08

/Is this real?/ is what first comes to mind. Because it is utterly impossible for me to receive such email. Very much not believable considering I haven't shared my book to the public.

"Hazel! Hazel!" It almost shocks me, the hand waving in front of me for what seems like a minute now. I suddenly got shy when I realized I had ignored him because my brain was flying.

"Sorry, sorry. What were you saying again?" I smile shyly.

Well, it was actually a way for me to try and pull myself back to reality. My head was full of thoughts about /that/, and all kinds of questions were invading my head.

"No, uhm— what, that email. What was it about?" he asks, eyes wide and looking over at my phone— asking about what made me so surprised.

"Oh, uhm… Email, just an email."

He seemed to be doubting the answer I gave him so I laugh. "/Just/ an email wouldn't make someone like Hazel look at her phone with her mouth agape and her eyes wide."

I tilt my head. It makes me think that he's such an observer. I lean forward, elbows now placed on the table, fingers intertwined together. "What makes you say that?"

To my surprise, his attitude changes. He leans on his chair and sits smugly. He raises his brows and shrugs. "I mean, based on how you are, something so trivial wouldn't faze you. Hell, I think something big won't be enough to get some emotions out of you."

I shake my hands, disagreeing with what he is saying. "Please, that's too far-fetched. I show how I feel. I smile, laugh, make a sad face, an angry one." I shrug and chuckle.

He raises his brows. "Okay, the smile and laugh part is true. The others, nope," he says, popping the 'p' and frantically shaking his head, as if totally convinced that I do not, /ever/, make those faces.

And that makes me crack up. I laughed to the point that I had to cover my mouth to suppress it. I even had to wipe off bits of tears that escaped my eyes because of laughing too much.

When I was finally done, shoulders heaving as I try to catch my breath, I look at him who looked at me like I'm losing my mind.

"No, sorry—It's just cute. Someone whom I've been with for only a couple of hours seems to know more about me than people I've been with since birth." The wide smile on my face earlier slowly turns into a bitter one.

But I shrug it off. Let's not think about it, no negativities for today. "The email!" Thinking about the email is enough to make me smile, my eyes shining. "Can you believe it, I received an email about a possible contract," I excitedly say.

He tilts his head, in a good way, and he leans forward to listen. And it actually makes my heart flutter a bit, to have someone so willing to listen to what you have to say.

"A contract?" he asks, totally curious.

I nod with a smile now back on my face. "Mhmm. They want me to send a draft of a novel and they'll decide if it's marketable enough and then I'll get the contract."

A smile slowly creeps up on his face. "That's great, Hazel! I'll be your manager when you get famous," he clicks his tongue and winks at me.

"I doubt you'll ever be my manager." I scoff and shake my head, looking down again at the table.

"Hey," he calls out ever so gently, and I don't know why but there's something that tells me to look at him so I do. "I'll be your manager either way. Famous or not."

It makes my self-conscious self have a little bit of hope and confidence in what I can do. And to think that I have someone to stay with me whatever happens is good enough for me.

Funny how just yesterday I assumed that we won't be meeting anymore and here we are, will probably be together for a couple of months, and will probably create a friendship.

That day ended with him asking me to hang out again when I'm not so busy with… stuff. And of course I'd say yes though I'm not really one to go out of the comforts of my room.

My head was practically trying to keep itself together until I got home and when I did, I was greeted by the sour face of my mother.

The happiness overflowing me earlier comes to a halt when I see her face. I clear my throat and wipe my smile off before bowing slightly to her and greeting her.

To my surprise, she doesn't say a word and walks past me, out of the house. When she is finally gone, I breathe out the air that I have been holding in since I entered the house (which I didn't even notice I did hold) and continue to walk to my room.

•

I was writing late at night when I sighed once again. And that's when I notice that I've probably let out a sigh more than I should today. It makes me wonder if something is wrong. I don't remember something going wrong today, though. I've finished my day rather happily. You know, the coffee hang out and the email.

I shake my head, wishing that it can somehow shake off this uncomfortable feeling settling in me.

Thankfully, my phone dings. Maybe it's because I was writing for too long, the cause of my sighing, I mean. That's why it was such a blessing for me to finally have a reason to open my phone and stop typing.

To my surprise (not really), Theo's name pops (we exchanged numbers, okay) and it was such a random message that it makes me laugh, somehow slowly forgetting about my earlier problem.

Theo: Hazel! Are you writing right now? What was the coffee I ordered earlier?

It makes me smile. His questions aren't really related to each other but I don't find it in any way annoying. I just find it… adorable. Okay, everything he does is adorable for me, I notice that, too. But it's a secret for now.

I start typing a response to him. With a wide smile I didn't even notice.

Me: I am. I forgot. I think it was a mocha. Why do you ask?

It doesn't even take more than a minute for him to reply.

Theo: You type like how you talk. That's ew. Also, sorry for disturbing your writing session!

I laugh. He called how I talked so formally and called it ew. And Theo is just like that. He doesn't like the formality I am used to, the stiffness. Maybe that's why I am most comfortable being myself when I am with him (and Daniel).

Me: Right, sorry. Forgot I was talking to a child. It's okay, I needed some rest, too. Did you notice me sighing immensely when we were together?

I place my phone down and stare at my laptop again. My fingers were ready to type again when my phone dings.

Theo: I'm not a child! >:( U should rest, Hazel. For the sighs, I don't think so. You were rather relaxed earlier. Why? Is something wrong??

