21

It was the first time I laughed when I was with him. I was so reserved when it came to him that laughing was hard enough for me. It felt like I was breaking down my walls when I laugh, when I smile, or even when I somehow let my emotions show everytime we talk to each other.

But now, it is different. Talking about the past made me feel at ease, like I was ready to talk to him and ask him about why he left me. "I'm sure there is, Mr. Villa. I think having another meeting with you is inevitable because we work together."

He playfully rolls his eyes. "Psh, you know, I don't think it's fitting that I let you meet my niece when we're going to have a meeting."

"She can give us a good amount of insights about the book." I shrug.

"Can't we meet her when we don't have a meeting? Would that breach the contract or something?"

With that, I laugh. And he looked so taken aback when I did. It was rare for me to laugh in front of people I'm not comfortable with. But back then, he was one of the people I laughed with in the good times.

I notice him bring his head slightly down, his ears evidently red. "You still look most beautiful when you smile," he whispers but it was enough for me alone to hear.

My ears slowly start to feel hot, including my cheeks in the long run. I tried to suppress a smile and reminded myself that it was not the time to feel this kind of thing. Do not break down your walls, Gem!

I shook my head, cleared my throat. "Anyway, is our meeting done? I still plan on doing some errands. Is it okay for me to go now?"

He slowly nods. "Can I… uhm, come with you?"

I smile, a little bit hesitantly. I was considering it, for him to come with me do some things, but I figured that I wasn't comfortable enough to let him come with me. God knows how awkward it would be for us when we're together alone. "Sorry, Mr. Villa. But I can't really accept your offer for now. Thank you, though." I smile again before saying my goodbye and leaving.

The so called errand I was going to was to pick up some groceries and maybe some beer because I want to invite Mina over for dinner. She's always the first person that. comes to mind since we're close enough and I was comfortable enough to share my secrets and problems with her.

Going to the grocery was kind of a struggle for me. I wanted to buy a lot of things that weren't a part of my list. To my surprise, Theo was also there. He was also holding a cart beside me, getting some stuff from where I was.

"Mr. Villa!" I called him out of surprise.

His brows shot up, eyes widening when he also saw me. "Gem." Taken a back, he walks towards me. "Grocery?"

"Obviously." I shrug. "Excuse me," I was holding on to my cart and planning to go to a different aisle when he said something again.

"Can I come with you? I promise I'll just follow you and let you do your thing!"

I breathe out a sigh in defeat. "Whatever you want to do, Mr. Villa."

I tried to ignore it but I saw him in my peripheral vision, smiling when I agreed. I just shake my head, dismissing the familiar feeling in my heart.

To be honest, it was a hassle having him beside me. He was following me everywhere and helping me with the most trivial things.

For example, buying chicken.

I was picking the parts I wanted for the chicken I was going to buy when he grabbed the tongs from my hand and put the chicken parts inside the plastic. He let me pick the parts and I did so, looking at him curiously.

"That's enough for me. I'm only getting enough groceries for me." I pushed my cart when the chicken was done being weighed. "Why are you even helping me? "

"I'm done doing mine. And maybe I wanted an excuse for me to spend some time with you."

I roll my eyes, not minding if he sees me do it. It was cringey, okay. It was an overused line always used by boys to get girls. And that's not working on me. "I think I've spent enough time with you. You can stop, you know, doing this. I can only see so much of you."

His mouth opens slightly, like he was hurt or shocked by my sudden honesty. There was silence, although I felt like he was still behind me. Then, he spoke. "Can you just at least pretend that you don't see me and just let me… see you?"

I know, I know it's not right to assume things but the way he said that with so much pain and loneliness made me think that maybe, maybe he has a reason for leaving me. That maybe we did have something back then and he still has lingering feelings for me. But I wasn't ready to let my walls and heart break again. So, I decided to break his.

"I'd answer no, but I know how hard headed you are. Go on, follow me everywhere I go but do not expect anything from me. I'll pretend I don't see you because we should only interact when it's for our project. I don't really see the reason behind us meeting outside our workplace."

There was a glint of happiness in his eyes but pain was still evident. "It's okay, that's okay. You can just ignore me or don't mind me. As long as I see you, that's enough for me."

The next following days, he kept his word of following me around to the point it got too much for me. I'd talk to him during our meetings but after that, I'd act distant. I see him following me when I go into a cafe, but I just simply give him a short nod. He smiles back but I never act like I'm affected by his presence, by the way he looks at me so intently when I'm writing or when I'm proofreading. He was just there, silently and patiently looking at me from afar without breaking what we talked about.

