Interlude - Chapter Eighteen

When Michel got back to the palace, his and André's father was already asleep. The guards scolded them a bit, like two little kids for arriving home so late, but then they let them in. That was pretty much all that occurred on their arrival. Both he and André waved their exhausted goodbyes and parted ways on the western wing of the palace. Then, they proceeded to go in their respective bedrooms to try and get some good, well-deserved rest for the night.

But getting some rest wasn't on Michel's agenda at all.

When he finally walked through the door of his bedroom, he let himself plop heavily on the comfortable and puffy bed. He quickly grabbed his phone from the pocket of his jacket before getting rid of it and leave it laying on the bed next to him.

He opened Evan's chat on the instant messaging platform and nimbly typed his goodnight text to him:

"I'm back home! Hope you sleep well tonight, Evie." The message was followed by some emojis, one that had its tongue stuck out, one that was sleeping with the funny and classical 'zzz' signs, and a sparkling one.

A couple of minutes passed until he received Evan's reply:

"Goodnight!" Read the message, which was also followed by a single sleeping emoji. "PS I gotta find a nickname for you, too." Read the second message, beneath the last one.

He turned the screen of his phone off as he covered his eyes with his wrist and smiled a wide and goofy grin to himself. He was so clearly smitten with Evan, his childhood friend…

The lights of his room were off right then, those were the strict rules of the palace in fact. The lights of the bedrooms would be turned off at eleven in the evening with no exception. So the only thing that illuminated Michel's bedroom at that moment, apart from the pale moonlight seeping through the curtains, was a medium-sized Himalayan salt lamp on the coffee table.

His bedroom was enormous. Much like his older brother, he got usually rotten spoiled by his father, who didn't hesitate for a second in conceding him the best luxuries he could be able to give him.

This way, the floor of his bedroom was made of polished oak wood, the color of the walls were of a light and vintage shade of mint teal green, and they were adorned with square white molding, some wall sconces were attached to them, and a regal chandelier hung from the ceiling above him.

His bed's frame matched the tone of the wood on the floor, and it had a puffy cream-colored leather backrest with sunken buttons. It had clean bedsheets and a white comforter with a design of giant, orange blossoming chrysanthemum printed on it. The comforters tended to vary a lot and it wasn't really common for him to see the same comforter design very often during a month.

The rest of the room was excessively luxurious, with expensive modern furniture, like the night tables of Scandinavian style, modular sofa lounging chairs, and the fireplace that matched the previously mentioned style.

There was also an ultra HD Smart TV attached to the wall and accompanied by a variety of videogame consoles, and a wide selection of Blu-rays and game titles on the console beneath it.

And, last but not least, there was a reading nook with Scandinavian style bookshelves which were cluttered with many books and small decor items, like cacti and various sculptures. It was separated from the lounging area by a see-through wooden room divider.

In the middle of the reading nook, a door leading to the en-suite bathroom, which boasted not only a shower and a bathtub, but this latter one also counted with hydraulic propulsion water springs that were perfect for Michel's back after he went for a long session of working out.

And, speaking of working out, yes, he indeed had his own private small gym, the door that led to it was by his bed's right side. While the walk-in closer could be found by the left side.

Crowning the luxury of his room, the balcony next to the reading nook had amazing views of the vast tropical city scenery of Île Paraíso, and, what was even better, it boasted a hot tub! He rarely used it himself, but when his brother or some friends of his would come and spend the night in his room, it was sometimes put in use.

But, right now, Michel didn't care a bit about the luxuries of his bedroom —he was always taught to be humble above everything, and he was taught that he was just lucky to be born in a royal family. But there was something he should always keep in mind, and that was that great responsibilities came with these luxuries that were offered to him. And he should never, ever take these luxuries for granted.

With this cleared out, he walked up to the walk-in closet and rummaged through the many pieces of clothing in one of the bottom drawers of one of the open wardrobes.

He was looking for some things in particular. Things he often liked to bring out of their well-hidden place within that specific drawer, and which he enjoyed looking at from time to time in the most loving and ineffable of ways.

Firstly, there was a picture of him and Evan with their old camp uniform, taken by an instructor on one of their trips to the Scottish Highlands. It showed two smiling little boys.

