How to Be Independent

Friday, 07 May 2021

It's been a week after the most embarrassing experience of my life. It turned out that Papa wouldn't have known about that sex-in-the-stockroom incident if he hadn't found one of Serena's earrings, as well as her bracelet on the floor. I didn't even notice that she was wearing a bracelet. What kind of animal have I turned into to unconsciously disentangle her earring and bracelet and not notice them?

I swear, I thought she only wore a watch. The bracelet looked a lot bigger than her wrist, so I couldn't believe it was hers, but then she and I were the only ones who had sex in the stockroom. I guess it was hers. I haven't seen Serena and I don't know her contact info. I haven't told her about Papa seeing that supposed-to-be private footage of us. And I'm not sure it would be a good idea to see her even if I wanted to return her belongings, which I kept on the bottom drawer of my desk at the bookstore as soon as Papa handed them to me.

I couldn't see him eye to eye; it was very awkward to have breakfast with him every morning. Marie, Robin, and Hailey noticed that we'd been silent and avoiding eye contact, so they would casually ask us from time to time if there was something wrong. Papa always answered with, "No, kids. Everything's cool." Yeah, right. Everything's cool? I couldn't even sleep without picturing him watching my sex video and everything's cool? I honestly didn't want to move out, but I couldn't take another day in the house and have breakfast with him.

The very next day after Papa handed me the flash drive, I went to Justin and told him about the uncomfortable talk that Papa and I had. That I felt humiliated and somewhat abandoned as a son because he wanted me to look for a place and live alone. Justin, along with Procopio enlightened my mind as if I just had a counselling session with psychologists who have partnered up to talk sense into me. I realized I had been immature to feel abandoned, but I felt comforted when they understood my utter humiliation about Papa finding that sex footage. They also made me realize that he was just being considerate, and that he was not embarrassed of me. Instead, he was proud of me for dedicating my life to my family, and the family business.

Justin and Procopio told me that it was high time for me to think of myself and enjoy life by being independent. But what really crossed my mind that made me so anxious, were the many things I had to deal with that I rarely dealt with before. Like having to cook for myself, doing the laundry and groceries, paying for electricity, rent, cable, and water bill myself once I find my own place. All these things felt so overwhelming for me that I felt like I'd rather babysit my siblings for the rest of my life. With all these in mind, Justin and Procopio encouraged me and told me that everything would be fine. I can't believe I'm older than Justin and yet, I'm dependent on him. I really appreciate him as my best friend during my troubled times. And I also appreciate Procopio doing his responsibility to me as my guardian.

Come to think of it, they were right. I had been a responsible son. Except for that incident with Camila, and those times when I was with Serena since I was 18, and unexpectedly had sex with her at the stockroom, I had actually been responsible on other aspects of my life most of the time. So, paying bills aside, as well as doing all those household chores that I felt nervous about, made me realize that maybe having my own place wouldn't be so bad. I could bring Justin over for a change, and Procopio doesn't have to go invisible when we're home. I could also read silently at the comfort of my own living room, or watch my favorite TV show without worrying if someone else might want to watch something else. I could also learn how to cook and roam around the kitchen to do chores without anyone panicking that I might spill, drop, or break something. Most importantly, I could also bring a girl over. Wait, there's no girl to bring over. Serena and I are done, and Princess Nic…my insides suddenly felt weird. Damn it, why am I even thinking about her all of sudden? I shook my head to shun my thoughts about her.

It was 8:45 in the morning and I was reading American Dirt by Jeanine Cummins in my bedroom, waiting for Papa to go to work before I could come outside and play with Hailey and Robin. My hiding was useless though, because he was suddenly knocking at my door. "Son, can I talk to you for a minute? It'll be quick."

My heart stopped. What could it be? I wasn't ready to have another talk with him. Although I've been enlightened of things and his good intention, I still couldn't get myself to face him, knowing that he had seen me having sex with Serena.

"Uriel?" The continuous knock on the door felt very synchronized with the uneasy thudding of my heart. And it was all due to my crumpled ego.

I reluctantly got up from my bed, still holding my book on my right hand. My forefinger served as a marker on the page that I was reading. I turned the knob with my left hand, and peeked at him. "What is it?"

"Come out here. It wouldn't hurt you to come out here and face me."

"Uhm…yes, it would. My humanity got crushed into smithereens the night my privacy turned out to be no longer private."

"Come out here, you silly. I have no intention to add insult to injury."

I let out a big sigh and opened the door wide enough for Papa and I to talk properly. He handed me a small envelope. My heart raced at the sight of it. "Oh my God, is that a subpoena requesting me to appear in court for violating the Anti-Obscenity and Pornography Act?"

He struck my head with the envelope. "Will you cut it out? You're too imaginative that you could be a writer. How can you even get a court order without evidence? The one and only copy of that sex video is under your own protection. If you're too scared about it, then get rid of it."

"Then what is it?"

He shook his head and exhaled. "I don't know why you always ask me that when you can just take a look at it. Just open it."

I did, and got surprised to see the contents. It was a blue Peso Savings bank book from BDO Unibank, Inc., the largest bank in the Philippines. Underneath it was a BDO ATM card inside a clear vinyl card sleeve that served as a card protection. I couldn't believe what I was seeing as I flipped the bank book to check inside. There was 480,000 pesos worth of savings under my name. I couldn't help but instantly cover my face with the book I was holding because it stirred emotions in me that I didn't know existed.

I'm not the melodramatic type of guy, and I don't remember ever crying, but then that moment was just too surprising and touching for me because I needed financial security. And now, I got it. Luckily, with much resistance, I was able to hold back my tears, so I took the book away from my face and inserted the book under the envelope, atm, and bank book to keep everything in place. "Are you giving this to me?"

He nodded.

"This is too much. How did you manage to save this much money?"

"What do you mean? You saved that money. Or more like I saved your money for you. I knew you never thought about your own future and just gave all your income to me without thinking about what you would need in the future. You seemed so contented with having just enough money for your lunch at the bookstore, money for at least one new book per month, and needed very little amount of extra cash for anything else. You don't go out on parties to gain new friends; Justin was enough for you. You don't go on trips like most guys your age would want to do. You don't splurge money on girls. These things that the youth of today normally does, they've never been a part of you. You've been living your entire life with us, and for us. I never had to worry about the kids when I'm at the bookstore. And I never had to worry about you because you're such a responsible son. With the money that you have been giving me every month, I spent money for the monthly groceries, which was already a big help considering that there are five of us. Other than that, I was able to manage all other expenses. I saved up 4,000 pesos every month, which is 48,000 per year, and did that for 10 years, so that you can use it when it's time for you to live on your own."

There was no response that I could give him that very moment because I was speechless. I was holding back my tears and was afraid that once I started saying something, there'd be a well of tears. So, I did what I had never done before. I hugged him. And when he gave me a gentle tap, I realized how much taller and bigger I was.

I've been so comfortable living without worries that I lack the vitality needed in life. I can't drive, I can't cook and even if I try to, I mess up, but who cares about all that now when I have almost half a million of savings to start a new life of independence?

When I let him go and gave him a smile of gratitude, he gave me one last thing. He took a note from his pocket. "Here. Once you're ready to be independent, here's the breakdown of the monthly expenses that you need to be responsible for. I wrote the approximate amount of expenditures, so that you don't have to rack your brains when it comes to budgeting." He gave me a heartwarming smile.

Without breaking my own smile of gratitude, I said, "Thanks, Papa. You've been awesome."

"Yeah, well, you've been awesome, too."