Insecurities/Opening Up/Meeting

I used shadow movement and appeared at the tree on the hill I made. Sitting down and leaning on the tree I began to truly contemplate about my life. This time I wasn't actually going to try and ignore it or just put it off, but I wanted to actually understand myself.

What is it about me that I find so bad that I criticize myself over it whenever something isn't taking priority in my head?

Let's backtrack first.

"I don't want people to think or be like me because the world would be bland, but more so because the way everyone would be. Like I said Skeptical, having trust issues, random moments where you just want to hurt someone, and everyone would have the same thing playing in their heads."

We're all going to die someday so why care about anything?

I mean if you're going to die and time keeps going why would anything else matter and this thing where people believe in this god that's going to save you if you believe in his existence.

Honestly the whole thought of the Cristian god baffles me. It's centered around this being that wants you to worship its existence when it doesn't want to prove that it exists.

That sounds like the dumbest being I've ever heard of. How can you say people shouldn't worship other gods, other people, or anything but you and not even show that you exist.

Come down to earth, appear in a dream everyone on the planet would have, do something like make it rain gold or something.

"The whole concept is just stupid to me…wait, that's off topic." I sighed deeply as I just sat there.

"I can't even figure myself out." As I said there. It's frustrating and almost maddening that I can't even have a clear and concise train of thought without getting derailed.

"It's like sometimes I just-" Before I was able to finish what I was going to say I felt arms wrapped around my neck and a head on my shoulder.

I raised my head from my knees and looked to my left. Coming face to face with Mia as she rested her head in my shoulder.

"What is it?" I asked as I looked at her. She head her eyes closed with a smile on her face.

"You tell me." She said.

"What in particular are you looking to know?"

"Hmm, whatever's been bothering you lately would be good."

"…I think I can think about it now. Has there ever been a time in your life where you thought about dying and rewriting yourself?" I asked looking off at the sky. Mainly because I didn't want to see what type of expression she would have.

Back on earth for a man or a male in general talking about your feelings or genuine thoughts would get you looked at either as a crybaby, a weak man, a bitch, etc. No guy wants to be looked at as a weak man, so it was sorta mandatory that we didn't talk about them.

Even though I don't really care about what people thought of me, I still wanted to keep some dignity as a "man" and not get looked at as that weird guy that drops the mood because they talk about their problems.

Even as I god I kept that same mindset and people talked about it, I grew up learning that as a man you should be able to do anything without help. If you have problems fix it yourself.

Basically putting in my head that you as a man shouldn't need to talk about your problems or you'll get looked down on.

It wasn't even just from women, men grew up like this to the point that it became the norm for you to keep your problems to yourself or other men would look at you as not being manly.

So of course that also passed down to me as a human and it still hasn't left.

"…why would you be thinking like that?" Mia asked me after a moment of silence.

"I don't know. I mean, listen, if you constantly had a simple interpretation and understanding of everything to the point that you stopped caring about literally everything and I mean everything, like family and all to the point your life became a daily routine of just not enjoying it or being bored how else should I think?"

"…"

"If I was able to just die and rewrite myself to not be so…understanding(?) or skeptical(?) about stuff to the point where I constantly think about them till I find answers that only make the reality of living that much more…bland(?) my life would have been so much more different."

As I finished talking I looked over to Mia and saw her face flat on my shoulder. I didn't hear it before, but she was crying, which is another thing I don't understand.

Why and how do people cry for other people? Even as a human I didn't understand crying in general. Why does it happen? Is there a set or requirements that need to be met to cry for somebody or can you just cry for anybody?

Lastly, how do you deal with somebody crying?

I don't understand emotions enough to know how to deal with them. Even as a human, they always baffled me. That's probably why I'm able to set them aside to get my objective done so easily.

"My bad." I said realizing this situation was my fault.

"You don't have to apologize for opening up." She said as she wiped her face.

"Talking aloud about my feelings feel weird, but I didn't mean to make you cry or anything." I said as I sighed and outstretched my legs.

"To me or just in general?"

"In general. That's why I have conversations to myself a lot, but when I was around you just now I could think somewhat straight."

"The fact that you can't talk with me about stuff like this is a bit annoying. Like, I want to know what's on your mind, how you're feeling, if something's bothering you, but you don't like to talk with other people about this stuff. Just talk to me." She said with a tone of annoyance.

'I really do be doing it to myself?' I thought.

Afterwards we sat there and relaxed for a while and talked to each other. We didn't talk too much about the whole rewriting myself thing, but just future stuff.

…

(Third POV)

As time flew on it was already getting to afternoon so the sun was going down. Akihito and Mia went back down to Tempest and did the usual playing. They also received a brief on the meeting and were told that Grimwald would be an Allie from now on.

While they were curious about why they left they didn't push and answer out and left it at. Of course everyone around Tempest knew they had some close relationship, so they decided to write it off as a couple thing.

