Trauma

"What the hell was that?"

"He's pushing his memories away, "Cassandra speaks, trying to understand better, "I understand that much. But, why open up if you're just going to push away?"

Cassandra thinks to herself, searching her feelings for an answer. His father was definitely a demon, so he had something to do with Damian's trauma.

"So, Damian's father is a demon...but how come he didn't seem to show any abilities as a kid?"

They aren't focused on the fact that Damian was born a girl. That part breaks her heart, Cassandra can't say that she understands that kind of discomfort. Not only did he seem to be trapped growing up in the wrong body, but he had a mother who didn't treat him right or understand him. The two combinations are devastating for a child. That much trauma would cause anger, maybe even-

"Fear," She speaks, cutting her own thought off, "He's scared to show his emotions. He's already shown vulnerability. His dad did something to him that he doesn't want to go into."

"I mean, if my dad had left and come back when I murdered my own mother, I'd be pretty messed up, too."

Cassandra nods, thinking to herself. There has to be more to this, right? It clearly didn't simply end there, he only cut it off because he was scared. They both saw too much for his liking, he had felt vulnerable and it made him uncomfortable. She remembers feeling similarly as kid. Her parents were on her case a lot, and she didn't respond to their liking. They weren't violent, but they found ways to get under her skin or discourage her true self. Luckily, she had people around her to support her and build her back up. It didn't look like he did.

"How alone does one person have to feel to become like that?" She thinks out loud.

"Very," Shadow speaks sadly," His memories didn't really show any friends, no one to really talk to or make him feel more at ease. His mother didn't understand or care about him, and his dad was nowhere. So, he must have felt really powerless."

She nods, agreeing. Looking at this from a different angle, it makes sense. He didn't choose her because of her energy, that was just a coverup for his actual reasoning. He wants to seem like he's cold, heartless even. But, he's not. It doesn't make up for his actions, but it makes sense.

"I think I know why he picked me out, not because of my energy. But, because-"

"You understand," A cold voice speaks.

They notice Damain standing by the door with a cold look in his eyes, "Look, I'm sorry for lashing out like I did. I don't tell everyone that, I don't enjoy feeling vulnerable. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this, or why I care. Humanity disgusts me, but maybe it's the 'deal bond'. I'm not even sure," He sighs, running his hands through his hair," Or, maybe it's because you get it. I mean, I saw through Natalia's eyes. Your parents are horrible, and you were stuck."

Cassandra and Shadow fall silent as Damian stops himself. He cuts himself off and just stands, looking down at the ground.

"Are...you okay?" Shadow asked cautiously.

Damian snaps his head in Shadow's direction,"Why do you care?"

This time, she deciphers his emotion. His eyes give them away, and he looks miserable. But, he won't ask for a friend. She knows that he won't, because he doesn't understand how to trust. From the memories, he wasn't taught anything. He learned, and he didn't learn the right lessons.

"He does care, Damian. We both do, as strange as that sounds."

For some reason, this causes Damian's demeanor to soften,"I don't know why I'm having these reactions. I...I should go back to my room. Thank you for listening."

He hurries out of the room, seemingly refusing to look them in the eyes.

"His dad messed him up real good."

Cassandra looks at the empty doorway, feeling sorrow,"He did. I don't think anyone deserves that."

Shadow nods, but remains silent as they both stare at the door,"I hope we can help. I hope he talks to us, even just one of us."

"I have a feeling that he will, but not to any of us. To you."

She looks back at Shadow as he walked towards the door.

"I'm gonna go check on Lucian and Julien, they should have been back by now."

She nods "It has probably been awhile. Be safe."

He nods back at her before walking out the door, leaving her alone. She knows there is something more to this. His mother messed him up, but what did his father do after? The smile that man wore was almost slimy. As if he had some sort of plan, and it worked.

"Do you really want to know?"

She looks over to find the other her staring at her.

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough."

Cassandra sighs, "Is there a way to find out more without him being involved?"

"Why don't you want him involved?"

"The memories seem to be painful enough for him, it might push him to his limit or trigger something."

"Do you think his father will return?"

"He might, I mean-"

"His father is dead."

"What, how do you know?"

"Search his memories and find out. I have access to all of them."

"How?"

"He gave them to you when he started the little 'memory show'. Shadow doesn't have the ability we do, so he'd have to ask Damian. But, we do not."

She swallows hard, feeling nervous, "Would that be invading his privacy, though?"

Her clone, as she decides to call the creature, shrugs, "Do you want to get to the bottom of this or not?"

