What Am I Going To Do?

After drawing some blood for more tests, I felt numb, and then I started crying. I'm not exactly happy. I've been told I couldn't have kids and accepted that I might have to adopt a child to take as my own. I probably could have prepared myself better for this. But, instead, I don't know what to do with myself. How do I take care of a child on my own? What am I going to do about my life? Work? Social life?

Inside I am screaming at the top of my lungs, but on the outside, my tears aren't the dam of uncontrollable waters that I expected if I ever got this news. My dad pulled me out of my chair and into a hug. He looked more emotional on the outside than I felt. He always wore his heart on his sleeve and couldn't lie his way out of a paper bag.

I'm the oldest in my family and have four younger siblings who always seemed so charismatic and easy-going. I struggled to keep friends because I didn't like drama and am straightforward when I speak. Apparently, people don't like when you tell the truth to their face.

I gave my dad a small smile and told him, "I'm alright."

I sit back down and kept nitpicking at my clothes until the nurse came back in the room to say everything is fine in my results and prescribed my prenatal vitamins, with some booklets about pregnancy. And I am set to go home.

The short twenty-minute ride home seemed to take forever and I just wanted to sleep. Sadly, I have to head to my store to see if my shipment of books had come in yet. I was just starting out my dream book store and life decides to throw me a curveball. Good one, Life. I have been hoarding books since I learned to read at five years old and books are wonderful. I much rather my drama stay on paper than deal with it in real life.