19

Saying that my whole body went numb was an understatement for I wasn't really sure of what to do, Yes, I felt like the time stopped, my breathing as well, my heart rate increased, but saying that I went numb wasn't enough to describe how I was feeling at that time. Although it felt like I could puke out my heart the moment I walked, I still strode with confidence, with conviction, as if his presence didn't bother me in the slightest bit.

"Christian," I say as soon as I come to him and he wraps his arms around me, something normal for us to do.

"Gem, you're right on time." The smirk on his face tells me that his some sort of /plan/ has become a success, seeing how I reacted for a brief moment when I saw a person from the past.

"You and I are gonna have to talk later." I glare at him when he just chuckles at me as a response.

Surprisingly, when I thought that the whole meeting would be awkward because of his presence there, I wasn't bothered by him. Also (not) surprisingly, he's the one I'm having the collaboration with. Since he's the one to publish the book, we'll be working together for things like the details of the book, its plot—well mostly of it will depend on me, what I want its cover to look like, my preferred fonts to use and so on.

"For this project, since the publishing company has been a long time friend of mine, a trusted one at that, I've decided to have a collaboration with my best rising author and my favorite publishing company." Christian claps in excitement while I was just there, glaring inwardly at him and probably mumbling a few words. "Isn't that exciting? Right, Gem?" He looks at me, anticipating an enthusiastic response. Actually, they were all looking at me.

So, I didn't basically have a choice but to smile and laugh and pretend that my heart beat wasn't faster than usual. "Yes, very much, Chris."

He clasps his hand, totally amused by the situation that he had done for me. Well, I know that he just wants to help me, but I also know that this is his devilish side trying to do something. "I'd want to participate in any meetings you both have with one another but I think you'd both prefer it to be alone together as you'll be the ones directly working. Schedule your own meetings, endeavors and such. I'm giving you the freedom to do so."

I nod as he does. I cannot help but look at him secretly from the side of my eye. He's grown so much. So different from the last time that I saw him. Not only did he grow in terms of his height, but his body got bigger, his whole aura different from the last time we were together. He seemed… mature. Like I didn't know him. And when I was busy letting my mind flow on its own, the meeting was already adjourned and I was staring intently at him like he did something wrong with me. Well, he did do something to me but that's out of the topic.

"Is something the matter, Ms. Gem?" Theo was standing in front of me, his torso close to where I was sitting and I didn't have any choice but to look up to him, expression changing into something I always had since I was a kid. Firm.

"I'm sorry for staring at you, Mr. Villa. You just reminded me of someone." I chuckle in the most plastic way I could ever do. "I hope you won't hate me, though. And I think it would be better for us to exchange contact details for future meetings and endeavors we'll have." I slowly take my phone out to hand it to him as he does the same.

"It won't be enough for me to hate you. If anything, I think you should be the one hating me,' he says with an eyebrow raised while saving my number on his phone. He looks back up to where my eyes were and looks at it like how he did back then.

"Why would I hate someone who hasn't done anything bad to me?" I smile, fakely. Because truth be told, I do hate him, though less than I did back then. He broke the walls I worked hard to build and when I let him enter my peaceful life, he decided to hurt me. I'm admitting that it brought something great to me. The walls high enough before were now built up higher and stronger. I don't trust people easily that much now.

He shifts his head into a lower position, I'm guessing its maybe because of my answer. "I didn't think you'd be the type to forget about things that easily. Maybe you're okay now, that's a relief for me."

"I don't really like holding on to memories that'll leave me feeling bad. It's better to forget about those kinds of stuff don't you think, Mr. Villa?" I raise my brow.

At this point it was just the two of us in the room, the sudden shift of air evident between us. I was seated with my legs crossed while he was standing in front of me, unable to say anything. A lot of things have changed. Whether it was between us or individually.

"Please, just call me Theo. It's not like we're strangers to each other." He slowly gets his hand out from his pocket to shake hands with me.

That's when I stood up. Not in a rude way, though. "Well, Mr. Villa, I think I would like to keep it professional. Not because I don't like you but because trusting people is now an issue for me." I smile. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some more things to tend to. If you need any more information, call me or my secretary."

When I was about to turn my back, he called me. Not with my last nor my first name. He called me a name that I haven't heard for years. The name that made my heart do summersaults, put butterflies in my stomach, made me feel dizzy from too much happiness. I know it's cliche but it's true. And now, he says it again like nothing happened.

"Hazel," he says. And what irks me the most is that he says this in a tender tone. Like he was begging me to look at him and stay.

But to be honest, I was long done being soft, especially with him. Yes, we had something special but it was already over. So should my stupidity be.

It was enough. So, I continued to walk. I continued to walk like I didn't hear a thing. Like my knees didn't feel like giving up and like my mind wasn't going through a whole ruckus right now.

I pushed the door in a harsh manner (although I didn't really intend to do so) and walked at a fast pace like someone was chasing me. I held on to my chest, like I was chasing for air. My mind kept repeating that name that I almost wanted to cover my ears.

