Chapter 27: Doubt

Neuron took me home and my supposed-to-be hang-out with Isagani was unexpectedly halted.

"Uhmm, hey.." I hesitated. But I have to tell him now before he goes to the palace.

I don't know exactly how to tell him I will party tonight with the guys in a club. And shamefully, with the guy he caught me kissing earlier. I thought I didn't have to tell him my activities but seeing his reaction earlier, I figured, I should probably tell him.

I buttoned his two upper shirt buttons, and then fixed his tie for him to calm myself first.

"Is it okay if I go clubbing tonight with friends? It's kind of like the last hang out we will have."

He glanced at me with visible suspicion written on his face. "Will 'that guy' come too?"

'That guy' probably refers to Isagani.

I awkwardly nodded my head as an answer. He placed both his hands on the steering wheel, spacing out for a moment like he's calculating inside his head whether he should let me go clubbing or not.

"Why? Are they going somewhere?" He finally asked when it seems like he's finally able to think rationally.

By asking that, I already know the decision he is going to make.

The problem with Neuron is that he's too understanding and too thoughtful. It worries me that he's like that. He's letting me take advantage of him.

"We don't know yet." I unfastened my seatbelt then looked at him again. "Some of us may be lucky enough to get to stay in the end. But if unlucky, some will have to go somewhere far."

"I'm not sure if I understood that." He took my hand and intertwined it with his. I noticed something whenever I held hands with Neuron. His hands feel cold. Not ice-cold but it's cold. "But sure. And if you don't want me tagging along, make sure you behave, young lady. I won't forgive if someone steals you away from me."

See?

Given what he saw earlier, he should restrict me. He's too naive. And I hate that I know that because I'm subconsciously taking advantage of that trait he has.

I nodded many times to assure him that what he saw earlier will not happen again.

I stared down at our intertwined hands. Then I remember the ring. Our rings are alike, but mine has these pretty diamond stones at the center designed as a flower. Whereas Neuron's purely just twists bands with small diamond stones placed around to accentuate it.

I am getting more and more confused now that I remember our conversation that day when he gave me the ring.

**

"The rings were originally just twist band rings and I decided to customize it. I nagged the jeweler to make it within two days. It's supposed to take up at least a week."

"What? You're crazy! Why are you in such a hurry?"

"Because I wanted to give this to you as early as possible. While it's still early."

"What?"

"This is my early confession."

"Confession of what?"

**

Up until yesterday I still couldn't understand what early confession he was trying to say. If what Isagani said is true, then that conversation makes a lot of sense now.

Does he think I'm going to leave him if I knew he's a prince? Or is there another reason?

"Can you tell me again, what do these rings signify?"

He didn't answer right away. Instead, he brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it like he needed that quick time to decide what to say. "Promise of love. That we will be together no matter what," he declared with too much conviction. Too much conviction that it's ironically making me doubt.

But no! Isagani must've been wrong about the Butterfly weed thing. There's no way Neuron would give me a ring just to ask me to leave him. Right?

"Now, get out of the car ma'am before I take you back to my own home. I still have to go to the palace."

I contemplated for a moment. Then finally asked him, "Are you really not mad at me?"

He looked away from me and looked in front instead. "I am mad at you."

"And this is you, being mad?" I whined in disbelief.

I'd rather be yelled at or scolded. He's not even giving me a silent treatment! He's treating me like I never even did him wrong. And it's more frustrating that way! It's making me feel more guilty.

I smiled at him and sneakily gave him a peck on his cheek before running away quickly. When his car finally left my sight, I sighed.

How will I be able to make it up to him when he's not even letting me? He's not even sulking.

I walked towards the card scanner at the gate to scan my resident card to open the gate. When I entered the compound I also called for a golf cart to take me to the Chastity Building.

I left my phone in my apartment and now I don't know what happened to Isagani because we left him in the church after we got caught kissi--nevermind! Let's not mention that incident again.

When I arrived on the sixth floor my eyes widened in shock when I saw Isagani sitting on the floor in front of my door.

Sh-t! I should've given them my passcode!

Good thing they are already included on the list of people allowed to visit me. It seems that the Chief took care of it so they can visit me without announcing their arrival.

"Hey! Why didn't you call--" I stopped. Right! I didn't have my phone with me! I left my real phone and the phone I am using for Neuron in my apartment.

He stared at me.

"Why are you sitting on the floor looking so stupid? You should've called Loor or Gulu to join them."

He stood up and he just walked straight towards me and pulled me into a very tight embrace.

I tried to squirm out of his hug. "What are you do--" But he just wouldn't let me. Instead, he tightened his embrace a bit more.

"Is it because we're running out of time?" He whispered rhetorically. "I don't wanna do this anymore, Rathna."

"What do you mean?"

He pulled out from the hug, held me in both my arms to stare down directly into my eyes. He's a bit taller, so yeah, obviously he has to look down to stare into my eyes.

"This fight. This war we are having for Soma. I don't want it anymore. We don't have to do this. We can run away together."

I got a little bit annoyed by what he said. I held his hand and removed it from me one by one.

Is he asking me to abandon Soma?

"You don't know anything, Isagani. You don't even have any idea why I chose to go to this war. We don't have to do this?"

I thought he's as desperate as me. But guess not. "If that's what you feel, not me. I have to do this. I have to."

If I walk out from Soma, it's like I'm turning my back from my own purpose. And if that's the case, I'd rather die. I live to kill Mirando. And if I can't do that anymore, then I'm as good as dead.

