Interlude - Chapter Twenty-Four
J.J's eyes couldn't believe what they had just seen…
An ineffable feeling of rage invaded his entire being, he could almost feel his head boiling as his cheeks went vibrantly red and his lips pursed until drawing a thin, almost invisible line on his mouth, his blue eyes shining and reflecting jealousy in all its senses, as if a deadly thunderstorm had unbound within his once bright, beautiful orbs.
His cousin… with Evan…
He definitely should have seen that coming. He did have his personal suspicions about Michel's orientation; after all, he had always rejected all of the prettiest and finest girls that attempted to start an exchange with him, even if it was just an amiable, friendly-intended one.
What he never suspected of, though, was that he could have felt something towards Evan.
But he felt like a complete idiot right now, he should have seen that one coming. They were childhood friends, after all.
Michel was always a weakling to him, he'd hear him sobbing all alone in his room during the night at times, and he thought it must have had something to do with his mother's loss or something of the sort.
He simply thought he was weak and weird, he had only one friend and that was some crazy guy who was always on a trip either parachuting or eating strange and awful-looking seafood.
And let's not talk about his likings… It was okay, he liked history, but why did he enjoy ancient history so much? He'd understand it more if he were interested in more recent history.
No, King Antoine's youngest son liked reading Greek mythology and watching documentaries on how the Roman Empire expanded and nearly had the entire European continent under their domain just to lose everything after so many years.
He couldn't believe it… He couldn't believe he had lost against his little cousin, Michel the Weirdo. No… He was not going to allow it…
He stood up from his hiding place among some bushes surrounding the aviary.
Thankfully, his sharpened sight let him monitor everything that was happening inside, from Michel feeding the birds to the mesmerizing scene of Evan playing that majestic cello.
But sadly, his listening sense wasn't sharp enough to hear what they were saying.
But that scene… that kissing scene… It was like poison consuming his insides slowly and painfully, getting increasingly more fueled the more he thought of it.
He shook his head, like trying to get rid of that painful and intrusive thought. But it was useless, it corroded his entries with deep jealousy and indescribable envy.
He would have never in life thought he'd envy Michel this much… It made him feel wholly powerless and made his ego fall to the cracks of the paving beneath him.
He then proceeded to walk into the palace at an infuriating pace.
He wasn't going back to the dining room, he didn't care a bit about what his father would say about this inappropriate behavior. He wanted to cage himself in the comfort of his lonely bedroom and feed his rage with treasured memories that were left untold for everyone.
For everyone except J.J and… him… his first love.
He sprinted through corridors and hallways, climbed grand staircases of stone and evaded guards' inquiries.
"Your Highness, shouldn't you be—?
Questions from unknown faces which remained unanswered due to his enraged pacing.
Something that every staff member in the palace knew well was that they should avoid upsetting His Highness Jean-Jacques at all costs if they didn't want to suffer the ruthless consequences of it. And it was pretty much the same thing with the case of his father, Prince Richard, if not even worse…
Right now, J.J only wanted to reach the door of his bedroom in the eastern wing and scream all of his rage out, cry and break something if needed.
He could not tolerate defeat under any circumstances, and this one was a major defeat…
Finally, after running so much through all of the hallways, he reached the fourth floor. He took a turn on the second corridor at the right and jogged through it with a quick pace, turned on the left branch, the sixth door was his bedroom's.
He opened and closed it with uncontrolled fury, making every furniture and decor item in his bedroom shake with it.
He let himself slide down to the floor with his back leaning on the door. He sat down on the wooden floor, and, when he knew for sure that it was just him alone in the safety of his bedroom, that no other nosy being was trying to eavesdrop on his sorrow, he finally started crying.
Salty, warm teardrops of envy, jealousy, and bitterness slid down his face, inevitably and excessively, J.J bursting out in tears. They tasted like a mixture of wrath and anguish.
He bit his lip in a futile attempt to hold back the heavy tears, but there was no use, he'd still groan and cry in sorrow, feelings of outrageous defeat and emotional pain. He leaned his head against the door and let the crying take over his entire wounded being.