On the left was Evan, smiling so widely with a then toothless mouth that his big, bright green eyes got sharper and more narrow, almost resembling one of their Asian mates in the camp, but with red hair and green eyes. He had a funny, old-fashioned bowl haircut and he was holding Michel's hand in the air, and his overly freckled cheeks were colored with a bright shade of pinkish-red, resembling two cherry candy.

On the right was Michel, smiling more confidently than his friend, he was taller than Evan by maybe three or four centimeters. His auburn cherub curls looked messier than usual due to the humidity of the place that they had gone to. And his teal eyes shone brightly as he showed his hand and Evan's tightly intertwined to the camera, like bragging about his beloved friend and the closeness that they had achieved in a matter of just a couple of days.

He turned the picture around, as he knew by heart it had something written down on the back of it:

"Saturday, 30th of July, 2005.

Dear Michel,

Please don't ever forget about me! It's only two days to say goodbye, but I will always keep you close to me in my heart! You will always be my best friend!

I cherish you,

Evan."

Michel couldn't help tearing up a bit at that note. He smiled bitterly to himself.

"Oh, Evan… How could I possibly ever forget about you?" He thought and muttered to himself unconsciously, biting his lower lip as he tried futilely to hold back the tears that did nothing more but keep falling.

Then, he saved the picture back in a recondite place within the drawer and brought up other things. This time, they were a bit more than a dozen letters, fifteen in total. They were all well-preserved and tied up together with a thin and brittle piece of straw rope.

He untied the rope carefully enough to not break it. It was made of a rather old material after all. And the last thing he wanted to do was having the letters he had written to his cherished friend through all of these years scattered messily all around the drawer.

He opened the first letter he had written to Evan, which was also never delivered:

"Thursday, 4th of August, 2005.

Dear Evan,

I arrived home a couple of hours ago. I know it's only been three days, but I already miss you a lot!

Would you like to learn something funny? It's something I never told you about me because I thought you could treat me differently if I told you about it. But, I'm the prince of that faraway country I told you about! Well… actually not the crown prince, my brother will have that title when he's old enough. But anyway, I really hope you never stop seeing me as just Michel if you ever learn about this little secret of mine.

This letter will not be sent,

Prince Michel of Avevia."

There were two other letters that were never delivered either before he picked the one that he was looking for:

"Friday, 15th of February, 2008.

Dear Evan,

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, but I guess that holiday is celebrated everywhere around the globe. So I guess you already knew that. Anyway...

I couldn't help feeling kind of lonely. And I've been missing you more than ever for some reason. I don't know, seeing all of those couples holding hands, giving flowers, chocolates and small presents to each other… I know it should be awfully disgusting to me, but for some weird reason, I've been thinking of getting myself a girlfriend soon. But still, I would have wanted your approval of any girl I'd find good enough for a suitor.

I wished I could live nearer you, so we could maybe be able to spend some Valentine's Day together someday —but not doing stuff that couples do together, of course, we're both boys, after all, that would be gross! Haha...

This letter will not be sent,

Prince Michel of Avevia.

PS If only you were a girl, Evie, I would have definitely fallen head over heels for you a long time ago. Even if you're a boy, I think your looks can't be compared to anyone else's, you're adorable and gorgeous in your own way. I wonder how you would be looking like right now..."

He chuckled bitterly at that postscript. He was too young… He didn't understand entirely, but he could definitely feel it. He was in love with Evan, he was always in love with him, since the very moment he saw his cherubic face smiling so timidly at him.

Breathing in deeply, he chose another letter, sent almost three years after the previous one:

"Friday, 31st of December, 2011.

Dear Evan,

It's New Year's Eve and, although I know that I've had written some Christmas letters for you before, I noticed I haven't ever written a New Year's Eve letter for you before, which sort of surprises me, as it's probably my favorite holiday.

I really like this time of the year because... well, the year ends, and you get another full year to fulfill the promises you've made to yourself and couldn't do in the past. It's like a blank page, a fresh start, and the thought of it makes me feel energized.

This year's resolution for me is not something conventional: I promised myself to find you from here in ten years. And when we see each other again, I'll tell you about everything I've been up to during all of these years.

