CHAPTER III:

When I met Haj three years ago, I already knew that his physical appearance is just my type. He stood six foot tall with his lean body. Not too bulky, not too thin. Just enough for him to stand out in the crowd. But, one thing that really caught me was his eyes, sparkling in gray along that dim-lighted valley where I first found him.

No, it wasn't the color of his eyes that made me a captive, but the sorrow they possessed behind his iris. Almost too lost in the moment, appealing dull in a crowded place. I had seen it before in front of the mirror and the feeling of having those kind of lifeless stare is familiar enough that it brings me back to where I used to be.

I stared at him while he was trying to get up but he wobbled again. I was just passing by this corner of Fukuoka City but I got caught with this situation where I can't just ignore a man in his drunken state. Besides, he seemed like he was just robbed, considering his wallet and few cards scattered on the ground.

"Do you need help?"

"Fuck," he cursed as he leaned his body on the wall, he was facing me.

I walked near him. "Where do you live? I could ask a taxi to get you home."

"Such a bad day for the two of us, huh?" His sarcastic smile etched on his bruised lips. A stain of fresh blood was still on it. "They robbed me after fooling around for a night. And you," he pointed his fingers at me. "You happened to pass this street and get yourself tangled with a screwed person like me. What brings you here, miss?"

"Am I not allowed to care for messed up people like you?" I took his weight on me and I almost had my face on the ground when we swayed together. He's heavy! His scent is a mixture of mint and alcohol. "Where should I take you?"

"What? Are you some kind of hero? That's just too unrealistic. People discard people so fuck off," he murmured.

"Where do you live?" I asked again, ignoring his rants and trying to keep our balance.

"You are quite persistent for a stranger."

I took him to my place that night. He passed out right when I thought he was sober enough to tell me his address. After taking care of his mess, I left him alone in my room because I was assigned on night shift that day. When I got back home the next morning, he wasn't there anymore, and the next time we met was inside the hospital.

I was really shocked seeing him in his white coat and groomed self. Unlike the first time I laid my eyes on him, he looked well. But, who are we lying to? He and I knew that he wasn't fine even until this day. Behind his warm smile are dark places inside his soul. Maybe it was the most attractive part of him that made me feel like I need to step closer and know him better.

Call me a psycho but I get drawn to broken people.

"Who's that?" I asked Charlotte.

Confused, she stopped typing. "What?"

"That?" I tilted my head to where he is. "What's his name?"

"Oh, that?" A bit surprised by my curiosity, Charlotte arched her brows. "Dr. Hajime Ken Roussos. He's a cosmetic surgeon. Why did you ask? Do you like him?"

I shrugged my shoulder. My eyes remained on him. So unlikely to see him smiling.

"Maybe."

"Too bad, he's gay.

I finally turned to her. "I don't see that as a problem."

"Whoah!" Charlotte gasped. "Are you seriously attracted to him?"

I'd be a liar if I told her I wasn't. Undeniably, he's illegally handsome. Not the typical gay who love to cross dress. His appearance is more of a man than of a gay unless he'd show it to you. So, when Charlotte invited him for a dinner, he was as stunned as I am meeting me again. And yet he was quick to cover all his emotions with a cunning smile, which made me even more curious.

"If I were only straight, I'd call it destiny," the side of lips twitched upward. "Shall I thank you for getting me undressed that night?"

One dinner after another, we got really close in time. I don't know when things started to be comfortable between us but Haj bared his soul to me. I knew then he has been broken. In silence. In secrecy. There wasn't a day that he was fine. Struggling on his own, I could feel myself being drawn to his loneliness. Whether it was for my little curiosity or physical attraction, I just want to stick around until he'd find his salvation.

Charlotte told me to back off. To put some break on my feelings toward Hajime. She clearly warned me to be careful handling my affection but I don't see it as a matter of great concern. Because I am certain of one thing – Hajime won't fall for me and I, too, don't feel beyond other than physical attraction. Love and attraction is two different things. I believed that what I feel for him is the latter.

We just clicked like chemistry and that's all we'll always share.

"It's too early to be spacing out," Haj sat on the couch, opposing me. "What were you thinking?"

I smiled at him as I sipped on my coffee. "I just remembered the first time I met you."

"Oh, yeah? That was pathetic," he messed up with his already disheveled hair. "What happened last night?"

"You kissed me again, idiot."

"Was I getting any better?" He chuckled.

I threw him a pillow to which he caught easily.

"What?"

His brows furrowed, acting innocent and ignorant. But, his gray eyes beamed in amusement.

"You really do stupid things when you are drunk. Quit that habit of yours kissing random people."

"So, what happened to Shou?" He smirked. "I kissed you to provoke him."

"You are really nuts," I stood up to go straight in the kitchen. "Don't ever do that again."

"Worried that he might be disappointed in you?" Haj followed me. "Or are you feigning ignorance again? I told you he likes you."

"He doesn't like me, Haj. Period."

"He does. We both know that he does," he insisted. He leaned across the kitchen's counter, closing the gap in between our faces. His lips formed into a sportive grin. "Want more of my provocation?"

"Stop it or I'll get mad for real." I glared at him. "What do you even get from this, anyway?"

"Entertainment, of course."

"I'll entertain you in ways you'd rather enjoy."

He lightly shook his head as he moved away. "No, thanks. I'm already having fun with this. How about you?"

"I really hate you."

"I love you, too."

Shou entered the kitchen just when Haj told me those words. By the way his green eyes examined us, he must have heard it. I gave Haj another glare to which he totally ignored. I'm starting to feel uneasy by his pretty little games. I did not pay attention to him and finally have my eyes on Shou. His gaze held mine. I was about to say something when Haj interfered.

"Did you get drunk last night, Shou-chan?"

Again, his voice changed into an almost squeak tone. What a flirt!

Shou cocked his head at Haj. "Not really. I'm not too fond of alcohol."

"Oh, really? Why? Do you have any allergies like Aira?"

"You're allergic to alcohol?" Shou asked me instead of responding to Haj.

"Sort of," I replied. "I do get some rashes when I drink too much."

"She palpitates, too," Haj added. "I once felt her heartbeat through her chest."

Shou fell silent for a moment until he turned to Haj. "Does Hajime-san have a boyfriend?"

"Sounds like you want me to have one, huh?" Haj smiled with mischief, taking his seat beside him. "Want me to be yours? I don't really mind dating younger men these days. After all, I need men with great stamina in bed. Someone who can keep me awake until morning. Won't you play with me, Shou-chan?"

I mentally groaned but I chose to be silent this time. I started to make us breakfast and let Haj have his way to Shou. Besides, it doesn't seem like he'd ever listen to me. His dirty little jokes are like honey to the ears. Anyone would be tempted to hear it out. I already witnessed few straight men who fell for his trap but he was never serious about it. All he did was to get involved physically but not emotionally.

Always too cautious, always out of reach.

Now, what will you say, Shou? Will you get tempted, too?

"I like Ai-senpai," Shou confessed bluntly. "So, I can't be yours."

I almost cut my fingers at that. One of the onions I was about to slice in small pieces rolled in the counter. Haj caught it. I slowly looked up to them and Shou already had his green eyes on me. Haj fell silent for a moment but he managed to pull off a wicked smile.

Turning to me, he reached for my chin and gently lift it up a bit.

My lips parted for words but he said something before I could even speak my own thoughts.

"You truly know when to push the button, huh?" Haj muttered in his deep voice. What a quick transition! Wasn't he using that girly tone just now? Cocking his head to Shou again, he smiled sneakily. "I'm not giving her to you, though."