I shake my head as if I was really going to be seen by him.

Me: Nothing, just asking. I'll see you soon, 'kay?

With that, I put my phone away, not bothering to look if he'll reply. I'll just do it later but for now, I should probably finish what I'm writing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm very much excited and more motivated to write since I know someone's there to give me a chance to improve, to learn, to make my dream happen. But something, I feel like something's wrong—something wrong will happen.

As I was writing, I tried to take my mind off things or rather ignore the gut feeling that's making me uncomfortable right now.

The letters seem too unfamiliar for me, words scrambling with the thoughts inside my head. At this point, I'm not even sure what I'm typing. It seems like my laptop— the words I'm writing on my laptop have turned into a blur and my mind slips off, focus fully turning on finding the reason why I'm feeling like this.

I haven't even noticed my fingers stopped moving, my mouth opening, my eyes staring into blankness. Because of too much absent-mindedness, I didn't notice my mother knocking on my door and entering my room.

I just noticed she was inside when I smelled her perfume scattering in my room. It made me stiff and get back to reality. In all honesty, my mind wasn't fully back to reality that's why I left my laptop open, not minding that the novel I am writing was full on display.

I hear her scoff which confuses me. "So you haven't given up on /that/ yet?" She raises her eyebrows, arms crossed in front of her.

It was like she was judging me, belittling what I like to do.

I just hear her behind me which I am thankful about because my eyes widened when I realized what she meant. It made me hastily close my laptop.

"I told you not to waste your time, Gem. Or you didn't hear me?"

I shake my head once, still not turning my chair to face her. "No, mother. I clearly heard you."

"Then wh—"

"But I'm not wasting my time. /This/ isn't wasting time for me as I am doing something I like."

Now facing her seems impossible. I squint my eyes and almost want to punch myself for cutting her off . It occurs to me at the last minute, and I'm too afraid to look at her face and to be shouted at (though it's pretty normal for me now).

She doesn't say anything to my surprise and I just hear her descending footsteps and my door closing.

I tilt my head in confusion. /What is up with the world today?/

After that incident, it somehow made me at ease. Maybe it was that? Maybe it was not. Who knows but for now, I just want to write in peace and that's exactly what I do.

I once again open my laptop, take a deep breath and think about what I have planned for this chapter. As I was now worry free (I think), my fingers are now leading me, taking over. And that's the natural way that I write, it's what I'm used to. I let them type on their own, I type what I think of. I go with the flow.

And by the time the day ends, before the sun rises, I finished more than necessary.

I feel accomplished after writing. Looking at how many words I have written, how many pages, how many hours it took. And as this being an achievement, I had a sudden urge to tell it to Theo.

It feels weird, though. All of my achievements when I was younger, I didn't have anyone to share it with hence I didn't feel any bit of excitement. My achievements were more than a trophy for my parents to brag about rather than acknowledging my hard work. But now that I've got someone, it seems pretty uncanny but exciting for someone to acknowledge you, to be happy with you.

I don't really know what to tell him so I just simply say everything. Everything that I wanted to, and it was long. Very, /very/, long. It surprised me as well but it made me feel all giddy inside.

•

I woke up the next day with the sky dark, the sound of the trees hitting my window, and the loud whistle of the air. It makes me think, what a coincidence as I wasn't in a great mood either.

I get ready for the day with no energy and when I open my door, how lucky I am to bump into my mother. Her stares were almost burying a hole into me. I can almost even hear her thoughts.

"You never learn."

"Your sight is drifting away from where you're meant to be."

But I just ignore it and bow at her, not forgetting to be polite. At this point I don't really care anymore whether she knows. She's bound to know— they're bound to know sooner or later. I cannot keep this a secret forever.

And it somehow manages to take off the heaviness in my chest. When she found out yesterday and I got to tell what I really feel, it felt… liberating. Like I was finally able to breathe.

So I just walk past her after greeting her, walking down the stairs. I did not even bother to eat breakfast, I didn't have the appetite to.

After informing the kitchen, that's when I walk outside the house and see Daniel, with shades and everything, waiting for me outside the car.

"Early bird, aren't we?" I smile, adjusting my grip on the laptop case I am holding.

"I'm always early, madam." He pushes his shades down to his nose and winks at me. It made me softly laugh while I was entering the car.

When I'm with Daniel, I seem to forget the problems I have. Even when I am not in a great mood, woke up on the wrong side of the bed, raging because of hatred, he still makes me smile .

He was driving me to the company today and the road's quite busy. We've been stuck in traffic for 10 minutes now and it hasn't been moving. I sigh in disappointment. I just sigh because I am not in the mood to worry and stress myself over it.

Instead, I bring out my tablet and my phone. I first message Geleen, informing her that I might be late because of traffic. Next, I open the files that have been sent to me.

I check everything, my schedule, some papers and letters. When I was at the part of checking my emails, it made me remember what to tell Daniel.

"Dan, forgot to tell you something." I break the silence which startled him, his radio playing smooth jazz.

"Hmm?" He was still finding the right signal so his music could be stable.

"I got an email about finding authors, books. I'm currently writing a draft to pass. They'll email me again once they decide to get me and sign a contract."

"Oh. Yeah," His reaction made me put down my laptop and widen my eyes at him. Like he did something so unbelievable.

He seemed to notice me looking at him so he stopped what he was doing. "Yeah, the contract! My god, I'm sorry it totally slipped off my mind and I forgot to tell you."

And his response made me tilt my head. "Forgot to tell me?"