers" he looked beaten down.

It felt like someone had just slapped me in the face. But as shocking as it was, I believed him. Because at times I wondered how I managed to love Cain so much when he had been such a prominent figure in the torture I had been subjected to.

To mask it as a misunderstanding and that he truly loved me felt... Condescending. It was like someone had drenched me in hot oil and said 'Ooops... My mistake'.

I had lost bits of myself through it all. And yet I was supposed to brush it off.

I found myself in a jumble of emotions when I realized I hadn't come here to jump down this rabbit hole.

"You will not be the cause of Justin's death as well. Take his name off and I will... forgive you".

He was looking down, taking everything without any changes. I could see something shifting behind those crimson eyes. Before he looked up at me.

"If I had let him die you would never have discovered it. I wouldn't have let word get near you" He calmly said and then he stood up, moving to stand before me, hands on the armrest of my chair as he leaned down to be on eye level with me, "You can hate that about me Isabelle, but I can't change the fact that I will do everything to keep you happy and besides me. Seeing you smile, at times it's all I wish for".

"Then drop the bounty" I whispered, face blushing as those butterflies attacked my stomach again.

"I am as much a duke as a businessman" He leaned down lower, one knee supporting him, as he now looked up at me with a smile.

I lifted my brows with a smirk, surprised at his sudden change of attitude. It was like him to say strange things, but everything he did was for some long-term plan. As if he had a list that he worked through.

"I wished I had noticed that sooner" I snorted, "I may be a free woman if I had".

He pulled a red velvet box from his pocket, small and plush. A grin of mischief clear on his face, but there was something else. Something I could only see from a slight tremor in his hands.

Was he nervous?

"Isabelle, daughter of Diana and Kendrick, in exchange for the freedom of Justin Drente, will you marry me and be the duchess of Goldiar?"