This recent act he had just seen reminded him so much of that spring of 2011, when he was just a young and inexperienced teenager…
With limbs that felt heavy, even when he wasn't that heavy, J.J stood up and wobbled up to his bookshelf, looking for a book in concrete, a very discreet one that was about the philosophy a man had about the disintegration of socialism or something of the sort, a pretty boring book that no one would ever suspect what it actually held inside of it.
He knew perfectly well the location of it, on the top shelf and right next to the book in the middle of the row. The book was called 'For They Know Not What They Do', such an interesting title for such an incomprehensible book…
He opened it on one of the first pages to find what he was looking for: a folded piece of paper with a poem of eight verses written on it.
The paper had around ten years of existence, but J.J kept it so meticulously that it looked like it only had a couple of days saved in the book.
Sniffing and wiping his tears away, J.J began reading the poem for the thousandth time in his life, remembering the good times of that spring in 2011, when he was a fifteen-year-old teenage boy, full of dreams and ambitions…
FLASHBACK:
"Your cerulean eyes, freezing like the hail,
they stop me and steal my breath, seize my heart.
Why don't you smile more? Being of the ether.
I'll wait forever just to see that smile.
I've been watching you from the safe afar,
contemplating you like a piece of art,
like a masterpiece painted by the gods.
My love, an impressionistic daydream."
J.J stared bewildered at the piece of paper and read the poem for the fourth time already, still as astounded as the first time he did so.
Who would write such a mawkish love poem to him? They were in an all-boys school in St. Petersburg, such a stunt wouldn't go unnoticed…
But other than that, he had to say the writer had an interesting choice of words.
Although the poem itself didn't have the best quality, he could almost feel the anonymous poet did have something for him.
He had even noticed that he had tried to write it in Iambic pentameter, he surely did put his best effort into those eight verses and two paragraphs.
He was still dubious about who could have written it, though. All he had as a hint was a signature: "Your everlasting secret admirer, P." 'P'… a lot of the names and last names of his classmates or other schoolmates that he was acquaintances with started with the letter 'P'.
END OF FLASHBACK
After reading the poem once again, he smiled to himself, remembering how reluctant and grossed out he felt that time. But somehow, he still felt relevant, like wanted and needed by someone.
For the first time in his short life, J.J felt loved and truly desired.
FLASHBACK:
A loud and noisy ruckus surprised him while he was heading to his respective classroom. It came from the classroom of the freshmen. Some bullies were yelling insults and calling names to a student.
As a member of the student council in his sophomore year, J.J couldn't let something like this be happening.
He opened the double door with all of his might, willing to find out what all of this was about.
The freshmen got startled at his sight.
Everyone knew that, despite being in sophomore year, Jean-Jacques Beaumont was the nephew of a king and he shouldn't be messed up with.
Everyone knew how athletic he was, he was quite skilled at many martial arts and his speech was powerful and intimidating, not even the juniors or even the seniors dared begin a debate with him, his fundamentals were always so solid and full of sense, always accurate, and that was something everyone feared him for.
He was certainly going to reign the school until the day he had to leave.
"Be quiet! Other classrooms have already begun their lessons for the day, didn't your parents teach you manners?" He looked everyone in the classroom in the eye, glaring at them. "Now, what is all of this fuss about?" He questioned with an authoritarian voice tone.
"It's Connor Allsopp! He's into guys!" One of them explained.
"Yes! Please report him to the principal! What if he tries to kiss us or something?" Another one exclaimed, complaining.
They pointed out to the boy sitting at the back of the middle row: he was rather short, his chestnut hair was a bush of undone curls, he wore round glasses, and his skin, although pale as milk, was covered in brownish freckles. He was staring at him with pleading gray eyes, almost tearing up.
J.J just took a quick look at the boy, and only with this, he understood what he needed to do to fix the situation.
"I'm not reporting him for liking guys, I'll have a talk with him to find whoever defamed him and report the culprit, as it should be." Was what the response he gave, firm and severe.
The entire classroom gasped and whined in disbelief. They really had no other proof than the boy not being as masculine as everyone was expecting.
