My Ex-Woman

Tuesday, 27 April 2021

The nerve of this beautiful sexy woman smiling at me as if she hadn't left me four years ago. We'd been together since I was 18, then she left me for someone else after what I thought was four solid years of secret affair. Everything was working well. Nobody knew. Nobody would have suspected because people knew her as the demure and respectable science teacher who teaches Biology to freshmen students. Who would've thought of her as a feisty, lustful woman? She had eyeglasses and she always wore maxi dress that hid her perfectly-shaped and flawless long legs. Her blonde hair was always in a low bun that's fastened at the nape of her neck. It was such an elegant look when paired with loose tendrils of hair; it framed her face and neck. She looked so much like Blake Lively that all the boys in school wanted to be Ryan Reynolds. Everybody had a crush on her not only because she looked like a celebrity, but also because she was the only foreigner in the entire educational institution of The Pilgrim School. She was a Filipino-American, with absolutely no trace of Filipino physical attributes, so no one would've thought she had mixed blood.

She wasn't my teacher; she never was because she taught in high school and I was in college when she started teaching. Back then, I wasn't affected by the K12 curriculum. If that was implemented during my time, I would've been a senior high school and that would've really sucked because of the additional years in high school. Well, I was lucky to be in college at 18, so there wasn't that much guilt on her end. Our age gap was only seven years; I couldn't even feel that gap when we were in bed. But you know people, they can be so judgmental. Plus, a student-teacher relationship is forbidden whether or not the teacher is the student's teacher, which was why we both decided to keep our affair a secret from everyone. Well, except for Justin of course, because he knows everything about me. After all, he's my only confidant.

When I learned that Justin had been having casual affair with that Julia girl, I felt so pitiful that I was older than him and not getting any action in life. I admit, I could be a little insecure of Justin because he has great looks, great body, and he's young with a sex life. No matter how hard I try not to feel insecure, it just kicks in automatically like there's no switch at all. And I know that sounds shameful because he's my best friend and I should only wish him the best all the time, and I do, I really do. Except, I wish the same for myself, too.

I think because he started being sexually active, I got jealous and suddenly missed Serena. She was the only woman I've had sexual affairs with and now, she's right in front of me, looking so beautiful and sexy like the last four years didn't matter. I honestly don't know how to react to her sudden presence. Do I yell at her and be so dramatic at the fact that she left me for another guy four years ago? Or would that be stupid because it would just give her confirmation that I'm not over her? Am I not over her? With all these years of celibacy and burying myself in books, hadn't my feelings for her changed? Even just a little? I really don't want to start anything with her right now, no matter how much I want to get laid, because I know she'll just leave again. I must be strong.

"You're not smiling back at me. I guess it doesn't work anymore."

I could feel her slowly approaching as she said that, even if my eyes were on my book, which I opened on the wrong page. I wasn't reading anyway, I was just trying to avert my eyes off of her luscious big brea...I MUST BE STRONG.

"You're not looking at me."

I can do this. I know I have strong will and determination. I just have to show her I'm not interested, so that she'd go away on her own. My peripheral vision could see her carefully approaching, so I nonchalantly sat on my chair and used my legs to push myself into the corner, so that I could read peacefully (yeah, as if that would work!). As she came near, my senses started to torture me. It's like when good vampires smell blood, but then they're trying so hard not to suck that blood. That's the kind of torture I felt every step that she made. The closer she is, the more I would lose my control. I feel like, anytime, my true nature would come out and turn me into a monster. I MUST BE STRONG.

"Uriel, please look at me. I know you want to."

Drops of sweat trickled from the side of my forehead and down to my book. I had to move further on the corner, almost pinning my right arm to the wall just to avoid Serena from seeing that embarrassing display of tension. I cautiously wiped my sweat with the back of my right hand. What is up with the air-condition?! Is it not working?! Damn it, it's starting to get hot in here!

"Uriel, honey. Come on, let's talk. Please…"

Honey? Did she just say honey? Okay, that's it. She's nuts. This silent treatment is off. "Serena…" I placed the book on the desk which I was easily able to reach because I have longs arms. "I haven't been your honey since years ago. What are you even doing here?"

Her eyes. That look. I MUST BE STRONG, or else…

"I'm sorry. I just got used to it."

"Used to it? But we haven't been together for four years." I said, trying my best not to yell.

"I know. And there's no good excuse for what I did. But I miss you. I miss you terribly, honey. I mean…Uriel. You don't know how much courage it took me to come back here and see you. I want to make it up to you."

She hasn't changed. Her voice is still a bit husky. It's so alluring that it's killing me. She's still wearing a maxi dress. She's still wearing eyeglasses, and her hair still looks elegant. Most dangerously, her smell hasn't changed. When she moved closer, her hair still smells like vanilla, and her skin still smells like pumpkin pie. Oh no…I MUST BE STRONG, I MUST BE VERY STRONG.

"Get out of my face, Serena. You're not welcome here." Saying that felt like my heart was going to explode.

"Please, Uriel. Please, give me a chance to talk."

"I said…GET…THE…FUCK…OUT…OF HERE!!!" Right, I'm doing great. I had to yell and scare the shit out of her, so she could finally leave before I succumb to my inner desires and jump her like a mad man. I've always been a gentleman. Really. But damn it, why is it so hard to resist a woman like her? Why??? She left me for another guy. I shouldn't forgive her for that. And I shouldn't even think about anything at all that involves her. She should be out of my life forever. End of story! I MUST BE STRONG!

She looked so wounded. I couldn't bear to look at the hurt showing in her irresistible eyes. And the burden on her beautiful face felt like a stab in my heart, so I walked away, pass the many rows of bookshelves, and into the stockroom. Except, I think that was a bad idea, because she easily followed me. Now, we're both in a room and God knows what happens in rooms. "Why would you follow me here? I said, leave!"

"No, Uriel. Don't push me away, please. I know you're not like this. You're never mean. You would never push anyone away."

I confidently moved closer to her and as she was looking up at me with her pleading eyes, I said, "NO. I won't push anyone away. Just you. I want you out of here and out of my life and I wish you would never show your face again because I'm sick of it!" I can't believe I just said that. That was too mean. I think I'm going to have a heart attack (if that's even possible for someone who doesn't have a heart disease).

She didn't say anything, but her eyes showed it all. She was too hurt. And I couldn't bear it, but then again, I HAVE TO BE STRONG. I have to. I really have to. Anytime now, she would finally leave and…oh my God, is she going to cry? What should I do now? I can't just ignore her like this.

She suddenly looked weak and helpless…then a well of tears ran down her face as she dropped on the floor. Now, I couldn't hide my instincts. I had to cave in. I had no choice but to help her up. Except, she wouldn't let me carry her up. The next thing I know, her warm soft hands cupped my face. Her face was drowning in tears, yet she was trying so hard to open her eyes and look at me.

I lost the fight. My false rage vanished into thin air and I can't believe it. What is it with crying women that makes them run the world? It's a ploy, isn't it? To control men. And here I am, all weak now, giving up to her successful trick and succumbing to my own desires as she pulled me closer and kissed me so passionately. Now, the taste of her lips had swallowed every inch of my mind and body; I had completely forgotten what STRONG means. Or if that word even exists in the men's dictionary.