My Failures.

To memorize the whole world map each country and it's leadership was a bad moment. it was unfair to memorize and recite then fail during weekly tests. I dropped out of school.

The news of my incident was all over the village.... young children could mock and laugh at me in local language song's all over the village... it's my decision. I was not moved regardless of all the odds people could say. What do you think you are? "she stared at me"..,I will achieve nothing after all..."I responded". I don't want to see you begging my son. Thank you so much that you don't want to see me begging. It was irony. Hot tears gashed out of her eyes. I could feel how horrible she felt sorry for me. I wanted to reverse my decision but it was too late. I can't be in grade 5 at 18 years old. A'm almost a grown up man ready to carry some responsibilities ahead. I wish to steal more from people so that I satisfy my mom and dad that a'm a grown up man. I was a man of my own business. You need to understand me mom....Dad can't bring enough food for our daily bread.my sisters and brothers all are looking forward to seeing us happy. one of my sister is a street kid begging for help yet all our parents are alive. this pained me so much. Mom if I go back to school angela and her friends will Starve with hunger, let me be a Man. Ndaziona came and took me to a football game. we both waved her with smile's and left. The football game is at 3 o'clock and we are late by 10 minutes....he said with a disappointed face. Don't worry it's just ten minutes not more than that. He was a great football fan. you could easily see him shaking his whole body following the direction of the ball. on top of his voice shouting and chanting at well known players naming them name by name. some problems were being forgotten in such moments. I did not see him at the end of the game. He was no where to be seen. All the people left the ground but he wasn't there. What has happened to my friend? I kept on searching for him but to no avail. Down the mountains but I did not trace his footsteps....I asked one of his best friend but no one could give me his whereabouts. His team lost the game to the final. I knew he's not happy at all. I started off. A group of young boys singing and dancing with joy to their victory were coming behind me. it was an amazing site to see. This is what Ndaziona hates. seeing others rejoicing while he has lost the game was an insult to him. All the children went to their respective home's. I was alone. I tried to Carry my body as faster as possible but the body denied what I was commanding it to do. I was not sick but something might be happening. I walked straight to the way that leads to Ndaziona's home.

The quietness of the place gave me an amaziment mood. I tried to call but no one was able to hear my voice. Ndaziona!!!!!....the quietness was becoming more and more. Does it mean that he has not yet arrived? I tried calling again but the echo of my voice was everywhere. I started wondering as to where he is. I walked so slowly going home. I heard something coming behind me and I knew it's his step's. I looked back....oh! it's him. you poor friend where have you been? His quietness indicated that something has happened. losing the football game was a problem to him. we were supposed to win but the referee brew the whistle quickly. "he hated himself". Don't you see that there's another chance for your team to win? it was a homeground and so shameful to him. can we talk of another chapter? I'm tired of football this football that.... immediately I changed the topic. "some things are to be accepted by you supporters I know it's not easy but it's good to accept deafeat and move forward" I said these words while escorting him to the grocery. It was a good distance from his shamba to our usual market. Not all items were enough for the village but the market could provide everything the village could want to have.

on our way back we met some group of young girls dressed in a strange way.

"Are these girls from their respective home's?" I don't know if they're monitored by their parents. I responded"...I wish to have one of these ladies. Electricity was a thing of the past but we could see their make up even in a dim light.

ooh! it's tobacco time! I remember my father could offer all his money to such ladies after selling tobacco. will you manage to get One? one what? He started touching his trousers. I laughed. can't you manage to wait until your time has come to be married? His quietness indicated disapproval. we walked straight passing through some shop's towards the chibukhu bar. I knew what this guy was thinking.

He was a master as drunkardness is concerned. He was well known in such cases. He could sing all night when he's drunk. self poverty creation. can't you see that it's too late to drink? "I must have a sip before I go to bed". He walked straight to the his favourite bar. I like this bar.....he said. I kept on waiting for him until it was 09:00 pm. I was bored and lonely. I disguised myself and entered into the bar. A'm looking for Ndaziona!!!! The bar attendant gazed at me with a great surprise. I looked at myself with shame..... why a'm I here?...the question was without answer. I don't think he's here....the bar attendant replayed. she gave me a good signal towards a wooden chair behind me. without mucher do I sat down while holding my heart. Ndaziona was here and he has been invited by one of our beloved girls some ten minutes ago. I kept on waiting for him until the bar attendant went to tell them that the agreed time is over.

Two hours past...I started snoring. you little bat is this the place to sleep? I was disturbed. it was a 5 minute sleep but I saw a lot.

I saw Ndaziona's body floating in one of our famous river in the village.

it a horrible dream.

I heard a strange touch on my shoulders. you good for nothing pig what are you doing here? a woman strong voice mate with my face. I..I.. waiting for Ndaziona. handsome men like you are needed here in my bar. she squeezed me close to her warm body. All my pains of waiting were gone. I think that's why Ndaziona love's this place I closed my eyes.

would you mind to give me a game for free? for free? I protested with disapproval in my heart. yes"....she said. Her tender and juicy voice covered the whole bar. men drinking at a distance looked with amazement. The warmth of her body increased. Her breasts touched my old t-shirt. I tried to pull her hands off but it was too late.

She dragged me to her executive room around the compound. Take it easy Richard no one can stop us. she said with care and love. The project went well.

is this the reason why my father could say beer is bad? I loughed. you are a good man Richard. I nodded my head in agreement with her. she invited me to be visiting her everyday in order to continue enjoying such moment's.

I walked straight towards the door that leads to the exit of the bar.

Richard where have you been? with anger in my heart I slapped him. we started exchanging blows but it did not last.

We hated one another for the first time but I was happy to enjoy the game at the bar. This is the reason why Ndaziona love's this bar. I came into agreement with my mind.

It was already in the morning. I tried to wake up but it was too late. my body was full of pains. The hangover took away all my strength. I ignored it all.

I heard a knock on my wooden door. I pushed the door aside. It was Ndaziona standing at the entrance. You are not allowed to get in. I picked up my short and a t-shirt and begin to dress. what has made you visit me early in this morning?

"I just wanted to check on you" he said, while looking to the other side of my shamba. Are you mad!!! at this very hour? if you want to sleep go back to sleep but I have narrated the reason why a'm here. He walked straight to where I used to gather my fuel wood and bring a log. would you mind if I can get a pawpaw? I looked at him with a miserable face. This is the reason why I hate visitors. They just come to eat what I have and left me with empty stomach. They eat too fast before my face. yes you can....he walked so fast before I could finish speaking. I believe the motive behind the visit was not just for a visit but to eat my pawpaw's.

it took him 30 minutes to come back to the shamba. I tried to call and call but the silence stopped me. later I saw him coming at a distance carrying something seemed very heavy.,...dammm!!! you poor boy what is this?...he cleared his throat and say "without you I was dead". he sat in the garden and eat two large pawpaw's without my consent. I ...I.....I saw some ripen apples and I decided to bring them but I have eaten 10 of them.

my anger was all over the compound but I couldn't do anything. He was my causin. I looked at him and gave him a sign of smile. we sat down on the verandah peeling off what he brought. I was not poor as the villagers thought.

Are we going again today? My silence proved that I am fed up with hungover he looked at me and said.,...are we going again to the bar? All what happened the last night came into my mind. I agreed to go back and enjoy again. I took two apple's for the owner of the bar to appreciate my presence.