Cassandra feels torn. She could just asked him herself, but the fight against them seems hard enough. Her bringing it up could really make thinks worse. He already has Natalia to deal with, as well. She reminds herself that this situation isn't about Damian, but about escaping. What if she can help him while escaping? Yes, he is the villain, he caused the situation at hand. But, they never truly received an answer as to why. So, it was up to them to dig and find out the truth.

"Show me the memories," She breathes.

Her clone smiles, "As you wish."

Once, again it feels as if a projector hass started up.

"How am I able to see these?"

"You two have a bond from the deal, and he's opened up to you. So, you can search his memories as you'd like."

"Can he do the same to me?"

"No, it is one-sided."

She nods, unsure if she should feel bad or relieved. The show starts and it is heartbreaking. She can still feel his emotions, sense exactly the direction his emotions and mind go to.

"Now that you have unlocked this ability, son-"

"How did I do that?"

His voice sounds so... broken, defeated. As if he escaped the lion's den only to be trapped in a torrent.

"Your mother, you see. She held you back. She never wanted you to be a boy or to be yourself. And, yet look at you now. You are strong, stronger than she ever was."

His father's voice is definitely like silk, yet also slimy. She senses that Damian feels conflicted by this. He's not sure how he feels.

"Why did you leave?"

"Do you see yourself, son?"

She watches as his father does't answer his question, simply holds a mirror in front of him. Damian's eyes look hollow, sad. As if he has nothing, no one else but his father. A broken doll to manipulate and control. Cassandra feels her heart break at the sight but she also feels enraged. How could anyone do this to their child?

"This is only a memory, calm down."

She slowly breathes. calming herself before watching the memories. The projector starts once again. More memories lie ahead. More of his father deceiving him, trying to play the part of the puppeteer. And, Damian the puppet.

"He planned this, didn't he?"

She stands up from the bed, rage boiling in her veins. It makes sense, he had to of.

"Sit back down and calm yourself, "Her clone gives her a stern look.

She paces briefly, before sitting back on the bed. His father isn't hiding his true intentions. His tone gives it away, and he doesn't even respond to Damian's questions.

"Wait, how does that answer my question?"

"Can't you see? You're more than your mother ever thought, you're stronger. She was such a weak being, she could never handle you."

The man grins, a deluded and devilish grin. The look in Damian's eyes remains hollow, broken but not dumb. She feels the confusion and suspicion, but also the childish need for approval. He wants to make his father happy. He could never make his mother happy, so maybe he could make his father happy.

"What do you want me to do?"

Cassandra can only watch as the memories play out. All the deeds his father asks of him, encouraging him with words such as,"Good job, son" or "I'm proud of you." She feels Damian's emotions draining. He feels happy, but not for the right reasons. He knows this is wrong, and it slowly kills what's left of his innocence.

"Good job son, now all you have to do is-"

"I'm done."

Damian's tone is icy, and she can hear the anger behind it.

His father's smile never fades, "What are you talking about, son?"

"What did these people do to deserve this?"

"Nothing, why does that even matter?"

She feels the rage and agony coursing through his veins. He doesn't agree with his father or what he is doing. He just wants to make him happy. He wants to hear the words, "I'm proud of you," but not because of this.

"Why does it matter?" He speaks, his emotions starting to show through, "It matters, dad. Father, whatever you are...it matters! These people didn't do anything to deserve your...twisted judgment. Who are you to decide their fate?"

His father's smile falters, he almost seems irritated, "Where is this coming from?"

"I've...I've been thinking of it for a while now. It's just not right, what we're doing. Did you think I wouldn't figure out that you were manipulating me?"

He laughs dryly, "Manipulation? Such a big word for such a useless child."

His father grabs him by the throat, holding him in the air, "Do you think you had nothing to do with their deaths? Look at you, acting like you didn't do all of this to gain daddy's approval."

He throws Damian to the ground, "I knew I should have just killed your mother and you when I had the chance. You're more of a human than anything! I thought I could shape you into the perfect killing machine! I mean, I put you in a place with this horrible wretch for a mother, ditched you both. Not to mention, I made sure you were born a girl. Your mother always wanted a girl, so I knew that when she found out you're not, she'd mistreat you. All this planning, and for what?! Now you resent me, like some little human boy?"

She feels the anger grows to rage, he has snapped. To know that his own father caused his undoing, it broke his heart. How could he do this to own child?

"You planned this?"

"I just said that, didn't I?!"

"What kind of monster are you, to plan your own child's demise?"