And one day, I finally approached him to talk about his constant following.

"Theo," I called him after our meeting. I told him to stay behind as I wanted to tell him something. Being the obedient person he is, he does what I told him to.

With a menacing smile on his face, he pulls a chair in front of me. "That's the first time you called me by my first name after all these weeks, you know?"

I roll my eyes. "And so? Do you have a problem with that, Mr. Villa?"

He looks at me with a disgusted face like hearing how I formally address him doesn't sit right. "No, please. You can call me Theo. I like it better." He flashes an annoyingly cute smile. "So, what were we going to talk

about?"

"Okay, I'm gonna be really honest with you. It's… you know, your presence bothers me. When I'm out doing things I usually do, it feels weird because I see you either looking at me or tailing me."

He then puts his head down in embarrassment, biting his lips. "Sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"No, it's okay. It's not really your fault. So, the only solution for this is for you to just come with me if you want to. With my permission, of course."

I see him hastily pull his head up with a wide smile on his face. "Really?" If it were probably in a movie, one would see dog ears and a wagging tail looking at him.

"Just…tell me if you want to come. Okay? But there would be times I wouldn't be able to say yes."

He nods fervently. "I understand! That's okay 'cause I know that sometimes you need privacy."

I smile timidly. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to talk to you about. I need to go." I gather my things, ready to have a date with Mina.

"You're going somewhere?"

"I mean, I told you I needed to go." I shrug.

He chuckles in his low voice. "Alright. I hope you enjoy."

I nod at him. "Thanks."

Mina and I talked about going outside to spend time with each other. It has been a long time since the last time we went out together, not talking about work. She has been a great support system for me, especially when I want to be alone and bottle up my feelings. I can say that she did kind of become a sister to me.

"Mina!"

She flipped her long, straight hair and looked at me with her almond shaped eyes. "You're late."

I grunt in annoyance. "Only for a minute! You are so strict, my god."

She clings her arm around mine. And she hates to admit that she's clingy. We started walking to go to our favorite fast food chain.

"You know, I thought working with your ex is going to be bothersome. But surprised enough as it is, you're doing quite well. And you both seem to slowly open up to each other."

I chuckle, pinching her slightly. "I don't refer to him as my 'ex'." I roll my eyes playfully. "And I'm simply being professional. I can't avoid him forever."

She rolls her eyes back at me. "Whatever makes you sleep at night, I guess. But personally, I don't think you're just being /professional/. I know you, not much like how Daniel does, but I think you're slowly warming up, you're slowly forgiving him." She shrugs. "Then again, that's just what I see. My point of view. I don't know what you feel, though. You know yourself better than anyone."

That made me think. Maybe I was really warming up, I was slowly breaking my walls without noticing it. And that's the last thing I want to happen. I wouldn't want to hurt again trying to trust people, especially given our history. Someday, maybe, I'd be willing to trust him again but I don't think I can do it now.

"Mina…" I sigh. "To be honest, I don't know. I feel like I am incapable of trusting him again. He's the reason why I stopped trusting too fast, why I have trust issues. And that's more the reason why I don't want to break down my walls for him. He's the last person I would trust and open up to."

"I get it. I get where you're coming from. But, Gem, don't let it be the thing that keeps you from being happy. Your past is holding you down from being fully happy. And whether you like it or not, you need to break down a part of your wall and let him know his reason for leaving. Like you said, you can't avoid him forever but in this case, it's the past you refuse to open because it's the thing that hurt you greatly."

I shook my head, still trying to think. Maybe Mina is right. That maybe talking about it and clearing things out would make me happier, will finally be the reason for me to live without carrying the anxiety that people will leave me again. Maybe that'll lessen the trust issues I've built.

"Maybe… maybe us meeting again was for this reason. To be able to fix the past that has been burdening us. And maybe we were meant to be a part of each other's lives back then to be stronger people in the future. I mean, I can't be where I am right now without carrying the anger I had, the strong motivation to show him that I can reach my dreams despite him leaving me without any reason." I smiled. "I'll talk to him, don't worry. I'll clear up our past to live my life to the fullest in the future."

Mina just simply chuckled. "You know, maybe he can be part of your future, too." She winked, very much annoyingly that I just replied with a disgusted face.