"What the fuck. Why does it affect me so much when I've forgotten what it did to me." It was in a soft tone, making sure that no one would hear me.

I rushed to my office where it felt safe for me to pull my own hair and make myself look stupid. Curtains were blocking the view from outside which made it feel more suffocating. I opened them, along with the windows. When I felt the air travel in my nose, that's when I felt myself calm down a little bit.

I wasn't used to feeling like this. Like I was denied my own necessity to breathe in air. But I figured, Theo always did that to me. He did things to me I've never felt with anyone and maybe I was too young back then, but it did leave a huge scar in my mind and heart.

—

A knock on the door woke me up, although I wasn't really asleep. I felt like I was floating, like I was engulfed in a space inside my head.

"Gem?" Someone says in a quiet voice outside my door.

"You can come in."

As expected, it was who I was expecting it to be. Daniel.

"Young lady, first you disappear in the meeting room where Christian left you with Theo, and now you tell me that I can come in in my own office?" He scoffs.

I gape at that. Because what he said was true. It didn't even occur to me that this isn't the building that I have my own office in. It was Christian's building and I don't really have a permanent office here.

"I'm sorry, Daniel." I frown in a way that I know he can't say no to. "I was so busy trying to get away from someone that I went to your office by instinct."

He sighs, but I can see him hiding a faint smile from me.

"Don't smile at me, old man!"

He chuckles at that. "You act like a child sometimes. It doesn't really match this…" he moves his hand up and down pointing at me. "This whole character everyone thinks of you."

Daniel moves closer to his desk where I was sitting on his swivel chair, back leaned, looking at the view from afar. He suddenly wrap his arms around my shoulders and I gladly leaned my head on him. "But I love that only I get to see this childish side of you, Gem. I know I don't have the right to call you nor claim you as my daughter, but it's only the two of us in this room so I'll do it. Surely no one will know about this." He chuckles.

And just when I thought that one old man was enough, Christian enters. "—change my love—" The voice singing ever so loudly comes to a halt. "Well, what betrayal am I seeing here?"

"You don't get to call this a betrayal because you betrayed me first, you know?" I rolled my eyes at him while Daniel was still stuck on me.

To our surprise, Christian almost sprints towards us. He runs like he's running a mile when he can jsu walk to get to us, and he jumps. He jumps with Daniel and I clustered and he adds to the weight I was carrying. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a heads up. Still hoping you'll forgive me after I partnered you up with your childhood lover."

"He wasn't a childhood lover!" I defend myself, glaring at him.

He simply waves his hand in dismissal as if I tried my best persuading him but wasn't really persuaded by anything I've said. "Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Gem."

I turn my head to look over my shoulder where Daniel was, still hugging me ever so tightly. "Daniel?" It was me asking him to help me defend myself because he was there, he was there to witness everything and he can surely say that Theo wasn't a childhood lover. He never was!

Daniel just hums. "Yeah. She said he wasn't, just pretend you believe her."

Out of annoyance from the both of them, I roll my eyes.

——

My head was actually still in shambles when I was driving back home. Unfortunately, today was the day that I was scheduled to visit my parents' house. I've long moved out of the house, it was when I was of the right age and with enough money to buy my own house, things, and enough to feed myself.

You see, I was peacefully driving back home but I guess the universe has a funny way of teasing me. Things I didn't seem to notice back then, I notice them now. Like when I passed by the building where we first met. At first I didn't actually think about it that much because it was inevitable for me to not see that huge building. But when I saw the coffee shop we always used to go to, my brows furrowed. It was, how do I call it, peculiar.

I haven't noticed that small shop on the corner before, so why did I see it now that we've met again. And when I saw the cafe, our favorite song also played on the radio. It was a prank from the universe to me because of how I let myself get affected this much by someone who shall not be named.

In the end, I just shrug everything off. I couldn't skip the song we loved because I still love it, minus the person I used to listen to it with. The same thought kept repeating in my head until when I was parking in our garage. I see my mother standing and leaning at the door, waiting for me to come out of the car. I guess she has something to say.

"Mother," I say firmly, bowing my head.

"Gem, I know you're currently busy with that hobby of yours but—"

I raise my brow, hearing the word 'hobby'. It just simply irks something in me. "How many times do I have to tell you that writing books isn't just a hobby for me." I tried my best not to sound irritated but I think it somehow showed.

"Whatever you say." She srugs. "Anyway, I know you're doing /that/ but I've noticed that your quality of work under our company has been downgrading. It's disappointing to—"

"I'm sorry, mother, but can we talk about this another time? I've no energy to hear how I am such a disappointment in your eyes. I'll go to your office once I'm done resting." I look her in the eyes. "Well, then. If you'll excuse me."

I make my way through her and walk faster up the stairs to keep myself in my room. As soon as I close the door, I slowly sit down on the floor. My head was spinning. It felt like I was overwhelmed by everything that happened today. I pushed myself up to take a bath and change my clothes before laying on the bed. It did help lessen the aching, so I lay down the bed, typing something, anything that comes into mind.

I was there, looking at my laptop completely staring blankly when my phone rang.