Chapter 40: The Last Breath

His steps were heavier as the destination came to his view. From afar, he saw a few nurses rushing in. Yamato could not walk fast due to his physical, plus waddling together with Ryohei was the option. Kawanishi and Hayato tailed them from behind, but they never uttered a word.

"I can't, I can't."

Strange. Too strange. It was their first time seeing Ryohei broken down since five months have passed. Kawanishi immediately caught Ryohei when the latter dropped onto his knees, wailing and bawling. Hayato evaded to elsewhere, refusing to watch any longer. He was pushing a stroller, and Ryohei's and Yuki's babies were in it.

It was impossible that Ryohei could maintain calm any longer. The medical team was about to detach the equipments, which indirectly killed Yuki. Despite the assistance, Yuki's health was deteriorating - His heart beat was getting slower, and his blood pressure could not retain at normal level. Even the parameters of his blood has declined probably due to being bedridden for quite a long time - without food and drink.

"I can't agree to it! I can't!" Ryohei bawled his eyes out, crying in massive disappointment. Yuki was still breathing, at least. But due to his deteriorating health, even the machines could not assist him anymore.

He was not going to blame Yamato. Yamato has done great in helping them - he even delayed his research and became Yuki's doctor, checking on the blind daily and babysitting their sons. Yamato took care of the babies willingly as he himself was going to be a parent, and looking after them was a training to him.

Yamato led them to Yuki's ward. The sorrowful surrounding was sullen, and no one could deny the lingering devastation. The nurses waited for them, slightly bowing as Yamato and Ryohei stepped in. The nurses have already recognized Ryohei as the patient's husband, aware of Yuki's sex and Yamato's relationship to them though by surface. Both Ryohei and Yamato have always acted tough in front of them.

Hence, seeing both of them broken down was a new scene to them. They turned speechless.

"Kawanishi and Hayato, do you have something to tell Yuki? Before we put off the machines on him," Yamato was not even looking. He gestured his hand towards Yuki, consenting them to come forward.

Kawanishi took a spot at the bedside, meanwhile Hayato stood at the opposite spot. They watched Yuki's chest waving really slowly compared to their first time visiting Yuki. Yuki did seem skinnier and feeble, breathing too slowly. Even the fingertips felt cold, and the skin was as if sliding off the muscle tissue.

"Yuki," Kawanishi started off, "I can't help but to replay our happy moment together. Well, only I like it though," he grasped and squeezed Yuki's slender hand, "No one knows how guilty I am. For everything I have done to you, for your perseverance, for your firmness. You are such a strong one - as a lover and as a mother. You never let Ryohei go, and it seems Ryohei is strong too," he let a chuckle, "Your kids are cute, looking like Ryohei. Please don't get upset, and please watch over then even though you're going far. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry."

Hayato pursed his lips. The murkiness inside the ward brought him to finally burst to tears. He ducked his head, body shaking in crying. "I'm sorry too, Yuki. I was really jealous of your prettiness. I know you don't like Kawanishi, but my jealousy really overpowered me. Even after you've become blind, you don't seem to rely on Kawanishi. Kawanishi was always the one contributing for you, but I refused to acknowledge your loath to him."

Yamato assisted Ryohei to stand straight and walk to Yuki. Ryohei was panting, discouraged and devastated. Yamato patted on his shoulders, lending some strength although he, too, was heart wrenched by the whole situation. Hayato and Kawanishi gave some space for Yamato and Ryohei.

"Yuki, I'm pregnant," Yamato settled down on the chair. "I finally am able to conceive. I really love to share the news with you. I'm still waiting for you though." He took Yuki's hand and rested it on his belly. "See? My baby responds to every touch. Even you. It will be merrier if you're awake. Frankly, I'm nervous," He put Yuki's hand to Ryohei, "I don't know to who I should rely if anything happened to me after the delivery. My ex husband doesn't want to take this baby to his current household. But imagining that my child can befriend yours, I brace up. I must survive this pregnancy, right?"

Strange. Too strange. Their first meeting was unpleasant, yet their perspective changed just because of a research regarding secondary gender. Yamato has completely transformed from a carefree adult to a very sensitive mother-to-be believably due to hormonal alteration. How everything has changed because of this conflict - Past relationship unveiled, dark secrets unmasked, and true feeling unleased. However, the grim result was unavoidable.

Instead of sitting on the chair, Ryohei chose to land on Yuki's bedside. He gently caressed Yuki's hollowed cheek, tears streaming down his own. The regret he would bear for his entire life would not vanish forever, all was his fault which he could not rewind. Yuki was dying on the bed, leaving him and their babies.

"No other words could portray how pitiful I am nowadays," Ryohei began, "For the rest of my life, I won't find your replacement. I won't fall in love, and I won't revert to hetero. I will loyally wait for the right moment to reconcile with you, one day. Yeah, one day," he drew his face closer to Yuki's, "I will take care of our children, Yuki. Thank you for giving me the best gift in my life - the gift that I swear my life I won't ever abandon. Forgive me for my stupid decision, for my abruptness, for my ignorance. Forgive me for everything, my fault for causing you to fall into coma. Forgive me for disbelieving you the moment you were sacrificing your life giving birth to our sons. Forgive me for every of my wrongdoing, my snobbishness, my overconfidence. Forgive me for not loving you as much as how you love me."

Ryohei motioned at Hayato to bring their babies nearer. Hayato nodded understanding. With the help of Yamato, he placed both the babies on Yuki's chest. Magically, the babies giggled when their father hummed to them Yuki's favourite song. Ryohei smiled at the cheerfulness he witnessed.

"These are our sons, honey," Ryohei said while holding both of them with one hand, "I named them like how you like on our discussion last time. The big brother is Kouichi, and the little brother is Kouji. Well, honey, I would like you to see them for yourself. Most people said they look like me. I hope you don't be angry, okay?" Ryohei faked a laugh yet tears still dripped onto Yuki.

Yuki's final breaths fogged in his mask. Ryohei's pretending was fading - he could not even smile. Reminiscing their happy moment together at the very last seconds throbbed his wrecked heart too much. He slammed his face on Yuki's crook of neck. Even the sweet scent was faint.

"I love you so much, Honey," Ryohei whispered right at Yuki's ear. "You are my first love, and my one and only wife. I still hope you'll get up." He removed the mask and kisses Yuki passionately. "I love you wholeheartedly, my honey. My heart and soul. My life. I love you so much."

"I- love you too- my Dear."