My Name

[Episode 10]

My name.

While inhabiting this body, I don't plan to tell anyone my name. I wouldn't be able to bear the crushing thought of forgetting the real me.

It makes me uncomfortable since I keep thinking that the moment I do tell someone, would also be the moment I've accepted that this is the new me. That I'm now a woman.

Is it possible for anyone to just accept that they've randomly changed genders out of nowhere? Even if it is, I don't think I'll be able to ever come to terms with being different now.

My veins pop up all over my skin and my hairs stand in frustration. A sudden rush of heat engulfs me from the fear of having to endure these sudden misfortunes. My brain starts to ache as dismay clouds my mind. Only thoughts about staying as a woman for the rest of my life occupies it.

Breaking the silence, I decide to question Lynn and ask, "Hey, who cares about my name? Why are you still following me? Why do you insist on being so friendly to me?!" Anger fills my eyes as my voice amplifies, "Can't you tell that I want you to leave me alone!? I don't want you to follow me, dammit! I'm already feeling terrible today and I don't need you to make things even worse for me!"

Her face gradually covers in a mass of shock and confusion but she listens closely to me. "...Sorry for being such a bother to you hun." Looking downcast she sighs and scratches her head. "Everyone here is feeling anxious even if they're not showing it. The way humans overcome fear is by assessing unusual situations and working together to calm down and solve the issue."

"What does that have anything to do with me? Why do you keep stalking me?"

"Well, at first I wanted to follow you out of pure curiosity." Lynn continues with a subtle smile, "After hanging around you for a little while, I've decided, we're going to be good friends. You seem like a fun person." Moving a hand close to her face, she puts up her thumb.

"I'm a fun person?" Just what have I been doing for her to say that I seem like a fun person?

I must have been expressing my confusion clearly as Lynn continues, answering many questions in my head.

"I'm sure there will never be a dull moment with you around. Unlike those uptight adults, You show everything you're thinking on your face and try so hard to distance yourself away despite really wanting company. You have such an interesting personality."

Without a shadow of a doubt, I'm sure my face is turning into a royal mess because of Lynn's words. She thinks that I have an interesting personality. Me?

What was I so worried about? Even if this body isn't mine, I'm the one living in it right now. It's not as if I've turned into a completely different person and my personality hasn't become another's.

What made me think I'm the only one in pain? Everyone here is having it tough from suddenly ending up in another world, including Lynn, not just me.

For the time being, this body belongs to me so I have to protect it. My name has nothing to do with it.

Clearing my throat after realising how childish I've been acting, I mumble, "Ruvian Maiye. Just Ruvian is fine." My cheeks blush from shame as I avoid eye contact.

Looking surprised that I actually told her my name without making even more of a fuss, Lynn makes a face of pure disbelief. I can't help but laugh at her astonished look.

"Ruvian huh... Right! From now on you're Ruvie!" Lynn stretches out her hand with a massive grin on her face, indicating for me to follow suit.

Shaking her hand I say, "Please just call me Ruvian..." I'm glad that I've decided to tell her my name but now she's insisting on calling me 'Ruvie'.

After attempting to get her to change her mind, I've realised that she's far too good at getting what she wants. If she calls me Ruvie, it's because I've given up on convincing her to call me otherwise.

"Ruvie, I plan to explore this dome room for a while. Ah! Since Murim said this is a safe place, why don't we call it 'Haven'!?"

"Ah yeah, sure let's do that then. I think I'll stay here while you have a look around."

"Yup, see ya later! Time to make more friends!" Lynn waves goodbye enthusiastically, skipping towards different groups.

Though not entirely willingly, I've given Lynn permission to come to check up on me whenever she wants. I have a feeling that she'll only come over occasionally to see if anything interesting has happened despite her sticking to me earlier.

Now that I'm alone, I need to sort my things out and get some shut eyes.

Wait. Where are my bags?!