…

—???—

Standing in a place that seemed to be made of crystals was a man with long, rough colored hair was a tall man with a well defined build. He looked like someone born to lead and conquer, but he also looked prideful and arrogant.

[Image]

"A young monster calling himself a demon lord?" He said with a serious look on his face.

"Yes, that's the reason a Walpurgis banquet is being held. The one to make the motion was Clayman." Said a woman dressed as a maid.

"It was seconded by Milim and Frey." She added.

"Milim…as usual, I can't predict the thoughts of that fool." He said.

….

(Akihito POV)

—Tempest—

The meeting wasn't over completely. That was just a prelude to what we were really going to talk about, but first they wanted to understand what I meant by "they would count as followers"

Which leads us here. We're all gathered at the conference room and they await my answer.

"Well I'll make it seem like some entity destroyed Famas and they would think the same happened in Tempest since both have nothing left behind. They would think that entity attacked both you and Famas, but you drove it away." I explained.

"That seems quite reasonable, but this "entity", how do you plan on making it?" Gazel asked.

"Simple. I'll just make it. Create a body to how I want it to look, give it life and a consciousness, then give it power. Once he leave it leaves a mark on places they would believe it. Plus I'll have it get spotted then disappear so storied can get spread around." I answered.

"…I see. Now that that's settled, the main reason for this is because I want to keep the church in check." Rimuru said.

"I-" As Fuze was about to speak I felt someone coming in this direction incredibly fast. I turned my head to the door just in time to see Ramiris fly in and shout.

"LISTEN UP, THIS NATION IS DOOMED!!!" She yelled. She was in her regular form so she was like 5'3(160cm). Still taller than Rimuru though.

Once she came in Diablo looked KO'ed down at her like an insect as he spoke to Rimuru.

"What shall I dispose of this funny insect?" He asked.

"What!?!" She yelled looking at him in shock.

"Might I ask who this…fairy is?" Fuze asked.

"That's Ramiris. The demon lord of Knowledge. She's also the fairy/spirit queen." I said in a flat tone.

"LISTEN UP!!" She yelled.

"We'll listen to you later. For now, Veldora would you mind watching her?" Rimuru asked as Veldora was reading manga.

"Hm? Sure." He said. Rimuru slightly pushed her over to Veldora and he began the meeting again.

"Like I was saying, we want to keep the church in check. We would deal with them if they were to attack us first. I want to avoid any hostilities to begin with, but I also want to avoid a two front war." He said.

"What do you mean "two front war"?" Fuze asked.

"From now on Tempest will be taking on demon lord Clayman, our reason being is that he controlled Milim to destroy the capital of Yuurazania who we've entered into an alliance with." Rimuru explained.

"Basically while we do that I'd like for you to consider what's the best way to handle the churches actions." He added.

"We believe that the church hasn't made a definitive decision yet, so we might be able to negotiate with them. Blumund will handle negotiations since it's what we're best at." Fuze said.

….

Most of the meeting was settled afterwards, well there was still another thing.

"Ramiris didn't you want to say something." I said from a corner reading a book. Mia had made herself go to sleep using body manipulation with her head on my shoulder.

"Right!! This nation is doomed!!"

"Skip that." I said flatly.

"The demon lords are holding Walpurgis in the next week. They plan on using it as "punish" you but it's actually being held because Clayman wants to kill you. He already started military action!!" She said.

"That sounds fun." I muttered while I continued my reading.

"Indeed. I was getting annoyed about him playing behind the scenes, but he finally shows his direction hostility to me." He said with a dark look in his eyes.

"Well while that's going on I might as well go to this demon lord meeting as well and make my announcement." I said closing the book.

"Do you have any intention of getting in this war as well?" Rimuru asked.

"Nope, y'all can handle this. I'll be spreading the rumors of Oletros. It's the name I chose for the entity, it means destruction with the positive connotation." I explained.

"Huh? What do you mean positive connotation? And what do you mean you're going to Walpurgis!?" Ramiris asked.

"Well I mean before creation there is destruction and about Walpurgis, I mean I'm going." I said naturally.

"Ehh!! You can't, it's demon lords only." She said crossing her arms.

"Bruh, Clayman not even a true demon lord. He a damn demon seed. Plus I can do what I want. If they got a problem we can solve it." I said hunching my right shoulder.

"Quite bold to say that about the demon lords." Grimwald said as he looked at me.

"Meh."

"And that concludes this meeting. Thank everyone for your time." Shuna said.

"Well I think I'll be taking Mia home." I said as I picked her up.

"I guess we'll see you some time tomorrow or within the week." Rimuru said. I nodded and left the room and began my walk to the house. The night sky filled with stars, the shine of the moon, the warmth of the air, and the slight breeze made this a perfect night to walk.

"I should do this more often." I muttered. I felt Mia raise her head and saw her looking around.

"Where are we going?" She asked in a low voice.

"Home, I just decided to walk."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around my neck and went back to sleep.

"…"

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