Creamy Companion

I hardly skimmed over my answers, unfortunately not one to take the time to double-check, and submitted the test. 'Am I really that confident with my answers?' I asked, knowing full well all my second-guessing was pointless once it was turned in. I lifted the silver watch from my pocket and checked the time. 9:35 am. I could've just checked the time in the corner of my screen--it was faster and easier. Sentimental value, huh. 'How stupid…and yet I still do it…' I guess old habits really do die hard.

I read through the assigned chapters naturally developing theories and characters without really meaning to. It wasn't a story I was particularly interested in but just reading was relaxing so I'd take it. I skimmed over the open-ended questions about the potential themes, character descriptions, and conflict before I copy/pasted them into a Word file and began typing out my lengthy answers, being incapable of writing anything less than what I thought. I've always written too much. Old habits die hard I guess. Oh well, my English teacher loves it. 'Am I the only one who sees the problems with this?' I stare blankly at the responses. Sitting back and reviewing every sentence word for word--something I actually bothered to edit--I took a moment to appreciate the consistency in the character's dialogue and how indirect the characterization was. At Least they gave me a decent book to analyze. Thanks...what was my teacher's name again? 'My memory really is shit, huh. Especially when it comes to names. I'm surprised I even know my own.'

Time passed and my to-do list withered down. Feeling dissatisfied despite the progress, I shut my laptop and pondered my options. I turned on an episode of an anime I had left off on and started sketching while occasionally following the subtitles. Watching subtitled anime and drawing became a habit pretty quick--I felt bored only doing one. Doing both somehow made me feel productive. Though I knew that was just a psychological thing. If I actually wanted to improve my Japanese, I'd sit down with the flashcards I made yesterday or open my textbook and study, and if I wanted to get better at drawing, I'd work on my anatomy, do more difficult positions and try new things. Instead of challenging myself, I multitasked to feel content. Pathetic.

An hour or two goes by quickly and I still haven't seen her. She must've left already, huh. For the best, I suppose. I don't want to see her face today anyway. I finally snapped out of whatever daze I was in and noticed the tapping sound on the windows. Ah, it's raining. Neat.

The weather has never really affected my mood directly. Having something so uncontrollable determine whether you're in a good or bad mood has always seemed foolish to me. Then again, my mood shifts suddenly without the weather interfering. 'Maybe I'm the real foolish one here.'

Staring at the nearly finished drawing, I felt nothing. I never really feel anything towards it. I don't hate it, I've seen far worse stuff and yet, I don't like it either. For how often I draw and how much of my life I've wasted on art, I have very little appreciation for it. Strange, isn't it? Ah, I think I know why that is though...

I set down my stylus and paused the episode, realizing the dog should need to go out by now. 'When will he learn to use the dog door,' I wonder. 'Should I teach him myself?' I ponder, reminding myself he's not even my dog and that someone else should handle it. Avoiding responsibility again. I grab the leash and summon the creamy white pup to my side and walk out. Oh, right. It's raining. Not really caring about the downpour, I continue.

"Hako. Go do your business, sniff around, you got 10 minutes." I say, more to myself than the dog as I unclip his leash. He stares at me for a moment before trotting off into the bushes. I watch blankly, falling into tune with the droplets of water hitting the pavement. 'It smells nice.' I think, thankful I don't have allergies this time of year. 'I can at least thank you for your decent genes.'

For how indifferent and sarcastic I come off as I still constantly find things to be grateful for. "Is that odd?" I asked aloud, surprised by my own voice. Of course, there's no answer, hah, why would there be?

"Alright, Hako, let's go in." I call. The rain-flattened bushes rumble and outcomes a milky white puppy. "C'mere boy. Good boy." I say, my tone not complimenting the words spoken at all. 'What kind of mechanical voice is that?' I asked myself, in a self-deprecating tone--the usual. For how little I interact with the dog, he sure listens to me well. I chuckled, recalling how disobedient he can be around others.

"I can't blame you for not listening to her, can I?" I pat my thigh and he follows.

'And now I'm talking to a dog. Pathetic.' Then again, I glance at the disgustingly innocent creature, "You're far better company than plenty of humans, aren't you, boy?"

I return to my laptop, filtering through the news I find interesting and the news I don't.

'Ha. What a fucked up world we live in.' I smile, sarcastically.

"About time I stop procrastinating, huh." I sigh, glancing at the pup who's sleeping near my feet. I take extra courses for numerous things--physics, programming, advanced biochemistry, among others. I really have nothing else to do with myself and even if they're technically forced on me, I don't really care. I'll do it. Some of them are live classes and I remain muted most of the time, chiming in only when I have the answers. At least in these classes, there aren't idiotic chatterboxes. No offense extroverts or anything...

I sign in and begin working within the virtual physics lab where I test ideas and write down my answers for the homework. It's a pretty simple concept and I find writing numbers relaxing. Something about equations is almost beautiful--different from literature. I don't know if my brain I meant for this sort of thing, surely someone with more mathematical talent would do better. Such thoughts lead me astray whenever I try something new, and yet, I still do it. That's something, isn't it...? That 'motivation' is worth something, right? I'm grateful I can afford to take the classes, I am. So why do I feel dissatisfied? I'm smart enough to get a decent job and get by in the world...aren't I? I sigh, drawing no conclusions. What's missing?

After mindlessly working through academics, I finally take a breather and relax. I'm still a weeb at heart and start working on dinner. 'Still not hungry though. Oh well, food is important, I guess.' I look through the fridge, 'Taco Wednesday is a thing, isn't it?'

"Itadakimasu." I clap, bow, and start eating. Mexican food and Japanese mannerisms, what a weirdo.

Perhaps smelling the beef, my fluffball of a cat finally makes an appearance. I've been wondering where you were.

"Sleeping under the couch again?" I ask. He jumps onto the counter and lays on my keyboard. "Hey--can you like not...?" He ignores my request. 'I really need to stop expecting responses from animals.' I remind myself.

It gets dark fairly early here, which I'm content with. If I had to say, I prefer the night more anyway. And thus the day comes to an end. I stare at the ceiling, gripping the silver pocket watch, rotating it until it finally caught some light. 5:35 am. And, I'm still not tired. But I am bored. I'm really bored...and I...I think I want to talk to somebody.

Maybe that's when I finally notice I'm quite lonely and have been for some time now.