"I'm a demon, Damian, not some loving father. I'm doing what my kind does, what do you want from me?! You're a demon, too, and if you don't continue my work, you'll regret it. How else do you think we stay alive?"

Cassandra pauses the memory, knowing exactly what happens next.

"I don't understand my father," Damian speaks from the doorway.

Cassandra freezes slightly. Did he come in because he knows? Did he sense her watching his memories? Would he... lash out at her like that? He looks as if he's been crying. His eyes are puffy, and he looks...broken.

"He's not here to fight," Her clone says telepathically.

Her clone isn't in the room with her. Even if she had been, would anyone have noticed, or is she the only one who could see her? She shakes her head, returning her attention to the male at the door.

"Come in," She speaks softly, directing him to the beanbag chair.

"Thank you," His voice sounds hoarse.

"Do...you want to talk about your father?"

He pauses, "I don't want to, but I need to. It's just...difficult. My dad was horrible"

"What did he do?"

"He...tried to make me into him. After my mom passed, he came to me, as you saw. He took me in and taught me his business. His business was disgusting. Anything to make some kind of dirty money, or collect souls. It didn't matter who these people were or if they were good. He just did as he pleased and I knew it was wrong. I was just so-"

"Eager to be given love," She speaks instinctually, "You just wanted your dad to love and be proud of you."

He gives her a sad laugh, "Yeah, I did. I wanted so badly to be enough, to fill the gaping hole within my chest, "He sighs, "All for nothing."

He stands up from the chair, pacing angrily, "It was all for nothing, everything was...it was all his fault. He knew, he knew that my mother would abuse me. He made sure of it and left to really make sure she'd snap. All to shape me into someone he could mold and manipulate. The worst part is, it almost worked! I was just so dead set on pleasing him. How," He cuts her off as she is about to speak, "Stupid! What a stupid-"

"Damian," Cassandra cut shim off, "You weren't and aren't stupid."

"Yes, I am! Cassandra, can't you see what's going on? Me taking your lovers' soul and trying to take yours? I'm still carrying out his work, and he's gone! I'm so damn stupid! How could I be such a fool?!"

He picks up the beanbag chair, whipping it across the room angrily. She notices tears streaming down his face.

"Is there any way to reverse this?"

He shakes his head, "No. Once a deal is made, it's a deal. There's no way out unless the demon somehow perishes."

She hopes that he isn't aware of the plan. She wished there was another way. She knows that he is the villain in the situation, but she wishes there was a chance to find another way out.

"I'm sorry."

He looks over at her," Why are you sorry? I caused this."

She gives him a serious look, "You did not cause this. You did take Natalia's soul and then made a deal with me, yes. But, your trauma was not your fault. Your father had no right to do that to you, neither did your mother."

He looks away, tears still falling, "I-I should go, I'm sorry. I really should-"

She doesn't let him leave this time. She gently pulls him towards her and hugs him. She doesn't wish this feeling on anyone, this pain isn't right. She expects him to push her away, to really make sure she hates him. Or, just to push her out. She can tell that he's opening up, and it isn't a painless process. But, he doesn't. He hugs her tighter, feeling something drip onto her hoodie. She realizes that he's crying into her shoulder.

"I-I tried to pick p-people who were unjust, l-like my father...my mother. I-I'd look into their past, but what if they had changed? They had f-families, people who loved them! I hate what I've done...how my life has gone...I hate it, Cassie."

His tone breaks her heart, and she hugs him tighter.

"I'm so sorry you went through that alone...I'm so sorry."

She feels Damian shake his head, his tears still soaking her hoodie.

"Look...we've all made mistakes and hurt people, that's not something you can change or take back. But, you can learn from it and move past your trauma. You can become more than that because you are. I know you're not entirely human, but I don't know many demons who cry and feel emotions so strongly."

She hears him laugh lightly, "I'm the only demon you know."

"That doesn't matter," She speaks softly, "You can overcome this and heal."

He pulls away from the embrace, facing her,"I will end this. I'll break the deal, I promise."

Tears stream down his face as he begins to walk away, "Thank you for being a wonderful person."

He closes the door behind him as he exists. She feels something wet run down her face and realizes that she's crying. That could have been an act, maybe to gain her sympathy so she would go through with the deal. But, that doesn't add up. The tears, the look in his eyes just don't match that of an act.

"I hope he heals...from all this."

She notices Lucian walk in as she's thinking to herself. He gives her a worried look once he notices she's crying.

"What's wrong?"