And thanks to a mean-intended joke, the entire class except him would be suspended for some days, maybe even weeks.
J.J fixated his glance on the student, Connor Allsopp.
"See me in the student council room after classes, don't worry, it'll be just you and I." He said, sounding determinant but, somehow, compassionate, and maybe even a bit warm.
The freckled boy smiled shyly, then, he nodded in understanding.
END OF FLASHBACK
J.J felt the tears ceasing to drop when he re-winded that moment in his head. He folded the piece of paper again, and let the memories take possession of him again.
FLASHBACK:
All of the student council members had left. J.J had explained to them he'd need to have a talk with a freshman student. Since someone had been slandering him and he wanted to report the bully to the school's authorities. Such behavior was simply unacceptable for such a renowned institute, wasn't it?
He was waiting tranquilly in his chair by one of the end corners of the meeting table, enjoying the silence and the warmth of the sun rays that seeped through.
He heard some knockings on the door, and he already knew it was him, Connor.
"Come in." He said loudly from the other side of the student council meeting room.
A small, almost scared silhouette appeared as he opened the door. It was him indeed, the same student he had met before and asked to have a private talk with.
"D-Did you want to see me, Jean-Jacques?" Connor asked, almost murmuring due to his shyness.
"Please, just call me J.J, I don't like my full name." J.J replied. "And yes, please, feel free to take a seat in front of me." He added.
The other boy heeded him, leaving his backpack laying next to him on the floor.
"Okay, I'll be brief. You just need to give me the names of the people you think were responsible for starting the rumor and I'll make sure they get suspended for a couple of weeks, I'll also report the ones that were bullying you so they'll learn to keep their mouths shut." J.J stated.
"Oh, actually, it's not a rumor. I just defended the queer rights when we were having religion classes last day. Because yes, I am homosexual." Connor replied, a timid trembling smile drawn on his face.
J.J's eyes opened widely.
"You can report me to get suspended or even expelled, my parents know about it and they're okay with the idea. I wouldn't like to be hiding all of my life, that's something that only had to happen in the past and shouldn't be anymore, it's just what I like and I'm proud of it."
Still with eyes wide as plates, the prince sighed, half astonished and half glad. For some reason, he felt happy that Connor didn't want to hide his orientation, and even more, felt comfortable with it.
"Okay… I'm… Not going to report you. But you need to know that if you decide to come out, you'll get expelled, this institution will not allow you to be who you are, and, honestly speaking…" J.J let out another deep sigh. "I've taken a liking to you, and I wouldn't like to stop seeing your face around here." He confessed, blushing a bit.
Connor sketched a content smile that melted J.J's heart.
"Just… Be discreet, okay? I'll give your bullies a warning, but don't go around telling everyone, because otherwise, I won't be able to do much for you." He warned Connor.
Connor nodded, agreeing with the kind proposition that J.J had just given to him.
"Okay, with this said, you're free to return to your dorm now." The prince finalized.
They walked up to the door, but, before J.J opened it, Connor stopped him from doing so.
He locked stares with the freckled boy, and caught a glimpse of something more than thankful feelings, something he didn't understand, but felt gentle and utterly heartwarming.
"Thanks for saving me, being of the ether." Connor whispered.
J.J's jaw almost dropped.
"...'P'?" He let out, astounded.
Connor simply giggled, sounding so innocent yet flirty and playful.
"Your everlasting secret admirer. Who got caught, apparently." The boy with the round glasses added.
J.J felt Connor's arms wrapping his torso as he stood on tiptoe. They were staring at each other's eyes, both of the pair of eyes were of a gray shade, only that J.J's were almost blue, while Connor's had a greener hue on them.
And, somehow, J.J liked Connor's eyes, and he also liked his soft, smaller arms around him. He liked his timid and pure smile, sketched exclusively for him now.
He liked him. J.J liked Connor, he liked him a lot and he wasn't even able to notice it…
"I really like you… Jean…" Connor whispered, never ceasing to look him in the eyes.
