One

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"Infinite silence, flowing right in with the dawn."

In The Morning and Amazing, Circa Survive

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The night was cold, and my jacket did little to ward off the chill of the wind as I sped down the highway on my motorcycle, away from Duluth. Eventually I would stop – I would turn back and return home or to Antonio's house, to his gentle arms and warm smile. But, right in this moment, I was free.

A familiar exit led me off the highway and into the dense forests gently brushed with a kiss of snow across every surface. Here, beneath the shroud of the trees, I could imagine that I was another one of the many shadows, striding through an eternal winter. Here it was just me, the wooden giants, and the moon – her rays piercing through the canopy and lighting a path.

I left my motorcycle on the side of the road and walked into the forest. The trees ran their fingers across my face and through my hair, welcoming me home. I continued walking until I reached a familiar bridge that overlooked a glittering lake, frozen in time. Snow fell around me like stars falling from the galaxy, joining its brethren in untouched piles. They fell upon my cheeks like tears sent from the heavens.

I do not know how long I lingered by the bridge watching and admiring the beauty around me but eventually I turned around and walked back out of the forest. Shadows danced between the trees and wolves howled in the distance. I returned to my bike, shivering without any real layers. My decision to take this trip had been hasty, and I had not considered to change into warmer clothes.

After stretching my numb hands and fitting the helmet over my head, I climbed onto my motorcycle and sped away from the gentle forest, back toward the highway – quiet at this time of night – and bustling city.

For the first time this week, my mind was at peace. I breathed in the chilled air and relaxed.

It was dark enough that I did not see the body in the middle of the road until I was upon it. I reacted instinctually, yanking the handlebars to swerve away from the animal. The roads were damp. The tires slid. The motorcycle clipped the edge of the bridge ahead and I felt the world fall out from beneath me before I caught the fall on my shoulder. The momentum sent me down the rest of the rocks and into the creek below the bridge.

I had a single moment to catch my breath before the creek – filled and rapidly running with the rain it had gathered earlier in the week – dragged me into its current. I struggled against the surface, grasping for anything to keep me aloft. My helmet, though it saved my skull from the fall, worked in conspiracy with the water and the rest of my clothing to drag me back below the surface. I flailed and sank beneath the weight.

Every instinct screamed for a breath. Unable to deny my lungs my mouth opened, and I sucked in a fresh breath of water. It filled the aching bags cocooning my heart and choked me, dragging me further beneath the inky depths.

"Everything will be okay now, baby," a memory whispered in my head. "All will be okay."

I closed my eyes and let the water take me.