On the right track despite all the problems

On the right track despite all the problems.

Fiction piece by Peter Long

I awoke. Not as a man. Nor a woman. Not yet. Soon I would take a human form and steer humanity to appreciate their soul, as my kind had done before me. I had known death which spawns a deep understanding of the soul that resides inside of every living being. My kind were chosen to evangelise this understanding throughout the universe. Humans live with death as their final act. This had made them a reckless species, unappreciative of the gift they had been given. If someone had a thing they desired they would kill, or a flash across the night sky could be seen as a sign to kill neighbours and friends. It is a simple act to destroy such a fragile body. When death finally came close to them, through disease or defeat, there were some who would glimpse the value of a soul, always too late. There were few humans who thought about the idea of a soul's purpose during life but more humans were willing to take a knife, as some might a brush, and paint their expressions into themselves, sculpt with blood and flesh and sinew and bone and dance with death, ignorant of the beauty inside them.

Every century or so, at random, my kind would come before the humans to judge them, often mistaken as gods because we travel without a physical body. Most of my kind only judged humans by their extraordinary achievements and chose to become a powerful mortal, a King or Emperor, in order to shape the future of human kind. I had decided to observe an average human in the belief that humanity could realise the value of a soul by knowledge and faith and not a wait until their final desperation. I, like the visitors from my kind before me, had high expectations of humanities wisdom and failure by the humans to meet my standards would lead to consequences. They have had long enough to grow and history showed little growth.

A small group of humans - the guardians, had been made aware of my arrival with a signal in the stars. They hid my arrival and showed me human achievement and human negligence since my kinds last coming. The guardians would help me to find a suitable candidate. They were powerful figures on the human plain, the reward for their efforts and discretion was to look after our earthly assets between visits. The guardians took me to a country my kind had visited before; England, to observe a man. He was part of the middle class, brown hair, fair skin. Not tall or short, more or less physically average in every way. I was told he had achieved average scores on compulsory tests and now worked in an average job. My guardians had done well and I promised them rewards, but for now I had to prepare my state of mind. My kind can open our minds and see a subjects lifetime as though they are at the centre of a flat circle. From this perspective we can trace their life, dipping in and out of time in a non chronological order. In this way we can observe a life more quickly than the lifespan took. I began the process and picked a point at random to begin my observations.

I scanned a period in my subjects late twenties and witnessed winter evenings spent fireside in an old pub, summer weekends at the beach, autumn walks in the forest and long bright spring mornings in bed with a lover. The colours of summer caught my eye, they were as though a child had drawn them, the sand, sea and sky were so perfectly defined it was as if they were made of Lego bricks. I stayed here to observe my subject. He was with six humans, on a holiday perhaps - the weather was too hot for England and travel was very easy in the twentieth century. Four humans played with a ball in the water and a woman laid on a towel reading a book next to my subject, she would stare lustfully at him when he wasn't looking. He wore a white hat, sunglasses, a shirt and shorts and looked stoically at the group in the water, overseeing their game. It reminded me of lords of the past who protected their tribe. Perhaps my human was a leader, a protector maybe and not average at all.

*

I hate this holiday. I'm too hot, too hung over and too tired. How many bloody beaches are we going to? They all look the same. Don't you go to Greece to take in the ancient architecture? Sam and Dave are like puppies dogs, running and splashing around Liz and Kate. They will come up here in a minute, take an afternoon nap and then off we go, to the bars and clubs. What is the point coming away anyway? I could've save money and spent it on my bike, or my car, or my future, but no, I'm here wasting my life on a beach just to join in with these idiots. We hang out but are we friends? Do we sit and have a deep and meaningful conversations? I've never met their families or seen their home towns, so I doubt we are friends friends. Lisa is reading that trash again while she bastes herself in coconut oil, like a bloody Christmas turkey. She never goes in the water, she just sits with me reading that trash she bought at the airport. She could at least spend this time educating herself or something.

*

I traced his lifeline back, perhaps I could see how he became important. I noticed that he attended the great seat of learning that is university, although it was unclear as to what he read, and once finished he simply moved away without saying goodbye to the people who he had lived with or the people he was friends with at university. A lone wolf perhaps? The most dangerous kind. There were no clear answers here so I watched his days soon after leaving university as he worked in an office. He always rejected authority, if anyone gave him an order, he would question it. Like great men before him, he had no master. Most humans were self sufficient and would make meals for themselves, occasionally going somewhere food was made for them, mostly to celebrate something. My subject feasted every night on food made for him, he eat and drank like Viking kings saluting Valhalla in ages gone by. Every day was a celebration to him, every day must have been a great victory.