It's so infuriating to hear it from Isagani. From him who's been in the camp for as long as I have been there too. I walked past him to enter my apartment.

I installed a passcode locker in my apartment because having the card key isn't really ideal for me at all. If I lose my resident card, then there's no way I could enter my apartment apart from asking the concierge.

Before I could enter the passcode he spoke again.

"Are you sure you really want to hurt the prince?"

My hand trembled so I had to bring it down to calm my nerves.

"I know you don't want to," he continued. "So let's run away. I don't care if it's the prince you truly love. I can do anything for you."

I faced him again.

"Did you forget why you joined Soma? You were adamant in reminding me of my mission. So did you forget yours? How about your parents who died because of Mirando?"

He still has that same anger in his eyes whenever his parents are mentioned. But I could also see he already decided to change his purpose.

How could he? Now that we're nearing the end?

"Killing Mirando can't bring them back." That shut me up. "Neither can it bring your parents back. We won't gain anything in this war. Not even happiness. Not even satisfaction. D'you think you will be happy once the king dies? Don't be mistaken. You'll be more miserable than you ever were for hurting the father of the one you love."

"Did you think I'm doing all of this to be happy?" I shot back in annoyance.

We kill people. We steal. We rob banks. And even if we only target those we think are bad people, it still doesn't justify our deeds. And Isagani, of all people, should know that none of us deserve to be happy. A life with happiness is something we could only fantasize about.

"I don't wanna lose you in this war."

"You too, shouldn't be mistaken. I'm not yours to lose, Isagani. And whether I gain happiness or not, it's my problem. Not yours."

I entered my passcode. And when it opened I turned my head to him. "Come on in if you want to."

I can't leave him outside, can I?

He awkwardly entered the door.

I sighed when he was already inside. Isagani is confusing me. He's confusing my plan and my thoughts.

As soon as I entered the apartment I looked underneath my table, underneath my couch, on my vases, on frames on the wall.

Isagani must've been confused about what I was doing. "Are you looking for something?" he asked and started looking around to help me although he didn't know what I was looking for.

I have doubts and suspicions. It keeps on bothering me how Neuron knew I was with my team last night. He said he assumed it because I made him buy that much beer, but my guts tell me otherwise.

I even checked my television.

"Looking for any snacks," I told Isagani.

He was alarmed when I said that. That was actually a code for Soma. The 'snacks' mean a bug, tapping device, or spy cameras. If Neuron did plant a bug in my apartment, I have to use the code so that he won't know I am suspecting a bug here.

"What?" he exclaimed in horror. He went near me, very very near, that our bodies are already touching. He whispered in an alarmed voice, "Who would do that? His Highness?"

"I'm just suspecting."

He helped me check the house.

Finally, I went to my bedroom. I checked my bed, my pillows, my lamp. And any spot where bugs could be placed, I checked all of them. But I found nothing.

I sighed in relief.

I doubted Neuron for nothing.

But just to make sure, I looked underneath my bed. There was a box there. I took that box. I used that box to place the apron Granny gave me, and Neuron's slippers. Which I never opened since I moved here.

Should I return his slippers?

Or maybe not. Maybe, in the future, when I really need an excuse to see him, I'll use this.

I took the apron from the box and returned the box with the slippers in it underneath the bed.

I should use this apron and cook for Neuron. I totally forgot about this apron.

"Did you find anything?"

I turned my head and saw Isagani in the doorway.

I shook my head as an answer.

"Too bad," he commented.

"What?"

"I kind of wished he planted a bug. So you would hate him a little. And maybe that'll make you come to me."

"Isagani, don't--"

"I'll cook. Just so you know, I haven't eaten lunch yet."

He didn't even let me finish!

"Because you left me alone in the church." He sounded dismayed.

"You shouldn't have kissed me!"

"You shouldn't have kissed me back!" he argued. And that made me shut up.

Right. Why am I blaming him?

"You know what, let's not talk about that anymore."

I tried to walk out of the room but he held my arm.

"Why? I wanna talk about it though."

"Oh please, shut up--" I froze when he suddenly dragged me closer to him and locked his arms on my waist making me unable to step away from him.

"I wanna talk about it," he softly and convincingly stated. "You kissed me back, didn't you?"

I couldn't answer. Because it's so embarrassing to admit it.

Why did I kiss him back in the first place!

"And I know you liked me for a very long time."

I gasped and squirmed my way out of his grip. "You jerk! And you pretended to be oblivious all this time? What a prick!"

He smirked and then he smiled at me cockily.

"So you knew? Is that why you're trying to confuse me right now?"

"Why?" He raised his eyebrows. "Do I bother you? Am I confusing you?"

I immediately looked away and took another step back from him. "No," I strongly denied.

He nodded his head. Then he walked towards me and grabbed the yellow apron from my hand.

"I'll use this."

It wasn't until he was completely out of my sight that I realized he took the apron.

No! That's for Neuron only!

I was about to run after Isagani when I realized something.

My phone!

It could've been my phone all this time! I took my phone from the upper drawer of the bedside table.

No way…

Did Neuron really tap my phone? Maybe that's the reason he couldn't find me today. Because I left my phone here! Maybe it's really the phone. That intruder in the camp. We happened to have an intruder after I met Neuron. Did he hire someone to follow me?

Does that mean he already knows about Soma? That I am part of it?

No way! No way, right?