Chapter 6: If Only

I felt so awkward and somewhat conflicted. Should I have said more? She seemed happy I said so much, and a bit surprised. I was slightly afraid of her reaction. Would she take it the wrong way? Did I mean it that way? It felt like I did, but did I really, or was it just a facade? I wasn't sure if I did, I wasn't good with my emotions. It was a habit of mine, though. So, I had to, right? But, she was taken, yet that didn't matter to my heart. What an annoying thing, it was. I just, I wasn't sure. It didn't make sense. My mind and heart were opposites. It was confusing and slightly depressing.

She smiled at me, calling my name, "You zone out a lot."

I felt my face heat up as I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly, "Sorry, it's a bad habit."

She laughed, "You're so cute."

I felt my face heat up more as I wordlessly stared at her. Did this mean she felt the same? I shook my head. No, she was taken. I felt so confused. I couldn't do anything but stare. She was the one who was cute, adorable even. We stared at each other for several minutes.

"So, does this mean...you like me?"

I shook my head, smiling awkwardly, "No, no. I mean it in a friendly way. I just wanted to let you know."

She looked disappointed, but it lasted too short to tell.

"Oh," She said, relieved, "Okay, thank God. I'm happy you care."

We began laughing about how awkward it would've been between us. Joking about how weird it would've been between us. It was kind of funny, honestly. Yet, there was a sad undertone. It wasn't just coming from me, though. It was coming from both of us.

"I-I should've told you! I'm so sorry...I should've told you how much I love you."

Yet, all I received was silence. The only sound I heard, other than my sobbing, was her beating heart, in my hand. It was beautiful because it was hers.

"If...if I had just told you how I felt, you'd be here...with me. But y-you were taken. I couldn't do that...I-I'm sorry."

Again, all I received was silence. I laid my head on her stomach, beginning to sob.

"If only I would've just told you...you'd still be here."