- Memories

Experiencing for himself the overwhelming power that he once battled against, Zex's consciousness finally managed to wake up.

He quickly checked his concentration levels and decided to immediately enter his Mind Space and recover his lost memories.

Thankfully, the previous memories he solidified in his Mind Space were spared from the loss, making the ones he did lose easier to regain. Realizing such a feature, he decided to solidify as much as he could with the time he had before continuing with the next key memory.

He began organizing his memories into sectors to increase his recollection speed.

First of all, he addressed the issue with his classes and skills. Although he had the system that made the now hundreds of skills in his arsenal easy to access, the system did not improve his memory nor was he originally a genius with a photographic memory or an IQ of over 9000... [1] Nor could he be compared to the ones with superior minds like the guys in Scorpion or in The Big Bang Theory who had IQs above 160. [2][3]

In other words, he was nothing special.

To avoid losing track of the numerous skills as well as make it easier for when he gained more, he categorized them based on general classes like the Warrior class having more emphasis on melee combat, Rogue class having more emphasis on quick movement and subtlety, Ranger class on ranged skill sets, the Mage class for all the types of magic, and so on.

In other words, he was creating class and skill trees on his own because the system was not very helpful in this area.

Secondly, he focused on separating the memories of the events in this life from those in his previous one.

By using mental techniques he learned from Arissef, he created manifestations of memory fragments which he protected with various barriers and secured in illusory structures. It seems to be overkill but it would be dangerous if an invader would infiltrate his mind and access them. While his Mind Space may seem like a construct by the system, it was simply a representation of his inner consciousness. He believed that Arissef studied such mental techniques for a reason. If he could enter his inner consciousness there might be those who could do so as well. He wished he could construct maze-like protection for his Mind Space like the 'Tower of Fate' but the techniques he had right now did not tackle such a complex design. [4]

To solidify his memories, he needed to recall them actively. He focused the solidification process only on the memories he felt were either important or useful and left the rest be, believing that whether they would end up being forgotten or not would have too little of an impact on his current life.

However, this also meant that he had to go through everything he experienced once more, including the most painful ones.

His younger years couldn't be said to be special but he was almost always standing out. Most of the time, not in a good way. To others, he was always overthinking things and was quite antisocial at times while to the rest, he was just a weird guy.

From an early age, he was exposed to cartoons, movies, anime, video games. Later on, he would begin reading comics and novels as well. These were how he spent most of his free time on... most of his life on.

He especially loved those with deep stories within them and made it a habit to imagine himself in the shoes of the characters, absorbing their personalities into his own and understanding why the stories turned out the way they did, and imagining how they would have turned out if he made different choices.

With the vast knowledge of different lives from those stories, he was able to see two or three steps ahead of what would happen most of the time in real life. This allowed him to be an asset to group activities... but a liability to his personal life.

For example, when he had his first crush, he already imagined his whole life with her even though he never learned the steps of courtship. This lack of understanding of his social inabilities branded him in his circle of friends as the dumbass who got dumped by so many girls.

When it came to academics, he breezed through them without trying as hard as the others. Not that he had the best grades but he was never in the danger of failing before college. However, when it came to his emotions, he was a wreck.

Fortunately, he was able to develop his social skills when he joined the workforce and honed them as time passed which allowed him to have a couple of relationships throughout the following years.

Then there were the 3 global pandemics and World War 3, where he lost a lot of his friends and family... including the woman he loved the most. This left a scar in his heart that rendered him unable to bring himself to commit to marriage.

He spent the rest of his work life constantly being subordinate to someone... being the second in command. He did so not because he wasn't capable of leadership but because he was too emotionally weak to make the tough calls. He did not want to be the one who drove the team forward but he was responsible and reliable enough that his bosses throughout the years fought to keep him at their side.

Aside from all that, with his habit of delving deep into the characters of the stories he exposed himself to, his personality was ever-changing. 'He' was an amalgamation of thousands of different characters across thousands of fictitious worlds. In other words, he never knew who 'he' really was. If he couldn't even understand himself, how could he expect others to? In truth, he already realized all this long ago. He just didn't have the willpower to change it... to change himself. It was a problem he was never actually willing to solve.