And I'd be glad if you told me about you as well, about how much you think you've evolved and how do you see yourself in the future. My wish is to be reunited with you someday. The sooner the better. I have never forgotten about you, not a single day passes by where I don't think about you. My first best friend ever…

But, you know what they say, right? Wishes won't come true if you reveal them...

This letter will not be sent,

Prince Michel of Avevia."

Michel sniffed and let out a melancholic sigh as he smiled his anguish away. To think his wish did in fact come true after that…

He skipped another letter and jumped to one written two years after the previous one:

"Friday, 28th of June, 2013.

Dear Evan,

Today is a historic day in Avevia. Same-sex marriage has been legalized!

I wished you would have been here to see the whole process. Earlier on today there was an LGBTQ+ pride parade in the center of Île Paraíso. There were people celebrating the brand new law with banners with quotes that were written on them and rainbow flags, they waved them with pride and painted their faces with rainbow motives as well.

The entire country was painted with rainbow colors all of a sudden! You totally needed to see it with your own eyes… It was beautiful for certain, something too wonderful to describe it just with words.

I need to confess something to you, though… With this new right given to the queer people in my country, I've come to think of something. What if I'm gay?

All of this time I haven't been able to stop thinking of you and find myself a female suitor that was of my liking. Maybe I don't like women, maybe I like men, and…

And I think it's about time I accept my feelings for you…

I'm in love with you, Evan. I have always been. But I was too young to understand it. And when I learned about the possibility, I rejected it. Because you probably won't like me the way I like you. And I'd never stop blaming it on myself if I ever did anything to ruin this precious friendship of ours that I've been trying so hard to keep alive in my thoughts all of this time…

I can't confess my feelings to you, I can't tell it to anyone… Even when I want to scream to the world itself that I'm absurdly and hopelessly in love with Evan Clarke. I'm a prince despite all, and my royal responsibilities have priority above anything else, and a prince can't be gay.

I should feel happy, I should feel finally free and proud, today more than any other day. But I'll remain closeted for the rest of my life, unfortunately. And I'm beginning to hate this useless title I've been cursed with since I was born…

I want you to know that, despite being a prince, I'm still Michel, I'm still your friend. And I love, even if I can't love you as a lover, I'll love you as my best friend.

This letter will not be sent,

Prince Michel of Avevia.

PS Your Prince, dear Evie. Always yours, and only yours."

Michel ran a hand through his hair as he let the tears run down his cheekbones one after the other.

Bound to hide behind a disgustingly luxurious facade of etiquette and fancy royal matters forever. Forced to fall in love with someone he'd never love or to remain alone for the rest of his life. Forbid to declare his true feelings to the one person he adored the most and condemned to think forever what would have happened if he had done it… Being a prince was the worst curse he could have ever gotten.

He attempted to dry his tears with the sleeves of his shirts. But there was no use, they kept falling like heavy drops of pouring rain in a summer shower.

And the thought of seeing Evan, his beloved childhood friend. His best friend ever made. His first love. His everything... His Evie, soon happily married to Lady Gabrielle of House Martí, the carnation bud of Île des Toucans in a matter of weeks… It broke his heart in the cruelest of ways.

Michel was strong, he was stronger than anyone could think, even stronger than he himself could think. But this thought broke his heart as if it were made of overly delicate glass being hammered mercilessly, every shattered piece of it ground into nothing more than thin, insignificant dust.

He let out heavy sounds of heartbreaking crying, weeping for his first love lost in late spring. He breathed in bitterly and clenched his teeth as he held that letter close to his chest and cried more and more desperately with every image of Evan popping up in his mind.

His Evie… The one true love of his life… No one would ever compare to him. And he wasn't ever going to be his anymore.

In the silence of the walk-in closet, dark and lonely, silent, with an environment filled with nothing but negative emotions, despair, anguish, and wretched crying, Michel decided to stay just a little bit longer in the little sanctuary he had built through those sixteen years for the love of his life. To mourn his loss —because, somehow, it was a loss. And promised himself to be Evan's best friend, the one he'll always come to when something was wrong, the only one he would feel he could completely rely on.

Because in love, there was always an "always", and always a "never". And Michel was always going to love Evan. And Michel was never going to let go of Evan.