*

Management have given me another warning. So what? I could run everything better than they could anyway. And they tell me to be more social in the office? 'A good morning or a goodbye goes a long way' - rubbish. And as far as making tea every now and then, they need to decide if they want me as a tea boy or a salesman. If I start being friendly with the others the next thing you know I'll be invited to the cinema or something and pay good money to watch a bad film. That's why I never said goodbye to my housemates at uni, we would have only had a bunch of pointless 'we must stay in touch' conversations. They would never visit me down south anyway, all that kind of thing is a waste of time.

DINGDING

'Welcome back to Kams Palace Sir, will you be having the usual?'

'Yeah thanks Jun, but can I have a spicy beef too please'

'Certainly sir, please sit and I will pour you a tiger beer'

'Thanks mate'

I don't see the point in cooking anymore it takes too long and it's boring. I might go to the dog and duck tonight, or did I go there yesterday? Maybe the Thatch tonight then, I can finish up with that single malt, what's-it-called. A couple of them and I should sleep okay.

*

I followed the lifeline to a cloud of confusion that showed up around his 38th birthday. He had been taking his food home and drinking late into the night. He did not seem like a warrior, not anymore, he had gotten fat but neither the food nor drink made him happy. Had he failed as a leader? I couldn't see any major crises in his life, no war or conflict. Maybe I had been looking at his life all wrong, perhaps it was always leading to this point. The situation was dark, it felt like an ending. He was eating a strange white round food from a small foil packet, washing them down his gullet with whiskey. I watched him eat three trays of them before I remembered they were called tablets. The guardians had explained that tablets were new and designed to cure diseases or ease pain. Perhaps he had a terrible disease or was in terrible pain? Is that why he took so many? He had a foldable pocket knife with him, the kind used by people to gut rabbits while they camped, he flipped it open and shut rhythmically, I couldn't see any rabbits and in my confusion I couldn't stop him.

*

No one will miss me, no one needs me. I wonder how long it'll be before they find me. Serve them right for not checking up on me. No one gives a monkeys. Right let's do this.

S L I T

'999, do you need police, fire or ambulance?'

'Ambulance please, I've done something stupid'

*

I overestimated this human. He is weak. Why would someone who lives in a comfortable peaceful time not appreciate his life. I can feel the wrath boiling inside me. The complete lack of respect for life and how lucky he is. Nothing bad has ever happened to him, why is he like this?

*

I woke up groggy and in hospital. My memory focussed with my eyesight and I felt the shame of letting everyone down. I'm taking up a bed and using doctors that could be saving a life. I won't bottle it next time. Next time there won't be a fuss. Next time I'll do it right.

*

Humanity needs to be taught how precious and fragile life is. I will make them see suffering. I will bring pain and horror so that they will appreciate the life given to them. Whoever survives will not contemplate suicide, all humanity will be grateful for their lives.

*

She sat with me. With me! For about an hour. We talked about nothing at first, she patiently waited out my silences and attempts at small talk and I don't even remember her asking me about last night but I started telling her everything, mostly through blurred, teary eyes. She just sat, and listened. Like, really listened, not just waiting for her time to speak, she really heard me. All she said when my tears had subsided was

'You're going to be okay. We'll take care of you for a bit. You're going to be okay.'

Really? Am I? Her voice was so sincere I believed her. She had a voice that was not judging or commanding, just sincere. I felt like I'd met an angel.

*

My rage subsided and I looked across my subjects lifeline. He didn't paint a masterpiece or solve some great cosmic mystery, but he lived a good and full life. Who was that women in the hospital? I went back and looked a little closer. She had a glow inside her, similar to my own but tiny, near her heart. I began to notice other people had this light too. Why have none of my kind seen this before? There was no pattern to who had it, no matter how hard I looked. Some nurses, doctors, caretakers and other patients had it. It didn't matter if you wore a uniform or were rich or poor. There was just no pattern.

My human too, eventually had the light. It slowly grew inside of him and it began with the hospital visit. Had the woman passed it to him? For centuries my kind had become Kings or Emperors in order to influence humankind to become better. But this ordinary human had an extraordinary effect. All my feelings of anger and violence were forgotten. I would become human and my mission in life be to grow this light and pass it on to others. Humanity is on the right path after all, my kind will nurture the light so that the true beauty of humanity can be felt across the universe.