Unfortunately, in this new life, he saw himself do the same things. The moment he saw someone with overwhelming power in front of him, he immediately resorted to subservience. He did not even try to resist.

He... was not even the main antagonist in this story as opposed to what he assumed early on.

When he fought the heroes, he felt guilty, reasoning out that his actions were because it was his duty to do them, not entertaining the notion that maybe he wanted to do them himself. Recalling his battle with Edge, Arissef, and Drago, he initially told himself that his lust for combat was from his demon blood but he knew deep down that it existed even in his previous life. The urges were there when people mistreated him... when people destroyed his name... when people betrayed him. He was just too afraid of the consequences that he decided to rein those urges in.

The darkness and negativity in his heart festered throughout his life and it may have just been a series of coincidences that people never pushed him past the point of going nuclear. At this point, he was beginning to think that this was what manifested the [Repressed Evil] passive in the first place. Should he be happy about that? He did not know.

Finally, when he experienced Drago's memories, his heart was so weak that he got swayed by Drago's emotions and lost himself in the process. In truth, this terrified Zex the most. 'What if he never woke up?' This question kept appearing in his mind as he was doubling his efforts in solidifying his memories, taking more time than he should have to check again and again if things were secure or if he missed things out. His OCD was acting up. [5]

With how the events progressed so far and the decisions he made in over half a month, he scorned himself. Even thinking and whining about all of these things in his head right now made him feel like such a pitiful person and questioned if it was a good decision for him to be given a second chance at life.

He wished he lost his memories and personality, being reborn in a clean slate.

Now he understood why in Chinese mythology, those who would be reborn were made to drink the soup on the bridge of forgetfulness so that they would not carry the burdens of their memories from their previous life. [6]

This also made him realize how naively portrayed most of the Isekai stories in his previous life were. [7] None of them prepared him for this.

After being lost in his thoughts for a good while, he realized that he spent a long time in his Mind Space and that he consumed a lot more of his concentration than he intended.

With a new resolve, he vowed to himself that he will find a way to break free from the chains of his past life. He just wished that this was not the same as those New Year's resolutions he made before. Else, he would keep repeating his mistakes. After all, old habits die hard and defense mechanisms are tough to crack.

Right now, however, he needs to become stronger to survive. Everything else will follow.

Completing his task of solidifying his memories and reaffirming his goals, he left his Mind Space and continued to the next Key Memory.

[1] "Over 9000" is an internet joke/meme that has been repeated over and over again originating from the scene where Vegeta from Dragon ball was using his scouter device to measure the power level of an enraged Goku. When Nappa, an ally of Vegeta asked what the device was showing, Vegeta said: "It's over 9,000!" and then crushed the scouter in his fist.

[2] Scorpion was a TV series that followed a group of geniuses who were tasked to solve complex global problems and save lives.

[3] The Big Bang Theory was a hit TV series that followed a group of friends who were socially awkward geniuses developing their relationship with each other and making new friends while tackling various life issues and scientific topics.

[4] The Tower of Fate is a place of power owned by Doctor Fate, a superhero in DC Comics. The tower was used as a haven for Doctor Fate, his alter ego, Kent Nelson, and Kent's wife, Inza Nelson. The tower had no doors and windows while having a highly complex maze where even the powerful Lords of Chaos might have trouble escaping from. It held most of Doctor Fate's most prized items.

[5] OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a mental illness that causes repeated unwanted thoughts or sensations (obsessions) or the urge to do something over and over again (compulsions). Sourced from Wikipedia. (Was feeling lazy).

[6] This is about Meng Po, also known as the Goddess of Forgetfulness. When the souls who were to be reborn are judged as to which of the 6 realms of rebirth or the 6 paths they would be reborn into, they will then have to meet Old Lady Meng at the bridge of forgetfulness and drink a soup she made that would make them forget their memories of the past life before being reborn.

[7] Isekai is a Japanese genre of stories wherein the protagonist is transferred to another world in which they retain their memories. If this story was Japanese, this would fall under Isekai.