EPISODE 7 - The Genres and Themes I Wouldn't Fit Into (Part 2)
Note: The Slice-of-Life Boys.
Hara: Hey Ishimoto, tell us a dark joke.
Ishimoto: A refrigerator with food is the same as a cannibal opening an air-conditioned room full of people.
Yoshida: WOAH MAN! TOO DARK! Another one but not too dark.
Ishimoto: If a cat in a box filled with radiation is Schrödinger's cat, can a human-dog hybrid eating chocolate be considered the same?
Arata: TOO SMART!
*Kibe watches the four*
I can be a Slice-of-Life but that's the lowest of the low. I'll have that as my last resort since right now, I'm in desperate need.
Now, what genres and themes do we have? I'll start with what comes up to mind.
...
Adventure. Nope, no chance. Action, that's for shounen, mostly. Comedy, I have a knack for this one, I'll leave this on standby. Romance, pshhh.
Kibe: I ain't a mob character for no reason eh?
Sports, as if. Parody...
Kibe: I'm already mocking certain stereotypes, I'd be surprised if my story wouldn't be a parody.
Dementia, hmmm, that's too complicated for me to attain so easily. Yaoi, HARD NO! Shoujo, I'm not even a girl, and I don't think a girl would take interest in me. Fantasy? This is a school setting. Psychological or thriller... there are no murderers or mind-boggling activities that can be found here.
Kibe: Ok, I'm lost, I think I'll go think after school.
*School bell rings*
*Kibe is walking home*
Kibe: This will help me choose what kind of protagonist I want to be. I've already crossed out many... WAIT, THAT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL!
*Kibe walks down a park*
The surroundings seem to get darker... why?
*Kibe sees a run-down wooden house near the park*
Huh, was that always there? I've been here many times, and I've never noticed that house. But for some reason, I feel like going there brings bad news.
Kibe: Hmm?
*There are five people in front of the house*
OH CRA-
*Kibe tries to pass by the house gently*
*He shivers intensely*
T-This i-is a setup for a horror anime. It a-almost got me, I was about to head there out of curiosity.
*He passes by the house by the door and the five people*
Boy 1: Come on, let's go in! Don't tell me you're scared of ghosts?
Girl 1: I-I'm not! Now let me though!
*She opens the door*
A perfect set-up for a horror story. It even has those cliche dialogues. I'll try to warn them.
Kibe: HEY!
*He is ignored*
Kibe: HEY! DON'T GO IN THERE!
*They look at him but ignore him*
It's your grave, idiots. I tried to save ya but you didn't listen. Good luck after many deaths!
*An eerie voice whispers into Kibe's ear*
Girly eerie voice: Come in~~~
*He shivers*
*Kibe runs*
Kibe: NO WAY IN HELL AM I GONNA FALL FOR A TRAP SO OBVIOUS!
*Kibe is near a vending machine*
*He is catching his breath*
Kibe: F*CK YOU AUTHOR! YOU WANNA KILL ME SO BAD HUH? Fine, I'll start a war again with you. Let's see if your story ends this time. YOU HEAR THAT PUNK?!
*He sighs*
Kibe: Of all things, why a horror... That frightened me.
I'm almost home. But...
*He is reminded of his little sister, Nakatani*
That aura... IT'S KILLING ME! THE AURA OF LOVEY-DOVEY SWEETHEARTS I CAN'T TAKE IT!
Kibe: FINE! I'll take a detour and go shopping for a while.
*Kibe is on the left side of a crossway*
*sighs*
Kibe: It really is looking hopeless, for me...
*The streetlight shifts from red to yellow to green*
*Kibe walks*
Kibe: So what's next? I really don't have anything in mind right now. *sighs* I have quite the average life.
*A truck from a distance is shown*
Hm? A truck? How about Isekai? Hm?
*Kibe sees the truck's driver*
Kibe: Wait... He's asleep?
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
*The truck goes out of place and the people around him start running*
IT'S HEADED TOWARDS ME!
*He looks at the truck*
I CAN'T MOVE!
*The truck is in front of him*
Hm... So this is how my life ends huh? Dying with no progress and friends in life... Wait. THIS IS THE PERFECT SETTING FOR AN ISEKAI PROTAGONIST! THANK YOU AUTHOR! YOU MAY BE TRYING TO KILL ME BUT YOU PLANNED TO GIVE ME A LIFE OF EASYGOING OVERPOWEREDNESS SURROUNDED BY DUMMY THICC WAIFUS WITH BIG BOOBS!
*The truck is now closer to him*
Goodbye sh*tty life, hello new harem!
*He is pushed*
Huh?
*Someone got hit by a truck*
*People surround Kibe*
Salaryman: Are you okay, sir?
What...happened?
*Kibe recovers his vision*
Kibe: Am I reincarnated?
*He looks around*
Oh...I didn't die...
*He laughs*
Salaryman: Sir, why are you laughing?
Kibe: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHO SAVED ME?
Salaryman: The man who saved you was... badly injured.
Kibe: Where is he?
*The salaryman points to where he was*
*There was a lot of blood around the boy*
Student beside the boy: Hang in there! DON'T DIE!
*Kibe looks at the boy with utter disgust*
I know this is a sad moment but... WHAT THE HELL? THAT WAS MY CHANCE, MY ONE AND ONLY OPPORTUNITY TO PARADISE. AND YOU STOLE IT YOU LITLLE B*TCH!
*Kibe comes closer to the boy who saved him*
*He comes near him*
*The boy splatters blood*
*Kibe looks unfazed and lifeless*
Boy: C-Come *coughs* here.
Kibe: Me?
Boy: Please, hurry.
YOU LITTLE...
Boy: Please lend me your ear.
*Kibe goes near to the boy and lends him his ear*
Boy: *weakly* I win.
*He laughs weakly*
*Kibe is utterly shocked and shows defeat*
YOU LITTLE SH*T! F*CK YOU! YOU STOLE MY OPPORTUNITY BECAUSE YOU KNEW THE MAGICAL ARRANGEMENT!
Kibe: HEY TELL ME YOUR NAME!
*The boy isn't responding*
Kibe: HEY!
*The salaryman touches his shoulder*
Salaryman: He is gone.
*The salaryman cries and everyone around him cries*
Kibe: I'LL REMEMBER YOUR FACE! ONCE I GET MY TRUCK, I'LL GET YOU! BEAT YOU BLACK AND BLUE AND STEAL YOUR HAREM OF ELVES! MARK MY WORDS! I'LL KILL YOU SO THAT YOU WON'T REINCARNATE AND REGRET LIVING THERE! F*CK YOU WHY DID YOU SAVE ME! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Note: Heh. And so another isekai protagonist has been born.
*Kibe is at home*
*Kibe is at his bed*
Mecha, no. Sci-fi, no. Martial arts, no. Adult, no. Gender-bender, 50-50. Harem, no. Historical, no. Ecchi, possible, but no romance. Josei, no. Mature, no. Medical, no.
Kibe: WHY AUTHOR! WHY??????????? Fine, if you wanna play that way, I'll play that way again. Get ready, author. I'll bring your views down ONCE MORE!
Note: Another challenge for the author? Will he win this time? Find out next time.
END OF EPISODE 7