J.J glanced at Connor's smile. His lips were trembling, like longing, craving, and waiting for an imminent kiss, their very first kiss ever given…
The prince had never kissed anyone before, he wasn't sure about how to do this…
He simply deposited a peck on Connor's lips, and both of them blushed beet red.
He felt so embarrassed. He wished he'd be able to give Connor something more romantic, something more passionate, enough to stun him and leave him begging for more of it.
He cupped Connor's face with his hands and whispered, with a promising tone of voice:
"Hold on until school ends. Then, we'll be everything you want us to be, I promise you." He ended his oath, willing to make it true, determined to do it.
END OF FLASHBACK.
He held the poem close to his chest, clutching it against his heart. Remembering the final goodbye. The very first time someone broke his heart, the moment he decided to not open himself to anyone ever again.
FLASHBACK:
The sophomore year met its end and J.J was now standing in front of a buffet table with a plastic cup of fruit punch in his left hand.
The school's gymnasium had gotten filled by students celebrating the prom, some were dancing, some others having an enjoyable chit-chat with their classmates and some others were eating and drinking the delicacies from the buffet,
Some had chosen to bring a female friend, acquaintance or even partner as their date. J.J had chosen to simply attend the prom alone. He wasn't a fan of big parties in first place…
A classmate he was acquaintances with approached him, greeting him.
"Hey, Jean! Haven't seen you on the dancefloor yet, I thought you knew some good dance moves." The youth joked.
J.J let out some husky guffaws, getting suddenly amused.
"I only know about ballroom dances, that's where my knowledge about dancing ends, I'm sorry." He replied in the same joking tone his classmate used.
"What about your date? Man, you'd make any girl surrender at your feet, why didn't you bring a date?" The boy asked one more time.
J.J sighed, slightly crestfallen. He would have loved to ask Connor to be his date, but sadly it was something that was not allowed.
"The girl I had in mind ended up being my cousin's date for his prom in his school in Switzerland. Kind of a sad story." The prince replied, telling a fat lie in order to keep his safety and Connor's.
"Yeah, I thought being a royal had so many perks. But it seems not everything in your life is about fancy parties, expensive clothes, high-quality food and the finest wines…" The boy remarked, sounding a bit sorry for J.J.
The prince took the last sip of his drink and left the plastic cup on a pile of empty ones laying on top of one of the many buffet tables.
"You're right in there, life as a royal is a pain, not gonna lie, but…" He made a brief pause, as if he wanted to add something else. But actually, he just wanted to make the sentence sound cool. "If you excuse me, I need to use the restrooms now."
He smiled politely at him and made his way to the restrooms near the gymnasium.
When he got there, he heard some wet noises and muffled giggles coming from one of the stalls. A couple making out, probably, J.J felt grossed out by this.
"Hm… Luka… You're so handsome..."
His eyes opened wide like never before when he heard that voice. He could recognize that voice anywhere he'd go.
It was no other than Connor's voice… He was… He was cheating on J.J!
The prince opened the stall's door furiously, finding his beloved Connor making out with some schoolmate who was a senior.
None of them said anything, they just stared at J.J rigidly without uttering a word. And J.J didn't dare shed a single tear.
A whipping sound flooded and echoed through the whole restroom: J.J had slapped Connor.
END OF FLASHBACK
He didn't want to remember what happened after that… Two years more of bitterness and bleakness, two years of mourning a love that never was…
He wanted to believe it was real at some point. All of those giggles, stolen kisses, late-night visits to each other's room, sneaking out carefully to not get caught… Was all of that real? Up to that day, even after ten long years, J.J wanted to believe it was, but he knew it was not…
And now, with this scene that he had watched from afar, of Evan and Michel kissing in the aviary… It made him feel exactly the same he felt back then. Betrayal in all of its senses.
But what was he to Evan, in first place? Did he mean something to him? They had barely had any interaction… And still, for some reason, J.J was so stubborn with getting his love. With being his one and only…
Evan and Connor were different from each other…
Evan simply fell for Michel's charm. He'd need to get to know J.J first, and then he'd show him how happy he could make him.
Michel won this battle, but J.J wasn't going to let him win the war.